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Since it is pertinent to my experience I must share some personal themes.

My husband and I were married December 2001. We waited a whole year to decide to try for a child. At this point I was already 29, so better now. Well, we had a hard time conceiving. When I did get positive results I always miscarried very early. I went to the doctor's, specialists, had medical tests and all of that.

Once it became clear that it wasn't happening I suggested we started the adoption process. The adoption process is a challenging time. Reams of paper work. Reams of character references. Criminal Record Checks. Medical check ups. Courses. Inspection of our home. It took just over a year until we were even eligible to adopt.

I am trying to paint a picture of the length of time and work we put into trying to become parents. It wasn't coming easy to us and it wasn't nearly as fun as it could be.

Once the adoption business side of things were done, we waited. Possibilities came and went. Here in our part of the world, the birth mothers choose the parents that their child will go to. Years later in 2007, we finally got the call. We were picked by a birth mom! We met her a few times. Exchanged letters. Made plans.

She went into labour and we did the near 8 hour drive to her town. We met the perfect baby, talked with the mom, nurses, social worker. Even talked with the grandmother and the birth father. Things were a bit icy and awkward but we were excited.

We got a call from the social worker the next morning as we were in a hotel. We were to pick up the baby the next day. She said the birth father refused to sign his child over (mostly based on our race, but that is another discussion). The social worker insisted we take the baby. I was terrified and already had a huge cry over the situation. I felt that this experience was headed for disaster.

We had the baby for nearly a full month. Anyone who has cared for a new born knows that everything in life now revolves around this new life. Nearly a whole month. Then we got a call. The mother had changed her mind. Our baby was being taken away from us.

I was absolutely devastated. I couldn't finish the phone call. I dropped the phone. I was hyperventilating. Screaming. Crying. The social worker kept talking and talking. My husband took the line. Somehow I ended up on the other side of the house on the floor sobbing and crying. I just kept chanting I can't, I can't, I can't. I was hysterical.

And suddenly I felt someone lift me up into a sitting position. I looked up and my husband was a good five feet away from me still on the phone. I literally felt someone holding me. I wasn't scared but I was shocked into silence. Then I heard a voice say, "You can."

We did. We had to. It was the law. It hurt so much. It is now 2015 and I still think of that little one every freaking day.

And one year later we had our own miracle baby.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Blue_Daisy, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

nattydreada (1 stories) (8 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-14)
As a person who has spent the last year and a half working tirelessly at the adoption of 3 siblings (also of a different race), I relate to your struggle and strife. Blessings and support.
Swan (2 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-13)
Thank you for sharing this lovely story - though it didn't start out that way, but ended well! I'm so happy for you two with a miracle baby of your own. ❤

I think this story is well deserved to be here. It's not very often we get to read experiences that have that loving touch at the end. ❤ 😊
Blue_Daisy (3 stories) (4 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-12)
Thank you everyone. Tears came as I read your comments. I wasn't sure if the story was appropriate here but I wanted to share. I hope it does help somehow.
DonutIsBack (12 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-11)
This is very emotional story and I feel to cry after reading it
Congratulations for your baby
Mimi81 (203 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-10)
Blue Daisy,
Your story made me cry, but it also reminded me that love is eternal. Someone on the other side is watching over you with love.
H2olily (5 stories) (157 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-10)
What a wonderful account... A baby wanted and loved by so many! Wouldn't it be terrible to give up your baby and no going back? Instead, a happy ending for all!
teriland1 (3 stories) (8 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-10)
Thank you for sharing Blue Daisy! I think in times of our greatest distress our guardian angels will step in. I think yours did and knew what joy was coming for you! I remember once, feeling so low and crying over yet another fight with my ex-husband...a vioce, not my own, said inside of my head "Why do you continue to base your happiness on what Brad does or says?" That voice was right... Brad is long gone:)
RedWolf (31 stories) (1292 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-10)
I was crying when I read your story. It is a beautiful story. Like Miracles I was writing my comment and couldn't find the words to say.
Miracles51031 (39 stories) (4999 posts) mod
7 years ago (2015-08-10)
Blue_Daisy - I had composed my comment and realized there are no words to express how I feel. So I deleted it and began again. Thank you for sharing this with us. Maybe it will give someone else hope ❤
DandelionQueen (4 stories) (24 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-10)
Blue Daisy,

Thank you for sharing your very personal and moving story. I am so sorry that this terrible thing happened to you. As a parent too, I cannot begin imagine the grief that you and your husband must have experienced. I too have a "voice" that has occasionally spoken to me at significant moments - have you encountered your's at any other point in your life, either before or after this happened?
Wardo (8 stories) (171 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-10)
Blue Daisy,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It must have been difficult to write this, after living through it. I am very happy that you have your own beautiful miracle baby! It still doesn't quite erase the torment of having a child that was rightfully yours taken away. I really felt pain while reading your story, but I hope it all works out in the end for you. God bless your family, and the best to you.
valkricry (47 stories) (3206 posts) mod
7 years ago (2015-08-09)
Blue _Daisy,
I read your story last night, but could not find my words. Unfortunately, biological parents changing their minds about adoption happens - sometimes right after birth, sometimes months or even years later. Sometimes, in our depths of despair and need added strength comes from somewhere. Have you heard that same voice either before or since?
Did it sound or 'feel' familiar?
Thank you for sharing such a personal experience, I know it probably wasn't easy, but I hope it was a bit cathartic for you too.
Johnny_Blart (24 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-09)
Blue Daisy:
This is just an amazing story... Its so emotional that anyone can cry after reading it. And of course, its written pretty well. I am happy that you have finally got your own baby and Congratulations for that 😁

I think that it might be your guardian angel who is supporting you. And also please tell me if the sound was male or female?
Blue_Daisy (3 stories) (4 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-09)
Thank you everyone for you kind comments.

As to the question about the voice, I would say female. And I have speculated it was a grandmother.

I have had one other clear experience that I haven't shared yet. I am not ready to. The other experience besides is posted here somewhere.

Thank you. I am glad I could share this story.
lady-glow (13 stories) (2955 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-08)
Blue_Daisy: this is such a sad story... With a happy ending.
I can only imagine the pain you went through and hope the baby's parents are as good to her/him as you and your husband were.
Thanks for sharing.
Manafon (4 stories) (74 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-08)
Blue Daisy--Your story is very moving. You and your husband went through an emotional roller coaster. I am curious what the voice sounded like? Was it a male or female or maybe the voice of a deceased family member?

Thanks for sharing your experience.
Hecate0 (4 stories) (418 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-08)
Blue Daisy, I just love your story! Thank you so much for sharing. Your writing is beautiful, and had me with you in your anguish, aptly titled. I feel my guides near me, who have helped me on numerous occasions. Yours clearly helped in your dark hour.

Congratulations on your own beautiful child! It seems your helper might have known something nice was coming...

Thank you for sharing.

msforgetmenott (17 stories) (316 posts)
7 years ago (2015-08-08)
Blue Daisy,
What a beautifully written painful experience. Life can be so hard at times and at other times, so rewarding.
It would be my guess, someone from beyond really loves you, but only shows up when badly needed. And you needed that touch of encouragement. Is this the only time something like that ever happened?
I too remember revolving my life around an infant's needs. I am so happy you were able to do that for keeps with your miracle.

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