This is hard for me to even start because I was always told I was a liar when came to this subject. As far as I can remember it all started when I was five. I just started going to Victory Baptist Church with my neighbour Barbra. My Mom and Dad never truly believed in the same things I did when it came to going to church. Before I go any further I need to tell you a little bit about my family's background.
My Grandfather Ben was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was 23. Mom was always told to look for signs of the illness when having children because it's genetic. When I started having my trouble around five I was avoided and told I was a liar and was sick like my Grandfather. I felt helpless and alone most of my childhood.
The first time I had an issue was when I was learning how to pray and I was saying my bedtime prayers before bed. I turned off my bedroom light and fell right to sleep and maybe within hour something woke me up. When I turned my head I saw a being in a black cloak standing right next to my bed with a knife raised up. I was so scared unable to scream or even move. I couldn't believe what I was seeing was even real.
As I was lying there in fear looking at it and it was looking back at me I felt numb. Then all of a sudden it stabbed me with the knife it didn't hurt but I felt it go threw me. I screamed as loud as I could for my Mom and Dad shaking and realized I wet the bed. My Mom rushed in turned on the lights and asked what happened? When I told her she had a weird look like whatever and said it was just a dream now go back to bed. Once she realized I wet my bed she yelled at me asking if I was trying to be a baby all over again. I was so scared crying and confused of what just happened. All I needed was to be told it would be all right but that never did that come out.
After my Mom changed my sheets and I was all dry I was sent back to bed with all lights off. I begged for the lights to be left on and I was told to stop being stupid. So I lay there for what seemed like hours just looking around and saw nothing else for the night. I didn't seem to have any problems for a couple of nights until I went back to church that Sunday.
That night I felt my bed shaking and It woke me up of course I screamed and my Mom once again comes running in and asked what now. I'm crying trying to tell her what happened but she was mad and wouldn't listen saying I needed to be put in the mental hospital like my Grandfather that I was sick and crazy. I felt bad about myself unable to understand what was going on but knew what I saw and felt. I still felt it shaking as my Mom was yelling at me it wasn't like the movie the Exorcist by any means I guess to describe it would be like a massage bed that vibrated but maybe not that strong all I know is it woke me up and I felt it. I asked her to sit on the bed and when she did she couldn't feel it. Then she checked under my bed and in my closet said Jesse enough is enough now get some sleep. Once again forced to sleep in the dark but now hearing my floors making weird noises. I just keep my eyes closed this time not caring, I just didn't want to see or hear anything else. I asked God to help me to make it all stop and go away but it never did.
I never slept at night and was unable to focus when I started school. I was different then everyone else I didn't belong. I was scared and wanted to tell someone about what was going on but was to scared they would think I was sick just like my Mom always told me I was. When I had bad nights I was always in trouble the next morning. I remember my Mom once told me I'm trying to mess up my Mom and Dad and I'm trying to tear them apart and she didn't stop there. I was a liar and the famous one was I was sick.
One night I had my best friend spend the night with me and I kind of told her about what has happened to me but didn't tell her everything because I didn't want her to look at me the same way my Mom did. That night she woke up scared I remember her saying she saw a net coming at her I never saw it myself but just new I felt safe with her there. I told her it was just a dream and she's okay. We went back to sleep the next day I told her everything because she now shares what I see. I wasn't crazy I felt so happy and when I told my mom that Amanda saw it also she blamed me for making her say that and I scared her and that's why... Once again I felt alone and scared.
Amanda came over a lot and was my shoulder through I hell I was put threw. My house though I must say was a big hit on Halloween my Mom let me have a big sleep over with all the girls from my classes and of course my best friend Amanda was there. She would tell about the things she saw and for once I felt okay to tell them what I truly saw because I was able to say its just ghost stories what's wrong with you.
One of my last sleep over parties on Halloween was when I was ten years old. Finally one of the girls said well let's see what happens when the lights go out so all us girls jumped on the bed and the one closest to the light had to turn the lights off and sure enough I saw the net coming towards all of us and everyone even myself was screaming. My Mom comes rushing and yelling what in the world are you girls doing at the same time flipping on the lights and all the girls were scared and told my Mom the same story that Amanda told her years back and said that they wanted to go home and half of them did. I think at that point my Mom started believing me... It wasn't until I was eighteen my Mom told me she saw stuff to but because of my Grandfather illness she was scared to ever say anything. Although I feel a little bit better on what had happened it still don't take away the shame and emptiness this has caused me.
My Mom is now a spiritualist and believes in energy and all this stuff I think is crazy. She tells me I'm blessed to be able to sometimes see the things I do. I feel its hell, a curse I felt helpless and alone never do I ever want to feel that again. She said I closed off my gift. No I protect myself because I know longer want to see or feel, even though I sometimes still do.
I have a son now of my own and I listen to him if he said he saw something I try ask as much as I can and try to help him understand whatever it is he sees. Of course after he tells me I wait until the next day when he is back in school and say as loud as I can that who ever is here keeping my son up at night that they are unwelcome and they need to leave my space.
I envision a white glow wrapped around my son and I guess that's how I always protected myself as a child through Jesus and his white glow. I didn't have time to go threw this and proof read my mistakes I have to go to work and unsure how to save this so I can fix it later. I guess I'll have to give it to you guys this way.
I'm sorry for the mistakes but thank you for your time. I just hope that maybe I helped someone else that feels alone like I did.