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My Inseparable Lost Wife

 

I am from Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. I had my beloved wife Ely for almost thirty years and we both shared our love and care throughout our marriage. When we first met, I already knew that she had congenital heart murmur. However, that was not to be concerned as she was still young and working. We always enjoy going anywhere together and living happily. In 2010, her brother passed away from heart failure. Since then, my wife had been depressed and her heart murmur developed into cardiomyopathy. She suffered cardial infarction and was lucky to survive. However, I had to take a very close look of her all these years with extreme care in and out of the hospital a lot. She was diagnosed with leaky tricuspid valve and advised to undergo a valve replacement surgery. She was almost put to death through the fault of the surgeon intra-operatively. Realizing that, legal litigation was initiated and it took over six years to resolve the claim. Since the mishap, my wife's condition worsened and I kept her company another six years with utmost care to walk her through to the end of her life in my hands.

It has now been two years since the death of my everlasting wife. I am still having her belongings with me at all times. I even moved closer to the cemetery that I can visit her everyday and I have never failed. I took a picture of her at the funeral home lying in the casket and I mounted in a frame and sleeping with her picture next to my pillow. I even made her a live size clay model with her favorite outfit standing in my study and a live clay model head from the picture of my wife in the casket and placed in front of the alter that I can be talking and feeding her everyday. I hardly left the house or communicate with people for over one year other than going to the cemetery. I am so much attached to my (living) wife because I know for sure that she is coming to see me very often in the night and walking around on my bed. She normally comes back around 5-6 am and at that time I generally wake up from my sleeping pill and feel the bump on my bed while she is walking around me.

I talked to my family members about the phenomenon but they concluded that this is all in my mind. I have been attempting to ask someone who can believe in ghost and agree that what I am doing is perfectly normal and that I am not psychotic.

I would also like any feedback from the readers if anyone can tell me how to contact my deceased wife or even see her in the night when she is visiting me. I know I will never let her go nor she would never let me leave her. Please give me the best advise!

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, cmiss, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

mamachong (11 stories) (228 posts)
 
5 years ago (2013-03-16)
Rook,
I do not think you were being harsh. In all fairness I think you were being nice. I for one did not believe this story either. I love my husband with all my heart, but I would not make a shrine to feed or talk to everyday, or to clothe.
rookdygin (24 stories) (4320 posts)
+4
5 years ago (2013-03-14)
cmiss,

You can hang on all you want, take comfort in what you will but you DID NOT answer a single question concerning the 'timeline' of your 'STORY'.

If we based things on the 'timeline' you have presented us with in your 'TALE' it is now the year...2024...here is the 'math'...

2010 (brother passed away) + wife depressed/ heart condition gets worse/ valve replacment surgery/ legal litigation (over 6 years to resolve) = 2016 + wife's conditioned got worse/kept her company another 6 years = 2022 + 2 years since wife passed away = 2024.

I do 'feel sorry' for you but not for the reasons you presented in what truly seems to be a work of COMPLETE FICTION. Consider the B/S Blankie tossed over this one.

Sorry if I seem harsh...

Rook

(Waving from the back of the Miss Demeanor as Puff drives her off into the night)
cmiss (1 stories) (1 posts)
-3
5 years ago (2013-03-13)
I really appreciate the concern from everyone regarding hanging on with my deceased wife. As I have been very dependable on the true love of my wife, there is no other alternative for me other than sticking around with the spirit of my wife for the rest of my life. That way, I can feel comfortable and safe.
Argette (guest)
+1
5 years ago (2013-03-13)
Yikes. I thought the timeline was weird, but did not do the math. After retreading this, I am in complete agreement with JS aka Brandon.
Jesus_soldier (3 stories) (416 posts)
+3
5 years ago (2013-03-13)
... *face palm*... As I read this sad story, I really couldn't help but laugh at some parts. I don't even mean to sound rude when I say that. It just caught me by surprise... I... I don't know... I seriously hope your trolling us though, if not than please... Find some spiritual and professional help.

JS aka Brandon
koalagirl (3 stories) (111 posts)
 
5 years ago (2013-03-13)
hi I'm so sorry about losing your wife, its sad to lose someone you love so much and specially you have been with for a life time, but its important to live your life and she would want you too, when my father died I saw a medium and I am certain he came through, I do also believe that your wife is around you and its not in your-head, I hope that you have someone your can poor your heart out, thank-you for sharing your story. DI
rookdygin (24 stories) (4320 posts)
+1
5 years ago (2013-03-12)
At the moment the Bus is still warming up in the garage.

I wish to give the O/P a chance to comment... Perhaps the O/P merely... Well I won't 'feed' them any answers but let's just say a if they return and review what they have said they can clear up things pretty quickly with a single correction...

Respectfully,

Rook
MoonFall (1 stories) (47 posts)
 
5 years ago (2013-03-12)
cmiss:

First I would like to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. We lost my grandfather almost seven months ago and it has been very hard; especially for my grandmother as they were together from dating to marriage almost 60 years. We have all grieved, especially her. But she is living her life. Yes, she talks to him/his picture. Yes, she has her days that are more grief stricken than others. But she does not neglect the living who still need and want her around.

I'm in full agreement with the others. Please seek grief counseling. It's not an abnormal thing to do. You're not helping you nor her by holding on to her in these forms. I have a client who did not seek counseling when his mother passed. He threatened to take his own life. He was emotionally immature, but after her passing... He did not get the help he really needed and well... Thankfully he's doing ok now, but he took a slight turn in the wrong direction for a minute.

Once you let go and accept she is no longer here in the physical form, she can move on. She wants you to spend the remainder of your years here as happy as you possibly can. She may already be trying to tell you that.
zetafornow (4 stories) (447 posts)
+2
5 years ago (2013-03-12)
Reading over the comments... Thanks mamachong and rook... Guess I overlooked the timeline factor, think I was too shocked about the rest of the story. By the way rook... When did you say Puff would pick me up? 😉

Zeta.
rookdygin (24 stories) (4320 posts)
+4
5 years ago (2013-03-12)
mamachong, sds;

My friend Puff has the Bus just around the corner and you nice folks are not the only ones who noticed the 'odd' timeline...

Respectfully,

Rook
sds (14 stories) (1357 posts)
+4
5 years ago (2013-03-12)
Dear cmiss, I have the same doubt as mamachong. The time factor do not tally. But seriously, I am sorry for your loss. I remember my father and how he reacted and gone into a shell after my mother died in June, 2000. To make him come out of the grief was an onerous task for us. It took a long time actually. Not that he is totally out of it but still it is a lot better. And trying to communicate, if you are confident that she visits you daily between 5 a.m. To 6 a.m, you can definitely talk to her aloud. Still I am too young to give you advise, there is no one in this world, who is immortal. The icy hands of death snatch even the best of persons, best of love and everything. But we have to stride along until we reach our time. Your story is a great life of love and affection. In our country, living together as wife and husband for 30 years or so is common but in western countries, it is great. I do not mean to offend any person, I just said it to highlight the love and affection between you and your wife.

But still, it is better to realise that her time had come to an end in this world and until you live, you should carry those memories of love and affection, fun you had together, times you have spent together, both good and bad.

Regards and respects to you.

SDS
mamachong (11 stories) (228 posts)
+7
5 years ago (2013-03-12)
I am having a little trouble with the timeline you have provided. You said your brother in law died in 2010. Your wife got really sick after words and had to have surgery. Then you sued because the surgery went wrong, which took six years. Then yoour wife slowly declined in health for another six years, then died. Well, we are only in 2013, six plus six is twelve. So your wife would have died somewhere around 2022. Can you straighten this out please.
Argette (guest)
+2
5 years ago (2013-03-11)
I am so sorry for your loss. Clearly you were deeply in love with your wife. I am sure she was equally in love with you, and thus would want you to move on. I hope you are able to. I send you my best wishes.
zombie_killer_of_india (35 posts)
 
5 years ago (2013-03-11)
I am very sorry for your loss. But I agree with [experienceless].You can contact her using a ouza board or a planchet but that is not reccomened. Instead you should find ways to free her. Seems that she is too attached to you.
May she rest in peace.
experienceless (2 posts)
 
5 years ago (2013-03-11)
I think you are overly attatched to the thought of her and not willing to let her go. This might be bad for her as she can't go to the place that she must go... If this gets on for a long time she might get "stuck"
You don't want that.

This sounds selfish, and it is exactly what it sounds like
harrypotterrules (57 posts)
 
5 years ago (2013-03-11)
Ask God to give you the ability to see her when you are asleep, and ask her to communicate with you. That's what I would do.
valkricry (39 stories) (2730 posts) mod
+5
5 years ago (2013-03-11)
Cmiss, Are you psychotic? No, I don't think so. I think you are someone who lost a great love and needs help in handling the grief. Even though you have said that you visit her daily at the cemetary, I think you are a bit in denial. I have to admit, I have no idea how one would feed a clay head. But, I do 'get' talking to her, and needing to keep her things near. Grief is a curious creature, and everyone mourns in their own time and way. Please, do not take this wrong, but I feel that you are avoiding actually allowing yourself to mourn her loss.
Is she visiting you in the night? Could be. But, it is equally possible that your subconcious is manufacturing these 'visits' to help cope with her being gone. You asked about communicating with her, when she is there simply speak to her, and ask for a sign that it really is her.
Greif counseling is in no way a sign of mental illness or weakness. I urge you to talk to a counseler or someone from your church (Priest, minister, rabbi, whomever). You need to do this for yourself and your wife. It may not have occured to you - but have you thought that maybe you are preventing her from the next step of her journey? That perhaps you are keeping her from peace by refusing to let her go? That does not mean you release her from your heart, or forget her, just that you love her enough to let her go on with her journey.
You are not alone, many of us have lost loved ones.
BadJuuJuu (13 stories) (1034 posts)
+3
5 years ago (2013-03-11)
At the risk of sounding completely heartless, sweetie there is nothing "perfectly normal" about how you are handling this. I understand what grief can do to one's perceptions and I'm begging you to please seek help immediately. You need grief counselling, you have to let her go and carry on living. I know it's hard, but she wouldn't want you to waste your life in grief, she would want you to find a way to accept her loss and live your life. Please, please pick up the phone and call a professional for help.
Fergie (36 stories) (1094 posts)
+3
5 years ago (2013-03-11)
Dear cmiss, I am so sorry for your loss.

To feel your wife's spirit is normal, but to go to the extremes that you do, is just not healthy. I'm not a psychiatrist, nor even a medical practitioner, so this is just my personal opinion.

I lost my youngest daughter, nine months ago - so I truly know what it's like to loose a loved one. It is natural for a person to grieve; I still do. I remember her every single day. We have pictures of her, ones where she is laughing, or at least smiling. We try to celebrate her LIFE - remembering all the good times that we had together - not as we last saw her. In pain, or in death.

Our daughter also 'visits' us through signs, on a fairly regular basis.

Life is for the living, and should be lived to the fullest. Please move on with your life, as I am sure your wife would like you to. I am NOT saying, forget her, as that would be impossible... Just ease up a bit.

Please seek grief counseling, for your own sanity.

I hope I have not hurt you with my words, as that was definitely not my intention.
zetafornow (4 stories) (447 posts)
+5
5 years ago (2013-03-11)
Wow. Do you seriously have a life-size model of your beloved wife that you say you can talk and feed everyday? I am sorrow for the loss of your wife but this is just weird. I think that if you are honestly telling a true story, you should seek some grief counseling immediately. You should be remembering your wife in good times... All the years that you spent together, all the fun and cherishable times. That is what she would want you to do.

Zeta.

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