My name is Camille. I am thirteen going on fourteen, and I live in Iron, Minnesota. Let me start at the very beginning.
A couple years back, (maybe just a year ago), I was very obsessed with these online games, specifically MovieStarPlanet, which at the time, took up a great portion of my summer. On this online platform, there was a "forum" room, where people could rant or just enjoy each other's company. I remember this one topic being everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE all over the forums. "Hey, how do you feel about My Friend Dahmer?" I thought it was just another foolish internet fad and would die away eventually, but soon my curiosity piqued and I read a forum.
Before I even read it, I had a weird sense that "Dahmer" was the friend of this guy in high-school, and "Dahmer" had grown to be this terrible person in real life (or at least do terrible things.). I even pictured this guy having longer blond hair and blue eyes, without ANY indication on whom the actual Jeffrey Dahmer was. Since a lot of things were censored on the website, there wasn't a lot to talk about in regards to the movie, other than people asking each "other," do you think My Friend Dahmer is controversially bad?" So that already gave me weird vibes because they were saying it was controversial when I knew that the guy had done something morally inhumane, when I have had never in my life, swear on my grandfather's grave, ever heard the name Jeffrey Dahmer. I remember telling myself I'd look up what it actually was later on but never did and naturally forgot.
Fast forward about a year later. I was watching Youtube when I suddenly, it almost felt as though this had been pushed into my head, I thought of it again. My Friend Dahmer. My curiosity was still very much active so I typed it into the search-bar and was welcomed by half a dozen movie trailers. I picked the most "promising" and was instantly greeted by teen angst and 70's inspired cars, outfits, and hair. I quickly took notice of Ross Lynch's role as Dahmer (which I admit was kind of a shocker itself.) The trailer in fact showed the movie was on the darker side and was also in fact based on true events. (Both in which I had originally thought, again, with no knowledge at all of Jeffrey Dahmer.) I remember falling in love with Lynch's portrayal. I was happy for the guy, who seemed to be doing fairly well after Disney and all. I believe the name "Jeffrey Dahmer" was only mentioned once at the very end of the trailer, so that's when I pulled it up on google.
"Jeffrey Dahmer, American serial killer and sex offender." That fazed me for some reason, and I felt dread, pure dread. I went into images and the dread worsened, along with this odd side note of nostalgia. It felt like my soul, not me, my soul or my subconscious KNEW him. Something inside of me was happy that I had found this guy, but it wasn't, well... Me.
Something inside of me knew this guy. I hadn't ever seen this man's face but for some reason it looked so familiar, like I had casually chatted with him over tea at morning brunch. This guy looked pretty bad in appearance, unshaven, tired, with a distant stare. My first initial reaction was "gross", but I couldn't help but feel bad as instantly as I had said it. All of it felt so unusual something I have never felt before, like this instinctive wave, like this flood of emotion, which despite seeming so foreign made perfect sense to that thing inside of me. It made sense to my subconscious, higher self, but not to my conscious, who was oblivious to this emotional blow that had struck me when I had laid eyes on his face for the first time. I felt so connected to this man, and it scared me. I tried to get rid of the feeling of connection by ignoring it but eventually decided to try and understand it instead. I researched him and soon became hooked. I knew this guy. I really did. It felt like the whole time I was being so foolish in ignoring all of this because deep down some part of me must have known him.
I noticed that I didn't see him as a serial killer at all. Yes, he did horrible things, but he was in no way evil. He didn't get power over killing his victims. He just hated the idea of loneliness. In fact, he was more of a miserable, sappy, depressing person than anything else. Just a totally sad person with little self control. He didn't enjoy killing anyone. The goal was to have complete dominance over someone (sexually). Killing was never his first option, he went through many ways to try and get rid of his dark fantasies, he wasn't a careless person. He cared, and that's why he tried to stop himself and find ways to stop. But he was also battling himself. He could never kill someone unless he was drunk himself, which says a lot about how he felt about it. I do not support him. What he did was unforgivably wrong, but he was in no way a Richard Ramirez. People have told me I understand him better than anyone else could, which makes me proud but afraid as well.
I noticed that I had been experiencing abnormal things. At first it started out with cold spots and just random breezes of freezing air. (I know it wasn't my breath because, I would breath again and see if I felt any cold air. I am also in the basement so there are no windows that can open willingly.) Then it progressed into somebody stroking my cheek whilst I was writing my novel on my laptop. (My hair was pulled back completely.)
I tried dismissing all of this but eventually I went on to have a dream of a place that was completely white with this glowing aura and Jeffrey Dahmer was there. I don't quite remember what he said, but he was really upset about something and I was concerned.
I explained it (Not using Dahmer's name because she is unaware of this.) to my mother, and she said that it might've been heaven. I was confused and didn't really believe it but kept it in mind.
Then I finally decided to get a spirit box app and when I asked who I was speaking to it replied with "Jeff." At this point I was very freaked out and kind of confused. I had also been seeing orbs moving around (which my best friend had pointed out one day, along with the cold spots, when she came over before I had told her anything about this, I had thought it was only eye "floaters") every once in a while.
Then the "light incident" occurred. I have these Christmas lights hanging in my bedroom (everything occurs in my bedroom.), and I have one of those foam tile ceilings so they often have gaps and such. My lights had fallen in front of my door, and it made it impossible to close the door. I was also too short (5'2") to put them in between the tiles, so they wouldn't get in the way. One day in particular I had gotten very angry and had cursed out about the lights when I had to use the bathroom very bad. My family was going grocery shopping so we all left the house. I came back and noticed my door shut. I was the last one out of the house and hadn't shut my door when I had left. The lights were neatly folded between the tiles, so they wouldn't get in my way. I tensed up. I felt this strange euphoric feeling of love radiating from someone watching me that I couldn't see, but they had done this just for ME. I went from afraid, to flattered and thanked whoever it was.
At this point I began thinking it was Jeffrey Dahmer. I had no known relatives who had died who were taller, Jeff Dahmer in fact was about 6' or 6'1". I used a Ouija board and asked if it truly was Jeffrey Dahmer and it said yes and he answered many difficult questions just for proof. I now believe it is his spirit with me, but am still unsure... The spirit box app I use even talks in that same distinguishing way he does, saying "folks" and "baloney."
A couple of nights ago I was in a very bad state. I was crying, and I had begun to think I was insane for believing all this for almost nine months. I asked for a sign, for a sign I wasn't wrong. I went to bed and had a dream of being in this place, it was all fuzzy, with two bouquets of roses, one this ugly orange peach color (I thought it was ugly but usually I love peach roses?) and these most beautiful pure white ones. I kept thinking "I have to get one for Jeff it has to be red though" it was this persistent thought. I would ask myself why but my brain would just insist on red ones but there were none. I sensed other people there with me but couldn't see them, which was weird. Everything faded out into black and faded in again and I was standing in front of Jeffrey Dahmer with these big beautiful, the prettiest deep red roses I had ever laid eyes on. We were in this place everything was faded but it was this white beautiful place. He was glowing, he looked so pure and lively. All I could see was him and focus on was him and me.
There was this intense feeling, almost telepathic, where I knew what he was feeling and vice versa. It was this feeling of love, this amazing, peaceful feeling. We were happy, HE was happy. Then suddenly all of it was ripped away, and it was cold and dark again. That's when I awoke and my dead roses that I keep by my bedside smelled so lively and beautiful like they had never smelled before. It was all so amazing to endure. May I also admit that I do love Dahmer, it's not something I admit due to controversy but those are my honest feelings. After just spending so much time actually getting inside his head, seeing him ways other's refuse and him being here, I've fallen for him, which I'm not thrilled about, I hate it so much because I feel as though I sound insane. But uh, I might as well clear that up. I'm not one of those creepy people who worship serial killers, I do not believe Jeffrey is god, nor anything else related to that. I am a firm believer in the lord, Jesus Christ, though I was not raised Christian. Do you think this could be Dahmer and please help explain this weird connection I feel with him, it's all awfully confusing.