Still There

Almost two years ago I lost a close friend in a tragic car accident he was just nineteen. On the night that he died I dreamt of him.

The next morning I was feeding my three month old baby girl when I heard a knock on the door. When I was told that he was gone. I went into shock. I had never experienced death and no one I had known had ever died. I can remember every emotion and feeling that went over me. Shock, sadness, grief, regret, disbelief and so much pain.

I went to his funeral, cried at his grave and still I couldn't believe that he was gone... I just thought that I would see him again and that is was all a lie... A horrible lie.

Then the day came when my brain let the whole concept of death come over me. Its finality was just so sobering. I felt like I had lost my friend for ever.

Just as I started to believe that he was gone forever things started to happen.

There were no lights turning on or things flying around the room in the dead of night but just subtle things.

I could feel his presence.

When he was alive he would blow air onto my neck and sometimes I felt that same sensation when no one was around and I would no that he was there.

When he was around I could feel a cold sensation and the hairs on my body would stand up. I would speak to him. Ask him how he was, cry him when he was having a bad day and talk to him about gossip and general things.

I asked him if he could look out for my daughter. Be a kind of guardian angel to her. At times I could her talking to someone when she was in her cot. And when we went to his grave I asked her to go say hello to him and she walked straight up to his plot and waved to his photo. That was the first time that I had taken her to visit him when she was one.

The New Year's eve after he died I was taking photos with my phone. I was in the lounge room with my sister when I picked up my phone there was a blurry photo on the screen. It was a picture a man and it looked very much like my friend that had died. I have had the photo looked at by a medium that has confirmed that it is him.

As time goes pass I don't feel his presence as much anymore. I think that in some way he has a little peace and I don't need him as much anymore. I still think of him everyday and I am still so hurt by it all.

Just knowing that death is not the end has made me feel better. Knowing that he is still there... Well no words can describe how that feels.