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Over The Years It Gets Worse

 

It's been two years since I lasted posted here. A year since I had encountered the creature dragging me out of bed. So much has changed and so much I have mistakenly done. After witnessing that dark spirits do target whatever and whomever they can I tried my hardness to move on and ignore this gift I am starting to believe is a curse. I had fallen in love and am now living happily with him; he comes from a family of hardship but has made many achievements. I just wish he had told me sooner his mother is a witch. A black witch no less. I knew he was always protected but I did know he was protected so well because his mother was so involved with the darker side of the spiritual realm. However his protection is my distress.

Protection such as his stops so many things from attaching onto him but I; I am their next target. So many times I have lit my candle and when I think all is safe I am sadly mistaken. Now I have fallen victim to a darker spirit than before, one that sends cold chills down my spine and drains me of everything that drives me. At night I can feel its presences and when I try to ignore it I feel nothing but terror. When during the day I try to think of some way to get rid of it I become dizzy and feel faint. I tried so hard to close myself from this world forever but it is clear I can never leave it even more so now that my mother told me the truth.

In my older post I told of when I was only 14-15. Of a song I was listening too about death and deaths power. Looking outside my window onto a street; seeing the black figure looking back at me. Bolting back but looking again to see if I were mistaken only of see that it had moved to the front of my home looking back at me as I looked at it. I felt such fear, such coldness. Something I can never ever forget as long as I lived. I remember asking my mom about it, her asking me if it was holding anything and I said I couldn't be sure. Now that I am an adult that night came up as a conversation as my boyfriend and I talked to my mother for support. She had then decided to tell me that I had met Death that night. That I stared into him/she. Of course I refused to believe it. I honestly refused to believe I saw death and lived. That was until I tried doing a Tarot reading to figure out what that spirit was to prove her wrong and out of every card in the deck death falls out. I started crying for no reason at the sight of it; I knew my mother was right at that moment.

My whole life; my earliest of memories are that of watching people cross over to the other side. Sometimes even, when I light a candle to send others over I hear a death. I remember lighting a candle to help a spirit who had travelled into my house. I remember it screaming before a loud crash was heard. A lady had died in a crash and somehow found her way to me and I helped her past on. Now I found out I saw death. On top of that negative dark things try to attach themselves to me and this time one as drove me to do a completely spiritual cleansing. My mom read me... It is said my whole life will be like this. Is it my destiny to always fight? Sometimes it feels as if I am completing or doing part of death's job when I send these spirits over and on top of that my cat, my familiar of 15yrs has died. She used to protect me so well and now I don't have her.

Is this my destiny to always experience these things? I can't ignore it because then I will be attacked. I can't welcome it because then too many come in and I go inside with being surrounded so much. There seems to be no middle ground. Day after day I hear my name being called to turn around and see nothing. I could be listening to music with a head set and I still hear someone calling time to time. Sometimes I wonder why I was given such a thing. My family's line goes many centuries back but will it stop. Will my children have to face these trials like I have too? This knew negative force that clings to me; it keeps all those positive spirits from me and drives my kitten, the new cat I have hope for in becoming my new familiar from me. My creative flow, my art feels like its disappearing and I am frightened of my very own bedroom. Not going to sleep until I am on the edge of passing out waiting until dawn if I have too. This path month has been horrible and I...whom never drew anything dark in my own life was driven to do so and the image not only frightens me but it frightens my mother. She believes it can become worse if allowed to grow. But why, why will does it have to happen. Why do I have to live asking myself if this will always happen?

When I was younger I envied every actor who played the role of s psychic. I watched in fascination when a physic had shows of their own. I always wondered if I would be as powerful as them and wanted to be as them. Now my only wish is to be normal but I know it won't ever come true.

My only wish now is that I fore fill whatever destiny has planned in order to unchain this curse/gift/job whatever it is from being passed onto my children. For I do not wish for them to face the horrors as I do.

It's been a few days since I have written the first part of this. It's driving me crazy. I finally had a spiritual cleansing and as soon as I hit the bath my whole head began to spin and I thought I was going to pass out. I really thought I would but thankfully I didn't; I even felt lifted and very tired. It's like my soul had energy but my body didn't. However this feeling didn't last long. Before I knew it I went to my friend's house. Although she isn't gifted in seeing the world beyond that of the living her house is filled with activity to even where people outside her family notice it. As soon as I left her home I knew I wasn't alone and once again had to fight off whatever was attached to me.

But now I am plagued by a new worry. My niece, she is the cutest baby. A baby I worry for. My brother is similar to me however he's so afraid of it he is able to ignore it and never got the chance to develop it. However his child, my niece. If she were to have it how would he handle it, how would his wife; whom knows nothing about our family line. Also what might be drawn to her if she is anything like her grandmother or I. I want to warn my brother but I know he'll hear no word of spirits. If he weren't so afraid.

Lately my grandpa has been since as well and I know he doesn't have long to live. If he were to die in the year it would be a second death in my family however this one I am not sure I can handle. So many things are happening around me I feel so clouded and on top of it I find out that my boyfriend's mom already knows about me and is wanting to meet me. She is a black witch, something I don't want to get involved in. Its bad enough I am purple because of all the things I attract. I really am not sure how much I can handle.

As for my grandpa, how do I know he's dying? When my was sick and near death her brother, my old cat, was around the house more. He was always around her just waiting for her so he can take her with him. Now I am seeing every animal my grandpa has ever loved running around the house. My old pets loved my grandpa as much as he loved them and honestly I don't want them to take him. I think it's just too soon. Over a year ago he lived through his organs shutting down and has been living with two types of cancer that haven't spread. He's held on so long its only right he gets to see his great grandchild's first even fifth birthday. Yet I know that all my praying and wishing won't stop it.

Its sad knowing when a family member is about to pass over. I think that's why more than anything I want to be rid of this curse or gift. I am sick of knowing when those around me are going to die. I just look at someone and smile not look at them and know to never become close to them.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Chained_Flower, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Amp21190 (3 stories) (12 posts)
 
2 years ago (2016-06-04)
Hello, I just got done reading all of your posts and have noticed that you have not written in four years and I am a bit concerned. So I am simply writing to see if you are okay.
tennesseegirl625 (1 posts)
 
6 years ago (2012-05-31)
CF-As I read your stories I notice two things everytime. Your grammar is a little off. Also, I'm 14 and have many of your same gifts... Except for the facing death and living thing. And I am glad I don't have that one. My mother and her family had always been haunted growing up. She was quite gifted I have two sisters and one brother. And I am the gifted one out of all her children.
Caz (223 posts)
+1
6 years ago (2012-05-29)
Robertar...I think you've misunderstood! 'Black' witches come in all colours sweetie. There are no racists on this site. Love and Light...Caz.
robertar (223 posts)
-1
6 years ago (2012-05-21)
why would you care if his mother is black?

THe witch thing I can understand... That's a choice in life. But that other thing just shouldn't matter in these enlightened times.
rookdygin (24 stories) (4358 posts)
+1
6 years ago (2012-04-27)
CF,

Jav makes an interesting point in what she is saying... Perhaps you should take a day for yourself... Go to a Local Park and walk barefoot through the grass... Let 'Mother Earth' 'absorb and dissipate' any Negative Energy that may be 'hanging' on you. Sit in the Sun for a bit and re-energize your 'battery'. Doing this and the Cleansing/Shielding method I offered you should soon find yourself feeling much better.

Please keep up posted, I wish you well.

Respectfully,

Rook
Javelina (4 stories) (3749 posts)
+1
6 years ago (2012-04-27)
Hey CF,
Well, I finally got back to read this experience. And now that I've read it I know why it took me o long to get here. First off, stick close to Rooks words, they are always helpful and very well thought out. That is one patient guy we've got here. Some nights I have to wonder where it comes from, but it's always there.
Girl, whatever has a grip on you, it needs to go. Just reading this put me into a mood. Don't worry or apologize hun, that isn't what I'm talking about. What I mean to say is that you are in a funk. It was brought on by whatever has attached it's nasty little grip on you, but you need out. Right now it sounds like you have surrounded yourself with others like you, or close to what you do. I may be off a little here, but it seems you could use a change of venue, scenery, away from what you know and who you are familiar with. Not just a spiritual cleansing, but a refresher course on how the other half live. You know the ones, blissfully unaware of what we know to be spirits. You are standing to far away from the light hun. I am not speaking religion here, I'm talking about common sense. If you are being plagued by the darkness of these thoughts, get out into the light of day for a while. Away from your most familiar settings. Not forever either. Just long enough to shake yourself rid of this attachment and give you some breathing room. You stated you were already feeling the weight of all of these things and then you went to visit a friend. This friend had more going on around her as well. This just seemed, and this is only my opinion, to bring you down further. Do you see what I am getting at? Rook was absolutely correct in saying not to do your own reading. What I'm saying is to get away from all of it for a little bit. Clear your mind, let all the familiar situations go away for a bit until your head gets straight.
What I sense from reading this is sheer exhaustion. You are worn out girl. It's time for a breather. Analyzing too much isn't good either. Especially when you are already down. It's hard to see anything good when you don't feel good yourself.
And don't worry so much about your kitten, animals know and pick up these things. No need to clog their minds up too. They will always find the path of least resistance, and so will you. You have had way too much put on your shoulders, let some of it go for now. You won't be any good to anyone until you are right with yourself.
I hope I haven't made a huge mess of things by speaking my mind here, but I felt compelled to say something. You are a good person, no matter what path you walk. You can't help that, it's the part of you that shows you who needs help. But it's you who needs it now hun. Give yourself a break, you deserve it. ❤

Jav 😊
Chained_Flower (5 stories) (11 posts)
 
6 years ago (2012-04-24)
Rook, thank you very much for your tips. That is something I am willing to try. I never shielded myself before nor have I ever been told how. My mom even says that was her mistake on not teaching me. So I will surely give what you suggest a shot.

Sara, I am very grateful for that rule. Hahah, I have no intention of being around that women and if I have to to get away as quickly as I can.

I would like to thank everyone for your compassion on my grandpa issue. Today he finally went to the doctor and I hope that he can get better. If anything else major happens with him I will let all of you know.
sara77 (1 stories) (40 posts)
+3
6 years ago (2012-04-24)
This was hard to read, not because of how it was written but because I have had a few close friends that have battled depression and that sounds similar to where you are heading... If you are not there already (not that I blame you)
Chained_Flower,You sound like you feel like you have given your life over to helping others pass over, and that is truly a gift. But you have a life to live aswell. I don't mean;Waking up,eating,working, Going back to bed, but LIVE and enjoy.
Back to your story
😊
I'm glad that you have found love and as for his mother... Well its almost an unwritten rule that we don't have to like (or hang out) with our mother-in-laws (thank god! 😆)
Sorry about your cat, but congrats on the new kitten, give it time it may never be your old best friend but I'm sure it will be your new one.
My thoughts are with you and your grandfather, treasure the time you have together. And as for your Mum...
Thanks for sharing
rookdygin (24 stories) (4358 posts)
+1
6 years ago (2012-04-24)
CF,

I am sorry for your Grandfather and for all you are going through...

From what you have shared with us it seems as if something negative may have attached itself to you... And you may be correct as to it's source. Having said that I have to correct something another poster has stated...

Dmcal,

It's her BOYFRIENDS MOTHER that is the 'Black Witch' not her 'BOYFRIEND'... Please get your facts straight before you start swinging that Bible... If your going to swing it at all please pick the right target to swing it at.

CF,

Sorry about that... Now all these negative thoughts and the fact you seem to be feeling/seeing only 'death' around people may be a result of the 'protectives' placed on your boyfriend by his Mother...

Do you by chance (or could you ask him) just what they are? Simple Shields should not do these things to you... Cast by a 'White or Black Witch' a shield is a shield... It protects from harm.

Now if she has 'set a spirit' to watch and protect him...that's a different kettle of fish altogether.

I do not know if you use a personal shield... If you do you may wish to strengthen it. If you do not I'm going to offer one that may help... It is at the end of a cleansing Method I use for myself and Family and it may help with the situation you find yourself in.

Recipe for a Home Cleansing/Shielding... (allow for two or 3 days to complete)

Day one: Open all curtains window and doors with screens installed, let fresh air and sunshine into the home. Have all closets, cabinets and other 'dark spaces' open so that as much natural light as possible can enter those spaces. After 2-3 hours take a broom and 'sweep' out each room (this is symbolic and you do not have to really sweep) focus your thoughts on sweeping (pushing) out all negative energies / entities /thoughts. Close home up after completing each room of your home... Please do not forget your garage if you have one. (Optional) Light incense (sandalwood or Dragons-blood works well for me) and let aroma fill the home, and/or play a tape that contains your favorite Church/Positive, Upbeat (songs that give you good thoughts) songs before you begin sweeping.

Day two (or three): Once again open all curtains, windows and doors. Take a White candle (Optional) to the center most point of the home, sit on the floor and place candle in front of you. Light the candle (visualize a white ball of light) and then focus on the flame... Visualize the flame (white light) filled with positive thoughts, energy. (Say a prayer at this time if you so desire... Ask for cleansing positive energy to fill the candles flame/white light). Hold this 'image' in your mind and then visualize the flame (light) slowly expanding outward, visualize it filling the room your in, every corner and 'dark space'. Continue to visualize it expanding...it's outer edges pushing away (burning away) any and all negative energies/entities out and away from each room in your home. Once you have visualized this flame (light) filling your entire home, picture it expanding to your property lines. Hold this image in your mind for a few moments then visualize 'anchoring' this flame (light) where you are sitting which is the center most point of your home. Once you have done this. Take a deep breath, relax a few moments and then blow out the candle. (If you didn't use a candle just let yourself relax a moment or two.) "

Now you can create a shield for yourself using the 'home shield' technique but instead of focusing on your home visualize the 'flame' simply surrounding you instead of your home... Best time to do this is after a nice shower using a rosemary scented soap (rosemary is good for purification and protection.)

Now there are those who think 'Hell Fire and Damnation ' speeches will scare you into converting... Confessing your sins and to do this you must run screaming from your Tarot Cards. Well I'm here to say that I've read and studied the Bible for 32 years (from the age of 12 until now...I'm 44, turn 45 in July) so I'm about 8 years short of the previous poster and while he is entitled to his point of view your situation is not as bleak as it seems (at least not to me).

We are Heavenly Fathers Children... We are all Part of the Plan of Salvation and we are all given Gifts by our Heavenly Father according to our needs here upon the Earth. You are able to see spirits and you feel that you help the 'cross over' by lighting a candle and by doing so showing them the way. Seeing as we are all connected spiritually how is this 'wrong' who are we as 'mere men' to say...that's not how it works.

Yes Heavenly Father knows the time and place of every ones passing... I do not question that... Heavenly Father also 'picks the manner' of their crossing... Who are we to question that you feel your part is to light that candle and 'show that spirit' the way?

I took something I read in the Bible quite literally...

Matthew 7 7-8: 7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: 8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Sit down, say a prayer and ask Heavenly Father just where your path lies...

It's that still soft voice that guides us and helps us the most... The one that gives us the internal prompting saying it's wrong to steal or hurt others that you are listening for.

As I believe in Heavenly Father and His Son it stands to reason I believe in the Holy Spirit... For me that 'still soft voice' is the Holy Spirit and it has been given to us by Heavenly Father to guide us... All we have to do is clear our minds from the noise (meditation) and listen to it. (or 'read the cards' that have been influenced by it...I'm a Tarot Reader myself... As well as a Priesthood Holder in my Church.)

Sorry this has run a bit long and waxed a bit more 'Religious' than I normally get. Please keep us updated and feel free to ask any questions you may have... Either here or contact me via my e-mail address in my profile.

Oh, One other thing... You mentioned that 'Death' fell out of your deck during a particular reading... Remember Death represents Change many more times than it points to a literal 'Death'. Either that or your own thoughts and fears influenced the deck and the card that is the one that 'fell out' because of them. I find it better to have someone I trust do a reading for me rather than do them for myself as I worry my own hopes/fears will influence the reading.

Respectfully,

Rook
Chained_Flower (5 stories) (11 posts)
 
6 years ago (2012-04-24)
Dear Dmcal,

First you got something wrong, my boyfriend isn't a witch nor does he do anything. His mother is the witch of the family. And the other thing, I would have to strongly disagree on you with the whole religious thing thing since this has all been going on since I was a child. Like seriously, before I even know what was what this was going on.

Another thing I would like to add is that not every spirit is had picked by god and sent to the heaven. Sometimes we have spirits who are stuck in a place usually becomes haunted. Those spirits need help to cross over. I respect your religious views but I don't agree with them at all. Not every spirit a person come in contact with is evil and not every spiritual thing against god is evil or leads to something demonic. In a sense you remind me of a priest.

Only reason why I say this is because of all the religions in the world and each of them do different things, some even believe in magic.

Aamo_29,

I have told this too two of my closest friends. If your one of them I'd be surprise but it is nice knowing that I am not the only one who goes through this.
aamo_29 (9 posts)
+1
6 years ago (2012-04-23)
I always watch Paranormal things... Did you know somebody told me that story but I don't know who... I forgot her name... 😆
WhiteWolf (4 stories) (147 posts)
+1
6 years ago (2012-04-23)
I am sorry to hear about your grandfather not feeling well and your problems with the other side. I have to say that you must not look at your gift as a curse but as a blessing you're helping spirits move on. I do not believe that death is there to harm you because he/she is a neutral entity and can not harm humans. I share your anguish to be normal because I am gifted with the ability of Empathy but I have found that helping people makes the ability feel more like a blessing than a curse.

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