It has been four years since my ex (Robz) passed away. Our relationship began through sheer luck when neither of us were actually looking. The chemistry was undeniable and we were drawn to each other like magnetic poles.
It was almost as if the Heavens had opened up and welcomed us on a journey of love, passion, joy and elation. I had never felt this way within such a short space of time about anyone before. Robz was the epitome of the true essence of life. Positive, energetic and just bursting with confidence.
I found myself in love almost immediately and it felt like the most amazing thing ever. Everything was going perfectly and I was never happier. Until I discovered Robz' deep kept secret. Robz was a recovering substance abuser with previous tendencies of violence and irrational mood swings, temper tantrums and so forth.
In retrospect, I think I felt a bit of resentment towards Robz for having not trusted me enough to share this secret with me so I could try to be a source of encouragement during the "sober" phase.
Just as quickly as our love affair had begun, it fizzled out, leaving a very bitter taste in our mouth. Even though we did love each other, Robz' past was fast getting in the way of a future that we thought we could have together.
What drew me to Robz was the bubbly effervescence and light that was resonated from within. As much as Robz had a tumultuous past, the present personality was almost a far cry away. It seemed like two totally different people to be quite honest.
I fell in love with Robz' alluring personality, style, perspective on life AND the way Robz smelt... I know you must be wondering what the flapjack right now lol... But, yes, Robz would wear DKNY (in my opinion the most divine fragrance I have ever smelt).
The moment Robz would enter a room, that scent would engulf me! But alas even that slowly faded away. After our rather quick break up, we thought that we could work on being friends but soon realised that it was not going to happen.
It was around this time that we had lost all contact with each. I had moved to another province for work purposes for four years. Once I had returned to my home town, I had bumped into Robz. It was crazy weird at first and after so many years but that electric pull was still there between us. It felt like all of the negative aspects of our break up dissipated over the years and what was left was the residue of the once unflinching chemistry we shared.
It was during the next two months that we started spending more and more time together. Speaking about the rehab sessions, overcoming the addiction and our dreams and aspirations. It felt all too surreal. We felt as though fate was giving us the second chance that we wanted so badly.
As time passed in those two months, our bond strengthened. We had become inseparable. I thought that everything was beginning to fall into place as it should have four years ago. But alas, that feeling and that need was not meant to be...
Once again, Robz began to change, becoming more secretive, disappearing for days on end with no word. It was like four years ago all over again. Only this time I was stronger and more resilient so I did what I thought was best for us both and I ended the relationship. This time on my own terms. It was an amicable breakup and we walked away without resentment.
Approximately three months after we parted ways, a friend told me that she had seen Facebook wall posts regarding Robz' death. I was in total shock! I thought that my buddy was yanking my chain. I immediately checked the new feeds on FB and saw the hundreds of RIP messages on Robz' wall. I was in a state of shock. TOTAL DISBELIEF to say the least.
Even though we had parted ways, I cared. More than I had realised. Finding out that Robz had passed away over three months ago was the worst... I never got to say goodbye... That is what tore me up... I remember contacting Robz' mum to find out what had transpired which led to such a loss.
I was told that Robz spiraled out of control and went missing for a few weeks and later was found in the company of some foreign nationals that were operating a large drug cartel in the city. Robz had gone from bad to worse. It was a Morphine overdose that finally claimed Robz' life.
It was a very sad way to have passed away...alone. Robz' mum said that Robz' body was discovered three days after the overdose.
Which brings me to the real reason for this narration. It must have been about six months after Robz' passing and I was laying on my bed and snoozed off. I awoke to the scent of DKNY. It was so overpowering that it felt like Robz was laying right next to me. I quickly got off my bed and went to see if we had any guests that I may have not heard coming in. But it was just my mum and dad watching tv in the lounge.
I went back to my room and the smell was gone. So I naturally assumed that I may have imagined it. A few weeks later it happened again. I was at work and suddenly I got the scent of DKNY. And again it was overpowering. It lasted for a few minutes and then it was gone again.
I remember asking my colleagues what perfumes or fragrances they were wearing (mind you, they thought I was a little weirdo for enquiring). None of them was wearing that particular fragrance. Knowing full and well that I was not imagining this, I sat down at my desk and tried to focus and clear my head. In my mind I said, "Robz, if it's your way of telling me you are here, get my attention so I have no doubts that it's you and I am not imagining this."
I waited and waited but nothing happened. Disappointed, I continued to go in for a presentation in our boardroom. I found a seat next to my colleague and settled in for the start of an hour long presentation. By this point I had completely forgotten about the incident a few minutes ago.
So my boss walks in and brings with him our guest speaker. As my boss begins to speak, he introduces the guest speak as "ROB"! Shocked at the coincidence... I sat there just staring into space.
I knew it could have been sheer coincidence or maybe it was the sign I asked for. I really don't know. But in my heart I somehow knew Robz gave me the confirmation I needed.
From that point on, I would smell the fragrance every so often around me. The scent became somewhat comforting and warm after a certain point.
Robz and I may have not been destined to be together in this lifetime but I take comfort in knowing that Robz is still with me from the spiritual realm. To this day the one regret I have is that I never got to say goodbye.
I would like to hear comments from others on YGS regarding my experience. Is it even possible to be able to smell what I was? Also what I have been curious about is if a soul/spirit takes on the same personality as when the person was alive? Do souls change once passing? And how is it that we are able to connect with certain loved ones and not others? It has been years since Robz passed on, why would I still be contacted to this day?
Thank you for taking the time out to read my story. And I do apologize for its length. I look forward to your comments/advice.