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The Spirit Of My Fiance


I lost my fiance on July 9th, 2010. We were teenage sweethearts and he asked me to marry him when we were only dating a few months. He was the first man to tell me "I love you", the first man I made love to and the love of my life. We drifted apart out of unfortunate circumstances and came back together several times over the last 12 years. Ours was a very intense connection. I knew whenever he was in the room. I'd turn around, and there he was. We finally reunited last July after not being together for about 5 years. We were finally both mature enough for marriage and were very serious about our life together. We spoke every day about marriage and making "beautiful babies" together. The night before he passed away, he was so tender and sincere. He said that one day we'd get to the point where we would be able to communicate psychically to one another. I never thought it would be after his death.

Enduring the pain of his passing has been the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with in my whole life. His mother called me that day and I was in shock. There we were, the two women of his life, clinging to each other alone but in a house full of government officials who were just "doing their job." At first, I just did not want to see him laying there. But after his mom went in, I gathered my courage and went in. It was so hard to see him like that. The room was so very, very cold. I could hardly stand it. As I went to him, I had a very strong emotion of knowing that he was not there in that body. He was truly gone. I placed my hand on his head and he was so cold and lifeless. I knew at that moment that there was definitely a place where we go after we die. How else could so much life and vibrancy so suddenly disappear? There had to be more than this. I had known this theoretically, but now it was so clear. I said in that room to him, that this body was just a shell and he was now free. I was so calm then. But soon after, I went back into shock.

I was so numb after this. For so many days after, I was in such disbelief. I still thought in brief instances that I could just pick up the phone and call him. When the realization hit me that he was gone, I would feel like I could cry forever. I wanted to just be with him on The Other Side. I felt I had nothing more to live for. I do still feel like this at times although I am getting "better" at handling this life after his death.

My first affirmation that he was with me came while I did an Animal Medicine Card reading with his father whom I just met when he came out to the funeral. His father told me that when his son was a little boy, he would play with the cards and pick out the otter card. He read the instructions to me and I shuffled the 72 cards several times then laid them out. I felt a tingle in my finger tips and of course, I picked the otter card.

The second came while I was meditating. I felt his fingertips brush my face while tears ran down my face. And I could smell him as if he was right there. I still do smell him quite a bit.

I then started having dreams about him.

And strong visions. I have felt him come to my work studio with a stern guide watching over him. I feel he is doing a lot of learning there on the other side.

Then the blue flashes of light and shadows at the corner of my eye.

The flashes were unlike the white flashes and I have seen since I was a kid. These were very vibrant blue flashes. Sometimes they have a white center. They will sometimes linger for a while. They have only appeared in this color since he crossed over. Sometimes they are HUGE. Like about three feet in diameter.

But the most intense confirmation was an experience I had one night about a month ago. I woke up to hear beeping and cracking sounds coming from a very particular direction in my room. I sensed there was some sort of machine in my bedroom. There was a sort of electricity in my space as well. Like little currents all around. Then I saw the figure of my fiance standing at the foot of my bed. (I just read a story about a woman seeing the dark shadow figure of her fiance at the foot of her bed and it gave me so much comfort in knowing this does happen. It is the reason why I am writing my story.) He was perfectly still. I could not see any features. It was just his Silhouette. He was in the pose from a photo I took of him 12 years ago that is by my bed. But he was filled out more and "looked" as he did when he passed at 29 years old. I just knew it was him. I tried so desperately to reach him and talk to him. Connect to him in some way. But he did not move at all. Every time I reached for him, my spirit came out of my body then fell back down. I could see myself on the bed. Then, suddenly, I was pulled completely out as if by some force. My fiance was not standing there. I was scared. I was being pulled through my closet by some force. I became very scared and so I came back to my body fully, opened my eyes and was breathing so hard and my heart was beating so fast.

I hate to say that a lot of my visions of my fiance since his passing have been scary. The flashes are fine and I know he is there. I will sense a very fast moving energy in my bedroom and when I acknowledge it, it moves all about. Then I will ask it to calm down and it stops in one position. I feel like he is an excited little kid or puppy when he knows that I can see or sense him. I feel he is trying desperately to reach out and communicate to me. But it is so hard right now. I want to see a medium, but I don't know who is best. So I've been asking my fiance to find one and send him or her to me through a sign. Still waiting.

I know he is waiting for me on the Other Side. I know that he is in "class" a lot and is also resting from a hard life. I miss him so much, but I feel he was like an alien to this life and had such a hard time for most of his life. I feel he is happy and waiting there for me to arrive one day. But each day that goes by where I feel like I will explode from not being with him, I wonder how I can get through these days without him here. This life is such a drop in the ocean when we see it from the Other Side. But right now, with these powerful emotions running through me, I feel my little drop is a rushing river that has no outlet to the sea.

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Comments about this paranormal experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Keiligh, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

luckyseven (4 posts)
11 years ago (2011-02-16)
I truly am sorry for your loss but it is easy to communicate very easy... Simply surround yourself with the white light of God and do an evp. Take a digital recorder and "talk" to him and play it back I guarantee you will get a message from him just tell him he is the only one you want to hear from so others don't jump in... The best part is you DONT need a medium to feel and hear him... Just go with your instinct. I have done it and it is such a peaceful loving feeling from the other side... They are always with us and watching over us...

They are not Out there somewhere but right here with us always.
scrapmetalkitten (306 posts)
12 years ago (2010-12-11)
I really enjoyed this story. I hope eventually your heart will heal enough that you won't be caused such pain by his passing. If he does certain things that scare you, than tell him about it. It sounds like he loves you very much. I went to a viewing of my grandfather who I was very close with, and I can understand what it means when you say he wasn't there it was like an empty shell. I definitely believe the soul lives on in some form of energy or another.
jazzeyjay (3 stories) (215 posts)
12 years ago (2010-12-07)
Thank you for having the courage to share this touching story with us. I am so happy, he has has the opportunity to come back and visit you and let you know that he is alright and watch over you. You are so right about the stern guide watching him. They do go into classes over there and their guides instruct them and train them on what it is they will be doing on that side. There may be times when he can't get back over to this side to visit due to his commitments over there, but trust and believe as soon as he is free to pop in, he will sure will. It's so good for you to write this story and for you to already have the knowledge and understanding of what to expect. This is going to make things much better on's never going to be easy for you because of the love and bond you two shared, but it will be a little better than it would had you not known anything about the paranormal and life after death.
Take care of yourself as he would want you to and be strong.
Thank you
redphx (4 stories) (827 posts)
12 years ago (2010-12-07)
OMG. I can't imagine what you are going through. MY fiance is my only world. Being together since I was 15. I can't imagine it. YOu have such strength. I would have just died, just gave up. You are truly amazing. I know that there is life after death and I know that most people go to a good place. But losing someone like this would just hurt so bad. I am so sorry for your loss. He is learning a lot more on the other side and I am happy you know a bit about it so you can feel peace for him. I don't know what words to give in this situation. I know you will never be better but I hope that you can find peace enough to cope until you are reunited again.

With the brightest and whitest light
shamby (15 stories) (100 posts)
12 years ago (2010-12-07)
Keiligh, so sorry for your loss. But thank you for sharing your wonderful, very touch story with us. It was very hard not to cry while reading! I don't know of any mediums personally, but you'll find one! A friend just told me a story the other day of her grandfather passing, and her mother was playing a Yahoo game that had an open chat a few nights after. Well she wasn't using the chat and wasn't paying attention to it, just playing the game. Someone private messaged her and asked about my friend's grandfather (her dad), my friend's mom had no idea who this person was, but they said they were a medium and that her father wanted to tell his granddaughter how much he loved her and that he was still watching over her. My friend almost started to cry as she was telling me this, but I'm confident that you'll find a medium or someone to help you communicate! Love is a bond that is not ended by death. Take care and keep us posted! ❤ ❤
cosmogal926 (9 stories) (1223 posts)
12 years ago (2010-12-07)
Keiligh: My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine your pain, but like Darkness said you know he is in a better place and feel that he is happy. Still, knowing this and accepting it is always easier said than done. I wish you strength and peace. Just trust in your heart that you will see him again one day. Take Care ❤
aussiedaz (18 stories) (1523 posts)
12 years ago (2010-12-07)
Keiligh...So sorry for your loss and what a very touching story, I hope you find the comfort and peace you deserve... As you travel through the rest of your life know this, your fiance is in your heart and the loving memories that you two created are forever united in spiritual bond and eternal flame... The part when you felt yourself come out of your body is what that call astral projection... And in your instance ceiling height...I'm sure your soulmate wants you to go on and live your life to the fullest, I know right now you are hurting really bad and it will take some time... But I want to let you know what lays ahead... One day many many years down the track... When you close your eyes for the last time... He will take your hand and pull you from your body for the eternal life... The feeling of two soul mates entwined is almost indescribable, you will understand why his time was up and why yours had to go on... The love you will feel is so powerful a 100 times stronger than any known emotion you have ever felt before... I have felt the Holy Ghost or supreme spirit... I have felt an intense seductive feeling of a succubus... But no feeling I have ever experience was more powerful and meaningful than when I entwined in spirit with my soulmate, left me crying like a baby when I landed back inside my body... Best wishes and ❤ take care.

DARKNESS (3 stories) (2022 posts)
12 years ago (2010-12-07)
Keiligh: Wow kind of lost for words here a very touching story, I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your fiance/soulmate you know very well he is in a better place now watching over you. I believe he is trying to show you little signs of his presence and you know that he would want you to be happy, everything you want to understand from these events will eventually come to you in time. I wish you all the best for the future.

Thank you for sharing your story.


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