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I'm Sorry


4 years ago my daughter Leah passed. After she died doors and windows would open and close, music would play, and her twin sissy Bryanna would wake up shouting sissy and go back to sleep.

4 years have passed and well Leah doesn't bug us very much. She still gives us signals that she is still around. Me and my husband gave her own room. We buy toys for her. We write notes to her.

When we moved from one house into a bigger and better one we knew our little Leah we come with us. We know she loves us as much as we love her. It's great to know she's around. I only wish I knew she was allergic to breast milk.

Lately it has been feeling like she's not around anymore. I don't know whether she found the light and left us or she doesn't want us to know where she is. Being a mother and not knowing where your child is upsetting. Even though our Leah is dead she is still with us.

Leah I'm sorry I didn't know you were allergic to breast milk. I am sorry for being a bad mother. I am very sorry for not being able to find you. And lastly I am terribly sorry for not being there for you. Leah I love you dearly and I want everyone to know that. Leah please come out of hiding.

Everyone I'm putting this on Leah's bed so she can read it. If she doesn't give me signals that she is around what should I do? I really need support. She is my family and I don't want to lose her. I already lost her once; I am not going to lose her again.

Please everyone comment and help me find her. I miss her dearly.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, crazygirl94, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

crazygirl94 (1 stories) (4 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-23)
Barbiieex3 Leah was 8 months and 12 days old when she died. Also I would like to thank you all for being so nice and understanding. I think lui is right. I need to focus on bryanna and my husband. Thank you all so much. It really means a lot to me. ❤
brainlessbandit (2 stories) (27 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-11)
First, let me offer my condolences. Losing a child is a nightmare for a parent, and it's difficult for me to fathom losing something that is physically and spiritually a part of you. I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

If you haven't heard from her, it probably means she's moved on into her next life, wherever that may be. I know you don't want to lose her again, but I'm afraid her departure is inevitable, and it is indeed the best thing for her. Her spirit doesn't belong in this realm, and holding her back from the other side is not doing any good for you, and especially not for her. It seems that you have a lot of guilt concerning your little girl's death. Please rest assured that her passing was no fault of yours. It was simply meant to be. I'm assuming her death was related to her allergy? This was not something that could be helped. Please don't put yourself at fault. Your love for your little girl shows that you're a wonderful mother, and I'm sure that your daughter can still feel your love, even if she isn't in this world anymore.

I have two more pieces of advice to give: first, I think it would be to your benefit if you sought the help of a grief counselor. It seems that you haven't dealt with her loss in a way that's conducive to healing - again, not your fault, but I think you would fare better with the guidance of a counselor. Second - and this is the most important thing I will say - please find it in your heart to let your daughter go. She's moved on, and keeping your attachment to her isn't going to bring her back. As I said before, she doesn't belong on this earth anymore, and the longer you hold on to her, the harder it will be to say goodbye forever (or at least until you meet again). Stop buying toys for her, and try not to think of her as "being there" - if she's gone, she's gone. Cherish your memories of her, and take comfort in the fact that she's reached the place where she was meant to be all along. I know it's hard, and what I've said are things that you probably don't want to hear, but when all is said and done, you'll come out of this valley a stronger person whilst keeping the memories of your little girl locked deep inside your heart.

Shalom, and God bless.
geetha50 (15 stories) (986 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-10)

First of all, sorry for your loss. It's never easy to lose someone you love. Take comfort in knowing that your daughter is in a better place now. The pain never goes away but over time it nulls down a bit. The best way to keep her alive would be to keep her memory going by not forgetting her.

Are YOU serious? What has gotten to you? I admit we lose some Karma points from time to time because of the way we feel towards a story but come on man, this is the first time I have seen karma points go into the double digits in the opposite direct. Do everyone a favor, think before you start writing.

Your comment maybe in good intentions but I got a question for you. All of us have lost someone we truly cared about. As much as we want them back with us at all times, won't you think it is better if we take comfort in knowing that they are in a better place? That they are not suffering anymore? I personally believe that after we die, our souls go to rest and our good memories will keep them alive.
isabella8 (4 stories) (25 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-09)
awwwh... That's sad...
Why don't you call out her name and tell her that you miss her and that you want her back... Try it... ❤
Vermillion625 (1 stories) (13 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-09)
A spirit when ready; will eventually move on. It seems that little Leah has moved on. I'm very sorry your daughter died so young; you loved her very much. No one ever deserves to be put through such grief.

So sorry:' (

LilithGarner (10 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-08)
Aww,you poor thing! I'm sorry your kid died.: (Well,if she did leave, at least she's happy.:) If she's at the other house, you should go ask her to come with you. And if she's there, well just be happy!:)
RenVolkov (9 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-08)
I'm sorry to hear that you lost your child. But maybe she has moved on. Maybe that's why she's no longer giving signals to you. I'm sure that Leah doesn't blame you for anything that has happened. I honestly think that it's very moving that you read notes and such to her.

You had mentioned that Leah had passed away four years ago. Now this may also sound very cold-hearted, but if she stopped giving you signals that she's around maybe she has passed on and is giving you the hint that you need to move on as well. I'm well aware that moving on is difficult, but it does need to happen sooner or later. And maybe now is the time for you to start moving on and healing your wounds.

I apologize if this offends you.

Teddy1 (5 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-08)
That would be absolutely HORRIBLE to lose a child, ecspecially a baby. I am young and have a 7 month old sister and I could NEVER imagine losing her. I love her so much. My heart goes out to you and your family. My heart broke to read this story. 😭
Clairvoyant94 (1 stories) (2 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-08)
I believe that if she did not answer that she has moved on, you should feel relieved that she is not a trapped soul. My sympothy to you in your loss
aprilmarisa30 (1 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
i can't imagine losing a child and I take it she was a baby because you said she was allergic to breast milk. How long has it been? Everyone is right you need to focus on bryanna she needs you more than the little one that died. She may be gone but never forgotten. Keep her memories alive and try to talk about her everyday even if it brings tears to your eyes. And she is around watching over you, her father and her sister. Just pray for her pray to GOD to show you somehow in someway that she is okay. And ask her to give you one more sign before she goes that she is ok and evey now and then to check in and let you know she is still okay. God bless you and your family and I'm so so sorry for your loss.
Javelina (4 stories) (3749 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
Any parent will tell you that we all have things we regret doing or saying when it comes to raising our children. Something we wish we could take back or change if only we had the chance to do it over again. Hopefully we learn from these and move forward with a little more knowledge and patience than we started out with.
Take all these comments that have been left and hold them close. They came from the good hearts of all these people. We've all been touched by your story, we all feel the pain in your heart from the words you've written, and we all wish for you have peace in your soul.
I'm sorry for your loss and your pain.

cosmogal926 (9 stories) (1223 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
My heart breaks for you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss and the pain that you are going through. I can see that you are consumed with guilt, but this was in no way your fault. Leah will always be with you in your heart. She is, like Lou said giving you the space you need to heal and focus on Bryanna. I pray that God gives you the strength you need. ❤
redphx (4 stories) (827 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
OMG. You are not a bad mother! Don't you ever say that again. Never ever think that! God has plans for all of us, each life we get is a lesson for both the parent and the child. Your child was given to you for her to learn something. God gave her a short life to live because that is what she needed to do. It was a very big step in her spiritual development as well as yours and her sisters, and you husband. As long as you love her that is all that matters.

As far as her not being around. Please feel that this is a good thing. It was now time for her to move back into the light and perhaps one day she will come back to you again in a body that is less fragile. It wasn't your fault that she was allergic to an enzyme in the breast milk. Babies are born with numerous diseases some just don't grow out of them and some are fatal. You loved her and that is all that mattered to her.

I am very sorry for your loss but please feel peace for your daughter. If you feel guilty and sad it will cause her to not rest and hang around. She wouldn't be able to make the next journey in her soul's life. Please understand that we can't always keep our babies. They are in fact God's creations and they are His children. I've lost three babies. I knew I couldn't keep them and that it wasn't my decision. I felt sad at the time but I knew that they needed to learn a lesson in their short existance as I needed to learn mine. Please know that this doesn't mean she is gone forever. If you try for another baby perhaps she will come then. Maybe in the form of a son or hopefully another daughter. Her soul is connected to you now and if it is meant to be she will come back to you and live with you longer. I really wish you wouldn't blame yourself and it really makes me slightly angry that you would think that something like this was your fault. As a mom you will think that, and think that you should have known but there was no way that you could have. As long as you loved her that is all that she wanted.
LouSlips (10 stories) (979 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
Leah is not gone. She sees you hurting and she sees you dwelling on your guilt, blame, and shame. She sees her sister hurting because her mother is grieving. Leah is always going to be with you... She has gone to the light, but she is watching your every move. All she has is you, her father and her sister, her family is all she knows... But she sees the pain her memory brings you and she is grieving for her sister. She wants you to realize that her absence is proof that she is alright without your devotion to your grief. She wants to show you that your focus needs to be on Bryanna, that Bryanna needs you more than she does right now.
Focus on your family, find a way, one piece at a time; and you will be rewarded. When she sees you put it all back together, she will come to you again... And she will be proud of her mommy.

God Bless,
Indigo_spark (3 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
I am so sorry, but I agree Kristina. Think, if Leah has found her way to the light, she will be complete; perfectly at rest. Any mother wants the best for her child, and the best thing for Leah is finding the light. However, she may still be with you, just she has settled down a bit, but I don't know enough to judge. I hope Leah is happy wherever she is, and god bless you.
Indigo_spark ❤ xx
ElfEars66 (2 stories) (9 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
Aww, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter, like many others have said, you were just doing what any good mother would do, it's not your fault. She might have moved on once she saw that everyone was okay, or she might think that she's upsetting you or her sister. ❤ Elf
multinathan911 (3 stories) (23 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
really sad story I can't imagine what its like to lose your child. It is good that she is still looking after you and watching you, you must have been a good mother for her to do that. Please don't burden youself with the untrue thoughts of her death being your fault. You were doing what a true mother would do, sometimes it just isn't ment to be. It may seem like a never ending struggle but you have got to be brave for yourself and your daughter. You need to let go, move on with your life that is what I imagine to be what your daughter would want for you

Wishing you all best
From nathan ❤
DeviousAngel (11 stories) (1910 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
I can't even begin to imagine the pain you and your family have gone through at losing Leah, but you have to ask yourself what's best for her? Remaining half in this world, confused and trapped as long as your concerns and regrets keep her here? Or letting her move on to a place where she will be in peace?

You have every right to love and miss her, but you can't hold onto regret and blame yourself for her passing forever. Please don't try and keep her here in this world, because she's already gone. Instead, remember her fondly and meditate on the good memories you have of her, and instead transfer all the love that you have for her onto your surviving child. Your surviving daughter is probably just as hurt and confused as you are, and she needs support as much as you do.

Wishing you and your family all the best of light and love...
Barbiieex3 (1 stories) (3 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
I'm So Sorry To Hear Loss:/
How Old Was Her When She Died?
Dont Blame Yourself You Didnt Know, Atleast She Is Still With You (: ❤
ILee (1 stories) (91 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)

I'm sorry for your loss. I know it's very difficult losing a loved one.

If I may be honest here, I think this is becoming unhealthy for you. I know you're a grieving mother and wants to hold on as long as you can. And I don't think of you as a bad mother at all. But you have to let her go. If she has gone to the light and has moved on, you need to move on as well. You don't want her to be trapped to this earthly realm do you? Spirits weren't meant to be among us. They're here either because they have unfinished business or they're trapped. Hold on to her memories and not her spirit. I hope I have not offended you in any way. My heart goes out to you and hope that you find what you're looking for.
kristinarodriguez1980 (5 stories) (11 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
This is every parents worse nightmare, but you can't blame yourself for her death. You didn't know she was allergic to breast milk. You was trying to do what's best for your babies.However...I know its easier said then done, but you gotta except the fact that she might have found the light. The light means purity,peace,and happiness. She could be very happy. She may come to you in your dreams, or even a sweet smell of a flower. If I was you Id get some professional help to deal with your grief and loss and Id keep the bedroom you guys' set up. Sometimes physical things help to heal. You and your family are in my prayers ❤ ❤
Shawty786 (2 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
I'm sorry to Read about your daughter. Maybe her time has come to move on... Just pray for her... Pray that she's been given the right place:)
crapperdapper05 (2 posts)
11 years ago (2011-06-07)
I feel you...: (,y cat died and I wake up in the night hearing her meows

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