For starters I am a 27 year old female a workaholic to the core which might explain why I chose to be single not to mention my past relationship which was drastic. Ever since that I stay to myself with my daughter and had no plans or intentions to ever date, see or be with anyone. Especially, since I don't trust anyone around my child. I was raised to believe and respect the other side if you will.
Ever since I was little I used to see things that from what I recall I wasn't scared but I knew it wasn't normal. I've had people close to me pass and I grieved and eventually moved on. I remember seeing a shadow of a man, I never saw a face but somehow I knew he was old.
I kept it to myself until one day my little sister said she used to see things. We started talking one day and I found out I wasn't the only one that saw "things". She would freak out though and go into panic attacks. I guess she got used to it. One day we told mom and dad. My dad used to tell us not to be afraid to ask "it" questions. I never worked up the nerve. I saw it and it saw me and that was that.
I stopped seeing things for a bit but about 10 months ago I had started talking to someone who really caught my interest. My new friend and I we would talk for hours at times and even started having feelings for him. Our situation was complicated (he had just got out and got deported and couldn't come back to the U.S). He didn't live far from the border so we started making plans for me to come down and visit. One of the last conversations we had he asked, "why can't I be with you? I wish I would've met you a long time ago." and I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind "maybe in another life". He said, "why would you say that?" I couldn't explain why I said it but a sudden unexplainable feeling of sadness partook within me. I remember I was on the verge of tears I actually hung up with him and couldn't explain what I was feeling. I thought to myself, "Oh my God I'm falling for him", but it was something else. I couldn't explain it, but I knew it was something else.
The next day I was planning on visiting my brother in Waco and I told him I would call him to talk on my way up there. Anyways I stayed on the phone talking to my friend. After about 5 hours of being on the phone we decided to take a break and text each other. We did this for about 45 minutes. Next thing you know he stopped answering. I figured he fell asleep but in the morning I called him like we had agreed and no answer. I told my sister-in-law I have this funny feeling something is wrong or something is going to happen. She never likes it when I say that because its always true.
After the whole day went by and no answer my mind started racing a mile a minute. Long story short he was kidnapped and murdered with his brother. When I found out my world crumbled. I contacted his family to find out for sure. Through a social network his cousin confirmed and a few mutual friends as well. This was in September. I light candles for them and pray for them. My mom used to tell me spirits can hear you if you talk to them so I started talking to him, distraught at times. I've asked him for signs that he's ok, that I'm sorry for what happened, and one day I just broke down and cried until I couldn't cry any more for the day at least. All of the sudden it popped in my head "maybe in another life". I froze and that sadness kicked in once again.
I told him he would always hold a special place in my heart. I also told him I wanted to know if he was ok. I didn't care how long it took or how he told me but once he told me that I would know. About 2 months ago I talked with his cousin, out of the blue she messaged me. Her message was short "I had a dream last night and I saw them. It felt so real. I saw him and his brother walk in the house and the first thing they said was "we're home" we got lost for little bit but we're home we're ok". She and I have never met but she said she felt she had to tell me. I let out a nervous laugh when I read the message because I knew he was answering my question.
Sometimes I talk to him and in my head I hear his voice. I don't know if I'm imagining this. At one point I told myself quit it Jess or people are going to think you're a nut case. So I talk to him when I'm alone, in my car, or just plain alone and sometimes one of his favorite songs will come on or I'll see something that reminds me of him.
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