It has been some time since I had stopped having nightmares every night. Like the past few years, I can count on the tip of my fingers about the instances where I had seen such dark dreams that I used to get emotional the whole morning after waking up.
Maybe it has to do with a lot of things I had suffered throughout my childhood. Bullying in fact lots of bullying until 9th grade, getting diagnosed with PCOS patterns at 14 years old, negative body image, obesity, a lot of weight issues, in fact, migraine, and not-so-healthy familial relations. Maybe this post won't get published because this is not exactly a "paranormal story".
I have this vague recollection of being touched and a larger weight pressing upon my shoulder and chest for a longer period and felt someone was lifting me by my waist. I still remember being unable to move even a finger, and that I was awake yet unable to open my eyes. I don't have any recollection of whatsoever that happened after that. My mother told me that I woke up and told her the giant king is trying to take me. Then I went back to sleep.
Please be with me and bear some patience because going down this memory lane is taking a lot from me.
I had this incident again at a very tender age, where I went to this maternal relative's home in Kolkata. I don't remember the man's face or anything. All I remember are the touches. The man touched me in places he shouldn't have.
Now even though I left the city after that, I never had that urge to visit that city anymore. I went to the city every year during my summer break but it used to give me a headache to be around male relatives. I started having sleep issues.
Now coming to the topic of sleep paralysis. I don't know when was the first incident or how it started. But I remember having this nightmare during my 9th grade when I saw or rather felt pressure right against my chest. The pressure kept increasing to a point where it reached behind my neck and I couldn't move to come out of that state. After that night, I firmly told my father that I won't come back to the city anymore. I never told him my reasons for not liking Kolkata. Also somewhere down being the youngest of all paternal cousins, I used to get attention from all male and female cousins. I started hating that attention and being babied where getting touched even on my cheeks annoyed me.
Some of the sleep hag incidences occurred in Canada as well during my stay over there for four years. It always happened somehow whenever I was going through a ton of stress. I remember going through one of the most toxic relationships with a man who was almost 15 years elder than me. I always ignored the red flags in the beginning and ended up having anxiety and nightmares every day where I always was getting chased by dark shadows. Now to think of, somewhere down due to this and poor diet, I ended up having GERD. Nightmares every day, and sleep paralysis just got to another level This time, I started seeing actual forms of demons in my nightmares.
I remember during the time I was staying in Victoria in Canada, despite being a warm night, I was shivering the more I walked down the street of Verdier Avenue in Brentwood Bay. I was going to a resort where I did the night shift. I am sorry if I am not being descriptive right now and unable to tell you what exactly what I was going through. I only remember getting this feeling where I was getting followed on such a dark street. I kid you not, but I was indeed getting followed by something. I still don't know if it was a human or spirit or what. But there was this pit bull that used to always go mental at night and bark at people who walked across a stretch of the street near to the porch of the house where the dog's kennel was made. One cannot avoid that part of the street at all and not get the dog annoyed. He started barking at this shadow form which was walking first behind me and then it went ahead of me to avoid the dog. The dog got even more territorial and started barking. It ran across the road and came towards the shadow figure ahead of me. I thought the person is now going to get it. But no... The form disappeared out of nowhere right in front of me and the dog came to a standstill becoming as if confused. He kept looking in that particular direction and then saw me. I was getting annoyed by this time, but thankfully, a woman came in front of me and shooed away the Pitbull. I was scared by the sudden presence of the dog, and the vanishing act of that figure in front of my eyes.
After this incident, I still remember being so scared that when I was coming back in the morning, for the first time ever from being an insomniac, I became a person who mostly spends her time only sleeping. I slept for straight on 35 hours once on my two days off during this time when I was doing this job in Brentwood Bay. Blame it on the stress or job or whatever, I saw a green slimy demon with two big horns and malice in its eyes once in my dream. I still remember the dream even today as if I just had woken up and seen it. I saw a basement under a large Victorian era house, where one has to go through tons of stairs and then some hidden cellars to get into this underground level. The door was iron padlocked and someone opened it. Then I was pushed inside and saw this green slimy demon with big boils and blisters all over its body and it was covered with scales. I saw its black eyes and it just kept looking at me with such curiosity. I can never forget that gaze. It felt as if he is looking inside my soul, including my thoughts as well. I had this fear for the first time ever I had felt in a dream.
I had seen lots of nightmares and had sleep hag incidences as well, but the fear wasn't to this level. I felt a danger to my physical health as well. That fear went to such a level that when I woke up, I was frozen to a state where I was screaming for my brother who was in the other room. But no sound came out of my mouth. I realized after some time, that I am still screaming but it's going inside my mind. I, for the first time, felt tears rolling down my eyes in a dream. It never happened to me before.
Then the last sleep paralysis incident happened last afternoon. I was going through emotional turmoil for the past few weeks, maybe this is the reason I felt this way. I fell asleep in between my assignment. With my glasses still on my eyes, during my small afternoon nap of maybe 20 minutes, I felt someone sitting beside me. It was rather a female form and it was touching me on my chest and then its hand went back to my neck and down my spine. I wasn't able to wake up but I can still remember the touches because they happened just yesterday with me. I remember waking up with a bang sound which I can still hear and my heartbeats were racing.
That's all from my side! For some reason, I feel better. I cannot recount all sleep hag incidences that occurred to me and I know this is more to do with my mental health. I had dropped a lot of unhealthy habits and had paid attention to my diet in the past few years. It has helped a lot and even started doing exercises to make myself calm.
But the nightmares don't stop. They don't occur every night but when they do... Those are cruel. Sleep Paralysis yes, that had stopped. Maybe last evening was just a warning to take care of myself even more but what to do with the bad dreams...? I am tired of it. I seriously don't think this post will get posted but if it does, thanks to the moderators and the YGS readers. Sorry for my grammatical errors if there are still any, despite my editing. I wrote it the moment when I was going upheaval of different emotions, to uplift myself and unburden some of the negative emotions I was going through that time.