I was crying. In my room and all alone, I cried myself to sleep for almost a whole week. How was I to know the guy I liked didn't like me really. He just used me to get to my sister. You see, my sister and I are the best of friends with huge personality differences. She does sports, she has many friends at school, she goes on dates almost every weekend while I am shy, I do ballroom dancing and the Arts, and flirting with guys just doesn't come naturally to me. So when this guy was flirting with me and taking me out to dances and all the fun stuff that this perfect guy could dream up, I thought that maybe I wasn't as unpopular as I thought I was. Then one hot summer night, he broke the news to me that "he didn't mean to let it become this" and "he was so sorry" but "I want to know your sister". And that is when I started to cry myself to sleep that long and slow week.
Twelve-thirty rolled around and awake I sat, teary eyed and just miserable in the window sill staring out into the darkness. Every time I thought of him, a fresh round of tears would swell up and fall down my face and make the ends of my hair wet and salty. It had been five nights he had my sister out late, and five nights since I had a good night's sleep. I couldn't stand being in my room any longer. I didn't want to see his car pull into my driveway again and make my broken heart throb in agony. And I didn't want to cry any more. Angry, frustrated, and sad, I opened up my window, pushed the screen out, and climbed out into the warm, summer darkness.
Bare feet hardly making a sound on the pavement, my shadow following me as I passed street lights, I walked down the road. I was never one to go out in the night. I had never snuck out before. I never even really thought about walking the empty blocks at night. But it felt good. There was nobody to see me, nobody to look out there window at me, no one to drive pass me on the street, no one. Although I am usually alone, that night I felt completely alone. The night air felt wonderful in my emptiness. There was no body to ask "what's wrong" when I know they really don't care.
The park was so still and so dark. Blackness lay beyond the trees, the play ground was so still and quiet, everything was just mysterious and new to me. I really did like this new world of darkness. The crickets chirped loudly and the stars shone brightly as I ran off into the trees. The grass was cold on my feet as I ran.
"It's almost as cold as Adam!" I said coming between my two favorite climbing trees. They were so beautiful in the night's dim light. I looked between there boughs and up into the stars, those hot tears springing back into my eyes.
"How could you lie to me?" I cried angrily. "How could you use me? Why couldn't you be the Prince Charming you pretended to be? I didn't do anything to you? Why did you want to hurt me?"
I couldn't say anymore. I was sobbing too hard. I stood there between my trees sobbing until I passed out, or something. For the next thing I know I'm lying on the cold ground, not moving, not crying.
"She's trying to die, oh no," a voice far away yet right next to me said. I wanted to let out a breath, a voice, or move my eyes, but I couldn't. I could hear something move right close to my ear and then the voice came back. "You can't die," he said. "I don't think it's your time..."
I still couldn't move. I was scared. Some guy was speaking right in my ear and I was paralyzed. I heard him move again and the next thing I know, he's laying next to me so he can look at my face. A man, young, handsome, and very pale looked at me with black eyes matching mine.
"How a man can hurt a woman, I don't know," he said. Nothing he was saying made sense to me. "But that is no reason to die. Dying is not the answer to every problem..."
I managed to let out a very small breath and an even smaller moan while trying to speak. "I'm sorry, what was that?" he said. I could now blink and move my eyes. I saw this tall figure was wearing church clothes. I looked back at him and tried to speak again.
"I don't know you," I managed to sputter out.
"I know," he said.
We laid there for who knows how long. But I laid there silent while he talked to me about who knows what. I soon enjoyed just hearing him talk about everything and nothing.
"I need to go home," I told him and climbed slowly to my feet. He stood up too, watching me the whole time.
"Yes," he said, "It is rude of me to keep a lady out this late..."
"There need to be more gentlemen like you in the world," I told him.
"Ahhh..." he said and gave me, a complete stranger, a hug. I have never had a hug like that in my life. "I'm not in the world..." He said. "But let me warn you before I leave, never count on dying to fight pain. Even when others you love do, they'll wait patient until you join them..."
He sent me off home and I ran the whole way. I never understood what he meant by his last words until the very next winter. My grandfather died unexpectedly, my cousin took his life, my dog was poisoned and died in my lap, and my uncle passed away of cancer. But the young gentleman's words were always in my head.