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Am I Really Crazy?

 

If you read my story "Life Long Journey of Weird Experiences" you will know I mentioned something about strange occurrences that happened when I was a teen. I don't believe they're paranormal, but it was definitely something.

I've always been an angry person. I don't know why, but I used to be so cold and mean. If I didn't get my way, I thought everyone had to suffer too. I think most teenage kids think like that though. Well as you can imagine, people didn't always like me. I mostly fought with guys because they thought I would take their crap and I never did.

Around the age of 17, I would say certain things and they'd happen. It was very coincidental. My friends were freaked out by it. So they told me to pick someone, pick a date and a time and what was going to happen and we'll all see what happens. Well, I did and it happened. I think it involved some girl we didn't like, getting a speeding ticket or something to that nature-nothing bad. This girl, by the way, messed around with spells and whatnot. She was not a nice person.

Well, after that incident, I felt pretty "powerful" because of it. I had some "gift" that no one else had. At least that's how I thought of it then. (My views have changed A LOT since I was a kid) People would try and throw stuff at me when I wasn't looking and I would catch it. Like my reflexes were extra sensitive. Now, I know a lot of you are thinking "what is this girl on...?" I wouldn't believe it myself if someone told me this, but this stuff really happened. And I freaked a few people out because of it. It wasn't terrifying in any way, just weird. I think my best friend, when she'd tell people about it, they beefed it up some as well.

Back to the anger issue, when I would get mad I would wish bad things to happen to people-nothing fatal, but something significant. Now, I don't remember exactly what I wished to happen, because I did this a lot. My anger created a playing field for my so-called "gift".

Could it have been a coincidence? I don't know.

Well, little did I know that it would be a heavy burden on me. I was always sick and my depression just got worse and worse. I began hating myself and pushing my friends away. I was very destructive. At the time, I didn't realize any of it was connected, but I know now that it was.

Now, even though I still believe this has something to do with our minds. I can't help but wonder why things came back to me. Was it karma, maybe? I strongly believe in mind over matter. Our brains are very powerful, but most of us use very little of it. I guess some people can activate some weird powers our brains have. I don't know. I think it's possible for anyone to will something to happen. It happens all the time.

Most of us don't even realize it.

After a few years, I finally had to convince myself to stop wishing such negative things on people. It never made me feel any better. Negativity can bring you down really low. I've been there many times and don't wish to go back there. The only demons I've faced are my own.

Another weird incident happened when I was like 18, I believe. My friend, her boyfriend, his friend and I all went to see Independence Day. On our way to the theatre, a man was leaving as we were coming. Things began to move in slow motion for me. I had locked eyes with this man. I had no idea who he was. And he said, "God?" and I replied back with, "No, I'm not God..." and then things were in real time because I heard my friends laughing. And the dude looked at me confused and said he had asked me if I was okay or something. It was strange.

We still laugh about that to this day, but I can't understand why that happened. What was its significance? Was I hallucinating? Did my mind go nuts?

I don't know. Things like that still happen sometimes, but I ignore them because I know people think I'm crazy.

This next one may be paranormal or my mind was playing tricks on me. I mentioned the depression earlier in this story. I didn't start medicating myself until I was 25. I was against drugs (apparently, not marijuana) for a large part of my life, but by the time I was 25, I had gone to a dark place and couldn't come out of it. I saw a doctor and he put me on anti-depressants. It made me catatonic, so I stopped using them. So he put me on something else. It didn't help me, in fact, I felt worse.

Well, I don't want to admit this, but I tried to end my life one night after days and days of continuous crying and self-loathing. I failed, thankfully and I spent a week in the psych ward. The doctors really didn't tell me anything. They were very rude, actually. The nurses were nice and so were the counsellors they had on staff for group meetings we all had to attend 3 times a day. I did not know what drugs they were making me take, but they made me extremely tired and groggy when I had to wake up. So I was in this stoned-like state a lot.

The last day I was there, I woke up at 5 in the morning. I looked around and it was pitch black and I was a bit groggy. I lied back down and tried to go back to sleep. A little bit later, I felt someone sit on the bed with me. And these are those thermal hospital beds that have air in them, so if someone sits on the corner, the other side will raise some. So something sat on the bed and I thought it was my mother who came early to pick me up. I opened my eyes and no one was there. I was a bit freaked out, so I went and talked to one of the nurses in the nurse's station and she told me to try to go to sleep. I was still out of it, so I did what she said.

When it was time to check out, the doctor came in there and gave me prescriptions for 2 anti-depressants (one with anti-anxiety) and a schizophrenic drug called Seroquel. At the time, I didn't know its purpose. Well I get home and I kept seeing black objects in the corner of my eyes move. I'd wake up from sleeping and see spiders coming down towards my head from their webs. AND I HATE SPIDERS. I was freaking out! I went online and tried to see what the side effects of these drugs were and that's when I found out about Seroquel. I immediately stopped taking it and the side effects eventually stopped.

Has anyone else had problems with anti-depressants and other such drugs? Did the drugs make me believe someone sat on my bed?

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, iamnoone, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

carys (2 stories) (16 posts)
 
8 years ago (2009-11-05)
hello,
I know exacley how you feel... I am young and someimes I can't sleep because I have dreams... I call them visions now... I told my ecs teacher she would get pregnant... Then one day she asked me something and it blurted out of my mouth that she was pregnant... And she was... Th efreaky thing is is she opens up to me now and I have a very strong connection with her... I then predicted the sex, weight and date of her baby/birth. And it was correct...
miri_chan (6 stories) (69 posts)
 
8 years ago (2009-11-05)
My doctor wanted me to take seroquel once but I'm completely against taking any pills so I didn't. I read a book once and the guy kept seeing 'spiders' as a side effect from the pills and withdrawal symptoms drugs (illegal ones).
So the spiders were definitely imagined but I'm not sure about the bed. I don't know that much about the pill but I do know that lots of them have hallucination side effects.
Thealoneone (1 stories) (77 posts)
 
8 years ago (2009-11-05)
This power... It is amazing... Don't let go of it... Let it become you... Bind yourself to it...

You posses a power not many have, to make things happen, like mind over matter, but REAL matter. Never leave it, and get off those drugs! The drugs are just a wall for your powers, a sort of barricade, leave the drugs, go back to your natural self!

The Alone One.
iamnoone (2 stories) (18 posts)
 
9 years ago (2009-06-01)
To bellejardine & dreamergal72:

Thanks that's helpful. I don't feel so crazy now. I no long take the anti-psychotics anymore because of those issues, though! Thanks for your input. <3
bellejardine (3 posts)
 
9 years ago (2008-10-18)
I wake up and see things, and I have searched for other experiences on the web like mine. Strangely enough, it is common to wake up and see red or black spiders. It is the blood in the veins of your eyeball, spidery little veins. Good Luck
dreamergal72 (6 stories) (793 posts)
 
9 years ago (2008-08-19)
WOw Yeah I take anixtley Discorder Pill call paxil and I have to take it cause of my mood like depression, angry etc any mood in me. Yeah I know what you talk about someone sit on your bed I get the same way about walk on my bed for me I figure it was a ghost cat.
faerielike (15 stories) (268 posts)
 
9 years ago (2008-06-19)
As a matter of fact, bi-polar runs in my family, and they have had some serious issues with drugs resulting from. I don't have it thank God, but I have family members who do. Now, I took Paxil as anti-anxiety to quit smoking, and I flew off the handle! I was not myself, and did crazy things! It eventuially made me suicidal and I said forget this and weined off of it. I have heard of people commiting suicide on Paxil. Also, two of my family members took Wellbutrin (sp?) to quit smoking. For both of them everything was great at first, then they both went nuts! One tried to throw themselves out of a moving vehicle on a few occasions, and would have screaming and crying episodes, and the other would throw temper tantrums and only threaten to commit suicide. And might I add, none of these drugs got any of us to quit smoking!
Also, after the stess of being in an institution, or the drugs, you could have gone through a brief period of psychosis. It isn't uncommon. My grandmother went through it when they didn't change her meds after she had lost a lot of weight. She hallucinated like crazy! No pun intended! But she was seeing people in trees, and hearing voices in the ventilation system.
Prescription drugs can do some serious stuff.
I hope all goes well with you, and you find peace.
Sincerely,
Steph ❤ ❤
whitebuffalo (guest)
 
9 years ago (2008-06-19)
Our negative thoughts and emotions can and do do some amazing things. If a person has an all consuming anger, their "powers" can seem to intensify. Coincidences seem a bit more prominent, and there really MAY NOT be any connection at all. Save for the THOUGHT that "would it not be nice if this person got sued by their landlord for too much water usage?"
I know that looking at the history of these thoughts, and the effects of your thoughts, there seems to be TOO MANY coincidences and that would appear to lend credence to the idea that there is something a bit "extra" about your mind that creates a force field of majic that makes things happen.
I honestly feel that these are simply coincidental occurrences.
Seroquel is an anti-psychotic medication. It works by changing the actions of chemicals in the brain. Seroquel is used to treat the symptoms of psychotic conditions such as schizophrenia and bipolar disorder (manic depression). As with any mind altering medication, it may CAUSE a person to have thoughts about suicide when they first start taking this antidepressant, and SOME of the side effects are fever, stiff muscles, confusion, sweating, fast or uneven heartbeats, uncontrolled muscle movements, symptoms that come on suddenly such as numbness or weakness, severe headache, and problems with vision, speech, or balance.
To MIX this medication with another one that was for ANXIETY, the two of them may possibly CONTRADICT one another. In fact, it is highly probable. And IN THAT, they will CANCEL each other out.
In short, your PERCEPTION of reality is altered while under the use of these medications.

I DO feel that you have a powerful mind. I DO think that you have an ability to perform many GOOD deeds with your mind, you only need to see how to control it. For instance, have you ever tried to wish extreme HAPPINESS on someone? I think THAT would be the ultimate test in your abilities.
Thank you.
Hunters (guest)
 
9 years ago (2008-06-18)
Dear jamnoone,
i got a lot of anger issues too because of watching too much anger funny shows. I'm made that way if I got into trouble my friends would so help me get back on track no matter how hard I try to lose them or push them away.
Truly Hunters

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