Between the ages of four and seven I can remember occasionally feeling the presence of an older woman nearby. When she was near me, I would feel sick to my stomach with sadness.
I had this overwhelming fear that my parents weren't my parents, like I belonged to someone else. Of all the things that kids are afraid of, that one had to be the most ridiculous. It seemed like the woman wanted me to know, specifically, that these were not my parents, but I never felt like she wanted to scare me. I feel it important to stress that the feeling of being displaced frightened me, but the woman herself didn't frighten me. I also vaguely remember that although I never heard her call my name, I was certain that someone was calling me when I would become aware of her.
My mother asked me what the woman looked like, and she was insistent that it was her mother. To be honest, I didn't believe it was real, even though it was happening to me. I never saw the woman, I only sensed her presence. Years later, when I saw a picture of my maternal grandmother, she actually was the woman I had felt near me as a little girl. I could never really describe her to my mother but I knew her when I saw her picture. I never knew my mother's mother because she died about fifteen years before I was born.
After my mother died, I discovered that she had other children I never knew about. I was the one she kept, and yet interestingly enough, I never could shake the feeling that I wasn't hers. However, I can also remember feeling very strongly that I was not an only child. There were times that I simply knew, for no reason at all, that I had siblings and I needed to find them. That sensation would come without warning and was always intense. All but one of them was already dead when I found out that they existed.
The story would end there, but when I found my mother's dead body, it was accompanied by another presence that was so strong I could almost see it. It was an angry kind of energy and it made it clear that it wanted me to die, too. At least it felt that way to me. It seemed so vengeful. I got the distinct impression, as if an actual thought had been placed in my head externally, that it wanted me because I was her daughter. I genuinely heard the words repeating in my head, "You're next! You're next!" I felt as if it were being screamed at me. I honestly thought that I was just freaked out because I had seen a dead body, especially the dead body of someone I knew so well.
She died unexpectedly with the house locked up like Fort Knox. I had to break in to get to her and I just had a funny feeling that day that something wasn't right. I had recently been to a funeral for a dear family friend, and the eleventh anniversary of my father's death had just passed a few days beforehand. So, I really thought that a whole bunch of random, freaky events had occurred and that death with all its weirdness was fresh in my mind. Plus, it didn't make a whole lot of sense that something would want to harm me just because I was related to my mother. It became that much creepier when the sister I didn't know about until then, and never actually met, died young and unexpectedly, a short time later. The minute I got the news of her passing, I immediately thought of the entity that I had felt and how it emanated such hate.
My mother was odd and I determined early in life that she had lots of things she did not want to talk about. I never realized they were bona fide secrets. I assume that I just picked up her emotional baggage along the way. It would be logical for her to drop hints and clues over the years due to guilt. But, then again, maybe I was tuning into something more sinister than guilt or her instability because I had tons of bad luck until she left this earth. However, after we moved her things into our garage, weird stuff happened in our home until we got rid of all of it.
The women in my mother's family periodically had ghostly apparitions appear to them. That might be why my mother wasn't upset about me being aware of someone near me. I've never seen an apparition, but I've had several other experiences similar to this one.
I have worked diligently in the last few years to lose this ability and most recently it has been two or three years since I've had anything happen. I guess my questions are, is that really what my grandmother wanted me to know? Is there something else I should pay attention to when I think back to these accounts? Why did I stop noticing her presence? Did I really turn off my "sensors" or will this happen again? I think all the spooky stuff that surrounded my mother's death is easily explained, even though it was very scary. I could be wrong and would welcome input. I'm still not sure that I think this stuff is completely right or real or whatever, although I've had other experiences.