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Crossing Over, A Families Experience


Reading another poster's experience about being with his father before he died made me reflect upon my own experience recently with my ex-husband's own passing.

My ex came to live with my son and I when he was homeless and ill. He was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer soon after. I decided that even though the arrangement was to be temporary, I was not going to let him go through treatment alone. He stayed with us and we eventually became friends again, it was so nice to have my friend back and my son reconnected with his father again.

He did well for the first few months but then, a down turn. The cancer just seemed to gallop through his body and the treatment was killing him. It was necessary to put him in hospice a year after diagnosis. The poor guy had to be taken to emergency 4 times screaming in agony.

I was still working and not getting any sleep, my son, a sensitive young man of 18, was a basket case. We just couldn't take one more episode. He was not happy about this decision but he had no choice. His remaining family, two sisters, could not take him in, one held a job at Seattle based Boeing that required long hours at work and the other lived across the country in Texas. We were blessed, however, to get him into a beautiful place 5 minutes from my home and just 20 minutes from the local sister.

Two months into hospice people in the home starting contracting an upper respiratory illness and my ex developed a severe cold. It didn't take long for it to develop into pneumonia. Wasting had already set in and he could not fight it off. There was nothing anyone could do but try and make him comfortable. He so wanted to live, it was hard to wrap my head around the fact that he was not going to make it, the disease and the infection where going to take him. His mother had passed just 6 months earlier, his father two years earlier. Now the remaining family, his two sisters and a brother-in-law were called one more time to a bedside to say goodbye to family.

Fortunately, I called Texas just in time, she left home an hour after my call and arrived early the next morning. My son had already had his private goodbye with his father and said he would not be returning to his bedside, it was too much for him.

My Seattle sister-in-law is married to a gentle, unpretentious man who is very gifted, I'll call him Paul. He can feel, hear and see the energy of the dead. He was able to sense my father-in-law after he passed and he watched my mother-in-law's family come from the other side the day she passed, they were with her quite awhile. They were described as brilliant yellow white forms. He doesn't always know who the energy belongs to, but this time he knew it was family. When it was time, they reached out for her, Paul heard an audible "pop" sound as she left her body and could just discern her energy going to them. Just months earlier he helped his own mother pass over.

When spirits are near Paul, he hears a ringing in his ears, which to him, can be quite distracting. He had a heck of a time at my father-in-law's burial at the military cemetery.

The family gathered at my ex's bedside to say their goodbyes, tell stories and sing old family songs to him. They were there all day, and Texas sister was exhausted. They went home for a rest, and would be back the next morning. I was alone with my ex for less than an half hour when I could feel urgency in his breathing and body. I held his hand, prayed and told him it was ok to go. He was looking straight ahead as he had been for the previous two days. As I told him to look for his mother, he suddenly squeezed my hand and sharply turned his head to the upper left corner of the room, as if looking for someone, then turned his head back, and took his last breath. A feeling of peace and calm washed over me, it was so profound it actually startled me.

I spent some time alone with my friend before calling the family back to the home. Paul, upon walking into the room, said my ex was still with us and slightly confused. He said earlier in the day he had seen energy forming in the upper left corner of the room, he felt this was my ex's welcoming party but could not tell who they were. I was shocked, this is where my ex had looked before he passed!

Paul related that about the same time the energy came he saw something he had never seen before, a swirling vortex of reddish smoke full of sparkles, whirling above my ex's head! He didn't know what this meant, but felt it was my ex's energy. I asked if the energy that came in the corner was "good" energy. Paul smiled and said "oh yes, it is." (Meaning they were still there!)

The family wanted to stay with my ex until he had safely crossed over, which he did, about an hour later. I was too exhausted to stay, I had to go home and tell my son that his dad was gone, but was grateful to be able to tell him he was met by loving energy from the other side and they had been with him all day. Paul later told me it was a peaceful crossing, my ex just had to get his bearings before he was able to let go.

I had always wondered about the sparkles, what did they mean. Much later I was amazed to find it described in the eight stages of death, called the "CYCLE OF SIMULTANEOUS DISSOLUTION" a Tibetan description of the phases of dying. The smoke and the sparkles appear in the 2nd and 3rd cycle. You can google it under "Death and dying in the Tibetan tradition."

I was privileged to be at my ex's passing, it was something I will never forget. But to know we never are alone before we go on to the next plane, that we are embraced with loving energy, that is a gift. If you are wondering if he has come to visit me, sometimes I think I can feel him, but I am not sure. I'm guessing he is too busy delighting in his new world.

Thanks for letting me share.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, otteer, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

JerryB (8 stories) (189 posts)
2 years ago (2015-11-12)
Otteer --
My goodness what a wonderful story you told here. You've commented on my stories on occasion but I want to say that I felt moved by your words. In this story, I mean. That doesn't express exactly what I felt hearing about your ex and your son (it brought sadness into my heart hearing of his condition) but you sure made me feel differnt, better, with how you expressed the entire situation. Thank you for this wonderful and heart felt account. A sad time, certainly that, but one of knowledge and comfort at the same time.
indigoblue (1 posts)
2 years ago (2015-11-12)
Hi otter - I am new to this site, and have read numerous stories. I just signed up to comment because of your story. As hard as it is to lose a loved one, it makes it easier when you know that their loved ones are waiting for them on the other side. When my mother in law passed, all 5 of her children and their spouses surrounded her hospital bed, and we all had our hands on her. She fought dying until we were all there, and each one of us told her that it was ok to pass if it was her time. She had been completely out of it, but when the last one of us had spoken, she opened her eyes, looked past us and said "Mom?"> Then she smiled. She passed on very calmly and was very serene. It was a great comfort to all of us to know that her mother was there, waiting to welcome her to the other side. Thank you for your story, and I am truly sorry for your loss, and for your son. You did a wonderful thing for your son's father, and his family.
Agua (4 stories) (61 posts)
2 years ago (2015-11-03)
Just a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing that. I believe you may had published this previously on perhaps redditt? Or maybe I read it here previously and just forgot where it was posted. Anyway, thank you for sharing that. ❤
Jodie_S (1 stories) (15 posts)
2 years ago (2015-11-03)
What a beautiful account of your ex husbands passing. You are a good woman for being there for him and his family. I am glad that you were able to share in that with him and be there for him as he crossed over. Thank you for sharing this...
babygoatpuller (4 stories) (385 posts)
2 years ago (2015-10-07)
Beautiful experience Otteer and going into my favs. You done good woman! 😊
TinAA (1 stories) (84 posts)
2 years ago (2015-10-07)
Otteer you have shared such a beautiful experience that now its going in my favorites. ❤
TinAA (1 stories) (84 posts)
2 years ago (2015-10-07)
Hi Otteer... I must say that this is a lovely story which kind of assures that death is not an end... Its not how we assume it like. There's something more hidden ahead after death. Whatever it is... Its good... For our loved ones welcome us and help us cross over to the other side. And you have explained it beautifully. Its good to know that you took care of your husband in his last days inspite of your separation you and your son were united with him once again.
Thanks to share:-)
sheetal (6 stories) (765 posts)
2 years ago (2015-10-07)
Otteer this was the beautiful experience... Thanks for sharing
otteer (8 stories) (398 posts)
2 years ago (2015-10-06)
Aregette, yes it has been. I have checked in here and there but got interested again after my ex's passing. I have been reading a lot about channeling and the afterlife and am fascinated how experiences related by Paul mirror some of the events I have read about. He dosnt have any opinions about the afterlife only states what the people from the afterlife are doing or communicating. I can imagine my ex sister in law has an interesting life lol. He is not one to stop in the middle of a bite when at a restaurant to say, someone is standing beside you. He is not like that. Maybe someday he will become more of a participant than an observer, for now that is what I feel he is. Unless, he hasn't shared that with me, he is new to the family only 2 years married and a year dating before that. I don't see him often. I will ever be so grateful for the information he has given me however, I'm no longer afraid to die or get old.

I'm glad for my ex that he was able to find family again in his last months, but to tell you the truth I was kicking and screaming in my mind when he moved in. (I did it for my son, he loves his dad so and he knew he was ill and no longer in control of his life) But, when I heard the diagnosis, it was a no brainer, past squabbles fell away once it was apparent that a life was on the line. That is how I came to forgive.

I think it was a lesson given to me by the universe, part of a contract I signed before I came here. I learned a lot about myself and in researching cancer treatments, helped myself by learning about nutrition and its power to heal. While I couldn't get him on board with it (he believed his doctors, told him he could eat anything to keep weight on so he ate a lot of sugar and crap and this coincides with his downturn) I used the information to help cure my diabetes. In essence, I saved myself while trying to save him. Interesting how that worked out.
Argette (guest)
2 years ago (2015-10-06)
Otteer, I've missed you. It's been a while, no?

When my great-grandmother was dying, she saw her family - parents, siblings, etc. - on the other side of a chasm, bidding her to join them.

My brother and I talked about this and wondered if it was the mind preparing itself for the other side. But now after reading your account, I'm not so sure. Perhaps it is a more physical event.

Thank you for a wonderful piece. You must be one special lady.
carcinoGeneticist (1 stories) (1 posts)
2 years ago (2015-10-06)
This is so beautiful. I'm so glad that you were there with him and held his hand for his final moments. You sound like a lovely person and I hope he's resting in peace.
otteer (8 stories) (398 posts)
2 years ago (2015-10-05)
Thank you all for your kind comments. I often think about how we came back into contact with each other, that in itself is one story of the universe working in strange ways. Not coincidence I know. ❤
dreamer01 (1 stories) (117 posts)
2 years ago (2015-10-05)
it is a lovely experience. I held a ladies hand until she died as her family was a long way off and could not make it in time although they tried their best.
I found it to be a very peaceful and serene experience and I am glad that you and your son had the same and where able to reconcile somewhat.

😊 😊 😊
Templar (1 stories) (24 posts)
2 years ago (2015-10-05)
I have seen the sparks! Also great website thanks for posting.
valkricry (39 stories) (2772 posts) mod
2 years ago (2015-10-05)
otter...your account is so bitter-sweet. I agree to know that no one actually dies alone is priceless. Going into my favs.
lady-glow (8 stories) (1625 posts)
2 years ago (2015-10-05)
What a wonderful experience... I mean, a person's death is always a sad event, but the reassurance that their loved ones are waiting to help with the transition to the next stage takes away some of the fear to the unknown.

I'm glad your son and you had a chance to reconnect with him during his illness.

Thanks for sharing.

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