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Always Afraid Part Ii


As I promised I will continue to write more of my stories. As I've said before I have moved to UK nearly 5 years ago and began to work as a care assistant, just nights. There I have experienced the worst things ever.

My first night was horrible for me, not because I have felt something but because I wasn't used to see old, sick people. I just went home and cried for hours, I felt so, so sorry for them, I finally understood how life ends, just sad. I never thought things will become more complicated for me.

First thing that happen was that I began to feel when people were about to die. The first time I did not understand what it meant, I just felt something odd, behind my neck, like a chill... Over and over again every time I have entered that persons room. Of course, after a week she died with me holding her hand. I've said a prayer 3 times and she died... I was just shocked and sad...

I worked there just 1 year because I just couldn't take it anymore... Even my colleagues were kind of afraid to work the same shift like I did. Why? Because strange, odd things happen when I was around...

I will give some examples: One night we were in the laundry room, sorting laundry, me and 2 other girls. The door was closed and it was very quiet, all of a sudden we heard load banging at the laundry door, but I mean really loud, like someone was banging in the door with something heavy. We just froze...I've opened the door but no one was there and in the care home were just us, 3 girls and the people that we cared of, which were above 90 years old... I really doubt it that one of them just run away from the door in 3 seconds.

I've had 7 dead people on my shift, which was a lot. I have also seen and heard a dog barking (in a care home... No way) seen white shadows, light turned on in locked empty rooms, and also I've seen a lady sitting on a chair - She died 2 weeks before.

That wasn't the big problem, the problem was that odd feeling that I had, I knew who was next. Every single time. My colleagues used to call me the Green Reaper. Which wasn't funny at all.

I think I have took them home also because I have heard people breathing near me when no one was there in the room with me, banging in walls. Also something strange that I can't describe: I just woke up after 2 hours of sleep very confused, not knowing were I was, not knowing what I was doing there and even not knowing if I was I...if you get me. It was like I was me but not me, I couldn't feel my body. That happen twice, and my family freaked out. I've called my husband at work telling him that I'm not feeling well. That I'm not me, but I'm me and I feel like I can't describe it but my body is not my body... Probably he thought I'm crazy. Took me a while to settle down, about 1 hour or so.

After that I have quit my job. I began to feel depressed, afraid at every sound. Probably a little bit paranoid also.

In that period of time I have also met a man at an antiques market, I bought a lamp from him and he just looked at me and told me he can see my aura and I have to quit my fear and I can achieve great things. To this day I hadn't quit the fear.

I can also feel people - Alive ones, I can feel what they feel;sadness, happiness and so on. Which depresses me also... I also feel the pain of animals, I can't even look in their eyes (especially stray ones, hungry or hurt) I begin to cry instantly.

For me is very hard sometimes, I just wonder why this world is surrounded by sadness and pain and bad, greedy people.

Now I've moved back to Romania because I couldn't live without my parent and relatives. Being here I also found out (actually dreamed about it, next day I've asked my grandfather if it was true and he confirmed) that one of my relatives was a so called witch. She died literally CRAZY, but she died because she did bad things, she went with the dark side.

This is me... I sometimes think that I am crazy, that something is wrong with me. Reading this now a part of me won't believe all these happenings are true. I write here as a sort of a therapy and I am trying to meet people who can help me making me understand what is happening to me!

Thank you for reading my long story! I am ready to receive advises and I am ready in a way to get read of my fear and accept my gift (I can't believe I am saying this).

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Comments about this paranormal experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, alina_nefer, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Jubeele (26 stories) (898 posts)
7 years ago (2017-10-04)
Alina, I feel it was cruel and tactless of your colleagues to call you "The Grim Reaper." Please don't let such words make you feel bad about yourself.

A few years ago, I kept bedside vigil at the hospital for my mother-in-law. When she had gone, I was the only one with her at the time. I held her hand for a while because I didn't want her spirit to feel alone. At that moment, I felt that she was finally at peace after years of pain. I think she had been holding on until then because she had known we needed time to let her go.

It's good that you've received advice from others here on how to protect and care for yourself. My parents taught me the "washing feet" practice to avoid having spirits follow you home. You just need to find a way that suits you. Wishing you all the best.
alina_nefer (2 stories) (4 posts)
7 years ago (2017-08-07)
Hello everyone,

In a way I wish my story was fake, BUT I write here just to communicate and to receive advices, I don't want to gain anything from this. To be honest, if it wasn't true, I wouldn't write it here or anywhere else, I am not that kind of person who looses time writing,,stories'' on a site. When you signed up here on this site you have to give your birthdate, automatically it gives you the age grouping, I have not choose it myself... And I am born in 1987...YEAHHH, thank you for making me younger, I am flattered...

Everyone, thank you for your advices, I have to mention that I am baptized from a young age and I strongly believe in God. I dreamt about someone in the family being a witch so probably that was with a purpose... Now the only thing that I personally want to do is to remain with God and to study how to,,ground'' and to,,shield'' myself and if I will learn this I could continue with helping others.
You are marvelous, at least I know I am not alone now... I can speak with you guys... Thank you a lot
valkricry (49 stories) (3275 posts) mod
7 years ago (2017-08-06)
You do not understand our age groupings (titles) they are a bit different then other places;
"The age categories are pretty broad, I didn't want to be overly specific for privacy reasons:

20 or less = teenager
20 - 40 = young adult
40 - 60 = middle age adult
60 or more = senior adult"
That is according to our site administrator. So, young adult = 20-40. Well within the ages you state she must be.
aedelberth (1 stories) (6 posts)
7 years ago (2017-08-06)
the story is fake, so the account indicates that she is a young adult, young adult means between 18 and 22, the story happened 5 years ago, when she was 17, at that point she worked as a proffesional caretaker in a home, and she was already married? That means she finished nursing school when? At 16 y old? From Romania, the nursing school starts at 18y old when you finish high school, the nursing school takes 3 years in Romania... So yes, sorry to dissapoint you, but this is just a cute storry, nothing real here...
Miracles51031 (39 stories) (4999 posts) mod
7 years ago (2017-08-04)
I_wear_glasses - if you just signed up, I hope you took time to read the Comments Guidelines. If not, I have provided them for you.

"This site offers discussions on the topic of ghost experiences, with people coming from various cultures, so please avoid proselytizing or preaching, unless the author of a story specifically asks to receive feedback from that religious perspective. This site is not about religious beliefs, it is about actual personal paranormal experiences and exploring reality with an open and investigative mind so we can actually learn more about the paranormal, with the same empirical mind set that made science so successful in other fields. Religions have a lot of wisdom to offer in terms of personal spirituality, but they can also limit our knowledge of the world with old superstitions and unproven dogmas. It's fine to share what your religion has to offer as a possible explanation, but everyone has their own, they certainly don't come here to be converted, so please, don't push it on others as irrefutable fact."
I_wear_glasses (1 posts)
7 years ago (2017-08-04)

I registered for the sole purpose of responding to this story.

I come from a family associated with witchcraft. The things you are expeiencing are very similar to things I also experienced in my younger years.

I've dealt with phantom knockings, dark silouettes, exploding bulbs, bangings, disappearing items, strange sounds, night terrors, etc. I also used to sleep with the light on and avoid certain areas of the house I grew up in because I was being watched.

I don't want to scare you, but these things are not ghosts, they are demonic. My guess is that, like me, my brother and cousins, you are targetted because your relatives have dabbled or are still dabbling in witchcraft.

From my own personal experience, there is only one way to stop them dead in their tracks, that is the name of Jesus Christ.

Once I became a Christian most of it stopped right then and there. On very rare occassions, I'll feel a strange presence or a fearfulness come upon me for no reason, but if I rebuke it in the name of Jesus it ends immediately. I don't even have to say it out loud. Simply thinking it is enough.

In my last night terror episode which was probably 2 or 3 years ago, I could feel the thing paralyze me and try to enter into my body. I couldn't move, I couldn't talk, and I couldn't open my eyes, but I could think. When I realized what was happening I simple as Jesus for help. As soon as I did, the thing stopped and I regain control of my body. The name of Jesus is that powerful. He ended the episode simple because I asked Him to.

My advice to you is pick up a Bible and start reading. Start with the Gospels. Get to know Jesus because He wants to know you. He is greater than the things in this world. Even the demons recognize His authority and flee from it.

I will pray for you tonight.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
Ephesians 6:12‭-‬18 KJV
alina_nefer (2 stories) (4 posts)
7 years ago (2017-08-01)
I want to say thank you to everyone! I will try to follow your advices and leave the fear behind! I have to admit that is hard to see the goodness in the world when we are surrounded by so much evil! I just can't see the bright side! Thank you again, at least now I have a point where I can start from!
Blessings from Romania! ❤
RANDYM (2 stories) (266 posts)
7 years ago (2017-07-31)
Alina nefer

Welcome and thank you for sharing.
I don't often comment on stories such as yours because I simply don't know enough to offer an
Opinion. I'm goimg to in your case though because there are some things I feel you must consider
First please take the advice of the other members as I feel their input is very valuable
2nd. In life we get punched around a lot. It's what we do after getting punched that teaches us and helps us grow. Every punch and how we respond is a chance to learn and become a better soul
When my wife was in her early nursing days she came home crying at the condition and plight of some of her patients. This is what I told her. I said she wasn't seeing the whole picture. Perhaps her smile or words and acts of kindness were the last thing some of those patients will take with them as they leave this world. Maybe you sitting and holding someone's hand was the last act of kindness they remember. It's tough in the trenches but that is where things happen
Try and see the good you do for it can reach deep
I also want to add this
It seems you have a gift. One you didn't ask for but have none the less. Try and learn to put that gift to use. It's not going to go away so you might as well put it to good use. Learn to control it instead of the other way around. Imagine how good it could be to help take away the fear out of those that are dying
In other words, take this gift and turn it into some positive for both you and those around you
You CAN do it! GREAT things

Let us know how it goes.
rookdygin (24 stories) (4458 posts)
7 years ago (2017-07-29)
Openedeyes said it. From your description it sounds as if you are an Empath. Welcome to the club. 😲

Knowing you are not alone can help, it gives you a 'network' of people who have the same 'ablility' (give or take its strength) as you. People you can talk to and ask questions of.

'Grounding' is a good thing to learn, however 'Shielding' yourself may be even more important... When you 'shield' yourself it keeps other individuals emotions from clouding/becoming your own.

Simple Shield: Visualize a light/flame/bubble (color of your choice) beginning in the center of your torso (make it from the heart if you wish). 'See' it slowly expanding and as it does so 'see' it pushing away any feelings/emotions/thoughts that ARE NOT yours. 'See' it expand until it surrounds you and is actually keeping those feelings/emotions/thoughts that are not yours away from you. Do this everyday... Eventually it can become second nature and you can 'raise or lower' it 'at will'. That will take some time (it took me nearly 6 years for my shield to be 'up' without me thinking about it and even with all the experience I have there are times were I get 'overloaded and stuff just gets through (Shopping Malls are very tough on me, around the Holidays its the hardest).

Grounding: Many ways to do that, my favorite is going to a park where I know I can take off my shoes and walk in the grass. Once my shoes are off and I am barefoot in the grass I visualize all the negative energy that I may have picked up, or any 'emotions/feelings or thoughts' that are not my own flowing out of my body and into the ground where the Earth will dissipate them naturally. Once I 'feel clean' I visualize positive energy entering my body, reenergizing me. For me this works even better if its raining... So that everything is 'washed away' so to speak.

I must admit, there are other ways... To many for me to mention here, do some research, ask us some questions but please do not feel alone.

Thank you for sharing.


Openedeyes (2 posts)
7 years ago (2017-07-27)
You are an empath. Please research on how to 'ground' yourself. As for the hauntings that you experience, Yeshuah Hamashiach can help with that.

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