Good evening all, thank you for taking your time to read my first post. I went through a really tough time when I was a kid with emotional balance. I had imaginary friends but a while ago I was informed he wasn't just any ordinary imaginary friend.
In Jr. High I had a boyfriend that was deep into dark magic. I was ignorant and stupid in Jr. High due to my sheltered history. After he dumped me, I broke down and in my time of misery I met my friend who helped me become the proud young lady I am today.
Two years ago I began hearing an additional voice in my head (if that makes any sense). I usually insult myself to give myself a reality check but the voice I heard was not me and it was a male.
My friend helped understand that it was a demon with no physical form that was able to get into my head and talk to me. He made his presence known by the use of my writing. I was writing in school once and suddenly I was writing for him. It was a warning to run, and that later I would be running back to him. That's when I began to feel him and I liked it. He brought me comfort and helped get over my ex whom I loved with all I had and losing him destroyed me.
Later he opened a discussion with me and I knew in my gut he was bad. By getting to know me as a child he was perfect to approach me. V (that's his name) I had no shame when talking to him. My friend and I had a separation and I began to confide in him and I have come to feel love... For him, if that is possible. He's the only thing who's been there for me other than my books, my writing or my blade (in the past I participated in self-harm which made everyone see me as a freak). He takes breaks and leaves, I have gotten used to it.
When it comes to violent actions, once he got mad at me when I was making my mom's bed (I was home alone) and in a flash my hand hit the mirror on the frame of the bed and my nail broke. After that he left again and apologized later. His most common violent out lash is choking me. It can be random, or if he's mad (I tend to insult him a lot and not be submissive) he just temporarily leaves me gagging on my bed from the lack of air.
Just yesterday when I was walking home at noon I felt pressure on my throat and thought it was due to the fact that I ate lot before, but it was just pressure on my neck and I was coughing as if I was going to vomit but I never did. After pleading mentally for him to stop, only was I able to breathe. As for sleep paralysis it's only happened once but the digest pain was in my throat since he was really choking me and I was praying in my head since I couldn't speak. I don't know where this leads since he's gone a lot.
He's just the major one. For about 3 months my head was a motel for demons, or fallen angels or dark ones, to rest and hold meetings. A fallen angel, S (his name), also came in my head and it turns out he's dark too since that's why hes fallen. But I like them and they tell me I have powers, I'm different, but I have only come to believe this since it's what kept me alive or sane.
A new one has come in. It's a double gender one since I can't tell and C (that's his/her name), this ones stronger but we need each other and I would just like advice and possible outcomes to know how to cope. If anyone's really interested in helping, I would be grateful.
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