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To my Lost Siblings
I was born on 5th May after a very difficult pregnancy and an even more difficulty labour that nearly caused both, my mother's and my life. Mum still narrates every minute of it, with tears in her eyes, every chance she gets and I know that she still suffers every time she does.
Grandma (when still alive) would wait until the very end of the story to add, "who would have thought you would make it after all you've been through and having lost those two ones the previous year!"
From the moment I was old enough to understand the world around me, I felt very uncomfortable every time I heard about "those ones" but, seeing my mother torn, I didn't dare to ask anything further until I grew a little more and decided to confront both my mum and "nona"
Nona spoke, mum just listened and nodded. "The first time mummy had a baby in her tummy she lost it within a month. The second one, it was a boy. She lost that one when she was 4 months pregnant with it. But now, everything is ok cause you're here..."
"And where are those two?" I would ask to hear,"they are safe in heaven where God is taking care of them for us..."
Needless to say that "heaven" sounded scary to a restless child who refused to understand why we couldn't visit and even scarier as I realized the meaning of death at still a young age.
I would casually ask nona if those who pass on remain as they were in life and she, not thinking anything of it, would go on to reply "yes, of course". Even worse, I would never let on that I was ok with me seeing my brother but how was I supposed to tell her that, since my other sibling was not fully formed, I was terrified in the thought of looking at an embryo. (It might sound funny to me now but not when I was 7 or 8). So I would constantly have this feeling of not sleeping alone in bed but as I grew even older I blamed my childhood drama for it. I still think it was that and nothing else.
Having joined an exchange-student program, at the age of twenty, I find myself studying in Australia at LaTrobe University. I spent most of my free time hanging out with two of my younger cousins, three australian friends (we are still close), and Ghaa (an african girl who claimed to have had powers!) She would often try to get me involved in their seances and I would always avoid it, partly because I doubted her gift and, partly because she made me a little uneasy; besides, I couldn't be absolutely sure she was a fake. Finally, I gave in and joined them one night.
The moment she began explaining the procedure I felt it was a mistake. The woman was talking about unborn spirits not dead relatives of any sort. She was talking about guardian spirits who were called upon for protection but you needed a strong prayer to, first, be protected from the guardian? What was all that? I said I wanted out but since we were in an isolated area and couldn't go anywhere alone, she warned me that if I stayed outside the circle, she couldn't protect me. For all that, I finally stayed.
The seances began with her speaking in african and singing and making weird faces and at that point I began shaking with terror. She served as a medium through which the second spirit spoke and answered questions and every now and then someone would fall in some kind of trance I wouldn't buy and so I managed to slowly relax since it was too dramatic for my liking!
Then Ghaa would ask someone to leave the circle claiming the spirit had enough and would place that someone in another circle next to ours with some more prayers and such.
I was beginning to get a little impatient because time was passing and they wouldn't finish the "theatrical play" when she suddenly turned to me saying "the spirit now wants you". I knew I could ask a question after the spirit allowed it according to Ghaa and I was absolutely determined, first, to avoid stupid questions such as who's to die next and, second, questions that she would know the answers to, from my cousins.
I asked my "safe" questions such as "which country would be my next stop" or "will I ever return home" but suddenly began to feel unwell; the kind of feeling you get as if you have butterflies in your stomach, the ache in your bones, like you've caught a cold and then a bit of cold sweating. Ghaa's voice was heard like from a distance and I felt distracted by something unknown. A little afterwards, I began feeling better but I had the distinct feeling that something had escaped my attention. I usually get the same feeling when I have had an extra drink and I know I must have said something more than I should have.
When I recovered from what I thought to be a little dizziness, I found my youngest cousin's hand on mine but the seances was in progress in spite of my little incident, and another one was asking the questions.
Finally, the gathering ended with all of us exhausted and me being distressed.
Back home I was continuously asked if I was feeling better and I regained my courage to ask about the events that took place during my questioning. I was sure I had missed something but I wasn't sure what.
Helen, the youngest told me I suddenly looked very upset and said a few times "no, no, stop!" I then supposedly said "I'm on the 5th May, not June or January!"
Now May is the month I was born. I'm also sure June and January are the months my mother had both miscarriages. I don't and have not been able to remember myself saying any of these things, my cousins claim, as I am sure they couldn't have known from my mother.
I still try to think of it as pure coincidence but, just to be on the safe side that was the first and last time I ever participated in any such gatherings. I know that if my siblings are out there, they would have no reason to harm me so, if, I really mean if, this was the spirit talking, I now am sure it's not a benevolent one that I should ever encounter again!
Tammy
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God Bless,
BigPatti
God bless,
BigPatti
Concerning the dates now, yes I thought about it too. I might have heard them some time in my life before I don't really know.
If you can remember, did she raise her arms up to the well, ceiling in this case, towards all the corners of the room? You may not have understood the words she rambled, but when calling on that particular protection, you MUST face that direction and implore the Spirits to join and in doing so, you must face Them.
I do not recall. Did she burn the sacred herbs at all?
I ask these questions both out of curiosity and to ascertain whether the seance was, well, real. Yes, it was a real experience that you were involved in. But some of the things that you describe (and you did state in the story itself that she had "powers", so it feels as if you also had great doubts as to the validity of that fact itself.) suggest a different type of ritual, and not solely a seance. I am having difficulties in understanding why SHE would set up a separate circle, outside of the circle for people to go in for extra prayers and protection. It almost sounds like such a mixture of beliefs, one of them being voodoo, that it just makes me wonder...
There is the possibility that through the power of suggestion, or the burning of certain herbs, or in the partaking of specific foods or drinks, that you were all "duped" in an elaborate scheme to make herself appear more powerful to all present. When taking certain edibles in our bodies, they can often times suggest a sight that we do not actually achieve. In short, we may hallucinate, forming "proof" on her part that a connection was made.
Many people are desperate to communicate with those that we have loved and lost and unfortunately, there are those out there who will feed on that desire. They do not always just take our money, but they take our trust, our independence and our will to fight off the ones that should not still be around.
I was going to just pose the questions to you, but with the reading of your return comment, I felt I would need to explain where the questions came from and not just think through them on my own, before forming the opinion. My concern is that you, unknowingly, ingested something through one of your senses that would send you into a state of confusion that may or may not have aided in the revelation of the months that came to you. Perhaps you had heard the months while you were much younger and retained that information, unknowingly, until it was release on this night. IF some sort of stimuli was involved, that would explain the semi-consciousness that you were in at the time also (Were you UN-conscious, or SEMI conscious?).
Please do not think I am trying to say this story is not true, I would not do that. What I am merely trying to understand is the SETUP of the "ritual" and to attempt to answer your questions. I can not do that if I do not understand what transpired that night. I tend to ask my questions, before giving an idea or suggestion, it just must not have come across that way. Sorry for that.
Thank you.
whitebuffalo. Thanks for taking the time to read my stories.
To begin with, when I said "understand the world around me" I was referring to a child's microcosmos which envolves the tangible-material world around it and,later, one's place within a family and in the hearts of those who form it. Of course, as you grow older you come to realise that what you thought to be a comprehensible world is just a product of a very subjective reality and its true essence can be something quite different and far from what you can grasp.
As for the questions concerning the seance, there were two circles formed as she claimed. I distinctly recall some powder-like outline, objects made of wood and others made of hay I think. She had a pot filled with a sort of liquid(could have been water but then again it didn't look clear enough). I recall another item made of beads which she held and she also had another pot, a bigger one in which she had apparently burnt some kind of leaves.(Forgive my poor presentation but it's been ages and as you might have guessed I don't have any knowledge about or interest in seances of any kind). As for the trance-like state, the people involved were in a sleepy-like state quite calm but I wish I could say the same for her. She initially was calm but then she would go into this state where she would tremble and speak, using different tones and voices, some calmer than the others. Finally, I couldn't possibly know if she had called upon the 4 elements;half the time she was speaking in a native-african dialect as she later informed us.
I don't know, it looked like a theatrical play to me and a cheap one but it's this thing concerning the dates and me loosing consciousness that puzzles me.
I like the sentence that says "From the moment I was old enough to understand the world around me...
You make a very valid point in your story when you said that IF your siblings are out there, and not in the embracing arms of The Father, then they WOULD NOT cause you harm. Or discomfort (not intentionally, at least) and IF they had channeled their energy through you, you would have KNOWN, without any question, that these were of your family.
I wonder, at any time from the beginning of this experience, were drinks or food readily available for anyone who should choose to partake (or NEED to partake)? Were you afforded the opportunity to set up your OWN protection circle, within or on the outside of the circle she created? When seeking protection FROM the guardian(s) were they respectfully employed by this woman? Did she call on the four corners of the Earth for protection? When others slid into a trance, exactly WHAT was their body language like? (Were they agitated, relaxed, sorrowful?)
I have reasons for asking these questions, as I fear that perhaps the feeling you had that something was not quite right was unquestionably accurate.
Generally, if you FEEL something is not right as you leave a seance, then something IS NOT right. I personally do not think you were in contact with either of your siblings. I personally think that she had an elaborate "theatrical display" going on, but, I have too many questions about the procedure to emphatically state that.
Thank you.
Thanks
How frightening! I am so glad you did not go back and will stay away.
God Bless!
Thanks for taking the time to read my story and reply.
Unfortunately, I still don't quite remember what happened after I began feeling sick, and as for my cousins, they tell me I was furious as if someone was speaking to me. When I asked them what Ghaa was saying during this time, they said that she was all sweaty and talking in her native language. I have,once, confronted her about the incident and quess what! She said I was interfering too much and I nearly made her lose control of the situation! I have no idea,whatsoever,what she meant by that. I just kept my distance.
FRAWIN
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