Before I begin the story, I want to lay the back story that I have never had what I would call a ghost story experience (until last night and I'm now up typing in the wee hours of the new day because I am afraid to sleep again). I grew up in a very conservative Southern Baptist family and my mom got deeply into her faith as she got older and later claimed to often see visions that I had trouble believing.
She was always tying them to her faith, either God telling her something or letting her see dark things. It's a long story but I was close to my mom from child to early college. Things escalated *weird things* with mom once I was a senior in college. I eventually decided all those visions were due to stress of her and my dad that finally erupted in divorce my senior year of college. Some STRANGE events surrounded my parents divorce that drove my mom to be committed to mental health department of a hospital for about a month (I believed that with her husband going and me heading off to Nashville to live, that she had a huge breakdown over losing two people in her life that had always been there).
I ended up growing distant from mom after she really spooked me on my first trip to visit Nashville (the trip which culminated in her hospital stay) and grew closer to my dad after all that happened. My spiritual belief system has gone from solid Christian fundamentalist beliefs (Jesus, etc) to now believing in a core foundation of faith, hope, and love as what drives me day to day but not really sure if I believe in a deity God or the Bible or if we make things happen on our own. It would be accurate to label me in spiritual turmoil and uncertainty. I'm on my spiritual journey and aware of it everyday, looking for clues in many situations/stories/personal experiences.
I currently live in NYC. I will say that recently life has been stressful because I lost my job in January due to restructuring and am about to move to Chicago. I preface my ghost experience (only a little over 4 hours ago) with these statements because with my background of faith and my fuzzy beliefs now, I'm not sure how to react to this and I don't know if this is just my mind sorting out stress/dealing with change, but the following really has me shaken. I journaled it. I will relay my journal entry and then end asking some questions of anyone reading this.
May 22nd 2007 11:33pm.
I've just had my first apparition vision. I've fallen into the same mental state (maybe the lucid dream state? I'm not sure) that I've found myself in for this particular experience previous times in this room, but being in the state has never culminated in me seeing an apparition. Previously, it has just been this feeling of a heavy weight that makes it hard to move. I was just aware that I was awake and looking at my room in a state that was not normal, as if some heavy weighted force was inside me and some phantom force was holding my eyes open and it took all my strength to move my head to look around and then I would feel the heavy weighted force suck out of me like someone sipping it out through a straw. Afterward, I'd blink my eyes and then look at the world normally again. As the following happened I was in that mental state that I've been in before...
Tonight, I fell asleep between 8 or 9 pm. Later, I was evidently sleeping on my right side with my left arm draped across and off the side of the bed. I suddenly was aware of something near my hand but it took awhile for me to catch on to it consistently being there. My mental state was very slow to react to the movement near my hand. I came to realize that the source of what was touching my hand felt hairy, so my mind immediately associated it with a dog without me even turning to see what it was. The reason for me mentally to assume it was a dog is because I had a dog named Jinjer, who is now dead, all through childhood and she would often move from my bed to my parents bed or vice versa throughout the night.
When she would come in my room I would be awakened by her jumping up and pawing me letting me know she wanted up on the bed. So in my dreamlike state yet not, my mind still being groggy thought "oh, a dog" before thinking "oh, a DOG?". I soon became aware of the silliness of a dog being there because I could tell I was still in my room and my mind associated my current room with my current living condition and the fact that we have no dogs here, so without trying to deal with the paralyzing force that made it so difficult for my head to turn to see what it was, I thought, HA, Jinjer is dead, nothing could possibly be there.
I remembered once I was logical about it, falling out of the vision state for a moment like my body and mind finally had let reality sweep away the dreamlike state. So once I felt the heaviness of that dreamlike state leave, I easily lifted my head, scanned the side of my bed, and saw that nothing was there. Not a few seconds later, after contentedly laying my head back on the pillow, the paralyzing force came sweeping into my body again and I knew it, I could tell something wasn't right. My hand was still off the side of the bed and I felt it again. The hair and the movement and at this point, even in the dreamlike state I could feel the strands of fear starting to stir. Whatever it was, was just out of the corner of my eye. It was going to take all the effort I could muscle to move my head with this weighted feeling of force. So I was successful in moving my head one slight bit and I could see the hair, just the hair (oh, and my dog Jinjer was a Lhasa Apso, so they are VERY hairy). At this point my mind was in a ping-pong match of "get real, this isn't happening" to "oh my god, what is going on?".
The logical part in my brain started wondering if my roommate had let in an animal into our apartment. So I said, "Why is there a dog in my room? Who let the dog in my room?" I grabbed for the dog's neck but just felt a huge chunk of hair in my grasp. By this point, I was getting spooked and thought I was hallucinating my dead dog Jinjer. I said, "Jinjer, is that you? Is that..." and I got so curious that I finally found the strength to force my head all the way to more than just the hair and what I found wasn't a dog *jesus, I just got chills* It appeared to be a ghost. A young girl. A young woman kneeling at my bed with her face turned down toward my hand and at such an angle that I could only feel her hair as it brushed against my hand.
She was doing something to my hands. I reacted slowly, just like I was in a movie or something... The terror slowly rippled up my chest and up my head and all I could do was whisper frighteningly, stuttering "Get, get, get away from me. Please get away from me..." I was too paralyzed to move my hand from her and my realization of it being an apparition overshadowed my taking the time to even notice what she was doing to my finger (a part of me thought maliciously that she was gnawing at my finger, but with it being my first ghost experience, my mental state was so terrified that I can see how I'd imagine the worst). She could have been just caressing it. I didn't necessarily feel pain, just a tingle.
I felt the heavy weight suck out of me like someone sipping it out through a straw and then immediately fell on my pillow awake and leaned up and brought my hand to my mouth and was so scared that I just started crying. I've never really thought about seeing a ghost since it has never happened to me before and maybe I didn't really believe they did exist, but this really shook me up.
I've lived in this apartment for nearly five months and this is my first time to experience seeing a vision like that. I have been in that dreamlike, weighted state before while in this room but never seen anything. Do you think that she could've been there when I was in the same mental state before but I just wasn't curious enough to force my head to move around to look and find her there like I did this time?
I swear I had not been drinking. I've never, never, never taken illegal substances in my life and am VERY picky about the over the counter medications I take as well. I'm all about healthy eating and taking as few medicines as I can. More into holistic stuff, natural stuff.
This experience has really scared me and I know I might should react to her with less fright if I see her again and try to find out what she is doing, but just the idea of a ghost is quite fearful for me.
Do any of you, when you have experienced visions, have the heavy weighted feeling where it takes all the strength you can muster just to move your head?
I'm curious what other people might perceive about this. I will answer any additional questions... I've been up since 11:33. I had to go out and get some juice and a snack at a bodega. I texted a best friend who is a neighbor. I really wish I had a boyfriend to keep me company but not in a relationship currently so I sleep in my room alone so I was frightened to go back to sleep.
It is just now getting daylight again. So I'm about to try to sleep again. I'll let you know if she returns or if any other strange visions occur.
thanks for reading. I will answer any questions you might have.
warm regards,
jer
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