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Are We Forbidden?


When I was around 9 I asked my mother an odd question, one that I still wonder why I asked. We were in her car, she had picked me up from my fathers, and we were almost at her house when I felt the need to ask "Was I ever born?" She chuckled as any mother would to a question so random, but eventually answered. "Yes, we have pictures," and with that the conversation ended.

I have always felt different, unique, as anyone would, only because we can only feel what we feel, think what we think, and see what we see. We are never capable of seeing eye to eye with someone fully, so as a human it's easier to feel special, because you are. There is no one like you. Yet, for me I feel there's something more to that. I feel like I am not me. Ever since I was 9, I never felt the same, my memories weren't mine anymore, they were that child I should've been or was supposed to be. This all comes to when I was approximately the age of 12, I saw him for the first time. My Shadow. I wasn't that creative back then and decided his name to be what he was, a shadow.

Let me first explain my relationship with my father. He's not a bad guy, until he drinks his body weight in liquor. Then comes that demon. I never tell my father anything, I keep my feelings inside, and I just sit quietly and hope everything would work out. Until Shadow came around. Again, I was around the age 12. He was just standing in the corner of my room, he seemed to be my age as well, or that's the feeling I got. I was of course, un-easy by this and just came to the conclusion that it was dark, I was tired, and I do have an overactive imagination. Then, he came back and I started noticing more, not in my room, but outside or places I went, but they were never Shadow, and they always were different. Like, other shadows were coming to take a peek at me... It got to the point that I needed to tell someone... So I sat my father down and told him. At this time I was about 14, just started high school. He just blew me off; telling me it was Satan commanding his demons to get me further away from the lord. Like my father was so close to God or something.

I eventually started to talk to Shadow, never getting an answer, but it was nice to have someone to talk to, I mean I had friends of course, but it seemed Shadow understood me more. I grew really attached to him, when I would get sad or mad or extremely happy it felt as if he was there, even if I couldn't see him I knew. I felt him. It's like having your own secret friend that would calm you down when you were furious, cheer you up when you were sad, and enjoy your happiness with you. It was nice... Then, I realized something during my senior year in high school... When I would date someone I would look for Shadow in there personalities. I know it sounds a bit out there, but even though he never spoke, I know who he is. I then came to the conclusion that my perfect guy would be the guy that was my Shadow, my forbidden love. I feel as if I was put here in this time to show people that they aren't harmful. Just because they're dark and different doesn't mean that they want to hurt you. What if they are human? What if they are just people from a different plain on this earth that are just more evolved then us, able to cross over to ours, and maybe we only see them as shadows because our third eyes aren't as developed as theirs. I feel a connection to these shadow people. But, I feel a strange connection to demonic entities as well. I feel that my soul is split in two, that I am fighting a war within myself and maybe that's why I've always felt different, unique. Maybe I am special.

As a child I would call the moon "My moon." Then I changed it to "My father is the moon." My friends finally got the nerve up to tell me that they've always felt that I wasn't born on this earth that maybe I was made from something and for something. They always tell me that I'm stronger then I think, but it's so hard to believe in all this.

I read these stories and just think what shams these people are, and here I am writing to you all. Am I a sham? Did I make this all up? I'm not even sure, but I could have. It could all be just my brain trying to make me something more than I am. All humans want to break of the norm. Be that special person to save the world. Is that all that I am? A hope, a story book? I don't know, I may not ever know, but one thing I do know, even if he doesn't exist, is that I am in love with my Shadow. Is this forbidden? Tell me how you feel...

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Comments about this paranormal experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, BlackBirdSiri, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

zzsgranny (18 stories) (3327 posts) mod
12 years ago (2010-02-14)
Also, you can e-mail me any time if you feel comfortable doing's on my profile...
zzsgranny (18 stories) (3327 posts) mod
12 years ago (2010-02-14)
BlackBird: There is a question I have for you... Just something that I need clarified...Like, you feel a connection to demons: Does that mean you like them, want to be like them or are merely interested in finding out more about them?...Also, are you part of the goth culture?...None of my business, I know, 😆 but it just sounds like you would be... My kids have a few goth friends, and I find them fascinating people!
And I want to know if you've ever heard about Indigo or Crystal children?...Try google-ing it and you'll find a lot of info...
I know there are people here who have suggested counseling, and that's always a good idea, specially since you seem to have issues with the relationship with your dad...But, if everyone on this site went to a therapist or counselor, we'd ALL be on a different site, chatting about the side-effects of our own particular meds

😆 😆
Thealoneone (1 stories) (77 posts)
12 years ago (2010-02-14)
You, are like I. You fell more spiritual then any of your friends. You fell like you see more than anyone else. You feel like you can do anything possible. What I do, is let all these emotions out, express your emotions. You will feel much better.
shiver222 (8 posts)
12 years ago (2010-02-14)
I'm not sure what to make of the whole thing, or of the suggestions offered by others here.

Perhaps it could also be possible that the shadow is a spirit guide and a close soul mate of sorts that you've had through multiple lives. Maybe it was incarnated with you previously and it's sitting this incarnation out to help you as a guide. In fact, maybe you really were lovers previously and this describes the echoes of that feeling that you still experience.

Of course, there will be the school that says it's a demon. Anything is possible. It really could be a mental illness or a coping mechanism to deal with your childhood experiences too.

I really don't have an opinion for certain. It's a puzzling case. I just wanted to present the possibility of a benevolent guide who is drawn to you.
vulcan10 (5 stories) (332 posts)
12 years ago (2010-02-13)
Have you ever had counseling? You don't sound like your fixing to purchase a high powered rifle and climb a book depository but there might be a few things you could talk about. With a well meaning counselor.
ickxtan (10 posts)
12 years ago (2010-02-13)
Everybody are special in their own ways, just don't waste it on trivial matters that can make your life worst. Slow down a bit and enjoy the life what you have now. ❤
JimD (431 posts)
12 years ago (2010-02-13)
You are special, because God created and loves you. Well, it's not people from Mars or another dimension. It's a demon, period. It's both bad and dangerous. Holy water, blessed salt, receipt of the sacraments (Mass, confession, Holy Eucharist) and prayers to Mary (the Rosary), and to St. Michael the Archangel would help keep it away. It's appealing to an area you're vulnerable in. You are special, as a child of Our LOrd. Return home. Dukes2352 at
Wardo (8 stories) (171 posts)
12 years ago (2010-02-11)
Not to be a broken record here, but this sort of sounds like some kind of mental ailment. It is still possible that you are seeing a ghost, but it almost sounds more like the beginnings of a split personality disorder to me. I just want you to be safe and seek a professional practitioner's advice. I am not discrediting your experience at all, in fact it was quite intriguing to me. Maybe you are meant for some great things in life, just make sure that you are doing it by God's will. God bless you and please never stop trying to be that special and unique person that you were made to be! Just do it in God's name always! Thanks!
Jitow (362 posts)
12 years ago (2010-02-10)
Shadow is called a "familiar". When it made its first appearence it was guaging you reaction to it. When you did not freak out, scream or rebuke it in Jesus name, it knew that it could possibly attach to you. It stayed, showed up during all these events, gave you vibes that it was your friend and now it is in your life. Its mission is to confuse you, to isolate you from other peple, a norml life and most of all to confuse your beliefs and isolate you from God. Before you jump to any conclusions, it is not a demon but it comes from the same source. It's only power over you is what you have given it. You are old enough now that you definately need to seperate from it. You have a relationship with this thing that replaces your relatioship with your Heavenly Father. It wants you to depend on it instead of God until it is too late to choose God. It probably came to you because of your parents problems. You could go to a therapist but I suggest a Pastor or a Priest and tell them exactly what you wrote here, they can help you and will be the only ones who can help you solve this problem, and you need to solve it now. I would not let it go another day. It is a relationship that will go nowhere fast and it will keep you from having real meaningful relationships with other people. You are special and gifted, but God gave you the special gifts and they are meant to be used for His glory. You did not get the direction that you needed when you discovered your gift and this thing has come to exploit it so it cannot be used for God's purposes. Also I highly suggest going to and tell your story, these are great people who have experienced the same stuff and are now dedicated to helping people like yourself. Go to the site today and post your story. They can explain what is happening and help you, really.
bigC (4 stories) (80 posts)
12 years ago (2010-02-10)
thanks for the story.

I can kind of see where your coming from everyone needs to feel they are different, important, a savior, hero, special something or else theyd go freakin nuts

Haha I use to have a shadow friend to I called him casper cause I saw him like two weeks after see the movie
Hazey22 (4 posts)
12 years ago (2010-02-10)
Hello BlackBirdSiri,

Thank you for sharing that with us.

Unfortunately I agree with Surya. I believe that you need to get some professional help or all these ill feelings will accumulate.

I hope you get the help you need and wish you all the best.

Surya (39 stories) (867 posts)
12 years ago (2010-02-10)

Thank you for submitting your story.

I will of course get right to the point. There is absolutely nothing unusal or different about you. It does actually seem evident to me that you have had a pretty miserable childhood. As a child you have created an imaginary friend "SHADOW". I also noticed you called your father "THE MOON".

I do not know what you went through as a child, how your parent's living apart effected you, these two factors are enough for me to say that you really do need to speak to a professional about those skeltons in your closet.

Apologies if I offend but I tell it as I see it.

Thank you

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