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He Forgave Me


I was extremely close to my grandfather when I was younger. As things started getting progressively worse than what they were between my biological father and my mother, my grandfather was someone I really looked up to as a father figure. He was extremely wise, straightforward, and despite his difficulty expressing affection (hugs, kisses), if you were a person he truly cared for and loved, he'd find a way to let you know every day. We're very much alike, so that was never a problem and one of the reasons why I think we got along well enough to never have at least one argument.

Anyway, we were always together. I won't sugarcoat this, so heads up. Due to the fact that my grandmother is a great pain in the *ss, after a few years my mother decided enough was enough and none of us blamed her. With even my grandfather's understanding, we moved away, and soon it had been about 10 or so years since I last saw him and phone calls were as close as we got. I traveled and stayed with them for a month after we found out they moved out of the states, my mom and her mother seemed to patch things up then and I've never been happier to see him again.

That's where I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I was ecstatic to see him again after so long, but I admit I didn't spend enough time with him as I should have. When he passed away, of course, that's when it caught up to me. I felt extreme sadness, and guilt. I'm not much of a religious person, but not a day went by where I didn't wonder what he thought of me. I don't know why, but I never actually thought of him as "gone" and I usually blamed it on my grieving, which angered me because I knew it wasn't something he'd like, so I did my best to forget about him.

Two years went by and almost every day I still found myself thinking about him and wondering if he would forgive me for not taking the chance when I had him right in front of me after 10 or so years. I wondered if he knew I still loved him.

Long story short, I had a shiat ton of questions. That was until one night, I had a weird dream where I visited him when he was admitted in the hospital. I knew he was dead in my dream, and something told me he did too, but we never pointed it out. In my dream, he looked completely fine despite him being in a hospital bed. He even moved his legs and arms (the left side of his body was paralyzed). We had a great time, playing card and board games, we laughed and over all just had a fantastic time, and never mentioned his death. I didn't even ask why he was there, I just took the time when I had him there. I woke up feeling refreshed and happy after years.

I actually dreamed with him again this morning, I was writing him a letter for some reason. I can't remember what I was writing, but when I woke up, I felt as if he was with me, and for a split second I completely forgot he was dead. It's very strange, and for some reason I feel like this is his way of telling me he forgives me. Or am I still grieving harder than I thought?

If anyone has experienced something similar, or has any suggestions, I'd be happy to read them. Thanks for reading my story.

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Comments about this paranormal experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Kodah, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Kodah (1 stories) (4 posts)
8 years ago (2016-03-23)

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't believe you just explained some of the exact same things I felt without me even putting them up there. I know it's not an easy thing to go through, I'm still banging my head over it. I am extremely greatful to find someone I can relate to 100% in a situation like this one, and I wish you all the strength to find peace. I'm still looking for answers, but I can totally tell you loved your mom, and I am sure she knew that and that she loved you more than anything as well.

I wish you the best of luck, I really don't have the words to explain how greatful I am for your comment. Thank you so, so much.
rynne (69 posts)
8 years ago (2016-03-22)
Dear Kodah, I am so thankful to you for sharing your experience and your loving bond with your grandfather. I coule connect so well with what you write here. My mother whom I love very very much passed away in my presence. She was an amazing, wonderful, strong woman full of joy and optimism. I feel disabled without her. She was my strength, she was my motivation to do all that I looked forward to doing in life.

The last few days I was with her when she was unwell, I lost my cool a couple of times, once she also had tears in her eyes. But we patched up. With a matter of days, she passed away very suddenly. I haven't been able to cry. I keep wondering, like you did, if she forgives me. I wonder if she is disappointed in me. If I made her proud... I "talk" to her, asking her, dad to continue to guide me. And to forgive me for snapping. I did not realize how much it was on my own mind, until I read your 3rd paragraph. I feel *exactly* the same way, word to word. I was just sitting here, thinking how she would be disappointed to know I am involved, but completely disengaged with life, when everything she did, she filled it with joy... I am so very glad you have your peace regarding him now! And thank you once again for sharing a bit of your precious experiences too.

Warm regards and peace ❤
Kodah (1 stories) (4 posts)
8 years ago (2016-03-20)
Thank you for your comment, Rook. I didn't know that, but it's really nice to hear. 😊
rookdygin (24 stories) (4458 posts)
8 years ago (2016-03-19)
There is a Theory that 'speaks' towards our passed loved ones visiting us in our dreams...

The basic premise is this: When a deceased loved one visits us in our dreams it means they have 'crossed over' the veil, completely 'crossed over' and have been able to return and comfort those who need that 'extra' reassurance that they are ok.

The time between or before the final crossing 'may' be spent on things like 'unfinished business' or maybe there was just a LONG QUE to cross over 😉.

Whatever the 'real case' may be its wonderful that he has comforted you in your dreams, thanks for sharing.


Kodah (1 stories) (4 posts)
8 years ago (2016-03-18)
I'm very sorry for your loss, Tania.

It doesn't sound strange, it actually sounds pretty nice to know she might still be hanging around. Maybe she feels the same about you.

Good luck on the picture getting approved, and thank you very much.

coolan (1 stories) (11 posts)
8 years ago (2016-03-17)
I know exactly how you feel. My gran passed a couple of years ago and I had this overwhelming guilt that the night she passed I never kissed her. I kissed her every day apart from that day due to a relative my family dislike being in the room. I beat myself up about it so much, but I can feel her around me all the time. As strange as that sounds I feel like she isn't gone. She even showed herself to us in a picture (awaiting this being approved on this site) I believe your grandfather just wants you to know your loved and he is at peace. He wants you to be at peace too.

Hugs Tania
Kodah (1 stories) (4 posts)
8 years ago (2016-03-17)
I understand that completely. It's a situation I'm slowly overcoming and I know sooner or later I'll be able to accept it better. Thank you, RCRuskin. 😊
RCRuskin (9 stories) (820 posts)
8 years ago (2016-03-17)
Grieving is a very individual process, as any psychologist or psychiatrist will tell you.

Don't be afraid to cry, if that is what your emotions tell you to do, for his passing.

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