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What Am I


It's been awhile since I last visited this page.

Let me start by asking what I am, or rather, who I am suppose to be. You see, the last year has been a year of self reflection. Needless to say the more I learned about myself, the more questions arise.

For as long as I can remember, I've always been a little different. I use to associate this with being adopted, and in being so I'm more empathetic than the average person.

But, lately in beginning to think there is more to it than that.

I am not suppose to be alive. At birth, I essentially died grasping for air, struggling with the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. My face purple, swollen from the lack of oxygen, my body stiff. I have always been told I'm a fighter.

A few years ago, I died. Body seized, cold and heart stopped. Flatlined... For 2 minutes.

I do not recall a light, nor do I recall hearing voices as I often hear from those with near death experiences. Maybe because I actually died? What I do remember is the feeling of peace. Peace with the muted world around me, with my life. A feeling of euphoria that is ever so fleeting. I miss it every day.

It is easy for me to pick up on people's emotions. As easily, I can manipulate. I've hurt many people in the past because of this. And just as easily, I can feel as clear as I can see.

Believe me when I tell you, if you're ever feel like youre being watched, it's a good chance you are. If you're ever feeling like you're not alone, more likely than not you aren't.

I have vivid dreams of deceased family and friends. In one extreme was a dream of my then girlfriend's father. I haven't the pleasantries of meeting the man nor seen a picture of him. She never really spoke of him much, other than to say she misses him.

I was sleeping over because the night before she had an experience with sleep paralysis. She wasn't able to move her body and felt as though someone was on top of her so she asked me to come over the next night. As I was drifting off there was a woosh right before I entered REM. I was in a restaurant, sitting with a gentlemen dressed in grey slacks, grey sports jacket with hair grey and parted under his hat. We were sitting at a white table for two and he handed me a chicken drumstick. We didn't speak we just sat at the table staring out the restaurant through the glass onto the busy Chinatown streets.

I woke up the next morning with my girlfriend asking me to take her get some chicken for lunch. That weirded me out, so I told her about my dream and she looked at me with tears in her eyes, got up and showed me a picture of herself as a five year old with the man in my dream. He always took her to get drumsticks Saturday mornings.

Another significant dream I had occurred a few weeks ago. My grandfather passed away when I was 9, he visits me occasionally in my dreams. Each visit after would give me a fever for a few days to a week. And my little cousin who drowned a few years back, visits me a couple times a year, leaves no ill effects afterwards. My uncle, murdered a year prior to my cousins drowning visited me 3 times and like my cousin will not have an ill effect.

This time was different. I dreamt I was swimming, and suddenly there was a tugging on my leg. Shocked I looked down the crystal blue lake to see both my cousin and uncle grabbing on to it. We locked eyes and they began to drag and pull. I kicked and screamed trying to stay afloat. Struggling with everything I had. My fiance heard me screaming in my sleep and felt me kicking and squirming. She threw off our blanket and began to shake me to wake me up. I was trembling with both fear and the sheer cold from the water in my dreams. Goosebumps covered my body, shivering and shaking uncontrollably. I woke up, in utter pain and cold. My leg was cramping, I told my fiance... My leg it's cramping, my words coming out stuttered from the cold. She turned on the lights to look at my leg and slowly she saw bruising as if my leg was grabbed. She freaked out and screamed out your leg is bruised wtf. I looked down still shaking and sure enough saw hand prints correlating to my dream.

All my life I have dreams. I can easily feel what others feel, and the feelings effecting my own. I've been told it's a gift by our shaman. Death made me more in tuned with the spirits of the dead and,living. To me though, it's a burden...

Again I ask what am I, who am I suppose to be. I've been called the devil by families and experience girlfriends. I've also been called gifted.

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KikiGirl (8 stories) (207 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-10)
Hi callmeD, thanks for responding to my comment.
I read your comment about how, you reach a point where you feel vulnerable and forced to familiarize yourself with the spirits around you, and then you perform a ritual whereafter the activity dies down for a bit, only for the point to be reached again where something is bothering you.

My family was never honest with me about having witch blood and despite all of the ways they tried to camouflage my/our heritage, it was all but useless. "The truth will out," is what people say.
Sometimes, it is something that is looking for our attention and when it receives it, the activity intermittently stops. You did say that your Grandmother watches over you. She could be seeking you out, purely because your are her grandchild.
And, sometimes when you try and bury your gifts so deep inside of you, and you think ignoring them will work, they tend to POP-OUT! Unexpectedly, and reveal consequential and inconsequential things to you.
Temilicious (7 stories) (99 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-09)
Some things in life never cease to amaze me, I just read your comment about The OA- I literally just finished downloading the first three episodes. FASCINATING that you should mention it. I wonder how my reaction to it is going to be then mmmh. Cool Coincidence.

I wasn't sure if my comment would help you in any way; am glad it kind of did. This one is more about trying to go backwards, that's sometimes the only way we can move forward.

...okay, so, like yours our stories are not written down at all, you guys had calligraphy (which is absolutely beautiful) and we used to etch ours on drums (drums are very sacred in Africa), or it was passed down through word of mouth. Unfortunately colonialism and apartheid in our country has destroyed a lot of our culture, it also seems to be dying out now which saddens me.

Is there no other person whether it be a neighbour or elder who shares the same surname or is of your father's tribe? They don't have to be related to you (I understand why you want to distance yourself from your father and will respect that, but maybe you can ask your cousins for your grandparents and great-grandparents names. If they have passed on then they too are now your ancestors).
We believe that anyone from the same clan as you, whether related by blood or not, shares the same ancestors. So I can go to a person who isn't related to me, but has the same clan name, because their ancestors are my ancestors. Does that make sense? At the same time, you can also use your adopted families ancestors because you are now their child as well. When a child gets adopted into a family, it's not just the living, but also the dead that must take responsibility for that child. Your adopted dad is a God sent just by the way.

From what I've gathered from my elders is, when you perform rituals to appease them, they don't really do anything to take your gift/curse away (they can't because it is from a Power much Higher than them). They can help subdue it so as to give you time to accept your gift/curse, then it all comes back. It always comes back.

Why haven't you tried Rook's method yet? Try it and see what happens, wait, what is it? I'd love to know cause his like a walking encyclopedia of knowledge when it comes to these things. I can't live without sage. I don't burn it every night, only when I feel the shadows lengthening.

A lot of people I know turn to Christianity to stop their gifts, they say it has worked for them, I don't know. To each man his own.

I suggest you do some family history digging- about the Tribal/Clan names that is. Don't know if you'll be able to without having to go directly to your dad. Your mom n adopted families ancestors can help you, but they won't be as strong as your biological father's.

NOTE: am just speaking from my knowledge and experience hey. I don't claim to know it all or say that what I am saying is right, but it's worth a shot. You've got nothing to lose. Once I learned my ancestors names and started reciting them when burning my candles and asking for clarity, it felt like a veil was lifted from my face. I now ask them to help me see better when faced with something I can't understand.
The ghosts and shadows are just either nuisances or bonuses that come with the package.

I hope you understand what I've written here cause I don't think I understand it myself. It's hard speaking about these things like this. 😉
Tweed (33 stories) (2475 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-09)

I remember your Childhood Curse post, and I remember a discussion, or more a warning, about handing over money to scams. I realise there are different practices in different cultures, but if you ever find yourself in a position where you're handing over more money than you can afford, stop it immediately.
With regard to appearing less 'shiny', hehe that's a neat way to put it, if you still have those emails from Rook have another read over them. Shielding techniques are geared for just that, having certain psychic abilities doesn't mean you have to be overwhelmed by other peoples emotions.

As for 'The OA', I had to look it up. One critic wrote: 'an admirably ambitious letdown' 😆 While others noted lack luster character development and pretentious dialogue lol. But all up the general vibe from most reviews was 'good'. Either way fiction can't be relied upon for supplying completely relateable story lines, particularly with anything paranormal.
But I can relate to being angered by fiction. I had to stop watching a show called Broadchurch because the transition scenes dragged on for ages with boring score music. I like slow paced shows but those transitions and montages were very distracting, like a parody of itself. I ended up making fun of it instead. 😆 It's a great show otherwise, maybe a shame I'm so easily disgruntled.
I think when stupid things like this really annoy us it means they're serving another purpose. For me those long transitions spelled all kinds of artistic and financial woes, like having to stretch a 4 part story into 6 or so episodes. Or a poor sense of pace, or just lazy editing. Whatever the reasons for those ridiculously drawn out transitions, they inspired fear in me, the fear of mediocrity.
Although I don't know The OA, I can only imagine having something so personal trivialised or misrepresented in fiction would be absolutely infuriating.
There are freelance researchers who document near death experiences. Their findings are very varied from person to person. But one thing which remains constant throughout is the reported sense of euphoria and/or calm. Maybe your reaction to it was also a way for you to process what you went through. Or maybe it was just a really crappy show, also possible!
callmeD (3 stories) (24 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-09)
To quote... Take power from a word, and the word will be your prison. You've got a talent and such is your fate; but what you do with it will determine your destination. Be who you are - not who you say yourself to be, but who you are.

Beautifully written.

Tweed- projecting my emotions onto others. I've thought of this. Majored in psychology wanting to be a psychologist. Thanks, and I take no offense. I'm not here looking phasing for answers I want to hear. Just thought I'd come and share my experience and gain insight.
callmeD (3 stories) (24 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-09)
Ravajane, thank you for the link.
As I mentioned above I recently saw the show the OA on netflix. It talked about near death experiences too.
I don't remember going to any place, smelling anything or seeing anyone. I just remember my vision blurring, the world around me fading in bright white. Not a light, not darkness.
I remember distinctly the feeling of euphoria.
callmeD (3 stories) (24 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-09)
My jaw literally dropped when you said I can make myself less shiny.
That's exactly what adoptive father did for himself when he was in his thirties. They did a ceremony that according to our culture ward ourselves from spirits. There's a light, like a beacon on our forehead that attracts spirits, demons or otherwise. And said eventually I'll need to so the same ceremony...
I just don't want them to waste anymore money on me to try and figure out or get rid of whatever it is that's following me...
callmeD (3 stories) (24 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-09)
Thank you. I try to do the same. Just living and letting things happen as they do.

Temelicious, I read your profile and you describe yourself as a dreamer... I absolutely loved that wording. I wish I can have clarity of what I am.
I dream of family members, of strangers... Some with messages some leaving a faint smell behind. Others I can't seem to remember for days to weeks.
I can also feel emotions from people... And I think people instinctly gravitated towards me because of this and confide in me.
callmeD (3 stories) (24 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-09)
Tweed, I'm on board with you about near death experiences and the connection to "gifts"

I don't claim to have abilities or having obtained it through near death experiences.

The only thing I know for sure is when I died, or before I blacked out and flatlined I remember the feeling of peace and euphoria. That taste of pure calm... I hope to replicate sometime during my lifetime

Recently I saw The OA on netflix. A show a friend recommended me watching and it angered me in a way no show has ever lol.
callmeD (3 stories) (24 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-09)
Wow, thank you all for the overwhelming support and feedback. Sorry it took me so long to reply back and apologies if I don't get back to everyone on a timely manner. I'm currently on my phone.
Special thanks to Temilcious.
It's hard for me to call this a gift or a curse. I've always tried to remain logical and as rational as possible.
I try and ignore it and live as normal as possible. I've been so good at it the last few years that the shadow I use to see standing outside my room door doesn't bother me as much anymore. It's still there but I could care less about it. I've grown to not fear death, nor the supernatural or spirits, ghost demons whatever it is you want to call these entities. I've conditioned myself since childhood that if anything wanted to harm me it would do so.
I've been scared emotionally and mentally many times before, a couple I've never fully recovered from, but never did an experience left a physical mark on me until the last dream of being dragged into the water. (My worse fear is drowning).
It's funny... I don't know much of my culture, we are slowly dying. I know the very little of the spiritual culture, and even less of the history. Much like my family. I've always associated my family life with my racial background. Both of which I know much about.
Our culture isn't written down, but all our rituals and ceremonies are in the form of calligraphy.
The little I do know about my biological family is my father was a disgrace in the community. Adulterer, whom lied about his position in the village, claiming he was a shaman with great healing abilities.
He's has this reputation follow him from Laos to thailand and to the United states. I don't know about his parents or grandparents. But all my blood siblings claim they can see shadows or have a sense things follow them around.
This is probably another reason why I don't want to believe I have a gift or curse because I want nothing to be anything like them.
But all of what I've experienced has been so pronounced and exaggerated from everything they claim to be able to see and do, it's hard to turn a blind eye.
Though I don't know much of my culture both set of families adopted and biological are very spiritual. My adoptive family are held in very high regards amongst the 12 clans of our culture. My adoptive dad, son of the head shaman of our clan... Tries to reassure me that what I've experience has logical explanations... We try to explore all natural reasonin gs before jumping to the supernatural.
I know deep inside he's afraid. He knows I can see his fears but bless him for being my backbone. We tried numerous ceremonies to help appease whatever this curse or gift may be but all it does is subdue it for a few months a time.
I remember speaking with rook through email after my first story. He mentioned sages and a protection ward. I've never tried it, we tried Greek ceremonies, Christian ceremonies, taoSim and Buddhism. None seem to work.
Temilicious (7 stories) (99 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-08)
Hi CallMeD,

People hate and fear what they don't understand, so try not to take to heart all the names they call you. I've been called crazy all my life, and I probably am so what:)

Seriously though, when I was in my teens and started noticing that I felt more or differently than others I started overreacting and thinking EVERYTHING was paranormal or out of this world. I near drove myself (and my family) insane. Like you I dream a lot; most of them are messages from deceased relatives of mine or friends. I have had incidents, like you, where I dream of friend's parent that I have never met or seen before. My first such dream was a friend's mom. She told me who she was, asked me to pass on a message to her daughter and to take care of her. It was odd at the time cause we weren't even that close as friends. The last such incident was last year- a couple of months ago.

Again it was a girl I attended classes with in Tertiary. We weren't close but she came to me in my dream telling me she couldn't breathe etc. I had already heard of her passing on earlier on Facebook so thought it was my overactive imagination, but at the same time the dream left me so disturbed I called another friend whom we attended with (we're close) and shared my dream with her. Turns out that her last words were in fact; 'I can't breathe, I can't breathe". She died from an asthma attack and had apparently been saying this and crying seconds before her departure. sometimes our dreams mean something, and sometimes they don't. In time you'll learn which ones to ignore and which to heed. My very first post here was also about a dream I had where I woke up bruised.

Our experiences are so similar I just have to share so you get where I'm coming from, sorry if this is long. now, instead of saying aah that's something, only to have it turn out to be nothing, I now think, ag, that's nothing, and let it prove itself to be something. Hope I'm making sense.

Another thing that we do here in South Africa is consult with our elders. I see you have Native blood in you, so I don't know how comfortable you'd be doing that. It's not always about slaughtering and lengthy rituals; just sage, candles (different colours have different meanings) - white and red are must haves for me, then blue and yellow as well but they're not necessary. If you know your clan names you call upon them, tell them who you are, daughter/son of... Then ask them to kindly guide you and reveal to you what your dreams mean, what messages they are trying to show you. Leave the candles burning all night and blow them out before you go to bed (for safety reasons) I just sometimes let them burn themselves out.

This is done to seek counsel and guidance from those who, having crossed over, are shown secrets that us living beings are forbidden to see.

You can do what you are comfortable with though, was just sharing my culture, but we all need guidance from something or somewhere above us to understand our journey more and to help shed light on those far corners that seem to always be shrouded in darkness.

Blessings on your journey, I hope you find the answers you are looking for and become the person you are meant to be.

Being on here, seeking truth must mean you're on the right path.

Good Luck.
Tweed (33 stories) (2475 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-08)
omg I totally missed that cat sucking milk crap. Wow, yeah that be total bs.

This reminded me I had originally intended to say in my first post that the connection between near death experiences and psychic abilities or 'gifts' is a load of old bollocks. In my my humble opinion, yep.😐
KikiGirl (8 stories) (207 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-07)
Hey callmeD, I hope you get the opportunity to read this comment!

Thank-you for sharing something that bothers you with us. As you can see, there are actually a lot of people who feel the same way you do.

I understand not being able to get information about your family and where you came from. I too have a 'generational curse' (as the Christians say) and my family is also never upfront or honest with me about why I am the way I am. I don't want to start a religious argument with anyone, I am using this information because it is cultural and historical. God said, "the sins of the father will be passed onto his sons", in essence, if your grandparents were witches or shamans, you might very well have the gift as well.

About 4 years ago, I went from Church to Church around the continents, explaining to people the type of things you describe here. I thought about, how back in the day the Vatican would train hundreds and thousands of Priests who knew about Spiritual warfare and to perform exorcisms. But, today, we are not so fortunate. Going to people or Priests and telling them these stories only serves to frighten people and they end up thinking your evil or plain mad.

Eventually, some people who barely knew me came up to me while I was wrecking my brain about what to do and said, "Embrace your gifts". It's so strange that it had never occurred to me. So, I did and I am very happy today although I still do not have a mentor to explain things to me and I am still finding out ways to control those gifts.

A very important note from me to you though is that although I accepted my gifts, I decided to try and live my life as normally as possible. I don't dable in any sort of... Crafts or wicca or something, I just try to be a good person and go about my business doing so.

Of course, every now and again things are going to happen that you can't control but as long as you get through that, you'll learn to live with whatever gifts, and I do mean gifts that you may have.
spiritwaiting (42 stories) (843 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-07)

Hmm I never knew that, nice to have cleared that old wives tale up.

Ha I may need to speak to my mother about those events that led up to me going to the hospital then.
BrokenTree (76 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-07)
I would say that you are just plain psychic. If it frightens you, you can learn how to close the door or make yourself less "shiny". I wouldn't worry too much about what other people think. I never have and I turned out all right. You'll be fine but learn quickly not to frighten other people. That's when you get, metaphorically, burned at the stake.

To Spiritwaiting - A cat does not "suck" the milk or the breath out of a baby. This is an old wives tale. In order to suckle a cat must close it's mouth around a teat, flesh or even clothing. Older cats that still suckle can be given an old T shirt and they will be happy. Some cats like to suckle on human ears and this is always gentle sucking. I have a 15 year old cat that still suckles. Besides all that, a cats' mouth is much smaller than an infants' and, if it matters, a cats' jaw cannot move side to side, only up and down. A cat does like warm spots and babies are good for that. If you have a new born infant and a cat that weighs 10 to 15 pounds more than the baby, it's a good idea to keep an eye on them. A cat may crawl on top of an infant and suppress their breathing by weight alone.
spiritwaiting (42 stories) (843 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-07)

With the gifts you have, its always important to learn to protect yourself spiritually.

Guard your spirit, it is a precious part of you.

Look into white light of protection, it will bring up so many ways to protect yourself from psychic attacks, bad energies,bad entities and spirits.
Mango (5 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-06)

I know that there is a good side that I can help people but then, I'm scared of the bad side that might happen to me while exercising this kind of gift, I know I will encounter demons to this. Maybe that is stopping me, and do not get envolve and live a normal life. Kinda selfish am I?

What is rikki courses all about?
spiritwaiting (42 stories) (843 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-06)

For about a year now,I've been focusing on Chakras and balancing them. And am learning to expand the energy around myself, otherwise called Aura. I can see it, and always have just didn't know what it was until recently.

I will definitely look into that site, Thank you

Revajane (1 stories) (71 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-06)
callmeD, Spiritwaiting, Mango,

It sounds to me that you all have had an NDE or Near Death experiences or are good places to go to research this information.

Not all who have this experience will go through the tunnel or see the light but all seem to remember the peace & love. Many have manifested abilities to do things others can't and have to learn how to accept/control/ & use them. You may even have had one as a newborn. Not all NDE's are remembered unless the higher powers allow it and that is to protect all involved I believe. Some only remember the peace & Love. Others very little and then remember more as time goes on. These almost always end up raising the person's vibrations.

This is a very interesting subject that I have been studying off and on for almost 30 years. If you read these stories they may help you to understand more about your gifts.


It sounds like you are to be a healer and you may want to look into that. Maybe look into some Rikki courses?

I believe these gifts are to be embraced and learned from to help others.
Mazzmarach (2 stories) (78 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-06)

Sounds like you went through quite the rough patch, and I'm glad you're in a better place now. You are who you are - and if you know this, you will not need an explanation.

Take it from somebody who's had to see words being used like rocks against other people: take power from a word, and the word will be your prison. You've got a talent and such is your fate; but what you do with it will determine your destination. Be who you are - not who you say yourself to be, but who you are (mystic mumbo-jumbo, but I can't elaborate).

I don't know if this will be helpful to you, but this is all I can contribute.

Smooth sailing,
spiritwaiting (42 stories) (843 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-06)

If I know someones pain, I usually don't have to do anything.It's almost always when I least expect it, in line at a grocery store, at work, etc etc. They will start to vent, their emotions,hurt,to me. I listen, without judgement.
I nod, and if I truly feel they need advice, or just a "this to shall pass moment" I will help.

My father was/still is I'm not sure anymore a shaman, for a cherokee tribe. He told my mother I would be a very special child before I was born, and before she knew she was pregnant. I have never met him personally, because she made sure he never would, for he is a dangerous man.

I am still learning how to not so much deal, but accept, my gifts. I honestly didn't know for a long time, it wasn't a normal thing when you could feel others emotions etc.

I had always wondered why, I was pulled to others,animals,and nature. Like a magnet inside me a yearning to help. Now that I don't ignore it, or second guess it, they are pulled to me.

And how I would cry when another person would cry without even knowing them. Or when an animal would be hurt, and I could feel there pain.

I thought it was strange that other people wouldn't be as emotional as I.I even started to believe that others were cold hearted, until I realized not everyone could feel what I feel.

So like I said, I'm learning to accept and open up to what I have. They change your life in the most beautiful ways.

You can research, and find ways to help you through.
Ask the guides to help you on your path to this or you can ask them to help steer you away.

Tweed (33 stories) (2475 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-06)
Hi CallmeD,

What you've described doesn't sound that off the wall. Dreams are dreams, sometimes they predict stuff, sometimes not. Sometimes vivid dreams are just that, vivid dreams. It's important not to get carried away with our abilities and assume it's all psychic all the time. The likelihood of meeting your gf's father is very likely, given the details. You're also describing having 'empath' abilities, feeling others feelings. You can shield yourself so you don't feel them.

There's something nagging me to say this, and I hope you don't take it the wrong way. Sometimes if we've learned to suppress our emotions they come out through others, projecting onto another situation, object or person. (projecting psychology term NOT paranormal term) I felt it was important to say this to you, because I suspect some of what you're experiencing is your own emotions which are mirrored in others and need to be addressed. This is why it's important not to jump to the 'psychic' or 'empath' conclusion to easily. Sometimes in getting help from a paranormal forum people are secretly seeking answers they want to hear, while avoiding answers they need to hear.
Mango (5 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-06)
and by the way I do experience paranormal things but not that serious like what you have experience. I'm curious in what I have back then with my friend she is complaining about the pain she is feeling in the waist part, then I touched it and massage it for a little while to ease the pain, and in the moment I removed my hand on it, the pain she felt start to rise in the same spot as hers to mine. I too start to felt it and hurts so much and a few second it was gone, and I was like, don't know how to explain it, then ask my friend about her pain and she answers back that it feels much better than before. 😕
Mango (5 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-06)
Hey What happen to you when you were born is the exact thing that happened to me my face turns purple lack of oxygen and in addition I'm a over due baby. And the doctor said to my mother that if ever I wasn't out for about a minutes more I would have died. I'm a accident prone kid back then, like all the negativity things surrounds me is after me.

Can you elaborate more of the things like knowing their feelings? I have a family background like my brothers and sisters can see and do supernatural things and even my uncle and aunties. And because and the youngest in our family they wouldn't allow me know more of this things and I cannot figure it out if I had something special that maybe some what been part of my daily life and not aware of it.
callmeD (3 stories) (24 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-06)
I'm just glad I'm not the only one. Seems we have a lot in common. Feeling what others feel, is kind of like invading their privacy. I don't like to do that. How have you been dealing with it?
spiritwaiting (42 stories) (843 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-06)

I truly can't imagine being called something so hurtful by family.

But I am happy to hear your in a better place.

Reading yours here, I had to reach out.

I felt something that pained me, it was hurtful to know you have gone through something like that.

Hope you continue on your journey safely.

And thank you for responding.

callmeD (3 stories) (24 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-05)
I'm in a better place now. First time I can say that in a very long time. Thanks for your very kind words.
I just try to ignore it as much as possible. It sucked to be called the devil by family.
I don't believe in God. But I do believe in ditties and angels and demons.
spiritwaiting (42 stories) (843 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-05)

I get quit a few visits, from My Uncle who passed away over 16 years ago, my Grandpa who passed away a little under 10 years ago, and have had visits from My late Great Grandmother, and her son My mothers father. Also my husbands cousin Blue, and his friend T-Money.

They have all come to me, with messages or to just say good bye.

You are not alone, in this. There are many here who will help you.

spiritwaiting (42 stories) (843 posts)
7 years ago (2017-01-05)

It truly feels as though you're going through a rough time. Or rather a tough life. You can and will pull through. You have strength, because you've made it this far.

Within the last 2 years, I have been focusing on what my gifts are.

I'm learning to control them.It's truly like being in spiritual school. There are a lot of ups and downs, but if you truly believe in the positive parts of it, those will continue to help.

I'm not sure if you believe in Spirit Guides, or Angels, or even a white light, of protection (doesnt have anything to do with any sort of religion) but if you try to believe and focus on that radiating around you, it can help you focus.

When I was a few months old, my Grandmother had to run an errand so she allowed my Step-Aunt to watch me (my mother refused to let her touch me) she was very adament about that, for whatever reason. So my Aunt put me in a room, of hers inside a crib. A few minutes later she came in to check on me, and her cat was sucking the milk right out of my mouth. I wasn't breathing, and was turning cold. She rushed me to the hospital where they revived me.

Since I was a little girl, I have always felt different also like you, like I didn't fit in.

I have always been able to feel others thoughts,emotions,and intentions. Empathy was truly hard for me, until I figured out how to use it only for good. Bring the positive out, into situations that I could otherwise turn truly bad.

It can feel like a curse, but it truly is a gift. A very special one, that if you embrace and open up to it, with good intentions won't feel like it's making you feel crazy or bad.

I hope this helps you in some way.


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