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Is It Her, Another Manipulative Spirit Or My Mind?

 

In the last few months a lot has happened, some good and some horrible. My baby girl was born a few months ago and while it was a rough start things balanced out and she and I are healthy.

All things seemed normal for awhile, life was good; a healthy happy baby, Maggie was about to start school, had speech and occupational therapy and was adjusting well to having a sibling.

Then an unexpected illness took Maggie's life. Our life has been flipped upside down and we are still trying to cope and find a new normal all while raising our youngest daughter.

It's been four weeks, and one day as I was giving our baby a bottle, rocking her in the living room I saw Maggie, pale as can be just as she was the day she died, dark lips and blood pouring out of her mouth and eyes. Standing in the middle of our living room and all she said was "Help me Mamma." I froze being completely unable to move and just stared at her speechless.

I didn't know what to say or do, I couldn't feel, I couldn't think. It was like time had stopped and the horrific things that happened the day of her death just started flashing in front of me.

I closed my eyes to gather myself, only to find her gone when I opened them.

A week or more passes and I had our baby on the floor for tummy time seeing that she is three months old and can hold her head up well it's time to start working on crawling. We had been playing for awhile and she started getting sleepy so I put her down for a nap.

I decided to straighten up things a bit when I suddenly felt a strong urge to go check on her. So I did, when I looked at her face it looked pale white, I automatically put my hand on her chest and felt her breathing, I also noticed that her arms and legs had color which snapped me out of it, she was fine. I picked my sleeping baby up and cried and just decided to hold her for the rest of her nap so I knew she would be ok.

A few days go by and I went into Maggie's room which we still have set up as it was and just looked around and cried. Realizing my sweet girl would never be coming home, her toys would remain untouched by her tiny hands, her laughter will never fill this room. It's simply a shell of all she was.

I picked up her favorite bear and hugged him hoping to find her scent, seeing that she had slept with him since she was only a year old. Reminiscing on bedtime cuddles and butterfly kisses. When I saw her stuffed kangaroo that was sitting on the floor next to her little desk fall over.

I noticed the room felt colder and I felt a sudden panic hit me. It was then that her baby book toppled off her book shelf and hit the floor, and all I could hear in my mind was her asking me to help her.

I told Collin about what happened when he got home and he told me that earlier that day he saw her while he was at work just standing there smiling at him and then she vanished.

Nothing more has really happened and my question is, do you guys think that she is really trying to reach out to me, that the grief is just taking a strange toll on me causing me to see things that aren't there, or is another manipulative spirit messing with me causing me to see all this? Should I be concerned for my baby? All comments and words of advice are welcome.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Allicatt, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Jubeele (3 stories) (120 posts)
 
3 weeks ago (2017-09-29)
Allicat, the fact that you can say kind words to me at this time shows that you have the heart and the strength to see you through this period. We all grieve differently and need time to heal. But please take care of yourself and not let anything detract from the joy and blessing of your new baby. 😘
Allicatt (5 stories) (68 posts)
 
3 weeks ago (2017-09-28)
Jubeelee, I am sorry for your loss as well. Losing a child in any circumstance is very difficult indeed. It's like a huge part of You goes with them. I do believe You are right when you mentioned that what Collin saw was our Maggie and what I saw wasn't. It is highly possible that she was attempting to reach out to me with her Kangaroo. I still don't know, I just hope that she has found rest.

Sincerely, Allicatt ❤
Jubeele (3 stories) (120 posts)
 
3 weeks ago (2017-09-28)
Hi Allicat

I was thinking about you again and wanted to add just a few more thoughts. Maggie was loved and knew that - in her visit to Collin, she was smiling. That was most likely the 'real' Maggie. She may have tried to get your attention with the kangaroo toy...?

We've had a few deaths in the family recently and every loss is yet another a hole in our lives. But I feel that as long as we keep the memories close to our hearts, our loved ones are never really lost to us. Years after they've been gone, I still have the occasional dreams about my Dad, Grandma, my first boyfriend and even my mother-in-law (can you be believe that?). It's as if they were visiting to see if I was alright.

Melda - I was so touched by your kind words. Thank you. You have a loving heart. Please don't be upset for me; it was a long time ago. I only brought up my story to show I have some understanding of this loss. As I'm going through "The Change" now, my personal challenge is to let go of that particular wish and accept that motherhood isn't for me. Aah, I'm suddenly teary.😢 Hormonal changes.

Anyway Allicat, take comfort in your new baby and your husband. Remember to be gentle with yourself. ❤
Melda (8 stories) (614 posts)
+1
3 weeks ago (2017-09-28)
Jubeele - Allicat, I have already responded to you regarding this tragic event concerning Maggie. I hope you won't mind if I respond to Jubeele:

People tend to underestimate the effects of a miscarriage, thinking that oh well, there was something wrong with the baby, it wouldn't have survived long term and so on, so get on with your life and have another baby. I have never had a miscarriage but I know people who have, including my sister, whose loving husband (a medical doctor no less) told her not to bleed on the carpet.

It is a devastating experience, especially when your chances of falling pregnant are on the lower tip of the scale.

My heart goes out to you 😢

Regards, Melda
Jubeele (3 stories) (120 posts)
 
3 weeks ago (2017-09-27)
Hi Allicat,

Like the others, I don't feel the spirit was really your Maggie. If it was a malevolent entity, it used your feelings of grief and guilt to hurt you at a time when you're particularly vulnerable. So perhaps you can think of it as an indication that you need caring and gentleness to ease you through this time.

We tried to have a child through IVF about 14 years ago. Without going into painful detail, we lost our baby. For a long time, I couldn't help feeling the miscarriage was my fault. I carried this burden of guilt much longer than was healthy for me. But I believe I made it through because my husband and I pulled together to support each other. The grief counseling we received also helped. If you find someone you are comfortable with, please give it a try.

To this day, whenever I see a child around that age, I would think about what could have been. But it is what it is. Peace be with you. ❤
Allicatt (5 stories) (68 posts)
 
1 month ago (2017-09-12)
Ann4shadow, I can relate to a lot of the things you have mentioned above. The guilt, constantly having to make sure Collin and my baby are ok, and everything feels unreal. Like a haze, the possible spirit in my living room is definitely disturbing. Though I'm still not certain it was a spirit, maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me... I honestly am not sure.

Half the time dreams and reality and what I think is really there or when I think I hear something I honestly am not sure what is real and what isn't. Everything and almost everyone is questionable at the moment. I really don't know if that makes sense or not but it is what it is. I am sorry that you know the pain of losing a child. And I hope you find true peace one day.

Sincerely, Allicatt
Ann4shadow (1 stories) (32 posts)
+2
1 month ago (2017-09-12)
Hello Allicat,

I want you to know that I am so very sorry about your little girl. I lost my youngest son 12-21-16. So I can relate to your anguish and pain. It really feels surreal, like this is my new reality now? I see my son often and I had 2 dreams about him.

The first dream was pretty awful. I won't go into it right now. My second dream was really positive. My son walked up to me out of no where and I don't think he talked but he held me and I kept saying "Come back to me" and how much I love and miss him...

I think there is a strong need to know they are okay after passing. I did all kinds of things to try to find out if he was safe and out of pain now.

I have very little of my son's belongings and notebooks. He wrote about everything and it was really pretty awesome. I feel attached to them like his belongings are sacred right now.

I can't imagine how our family is going to live in a future were he in not physically there. I feel SO much guilt that I did not do enough, That I could have done things differently.


Since I've calmed down from the initial shock and zombie mode, and the I have to make sure they are alright phase... You start to breath again and function more like a person than a zombie.

I have felt him around me, but I have not seen him while I'm awake.

You have to go through all of the grieving process. Feel what you feel and do not feel ashamed about any of your grief.

You will be able to start to let her go but in your own time and your own way. Like all things it takes time.

I do not like the sound of the spirit in your living room at all. Like everyone said... Cleanse you house and do what ever you have to do to feel safe and heal again.

Be Well,
Ann
Anno_Domini (2 stories) (79 posts)
 
1 month ago (2017-09-10)
Hi Allicatt, I don't believe that that's your real "daughter", more like an entity that is using your memory of her to intrude into your life (please see my profile for my views on this). Even the messages that it is sending to you and your husband are differing, which proves that it preys on your (and your husband's) weaknesses to get you to accept it. I would recommend visiting and getting help from a pastor or a priest asap.
Allicatt (5 stories) (68 posts)
+2
1 month ago (2017-09-09)
Mysteryresearch, I have to agree with a lot of what you had to say. I think part of it is coming out of shock and grief, though I think some of it is her. Like the kangaroo falling, it was one of her favorite stuffed animals and maybe the baby book. The rest now that I go back and forth think on it over the last few days is my mind playing tricks on me. While I am still uncomfortable with therapy I am keeping a journal. Thank you for your kind words and advice.

Sincerely, Allicatt
MysteryResearch (22 posts)
+2
1 month ago (2017-09-08)
Hi Allicatt,

I am very sorry for your loss. As others have mentioned, counseling might be helpful. It sounds like you may be in shock. To answer your question whether grief is taking a strange toll on you, my feeling is that what you saw was due to grief and shock and some kind of cognitive dissonance, and not something that would harm your baby. If I'm reading correctly, you saw the image of Maggie in distress some time before you went into her room and realized she wasn't coming home. Maybe it was part of the process of making that realization. I think what happened in the room could possibly have been a physical reaction to grief, possibly mixed with being tired. Many get cold when they are tired. I would second the suggestion for keeping a journal. Maybe also consider writing down some stories and memories of Maggie, the things you want to remember to tell your baby about, when she is older. My thoughts are with you.

MysteryResearch
rookdygin (24 stories) (4318 posts)
+1
1 month ago (2017-09-07)
Allicatt,

Take your time she will understand. Just keep in mind once our loved ones 'cross over' they are free to choose to return and watch over us.

Respectfully,

Rook
Allicatt (5 stories) (68 posts)
 
1 month ago (2017-09-06)
Rook, I can understand that and to answer your question I really don't think I am ready to let her go but at the same time I don't want to hold her here. It's a very conflicting situation unfortunately. Though I certainly want the best for her... I have a lot of thinking to do.

Allicatt
rookdygin (24 stories) (4318 posts)
+1
1 month ago (2017-09-06)
Allicat,

In your case it's harder to advise someone on how to help a spirit cross over. The 'loss' has caused so much pain its hard for individuals to let go.

Speak to her, out loud or in your head... Let her know you will never forget her and will always love her and that its ok to cross over. You do not mind her moving on to a better place, besides you understand that she can come and 'visit' if she so chooses.

The 'BIG' question is are you ready to let her go? When you 'speak' with her you have to 'mean' it.

With Patty (Patricia Ruth McGee, my daughter) THAT was the hardest part, letting go... In my wife's and in my mind it wasn't fair for her to be 'snatched away' at the 'last' second... It took a blessing from Priesthood Holders in my Church to remind me of some teachings with-in my Church that made it easier. I will not go into it here, but please e-mail me (addie on my profile) if you would like to know.

Respectfully,

Rook
Allicatt (5 stories) (68 posts)
 
1 month ago (2017-09-06)
Rook, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, even in my loss of Maggie I can not grasp the amount of pain that could have caused. A journal could be a useful tool, I am willing to try. I truly hope that we are not holding her here, neither of us have had a dream of Maggie. It was not a rude statement at all. Mainly eye opening, is there a way that I can help her pass on? I've never been fully successful in helping a spirit move forward. It's as if they get so far and either stuck or seem like they pass on and don't. I have only been successful a few times and by few I mean twice. Thank you for advice and keeping us in your prayers.

Sincerely, Allicatt
Allicatt (5 stories) (68 posts)
+1
1 month ago (2017-09-06)
valkricry, I am sorry that you know the pain of losing a child, and what you described seeing your son everywhere... It is almost exactly what's going on. Except Maggie doesn't always look the same. Sometimes she is ok and smiling, sometimes she is colorless but only once with blood coming out of her eyes and mouth. Sometimes I swear, I hear her laugh other times it's days of silence. Hugs being sent your way I hope that you have found peace and a new joy. Thank you for explaining that, I feel a little less nuts. And Collin and I are considering counseling... Just a little iffy still.

Randy,
I have to agree with what you have said as well, and please don't take this as rude but especially as her mother. I gave her life, I was the nurturer, her security, kissed away the owies, her voice the majority of the time seeing she was autistic and mainly nonverbal. I was supposed to calm every fever and sickness... And when Maggie's life was literally in my hands, she was reliant on my very breath until help could come. I do feel that I failed her, I held her when she was warm and pink a brand new baby and I have held her life less body. 😢 Needless to say You are very correct, it very well could be my guilt affecting what I see and hear. Thank you for such kind words and I am so glad your child pulled through, hold them close and value every moment. As to if there is a reason for all this, probably and hopefully one day I will see it. Thank you for your kindness.

Annie, That is very sweet of you thank you and truly appreciated.

Melda, I am sorry that, this is upsetting though I am glad you're child pulled through as well, As I said to Randy maybe one day I will understand the reasoning though for now I just take things as they are. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts, and for being so kind.

Sincerely, Alli ❤
rookdygin (24 stories) (4318 posts)
+1
1 month ago (2017-09-06)
Allicatt,

One of the 'coping mechanisms' I was referred to by a therapist (Yup, I've seen one, nope not sharing why... At least not at this time). They suggested Keeping a Journal.

I had been keeping one just on 'odd experiences' but I added it to everyday use for a time. It helped me with the situation I saw the Doc for and I thought it would help to look back at daily things I was experiencing due to my second child being stillborn during the 40th week.

It helped me 'root' out patterns... Allowing me to separate 'emotional desires/sightings' from Real World experiences.

You describe how there are times you turn and see 'her' there and when you blink she's gone... These could be from the emotional side of this horrible experience especially when she looks as she did when she passed... However something like the stuffed kangaroo and the baby book falling MAY actually be a physical manifestation by her.

A Journal may help you to separate which is which...

Another thing, and I do not mean for this to sound negative, I do not mean it that way and I am going to do my best to not make it sound 'bad'.

Have you had a dream about her? Has your Husband?

I ask because there is a Theory that those who have crossed over can reach out to us easier in our dreams. If neither or only one of you has dreamed about her then there is a chance that the grief/blame/sadness/not willing to accept what has happened...ANY/ALL of the emotions that go with loosing a Loved one, especially a young child may be 'holding' her on this side of the veil and 'some' of your experiences are actually her trying to comfort you so they can cross over and then return freely as needed. (It may only take one of you to have a dream about her to 'confirm' she has crossed over... As I said its a theory.)

(I told you it 'sounds harsh', I do not mean to upset anybody, my apologies if I have.)

Please ask any questions you may have. I am keeping you and yours in my Prayers.

Respectfully,

Rook
Melda (8 stories) (614 posts)
+1
1 month ago (2017-09-06)
Allicatt - It's taken me a while to comment as events such as these cause me to be more than a little emotional.

Our middle child was at death's door due to some unknown virus but he miraculously recovered, so I understand what it feels like to "think" that your child is going to be taken from you. But actually having that child taken? I have an idea of the anguish you are experiencing but cannot place myself completely in your shoes.

I believe there was a reason for Maggie to spend a short while on this earth. I also believe that there is a reason for you to have had her and lost her. To my way of thinking, it's all part of her spiritual journey and yours.

Did you see her? I don't know.

What I also believe is that you will learn to live with the beautiful memory of her and that the raw pain will ease.

You have been in my thoughts since I read your narrative and will be for a while to come. I always wonder why people have to suffer so much and at times it's very difficult to rationalise it.

Regards, Melda
annie16 (7 stories) (25 posts)
+1
1 month ago (2017-09-06)
Allicat.
I am so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine the heartache and pain that you're going through. I have no advise but just wanted to express my sincere condolences. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I send you light, love and peace and a guiding hand to help you through this difficult time.
RANDYM (1 stories) (246 posts)
+2
1 month ago (2017-09-05)
Allicat

I am so very sorry for your loss also.
I came close once but ours worked out different.

As parents our children think we can fix anything and for our kids we like to believe we can. But, we are only human and some things are simply beyond our abilities. Maggie was born to you for a reason and
She lived with you as long as she did for a reason. I believe everything happens to teach us something. For us to love, lose,win,be defeated, yet always to learn and grow. To always move forward. Its ok to grieve. You will know when your ready to move on, but move on you must. You have another small child now and perhaps more in the future. I believe you saw and heard Maggie as you did out of your own self reflection of feeling you didn't do enough. Thus the words "Help me Mamma". I really believe those words came from you. And even that's OK. It's a natural feeling as a parent. I can assure you one thing. Maggie needs no help now so those words didn't come from her.
But, you being in trauma and feeling such guilt it can be confusing what is coming from where or who.
I agree with the others who say to join a group. It can be so helpful to listen to others that have had the same type of loss.
For only they can truly understand what your going through.
Until then and after know we are here for you. Your friends at YGS.

Randy
valkricry (39 stories) (2730 posts) mod
+4
1 month ago (2017-09-05)
Allicatt,
I'm sitting here trying to formulate my thoughts into cohesive sentences. I've been where you are, and if I could I'd give you a hug and tell you if I could take away the pain I would.
Yes, grief does play tricks on us. So does the secret guilt we carry because on some level we feel we failed our child. We couldn't protect them from the ultimate sleep.
I'd advise, in your case counseling. No one is going to expect you to talk right away, and if you get asked and aren't ready, you can just say so. They'll understand that. But listen to what the others say, it helps.
Was it Maggie you've seen? Maybe, maybe not. No one can know for sure. But I can tell you, right after I lost my boy, I saw him EVERYWHERE. At the oddest times and the weirdest places. It was just my heart wanting to alter reality. I was experienced enough to know the difference. When my son did visit, it was very comforting, and had a different feel to it. Only you know for certain if this is Maggie you see, the answer lies in your heart.
roylynx (19 stories) (545 posts)
+1
1 month ago (2017-09-05)
No, no... Time did not matter 3:7 or 4:6-ish is the ratio of the possibility to She might be reaching out for you but at the same time you might be seeing things. You know stress can do a lot for us so...

Free your stress maybe, another advice.

E.Lynx
Allicatt (5 stories) (68 posts)
 
1 month ago (2017-09-05)
Tace, Thank you I appreciate that very much, one day at a time is all we can do. ❤
tace (13 posts)
+1
1 month ago (2017-09-05)
I am so sorry for your loss Allicatt. May you find comfort and love in your baby and husband. Hold tight and go one day at a time.
Allicatt (5 stories) (68 posts)
 
1 month ago (2017-09-05)
AugustaM, Thank you for bringing up that factor, grief can affect the way we see things. And I truly appreciate everyone who is sending positive energy our way. I do know that we will have to clean out Maggie's room eventually though, I don't know how soon I can face that point. It's currently all we have left besides pictures and memories it may sound strange but it's like having a bit of her with us. The cleansing is good idea as well, I will try Rook's and hope it is more effective than my own. As for mold and things of that nature thankfully I know that isn't an issue we had that checked when I found out I was pregnant, I have considered grief counseling, it's just very difficult talking to a stranger about my inner most thoughts and emotions but something we may need to do none the less. Thank you for your kind words, and advice. Maybe a new hobby could be helpful, at this point anything to stop thinking constantly. The mind can be a dangerous place at times.

Sincerely, Allicatt
AugustaM (2 stories) (376 posts)
+3
1 month ago (2017-09-05)
I think the vision you saw could have been Maggie but she appeared the way she did because of your own grief. (I hope that made sense.) You are hurting because of the horrible tragedy you experienced and that trauma has focused your mind on the things that hurt you most such as your heart wrenching last look at your daughter so that's how your mind represented what you saw.

Granted, I have no empirical evidence... Just a hunch but I don't get the feeling that this is a malevolent entity. I think the worst things floating about your home right now are sadness, grief and stress and they are coloring everything within. I would recommend a thorough cleansing (Rook's method is a popular favorite but to be sure you can find variations online - pick what is most meaningful to you) to be repeated every week until you feel it has worked. If this really is a negative entity that should take care of it, if its your daughter, it should help her find peace - and you as well. I would also have the house inspected to make sure there are no lurking physical dangers like infestations, black mold, or other pathogens - just in case. Though it may hurt to even consider it, cleaning out Maggie's room might be a good thing to help you and your family to move forward - just don't do it by yourself, support is always good. And don't forget to take care of YOU - grief counseling and group therapy/support groups for grieving parents can be a real boon. And start something new - you need newness and fresh happiness in your life, something in no way related to anything that has come before - a class at a local community college, zumba, dance, ceramics, anything at all just new and fresh.

You have a lot of good people here sending healing thoughts your way. ❤ May peace and happiness soon return to your life and your family.
Allicatt (5 stories) (68 posts)
+2
1 month ago (2017-09-04)
Enlightened1959,roxlynx,
Rcruskin, and cryssmo Maggie died from what started as a simple sickness that quickly progressed, we went from her having the flu for a few days to being fine but started not eating or drinking much to throwing up again and we took her to get checked out they said it was the flu and sent her home. Two days later, she died on the way to taking her back to the hospital, because she was severely dehydrated. They attempted to save her and she was on life support for about a week but from the lack of oxygen and blood to her brain it did a lot of damage and we were told that she would spend the rest of her life as a vegetable or we could let her go... Needless to say she went through alot.

Roylynx, it didn't happen around those times but rather I saw her in the living room around two and the activity in her bedroom was around 8pm a few nights later. Though I'm not sure what time Collin saw her at work, he didn't specify.

Cryssmo, Yes, we still live in the same house though we hope to move within the year. I'm not sure if it is the same spirit, if it's something else or if it is Maggie. I simply hope to gain an understanding of it all.

Thank you all for your kind words and advice.

Sincerely, Allicatt
cryssmo (1 posts)
+2
1 month ago (2017-09-04)
Hi there Allicat! I couldn't help but read into your other stories to get a feel of what you're experiencing. Do you still live in the same home you've lived in since your pregnacy? From one of your previous stories you were having problems with something even before the passing of your first born (may she RIP <3, I'm so sorry for your loss). I can't help but believe this is a malevolent spirit praying on your hurt emotions. That is what they do best! I would agree with the others in that you should pray as much as you see fit & try your best to distract yourself with positive hobbies or readings. I truly hope your family is able to find peace, along with your Maggie <3 <3
RCRuskin (6 stories) (230 posts)
+1
1 month ago (2017-09-04)
With the Saints give rest, O Lord, to your child Maggie, where there is no pain, nor sorrow, nor sighing but Life Everlasting.

May her memory be eternal.

I'm with Enlightened on this. I don't believe your first vision was of your Maggie. More likely, it was a visible manifestation of your fears and sadness at her passing.

And prayer is the answer to many things, but it shouldn't just be a recitation of certain words and phrases. As my spiritual father keeps trying to tell me, your prayers should be your actions as well. One prayer that I recite daily includes, 'teach me to pray, to hope, to be patient, to forgive and to love.' And that last bit is not the kind of love the world seems to enjoy a lot of. It's a different kind of love. Agape ideally, but that is a hard thing to achieve. A Greek word, it is a spiritual love. Caritas, from which we get charity, is easier to do, and hopefully can guide us all towards agape.
roylynx (19 stories) (545 posts)
+2
1 month ago (2017-09-04)
I will say both. She might be reaching out for you but at the same time you might be seeing things, same goes to Collin, I will say 3:7 or 4:6-ish?

In many cases that I have information on, if it had been a manipulative spirit, it can be quite troublesome once it finds a target. Like many of the "Demonic entities" that people write stories on, they will do anything just to let you know that they are there.

Well, to give you an advice, my grandmother used to say that when a person passes away, every pain they had will be gone. We shall not be sorrowful and shall let them go so that they can pass on, we have no right to keep them, but we shall never forget them. We shall smile for them and continue on to live on for them. Live the life they wanted for them and that is the love you can show them.

That really is the best that I can say about your situation, face the fact and do take good care of yourself and people around you. Cheers!

E.Lynx
Enlightened1959 (8 stories) (116 posts)
+2
1 month ago (2017-09-04)
My advice to you is pray. This spirit that was standing in your living room saying "Help me mamma" was not your sweet little Maggie. Maggie is in heaven with God. My guess is that it is a malevolent spirit. I am curious to know how your Maggie passed, what took her life... This would be a definite concern of mine for the safety of your baby. Again, your answer is prayer. Pray for God to surround your baby, and the rest of your family with a hedge of protection against all forces of evil.

Good luck

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