It was the end of my summer session of college in San Francisco at my Art college. I was staying in the dorms on Van ness and Broadway. I remember being really lonely and depressed and had decided that day to kill myself. I was just so down and alone. I walked around the corner to a wallgreens on Polk St and bought about 5-6 bottles of sleeping pills. When I got back to my dorm I walked up to the 4th floor when I was the only one on the floor and went into my room. I remember just putting on a movie on my laptop and lying on my bed just reflecting on things before I decided to take the pills. Before I knew it I was overcome by a sort of drowsy feeling and started to be attacked. This spirit or what ever was trying to have sex with me I was laying on my stomach and it was on my back holding my down and trying to have sex with me from behind, it felt so heavy and it was hard to breathe. I was so frightened and scared I was panicked and I tried to scream by I couldn't I was crying and screaming on the inside but my whole body felt like it was stuck in quicksand and all I could muster up on the out side was slow sobs.
I had never been this scared in my whole life. But I still kept fighting I tried thrashing back and forth and tried to look around at my assailant and I remember still seeing my movie continuing and I knew I wasn't dreaming. I turned my head and still not sure if I saw what I saw that was attacking me. It looked at though I was looking through broken glass. I was still struggling and managed to push my body off my bed and I was grabbed by the powerful force back onto the bed any direction I pushed it would yank me the opposite. Then I cried out for God to help. I cried and cried and asked god to help me. I felt like such a hypocrite I never fully believed in god and was always that self proclaimed atheist who joke badly about god. He didn't show up to help. I didn't know what else to do and I was exhausted from the fight. I just gave up and soon after I gave up the spirit and left. As soon as the presence had left I bolted off my bed and was crying hysterically. Even though I didn't feel like god had come and saved me because I knew I didn't deserve it, still until this day I question that while I was crying for gods help I could have swore I saw a bright light and felt gods presence. I'm not sure if it is me trying to convince myself that he was there or if I over time came up with it. But no matter what ever time I think about it the same image of that bright light never seems to change.
I didn't know where to go or who to call so I called my ex boyfriend and told him what happened. He told me that it sounded like an incubus. I didn't know what an incubus was but have heard of the word before from the band. I looked it up online and was so stricken by all the stories I had found that were so terrifyingly familiar to mine.
Since this experience it has turned into a snowball effect of activity in my life.