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My Life Of Hell

 

My story began at the age of 12. I was lying in my bed and had fallen asleep. I remember waking up, or assuming I was awake, to the smell of something like a burning camp fire. In front of me was an 8 1/2 foot tall static figure. Like static on a TV screen, the inside of the figure moved with static as I lay paralyzed. I was not that afraid, I was in complete shock - so much so that I imprinted this moment in my brain - the static figure standing and an overwhelming smell of smoke and camp fire.

The next night I awoke again, but the figure this time was 8-9 feet, and a large black shadow figure. I was immediately overcome with the most intense fear I have ever experienced (to this day). It felt as though this figure was intelligent, and was expelling a condensed intense energy of pure fear.

The following two nights, the black figure returned. On those two nights, I recall feeling it (give the sensation) of shaking my body continuously and I could hear only the sound of a train, and with the fear I felt the figure have some sort of satisfaction from all of this torture.

I continued to see the black figure for 4 years. After trying to find answers most my life to these episodes, I could only come to the conclusion that it was chronic sleep paralysis. Until the age of 16 I had these nightly events at least once a week for 4 years.

At the age of 17, I was sleeping in a friend's bed after many friends had gotten together and spent the night. I opened my eyes and a piercing glow of light blue overcame me. I focused on what was in front of me, and there stood 7 figures. Each one was a warped version of the other, and their faces were obscured and in strange states of emotion, some seemed to be straining, while half their face was coming in and out of focus. One face looked in shock, but none looked completely human. They stood from tallest to shortest, the tallest to the right. The tallest one said "We are the relatives," - its voice felt like a low suction and made my insides feel empty. I had so much experience with sleep paralysis at this point, that I awoke (fully) in instance later, the whole thing lasting about 20 seconds.

These instances I wrote about so far are the earliest and most visually terrifying ones.

I'd like to make clear, at this point, that I had visited several doctors to find answers. They said I was 'depressed.' I was put on an anti-depressant.

As I got older, and into my 20's, the events became much verbal and less visual. I would lay down, and a moment later hear something right next to my ear. Usually it felt like it was on a different frequency, like turning a radio dial, a pause, and then it would burst out talking. Most the time I heard a low male voice.

Like many people, I would hear my name being called. Often, laughing (one of the most common). The voice always came with a sensation of an essence - as in the energy of something that was very specific, a unique personality, but not a human.

In my 20's I ended up seeing 5 psychiatrists and 2 psychologists. None of these professionals thought I had any actual mental disorder, except depression. I just want to clarify that I went to great lengths to get help, or understand, scientifically, why this was happening to me. I did also turn to religion on and off in my life, either by placebo or actuality, a belief in God has helped. At every doctor visit I've ever had, all my blood sugar and blood tests came back normal. I have never had any serious disease or illness.

I want to conclude with where I am now, and how this has evolved. I am now 30, and the last year has been the worst. I attempted to practice meditating (like many people do) and find inner peace. I started getting 'visions' out of nowhere. I would be just walking or standing, and my whole brain would 'shut out' to a scene in my head. These scenes always involved someone that I knew, and there was some sort of spirit or spiritual element as a basis for the vision. I have had about 10 of these now, they are usually a faded bright light spectrum of colors. Very vivid and surreal.

I really don't even want to mention this last event, but I will. I was having a dream where I became aware (about 4 months ago). I was swimming at the the bottom of a pool, and on the other side of the pool was a man/creature sitting submerged in the water, his skin was white and his eyes were burned out of his head, it was incredibly vivid.

I was at the park a few weeks later, and for the first time in my life while I can confirm I was awake completely, I saw spirits moving in the wind. They were transparent brushes of dresses, they looked like attire from the 1700's or so. I smelled intense burning, but there was nothing burning near by to my knowledge. The transparent figures (the bottoms of their feet and gowns) went in an orchestrated circle around the park. I heard in my head "I orchestrate them" and I saw the man with his eyes burnt out.

After this I attempted suicide by pill overdose, and as you can assume I am alive. I have a BA in psychology, I hoped to figure out what was wrong with me. I still don't know.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Jenniferever, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Puthy (6 posts)
-1
2 months ago (2017-10-04)
Basically U r sorta like that kid who sees dead people from that movie the sixth sense... Maybe u should go to the Indians for help they always seem to know what their doing
C2C (3 stories) (62 posts)
+1
1 year ago (2016-07-19)
When I was 27 my doctor put me on an elimination diet. This is a cheap and easy way to determine if you are allergic to certain foods so you can avoid them in the future. For 2 weeks I could only eat unprocessed preservative-free meat (no corned beef, bacon or packaged lunch meat), one particular vegetable of my choice (I chose peas) and drink only water. Then you introduce 1 new food back into your daily diet once daily. If you break out in hives, you know you are allergic. The hives would only last the day and by the next morning would be gone. If no hives presented, it's a fine food to eat. It was determined I was allergic to preservatives, so most anything that came out of a can, bottle or box was a no-no. Other than that, it seems I have no allergies to fresh, unprocessed foods.

I offer the suggestion of trying this diet for 2 weeks since you say you are in overall good health. It did away with my depression and at the end of the 2 week period I felt like an entirely new person, fit mentally and physically, full of energy I hadn't experienced since I was a small child. I lost 10 pounds though I was only 120 lbs to start anyhow, but I liked how I looked and certainly how I felt. I felt like I had been given back my life and the mother earth became a beautiful thing to behold.

My high school counselor always used to tell me depression is caused by chemical imbalances in the body. Allergies throw off your chemical balance. I always hated meds and found anti-depressants made me worse, so after trying them for a few months, I would stop taking them.

Eating fresh, unprocessed food was initially difficult as I grew up eating boxed side-dishes, canned vegetables, luncheon meats, peanut butter & jelly, etc. I learned to cook what I call Sunset Magazine style, or California style, with less cooking, fresh produce and no canned condiments (mustard, ketchup, mayo). I started baking my own bread. I can honestly say I learned what real food really tastes like and enjoy the taste more than ever. It's easier now than it was then to eat preservative free food, it being more readily available at stores.

I think being depressed makes you more susceptible to dark entities. It puts you into a weakened state. If you are strong mentally and physically they perceive this and don't attack because they know they will not be successful.
Jenniferever (1 stories) (2 posts)
+2
1 year ago (2016-07-18)
[at] AugustaM Since you seem interested in the science and history aspect of paranormal, I'll tell you some things I've been thinking about in regard to paranormal experience. I have been going back to the park, about 10 times now. I experienced nothing 8/10 times. The two times I saw/experienced something paranormal was when it was very windy and before a storm. I wonder if the atmosphere, weather, EMF, static electricity (something like that) combined with altered states of consciousness produces paranormal experience. Since I easily experience alter states, it seems that atmospheric changes combined with that state are producing these paranormal anomalies in this particular area.
The problem is I am not a scientist, but I would love to talk to someone that knows more about this.
Jenniferever (1 stories) (2 posts)
 
1 year ago (2016-07-18)
Thanks everyone for your replies, I didn't know my story posted.

[at] AugustaM I did look up the history of the area/park. The area's history begins in 1885 or so, and anything before that is vague. In the 1700's the area had Indians and English settlers who engaged in war, so it cannot be confirmed, but it is possible there was fire and war there, especially since the Indians in that area attacked by burning down buildings and structures.

[at] RANDYM Thank you for the kind words.

[at] annie16 I am no longer suicidal, I am not sure how it got that bad. I did consider the visions coming from something like a tumor, so I had an MRI scan done around that time and I did not have any visible tumors or anything else wrong with my brain scan. I do not have any type of seizures either, according to the doctors. My best guess is that I am narcoleptic, 50% of them have sleep paralysis, and aside from cataplexy narcolepsy is a REM disorder and a chronic sleep deprived state. I think what I am in part experiencing most closely resembles this, I am frequently experiencing altered states of consciousness. I do not have insurance for a sleep doctor though.

[at] Tweed I appreciate your reply, especially coming from a background like mine. I have obsessed over many of the things you mentioned, and it drives me crazy. I was raised super religious, so I assumed maybe I developed some sort of guilt complex and imagined 'demonic like' beings in my sleep. I am not sure, the mind is capable of things beyond my comprehension. At this point in time, I feel much better. I think what is happening (as I posted above) is something wrong with my brain that creates altered states of consciousness more than the average person.
I think the best thing I am doing now is accepting the altered states for what they are, maybe partial imagination, maybe it is possible for the mind to reach some sort of multi dimensional space in altered states of consciousness. Really, now I am fascinated, but I am not presumptuous about it.
I cannot figure out my nightmares, but I do draw pictures often (I am an artist) of what I feel I am unconsciously perceiving. If nothing else, it helps me emotionally. I am trying not to be so cynical about what is 'possible,' I just don't want to be a crazy person, either.
I recently had a vision of an alien. It was as though I was standing 5 feet from it, overcome with frozen fear. It was as though it really was right next to me, and the moment was actually happening. It was about 5 feet tall with huge black eyes, and I can't even begin to describe the detail in every aspect of the vision. I don't believe this is just my imagination, deep down.
If it is my imagination though, I am glad I can experience it all the same.
AugustaM (2 stories) (399 posts)
+2
1 year ago (2016-07-05)
I too have struggled with depression in my life...it's a real pain in the ***! And I've been to that place before where suicide has seemed like the only way out... No one should ever have to feel that darkness.

I heard about a man once who tried to commit suicide by jumping off the San Francisco bridge and he said, the moment after he jumped he t all the problems in his life all the troubles that had led him to that moment could be fixed... All but the fact that he had just jumped off the San Francisco Bridge! As rotten as things get sometimes, I always try to remember that.

Whether these things are evil or not - remember that you are not alone in this and it is always easier to face up to challenges when you have someone at your side. There are some great folks on this site who will research and help. The suggestion to look up local psychics in your area is a good one. Spiritualists would also give a useful perspective. Also, stopping by the local archives, library or university (even shooting off an email) to research the history of the area would be a useful step in helping you figure out what you are dealing with. You may even consider looking up the specific apparitions themselves - putting what descriptors you can think of into the search bar - to see if any other reported experiences come up.
Here is a link to the website for the Michigan Historical Society: https://www.hsmichigan.org

The burning smell feels to me like it must have significance. The fact that you are not smelling brimstone (something that seems patently connected with bad things) but wood smoke... Makes me think that you are dealing with something wrapped up in history. There have been big fires in Michigan's history.

I am a history geek who can't resist a little research so I did a bit of googling in fires in Michigan. Two things here are most significant - your specific location (mind you, I'm not requesting that you disclose that here, just for your own considerations) and the highest level of detail you can recall from the clothing associated with that last group of apparitions - the former will tell you which fires are significant to consider and the latter should help us pinpoint specifics.

The first to come up when I googled was in 1871, the Great Michigan Fire - then in 1881 the Thumb Fire: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Michigan_Fire. Detroit burned in 1805: http://detroithistorical.org/learn/encyclopedia-of-detroit/great-fire-1805. During the late 1750s and early 1760s, there were various skirmishes between the French and English then the English and Native Americans - all of which may well have caused fatal fires. From 1712 to 1733 you have the Fox Wars - granted, the wiki article doesn't site specific burnings but it just doesn't go into that much detail - burnings were all but inevitable features of warfare at the time: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fox_Wars. It seems then that, historically, the highest concentration of fires were in the 1700&1800s - you mentioned the clothing looked to be from the 1700s. This is where detail becomes important - women's fashions in the heyday of both periods both featured a narrow bodice and long full skirts (with variations in the narrowness and fullness and various other details) - in a split second of viewing, it would be very easy to mistake one for the other. So, without saying anything more that might skew your recollection, I'll ask you to recall all the detail you possibly can... Even silly things that may seem insignificant... And we might just get a lead!
RANDYM (1 stories) (252 posts)
+1
1 year ago (2016-06-30)
Hello Jennifer,

I have no solutions to offer but want to say that I wish you the best and hope you can find some answers to help take control over this and make your life happier. I'm certain there is an answer that you just haven't found yet but I'm cheering for you and I'm sure many on this site are doing the same
annie16 (7 stories) (28 posts)
 
1 year ago (2016-06-30)
Hi Jenniferever

I totally understand your fear/uncertainty but please remember this one thing... Suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem. It is NEVER but NEVER an answer. In fact, suicide only leaves destruction in its wake. Sorry, I don't mean to preach.

My perception, and I must say I am no expert, is that there is more to this, much more. And, even though you may not believe in the supernatural, I feel you should seek the help of an accredited psychic and/or regression therapist. I also feel that you should first rule out any physical causes by maybe seeing a neurologist if you haven't done so already. Smells and visions can be caused by brain dysfunction eg. Tumours or epilepsy.

Please don't give up. Everyone on this site is there to support and help.
Tweed (22 stories) (2036 posts)
 
1 year ago (2016-06-30)
Hi there Jenniferever, cool screen name. 😊

Hope you find this somewhat amusing, whilst reading your narrative I kept thinking 'this person's gotta be trained in psychology'. I hope that amuses you because it sounds like you and I are in somewhat of the same boat when it comes to doctors. That is to say (hopefully without sounding like d-bag) that we 'know' what psychs are going to say. Which can both help and hinder a person.
I was speaking to someone trained in this field recently about this and their general message was 'it's hard to treat those kinds of patients.' Then went on to give me an example of a psychologist who suffered severe depressive episodes. This person was one such who would second guess his own therapist and found little solace in therapy.

I really hope my telling you this doesn't make you feel worse, I hope it helps you to know you're not alone in this.

I'm basing my comment on a hunch that you're the kind who often second guesses outside opinions and advice from professionals.

I suggest you think about the context of your experiences. As scary as a burnt out eyed entity who smells of burning is, the only power it has over you is what you give it, if it is evil, it may not be evil.

Here we go cognitive thinking. 😉 I suffer from chronic nightmares, and I've found I break this is by reliving the nightmare in waking hours, by replaying/changing what happens in the nightmare. It doesn't matter if it's a common theme or a one off nightmare, eventually they become bad dreams without fear or power. I *think* employing a techinique like this might help you overcome the emotional pull these visions have on you.

Also think about the context of all things paranormal throughout your life. Was it a shunned topic? Was it encouraged?
All things ghost related were an encouraged topic while I was growing up. I've noticed those with different upbringings have trouble, and sometimes severe reactions, whilst trying to reconcile what's happening to them.

As you've explored all other avenues, I think now's the time to think about the context of the paranormal throughout your life to date. It might not be easy, but I *think* the key is in context and possibly a shift in perspective.

I'll have a think about the entities you described and get back to you. But I just wanted to concentrate on these points to start with.

There's some awesome people on this forum who are extremely perceptive and can give you their input. (I don't mean 'Mustapha', sorry Mustapha but you're a negative nelly)

Anyhoo welcome to YGS, hope this place can give you some peace of mind. 😊
Miracles51031 (36 stories) (4802 posts) mod
+1
1 year ago (2016-06-29)
_Mustapha - but just because it is black doesn't make it evil or a demon (djinn).
_Mustapha (1 stories) (11 posts)
 
1 year ago (2016-06-29)
Miracles51031 I know that's why tried to explain what they are,that's what we call demons we call them the djinn, not all djinn are bad but most of them are those black ones are demonic, causing nightmares and calling people by their name is one of most thing that they do, they can appear as ghosts too, sometimes they cause them by hallucinations.
Miracles51031 (36 stories) (4802 posts) mod
 
1 year ago (2016-06-29)
_Mustapha - remember, we don't all believe the same. Some people who live in the United States have never heard of djinns except from movies or TV show like Supernatural.
_Mustapha (1 stories) (11 posts)
-3
1 year ago (2016-06-29)
Hello Miss Jennifer, I think some djinn are playing games on you, and some of them are demonic especially if you are sensitive to them, just in case some are wondering what are the djinn,it's what we call demons and those creatures. And can cause hallucinations, calling people by their names is one of their favourite trick.
Escorpiona (1 stories) (5 posts)
 
1 year ago (2016-06-29)
It would seem to me you have a 'gift' - you can see spirits. They might also be residual hauntings. You know some people believe if you "have seen the light" (attempted suicide) you are more open/susceptible to the spirit world. Do you always feel afraid? Find your spirit guide. Good luck and be well!

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