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Crapping Out

 

I'm a fifty-year-old sober, drug-free grandmother. My sanity has never been questioned; not to my face, anyway. My folks settled in the foothills of the Cumberland Mountains in Tennessee, and we have what might be described as a very country way of speaking. Ghosts, or haunts, are 'haints' to us. Around here, the word 'such' is sometimes pronounced 'sitch'.

One winter night, when I was about seven years old, I was at my aunt's house. The adults were in the living room, sitting around the fireplace, talking. We kids (my brother, our cousins, and I) were scampering all over the house, playing hide-and-seek, raising the occasional ruckus, and generally having fun. I was hiding in an old wardrobe when I noticed that the grown-ups had lowered their voices. I jumped out of the wardrobe and, for optimum listening purposes, scuttled behind a bedroom door.

They were telling ghost stories. One, particularly chilling, story involved an abandoned house. It was said that in this house, at a certain time of year, one could hear a baby crying just before midnight, then on the stroke of the hour itself, a coffin, containing a baby, would appear in the parlor.

I marched into the living room.

"Is that true?" I demanded. "About the baby in the casket?"

The grown-ups sat there a moment, looking at each other. Then Aunty reached for my hand and pulled me over to stand beside her chair.

"Honey, we're just sitting around telling a bunch of old stories. Just passing time, is all," she said. "Now, some parts you heard might be true..." Before I had time to wonder which parts she was talking about, Aunty, looking me straight in the eye, declared, "but there ain't no sitch a thang as a haint..."

I took her words to heart. They echoed authoritatively throughout several decades of my life.

Many of my childhood friends believed in ghosts. They wouldn't go near a cemetery unless they had to, fearing a haint would get them if they did. Smugly secure in my belief that "there ain't no sitch a thang as a haint", I took shortcuts through graveyards whenever it was convenient, day or night.

Later on, when my daughter wanted a Ouija board, I got her one. "There ain't no sitch a thang as a haint", so why shouldn't she have one of those Ouija toys to play with?

For some forty-odd years, I lived a happy, haint-free life. But not anymore.

I recently worked for a gentleman who sold repossessed mobile homes. On the lot one morning, Bill, a co-worker, called me on the radio and summoned me to #087, a newly arrived double-wide. I climbed up inside it.

"Bill? You in here?"

"In the master bath," came Bill's reply.

He was standing in front of the tub with a sour look on his face. I walked in, then backed right out. The bathroom stank to high heaven. There were mounds of dead flies on the window sill and on the floor behind the toilet.

"Where's it coming from?" I asked.

Bill shook his head. "I don't know. But we'll have to find out. Ain't nobody going to buy a trailer with a bathroom that stinks like this..."

Over the next several days, Bill, and I, along with three others, worked on #087. We searched high and low for the source of that stench. We removed wall panels and examined the hidden interior room that housed the furnace and water heater. We poked around between the vapor barrier and flooring. We flushed the drain traps. At one point, in fits of desperation, we even peeled back the bathroom carpet and padding. We found no evidence of any leaks, no dead vermin, nothing.

In the course of these events, we noticed some odd things about the odor. For one thing, it was sporadic. Whenever it showed up, piles of dead flies showed up with it. The smell would dissipate, but the flies stayed behind. We had to suck them up with a hand vac. Also, the odor was strong, almost overpowering, inside the bathroom. One step outside the bathroom door, though, the smell was undetectable.

Now, I've watched the same movies everyone else has watched, and I know that, confronted with this same circumstance, a lot of people would have been immediately clued in that some sort of spook was fiddle-farting around. Not I, though. Huh, uh. "Ain't no sitch a thang as a haint".

As a matter of fact, one of the guys did say something about #087 being possessed, instead of repossessed, but he was joking. As far as I know, that's the only allusion to the supernatural that any of us made.

We opened windows. We sprayed disinfectant, and set out air fresheners. We burned scented candles and incense. If it smelled good, we tried it. Finally, three days passed with no odor presenting itself, and we thought we had cured it. Maybe we did.

On a hot, very busy, day in September, I climbed up inside #087 to get started on one final job that had to be done before the home would be ready to sell. A sheet of drywall in the dining area needed to be replaced. I was measuring the wall when the toilet in the master bathroom flushed.

I nearly lost my religion, right then and there. Here I was, in a sweltering, airless trailer, sweat pouring off me, and some idiot, probably a prospective buyer, had just used a toilet that wasn't hooked to a sewage system. It was not unusual for these used mobile homes to arrive on the lot with enough water for a flush retained in their lavatory tanks. And, despite taped-down lids, and do-not-use signs, people sometimes did avail themselves of the facilities.

I dropped my tape measure and went stomping off toward the bathroom. On the way down the warpath, it didn't dawn on me that, until I had entered it, this trailer had been locked.

The bathroom door was standing wide open. The pig hadn't even bothered to close it. He was standing right there in front of the throne, hitching up his pants, with his right side facing me. He was tall, had a beer gut, and a mop of tangled, red hair. He had on jeans, and a gray muscle shirt that looked as though it had seldom seen the inside of a washing machine. His pudgy arms were covered with jailhouse tattoos; one was a pair of dice rolled to snake-eyes. I remember wondering why he hadn't opted for boxcars. Attached to his belt, there was a leather sheath with, what appeared to be, a six-inch boot knife in it.

"Um, sir?" He went from 'pig' to 'sir' in the span of a heartbeat. A sight like that will just naturally take the wind out of your sails.

Judging from the look on his face, he was surprised to see me, which was puzzling, because he had to have heard my approach. As we stared at each other, his expression changed, becoming sullen. I perceived a threat. He lowered his head slightly, still watching me. His right hand reached for that blade. Then he clicked off. He just wasn't there anymore. It made me dizzy. Either I had just witnessed a ghost, or I had a horribly defective mind.

"You didn't even wash your hands..."

I said that out loud, hastily departed, and took a break outside, wondering how I was going to get that Ouija board away from my daughter. I decided to do what all parents do whenever a child acquires something she's better off without: I'd buy something bigger, better, and more expensive, and attempt to negotiate a trade. I thought about my childhood jaunts through the local cemeteries. No telling what kind of boogers had been lurking in the shadows back then, just waiting to pounce on my unsuspecting self.

I saw the apparition only once, and I never smelled the foul odor again. The last time I was inside #087, the whole trailer smelled like a smoked coconut, thanks to our dedicated freshening efforts.

Shortly after all this happened, my employer had a heart attack (not haint-related, as far as I know). Resulting health issues forced him to sell his inventory, including #087, to other dealers around the region. It's an attractive mobile home, so it's reasonable to assume someone has bought it by now.

It's a '96 model, 28x48, with three bedrooms, and two baths. It has beige siding. All the front windows, including a large, and very lovely, bay window, are trimmed with red shutters. There is a rectangular skylight in the kitchen. The ceiling in the dining area has a framed mirror with a swag light dangling from it. An identical mirror, sans light, is mounted to the wall behind the pastel yellow garden tub in the master bath.

If this sounds like your home, you might want to arm yourself before going to the bathroom. Or, at least, knock before you go in. Because there is such a thing as a haint, and you just might be living with one.

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Comments about this paranormal experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Peteys_granny, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Miracles51031 (36 stories) (4802 posts) mod
 
1 year ago (2016-06-16)
Lauretta - this story, and its comments, are 9 years old. There is no reason to chastise a member who hasn't been active that long. Also, there is no reason for your second comment to be a chastisement. As a matter of fact, let's try to keep the comments on the positive side, okay?
Lauretta (guest)
 
1 year ago (2016-06-16)
I love this story. Thanks for sharing it. I don't know what I would have done in that situation. I pray whoever bought the trailer has had no run ins with him.
Lauretta (guest)
 
1 year ago (2016-06-16)
Sarah it is Eileen's opinion which she is entitled to. It sounded like she was just trying to help.
mauzie (guest)
 
10 years ago (2008-04-01)
just read it there and have to agree you are an excellent writer. Great story, wouldn't like to own that mobile home though,eeewww!Thanks for your story 😊
jeann (19 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-11-16)
This is story is one of the best I have read in this site... Well written as well, and rich in details. Also, just an advise, please take that Ouija board away from your daughter, she might be opening portals that she might not be able to close... Just for her safety and yours too, get rid of it... Again, good story!
KimSouthO (27 stories) (1960 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-10-23)
I just read your story, wonderful writing.

I bet you are right, who ever purchased that home may have gotten an un invited tenant.
Did you rid your daughter of the Ouijia board?

God Bless!
Shenny (guest)
 
10 years ago (2007-10-06)
Dear Peteys_Granny,
I got my 2nd story 😊
If you're not busy plese have a look at it and tell me what you think.

Take care and Much love,
Shenny. 😊
Peteys_granny (1 stories) (36 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-09-29)
Sarah, I meant no disrespect. I stated my opinion. You're free to accept it, or reject it; like it, or dislike it. Feelings such as you described in your story are common in other stories here. I offered the comment, not solely for your benefit, but also for the benefit of others who might read it, and who might not be aware that such feelings, especially a feeling of dread, can be a symptom of a serious health problem. I stand by what I said, and make no apologies for it. But if you want my comment removed from your page, you can contact the webmaster. The wishes of his authors are important to him, and he will likely accommodate your request.
Peteys_granny (1 stories) (36 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-09-29)
Shenny,you are far, far too generous. I thank you for your kindness, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories. 😊
sarahk (1 stories) (10 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-09-29)
hello eileen sarah here,

in reply to your comment on my srory writing on the wall my fiance has never had any paranormal experiences before but I have so in reply to heart disease I am perfect I have had all my medicals done and blood tests taken so I don't think I'm imagining footsteps. And everyone reacts different to these situations maybe you would stay but we chose to leave so please keep your comments to yourself everyone else has been helpful.
Shenny (guest)
 
10 years ago (2007-09-29)
Oh wow! Petey's_Granny,
You have to be the best writer on here!
I wish I could write like you!
You're a great writer.
I hope you'll put up more stories!

Take care and much love,
Shenny.
Annie (202 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-08-21)
Thanks for your kind comments, Peteys_granny. We must be kindred spirits! 😁

Miss Abby, congratulations on you 500 post milestone!
Peteys_granny (1 stories) (36 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-08-21)
Athena, thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It is much appreciated.
Peteys_granny (1 stories) (36 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-08-21)
To our dearest Abby,

I know I'm coming in late on this, but I, too, would like to congratulate you on your 500th post 😁. YGS is a magical place where people from all walks of life come together to converse with each other, learn from each other, and work together to advance the field of paranormal research. Without your gracious and candid presence, some of that magic would surely be lost. I think that the greatest calling in life is to be of service to others. With 500+ posts under your belt, your dedication to that calling is indisputable. I can't help but think about your real-life personal friends and how fortunate they are, indeed, how fortunate we all are, to have you in our lives. ❤ And Abby, if you do happen to get your hands on one of them Chippendale dancers, could you please sign me up for one, too?
Athena (9 stories) (222 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-08-16)
As you can tell you are a fine writer! I am usually concerned with the truthfullness of ghost stories, you made me forget about that!
Peteys_granny (1 stories) (36 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-08-06)
Thank you, Abby. It's good to be back. I always enjoy, and value, your comments, too. That brainteasing tongue-twister was hilarious, and so very appropriate for the occasion. A delightful touch 😊. May you be blessed, safe, and well, dear lady.
Abby (710 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-08-06)
Dear Peteys_granny,

Following in Shane's footsteps, I also wish to give you a hardy greeting and welcome back. I have missed you and missed reading your shining comments here. 😊

I hope you are having a delightful and enjoyable summer while also keeping cool as a cuke (cucumber). May all be well with you and yours, Blessings, Abby 😁

P.S. Hope you'll be less of a ghost and post. Ha! Ha! Welcome Back & Love ya'!
Shane (13 stories) (1258 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-08-05)
As always I seek nothing and gain everything. You my friends here are always a gift to be cherished. Glad to see you about again Granny, thought we had lost you there for a while. But I would be willing to bet you were on vaction. Hope to see you around more often. Take care and as always...

Peace, Love, and Luck surround you always Granny.
Peteys_granny (1 stories) (36 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-08-05)
Good to see you, Shane, and I think you're right. I hope all is well with you, and that the peace, love, and luck you wish for us all is yours tenfold.
Peteys_granny (1 stories) (36 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-07-14)
Annie, thank you for the kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. 😁 I've enjoyed reading your comments about other stories, too. A couple of times, you've said exactly what I was thinking. 😊
Annie (202 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-07-13)
This has to be one of the best stories yet! Thanks for sharing your tale with us. I love the way you write.
asje (7 stories) (20 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-06-27)
I love the way you told the story. Very amusing and very interesting. Maybe the ghost you saw belonged to a person who was very violent in his life time. Maybe that explaines the smell.

God bless.
Abby (710 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-06-01)
Dear Eileen, Peteys_granny,

Perhaps, I should correct myself and say I am looking forward to more of your comments, and not any more of your ghost stories! Unless of course, you are going to be fixing up and selling more mobile homes with uninvited, stinky previous owners or playing with Ouija boards. ;)

I agree with Shane, this fellow was on a lower earthly level and basically, ghosts are the same in or out of the body or in the mobile house or the outhouse. Usually, foul odors like sulphur follow demons. It is more common to have contact with earth bound humans/ghosts than demons. Demons seem to be kept at bay majority of the time by an unwritten law, and their contact with humans seems to be far less than what humans really report. Many times what people think of as demons are really attachments by ghosts who knowingly or unknowlings attach themselves to a living human for one reason or another.

All we can do is send our prayers up to the heavens and universe and pray the lost fellow home to the other side with unconditional love, along with a shower, strong anti-bacterial soap and some powerful deodorant. :)

We gals like bubble baths! ;) Bubble Blessings, As Always, Abby
Shane (13 stories) (1258 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-06-01)
Peteys_granny you may ask any questions you like. I will answer the ones you have already ask. It is quite possible for a bad odor to be associated with a human spirit, but from my understanding you would have to have known the person smelled this way for it to project it to you in that manner. Like in fourthgenerations story about smelling spirits, he associated the smell of those in a nursing home with that of an elderly gentlemans spirit.

Since he associated it that way the spirit projected it to him in that manner. I would believe you had two different entities in that trailer. One of a human spirit the other could have possibly been a lower level entity or a very dirty human spirit, LOL. Sorry just a little humor. I wouldn't call it demonic as usually more happens than just a bad smell, demons like to make their presence know, just so they can feed off the energy of the fear that they cause and you are right they are rare at least in my experience. I believe a lot of what people think of as demonic hauntings are actually entities from a lower level of existance. Some place that would not be hell, but close to it. I hope this has answered your questions and not caused you to be confused. I tend to do that once in awhile. LOL

Peace, Love, and Luck be with you.
Peteys_granny (1 stories) (36 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-06-01)
Shane, thank you for your offer of help and advice. I would like to ask you some questions, if I may. I've been led to believe that demonic manifestations of any kind are rare. I've also come to understand that bad smells are often associated with demonic entities. I just posted to Abby and said that the ghost I saw is human, and I think I'm right. Is it possible for a bad odor to be associated with a human spirit? Or do you think there might have been two entities, one, of a more sinister type; the other, human, in that trailer? Thanks.
Peteys_granny (1 stories) (36 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-05-31)
I know, Abby; it bothers me, too. I'm not so concerned about whomever may have bought the trailer. If they need help, they should be able to find it. For the ghost, though, finding the help he needs probably won't be easy. That's what bothers me. He is --not was-- a human being, and, as such, merits compassion. You said you're looking forward to more of my stories. Does that mean I'm going to see more ghosts?
Abby (710 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-05-31)
Dear Eileen,
Thank you for your compliment. I did so enjoy your story and title. I just wish the ghost would have been crossed over before the mobile home was sold to an unsuspecting, innocent buyer. :(
Look forward to more of your stories and comments.
As Always, Abby
Shane (13 stories) (1258 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-05-30)
AHHH Shucks ma'am you done went an made me blush. Your kind words are greatly appreciated. If you ever need any advise or help just feel free to ask.

Peace, Love, and Luck be with you always.
Peteys_granny (1 stories) (36 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-05-29)
Shandi, Shane, and Abby, thank you for your generous and thoughtful compliments. You've made my day. Abby and Shane are two of the regular posters I had in mind when I wrote to Martin about the wit, wisdom, and knowledge I often find on this site. You guys know a thing or two about haintly behavior, that's for sure. My love and regards to all of you.--Eileen
Abby (710 posts)
 
10 years ago (2007-05-29)
Dear Eileen,

Your story was brillant and filled with a lot of humor. You remind me of a professional folk story teller, as well as the author of "Haints, Witches & Boogers", Charles Edwin Price. :)

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