Something happened to me two nights ago that has really worried me. About a month or so ago I had my first experience of what I thought was sleep paralysis. I had been out with friends drinking and had a big argument with my (then) boyfriend on the phone who could get pretty aggressive and our fight unsettled me a bit... I dozed off eventually and woke up, I'm not sure how much long after, unable to move. I didn't feel any pressure on my body but I remember I couldn't move and I could see my ex lying next to me talking. It was really scary because I knew it wasn't really him and it was very vivid.
I can't remember exactly what he was saying but it was along the lines of telling me I was going to die... Then I heard, I mean actually heard out loud, a deep voice say "breathe" and came through/woke up gasping for air. It kept happening all night, after that I just kept seeing things at the end of the bed. I can't really explain what I saw but it was a horrible feeling when it happened and left me scared to sleep.
I looked into it and realised it was probably just sleep paralysis and didn't think that much more of it until it happened again. This was about two weeks ago but this was much worse. This time I hadn't been drinking and I'm sure I felt myself actually get rolled onto my back, the movement felt really un-natural, then it started.
I felt a huge pressure on my chest and something in my head was telling me I was evil. It was like I had to fight with it and I could almost feel things moving in and out of my body. I know it sounds crazy but I was like I was fighting with myself. I feel crazy even talking about it. Something was telling me that I have the spirit of jezebel in me (I didn't even know much about this jezebel until I looked her up!) and that it was what I wanted. I remember being really scared and arguing and saying no, telling it to leave me alone, then eventually it stopped. And the room went back to normal. I didn't see anything that I can remember, and I don't remember the sound of the voice. Just what it was saying and the feeling of being pushed down.
The last one was two nights ago and the worst so far. I was having a dream about my mum from what I can remember and a friendly voice was telling me to calm my lifestyle down, it was saying that I can't keep secrets from her, then it all turned dark and I felt like I started having a panic attack while I was sleeping, I woke up feeling myself being held down hard against the bed, and this time being pushed right up against the headboard. I tried to scream for my mum but I couldn't make any sound. Then it felt like something was starting to try and push my legs open. It was absolutely terrifying and has left me a bit scared to sleep. I was trying to swing my arms up but it took every inch of strength just to move slightly. I was again arguing in my head with something but this time as well I being scared to death I was angry. I don't know word for word what it was saying to me but I remember swearing and telling it to get away and leave me alone, it took every inch of strength I have ever had to fight with it and I remember feeling like it was the hardest thing I had ever had to do just to try and fight this thing off.
Eventually the room went back to normal but I was still terrified. I ran down the stairs and couldn't go back in the room, I even started crying and I don't very often. I just don't know what's going on. I sleep walk occasionally as well but I've never known anything like this.
My mum is religious, but not crazy religious, and I'm not although I believe in god and know a lot about the bible... Is my head just really messed up by it? I have never felt like it is. I've always felt special to have a Christian mother and I've never ever experienced anything like this in my life. However I've gone a bit off the rails at the moment and I don't really know why, just partying a bit too much and I have been hiding things from my mum. Is it maybe guilt just messing with my mind? I don't know why but when it happens it really feels evil.
There is also lot of paranormal activity in my family history. One thing being that my uncle (mums brother) used to use ouija boards (caused a lot of the activity when my mum was growing up resulting in the house getting blessed) and my great aunties all read tea leaves... I know I sound mad but I'm a normal girl with good people in my life and I study psychology so I should just be able to put this down to my mind... But my I can't. Is it just paralysis...? I have a horrible feeling its going to happen again and get worse.