First, if you're reading this, you probably should read my other two posts, as this is a continuation, of how things have gone from bad to worse. Before, I was only bothered in my dreams, in my head, in the things that I alone could see or feel. I had never been physically hurt, or bothered. But, a few weeks ago, things changed.
I was spending the night with a friend, so I had to share a bed with her. That's a girl thing I guess, because guys would just sleep on the floor, but I consider this girl the sister I never had. So I'm in the bed, preparing for what I thought was yet another sleepless night, (I've come to love and dread my insomnia in equal proportion, because it keeps away the nightmares) when I fell asleep. Normally, I don't have the dreams of my spirit(or whatever he may be, but that's what I will call him, as spirit sounds better than thing) or of anything else connected to the abnormal, ghosts, etc. when I'm at her house. But, that night I did, and it was an awful sort of dream, the sort you can't remember when you wake up, save for bits and pieces, all you get is that horrible fear, and paranoia.
But, in this dream, something grabbed me. And, at the exact time, my friend grabbed me in my sleep. That would not be so weird, maybe even sort of funny in a way, but she has never once in all the years I've known her, and there's been a lot, ever been the sort of sleeper to do that. She mostly snores, and doesn't bother the person next to her, unless they bother her, which usually means her kicking me back after I kicked her for the 100th time that night.
So, I scream, and jump up, out of the bed running to the door, because I know something is there, and it wants to kill me. Later, the rational part of my mind tells me I ran because I thought that it already got my friend, and was going to get me too. But, that was what I wanted myself to believe, not what I really thought, because what I really thought, was the thing from my dream, it was there, it was in her, and it was going to use her to hurt me.
I wasn't coherent enough to think the word possession then, but later that's what I came to. I know, that in spite of the myths, actual possession is pretty rare, so they may not have been the case, and I hope to God it isn't, because that would mean I somehow put one of my friends in danger.
Thinking that what meant to harm me was in her, I ran. I wasn't running from it, I was running from her, because even if something bad was using her to hurt me, it was still her, and I would never hurt her, even to defend myself. She's been my best friend since we were little kids, and I couldn't bring myself to that.
So, I ran, still screaming apparently, because my friend's sister ran to the door. Now, whether this was sleepwalking or not, I'm not sure, because I can remember screaming, jumping up, and starting to run, but this conversation I can't, and I have been known to talk in my sleep. And I have slept walked before in the past, only once, but it could happen again.
According to her, I told her 'there's something there' I said it a few times, and I was really freaked out, really afraid. She told me it was my friend, and that when she did, I gave her this weird look, like I was confused, and didn't know what she was talking about.
After that, I crawled back in, and my friend asked me what was going on. She was lying down, but when I jumped off the bed, she had been sitting up. That seemed weird to me, but I was so embarrassed I had one of my screaming dreams there, I didn't mention it. No one really knows about these things, as I don't want them dragging me off to seek mental help, for my own good, as I can hear them saying.
I blew it off, decided it was just one of those things happen. Then, a few days ago, I woke up, in the middle of the night, and heard something moving around in my room. It felt like it was in my closet, or my bathroom. Sort of like a mouse moving around, but ten times louder. And a sort of rattling, clicking sound. I wanted to get up, to go see, but this voice in my head told me not to, saying "if you open the door, whatever it is will kill you..." so, I was going to listen, but I was tired, so tired of being afraid to even sleep at night, so I was going to get up, that voice in my head (the voice of common sense, most likely) arguing with me all the while. Then, in the end, I decided not to, fear not stopping me, but modesty, as I was only wearing one of my dad's old tee shirts, and it didn't cover much skin.
Still I sat there, trying not to breathe to loud, praying harder than I ever prayed, for God to please, please, whatever it was, to not let it hurt me. Which says a lot, since I haven't been praying that much lately, or even been the best Christian I could be. I guess life has me questioning my faith occasionally, and I wanted to take some time to figure that out in my head. Not that I don't believe, I do. God is love. Everything else can kind of of slip away from time to time I think, as long as you believe that God is all that is good. But this isn't about religion, although, in some cases, the things on this site and it can be tied together.
I haven't slept since then. Not more than about thirty minutes at a time. Which, isn't all that bad, because I don't want to wake up to that again.
What scares me, is what if I was right, and my friend was possessed? That would mean I brought this on innocent people. I knew there was something bad at there, my spirit warned me of something once, though I can hardly remember. I know it would never be my spirit, he is more likely to play the role of guardian, or protector. He would never hurt me. I care for him, if I'm honest, even love him, in a strange sort of way.
The thing is, I'm pretty sure whatever this bad thing is, I could bring it to me. I've heard of people who are very in tune with each other, having the same dream. And, if its possible I can talk to spirits in my head, then I'm sure me and my best friend having the same dream is possible. And, what if, somehow, I let it get her? If she was in fact possessed, which I do not like to believe.
I think maybe I could somehow accidentally call it to me. Once, it was around a year or a year and a half ago, I was able to call my spirit. Or, maybe that's not the best way to describe it, and I haven't ever really discussed it in detail before, because it really does make me sound loopy.
What happened was I was convincing myself he was not real, that he was some silly, illogical childhood fantasy that I had created, and was crazy enough to believe. But, I couldn't let him go without saying goodbye, so I tried to find him, to get him to me. But I couldn't, so I brought myself to him. I was lying in bed, not asleep, but eyes closed, concentrating. Then, after a while, I was in the place where we always were, in the dark, and he was there.
I could still feel my body in the bed, every nerve felt alive, could feel the bed under me, but I felt everything that happened there too. I cried there, and I could feel it in my bed, though I wasn't crying in there. I hugged him, spoke to him, and I felt it, in both places. I don't know what to call it, but it was like I was actually there, and still at home in bed at the same time. It could be an out of body experience, but I don't think it was. I only know that I was there, that I had made us meet, and I didn't know how.
I could never make it happen again. Which was fine, as it gave me the worlds worst headache trying. But, what if I did it and found the bad thing?
The other day, I was walking, and out of nowhere, I had a scratch on my arm. Not deep, sort the scratch you would get if someone caught your arm to get your attention, and their nails scraped you by mistake. But it was there, out of thin air. I told my family, and they told me I must have ran into something and not noticed until then. I am clumsy, so that could be true, only it isn't, I know it. I feel it.
When I sleep, I wake up, my whole body hurting, my head splitting. When I dream, I wake up, terrified, but not remembering. The only dream I remember is me, lost in a forest, its snowing, I come to a clearing, fall, give up, the my spirit is there, and holding down a hand to help. I take the hand, then I wake up. That is okay, because I'm happy to have my spirit back, but I wonder why he is back, and think it may be because the other things. He may really want to help me.
What's worse, is I think this other thing, the bad one, may want to hurt my spirit. And I can't let that happen. I love him, as if I really knew him. Maybe I did, in a past life or something. But, in my dream, when he puts down his hand to help me up, it's like I've found something I've been searching for my whole life. That sounds like something in some corny romantic comedy, but it isn't like that. It's like feeling whole. I know I'm becoming to attached to him, I go months without seeing him, then when I do, in spite of why, I'm happy.
I want him to find peace. I think he wants me to help. But this other thing, I think its in his way. I'm not sure, me and my spirit don't talk much these days, its always the same darn forest, and the same darn ending.
But, if I can hear this thing physically, if it can touch me, and it can possibly possess someone I know, then I think I'm in over my head. I don't want it to hurt me, and more importantly, I don't want it to hurt someone I love, my friends, my family.
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make it go away. So, if anyone knows how to handle it, please tell me. Thanks for reading.