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Beautiful Goodbye


I remember the first day I met Josh. I was in the 7th grade and had just moved to North Carolina from Georgia. I was sitting on the school bus with my friend Amelia, and a small, mildly pudgy kid with a bowl cut plops down in the seat in front of us. He was full of energy and confidence. He quickly turned around to say hello to Amelia, and introduced himself to me with a polite handshake. From that moment on, we were close friends. I looked forward to every afternoon bus ride to catch up and hear his funny stories of the day. We talked everyday on our way home until I started high school.

I missed my little friend dearly, but freshman year flew by and I was a sophomore. Josh entered high school the following year and I was floored. My short, round little guy had shot up into a tall dark and handsome young man. We enjoyed the freedom of mingling with other classes that high school brought. We even shared the same bus again. We tried dating my junior year, but decided that we were better friends. Josh confided in me a lot of his problems. He resented his mom and the choices she had made, he started to experiment with drugs, he felt trapped within himself. I tried to help him as much as a teenage girl could, and he put on a brave face.

I graduated in 2003, leaving Josh to his own senior year memories. I missed him as I started college, and began working. I married quickly out of school and stayed in our hometown, so I ran into him several times. The last time I saw him we were at the bank and I was about 8 months pregnant with my daughter. He rubbed my belly and introduced me to his fiancee. He was elated to tell me that he had a great job and had really made something of himself. It warmed my heart to see him so happy.

Around a year later at Halloween I got the horrible news that Josh had committed suicide. They found him in a closet in his home. He left a note saying that life was too hard for him. I was devastated. I racked my brain trying to think if there was any way that I could have helped him see what everyone saw in him. Maybe if I would have tried to stay in contact more during the years I could have somehow prevented this from happening. The grief was almost unbearable.

His funeral came about and I had two small children at home. My husband at the time stayed home from work and we decided that I would go to the receiving of friends and then return. It was a horrible day. He looked so peaceful in his casket. Just as handsome as I remember him. They had pictures and letters in his casket to bury with him. I could hardly choke back sobs as I said my last goodbyes to my dear friend.

Later in the week I was standing at my kitchen sink washing dishes. It was quiet in my house. I was alone in thoughts and memories. I began to cry over the loss. I then got angry and asked aloud "Why?! Did you not know how much you were loved?!" I composed myself after several minutes and carried on with my day.

That night after tucking my children in their beds/cribs I laid down and drifted off to sleep. What happened next has stayed with me as vividly as it did when I awoke from it.

I dreamed I was in our high school. I was in the commons area where we all gathered before classes to gossip and see each other. It was totally empty, except for Josh. He sat on the bench and beamed at me motioning me to come sit with him. It was deja vu, this was our morning ritual when we were classmates. I sat beside him and began to cry. He reached out and dried my tears. He put his arms around me and whispered "I'm sorry" in my ear. I looked at his face, he was beautiful. Skin like porcelain, hair shiny and perfect, he even smelled good. He placed his hand on my cheek and told me that no one could have stopped him. I sat there just looking at him for what felt like hours. Then the bell sounded for class to begin. He looked over his shoulder, turned back to me and said "I can't stay any longer, my time is up" He stood giving me one last hug. "I still love you" he said with that adorable smile he had since middle school. He started walking towards the double doors which led to the outside of the school. I stood there just watching him leave. Then it was over, and I was awake.

I sat straight up in my bed crying and covered with goosebumps. I will never forget my sweet Josh coming to me and letting me know he was ok. I will cherish this memory until I get to see him again.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, pharmgirl, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

purpletrees (1 stories) (14 posts)
8 years ago (2016-06-17)
just read your story. Needed the tissues. So sad for him and wish life had been happier. I know you miss your friend and always seeing him in your dreams is not really a dream. Its him reaching out to you. I sometimes dreams of family who have passed on and also my cat of 19 years. I loving dreaming and having them there.
my_worst_nightmare (4 posts)
10 years ago (2013-12-31)
Why did he have to die just why? I mean he could of just ignored the things that was making his life hard and change it instead of committing suicide. Btw this story is like a love story just with a sad ending. 😭 😢 ❤
notjustme (19 stories) (852 posts)
11 years ago (2013-04-02)
this is an amazing story and brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I hope he's in a happier place now looking over his loved ones =)
bellza (1 stories) (1 posts)
12 years ago (2012-06-12)
this was so moving!
It even gave me goosebumps.
So sorry for your tragic loss❤
anneke8 (10 stories) (274 posts)
12 years ago (2012-03-10)
Aaa, such a bitter sweet story! I believe that he realy came to you in your dream. Things like this happened to me too, people long gone come to me with a message. I hope you are at peace now with what happened.
PebblesnBammbamm (4 stories) (30 posts)
12 years ago (2012-03-08)
Thank you for a beautiful story and sorry for your loss. It's nice to know that some friendships go on forever and I'm glad he came back to tell you that he's ok, I hope he's in a better place now
pharmgirl (3 stories) (10 posts)
12 years ago (2012-03-08)
I wasn't sure if I was going to share my story or not, I am so glad that I did now. Thank you for all the lovely feedback! Josh was an amazing person and I feel blessed for the time we had.
mysterPOO (63 posts)
12 years ago (2012-03-08)
Wow, I really loved your story!


This is going to my fav 😊
SnoWQueeN (5 stories) (100 posts)
12 years ago (2012-03-08)
Your story just made me to sign in:) lovely story and sad at the same time. Your friendship never died, this is going to my favourites!

HappySpirit (187 posts)
12 years ago (2012-03-07)
Wow! I got goosebumps too and feel strongly that this was a genuine "contact dream." Thanks for sharing it.
snowhite (203 posts)
12 years ago (2012-03-07)
I like this story and I feel sad for a young man whose life is cut so short. I guess it is doomed? My grandma killed herself when she was in her late 80's. That hurts me a lot. I can't get over it for years. It hurts me and sometimes I am just mad at her since she should not leave in this way. Since Josh did let you know he is fine, hope you feel better.
Fergie (40 stories) (1159 posts)
12 years ago (2012-03-07)
Hi pharmgirl, You have just given me major goosebumps! That was amazing! True friendship never dies. ❤
I am sure you will meet again, maybe in another dimention. Something like that, can not die! 😊
Caelyn (1 stories) (7 posts)
12 years ago (2012-03-07)
Even though I do not believe in Heaven nor Hell (I personally like the idea of Reincarnation) I sure hope for you and your friend to see each other again. Compliments on the beautiful story I really enjoyed reading it. 😆
YureiGuy101 (guest)
12 years ago (2012-03-07)
good story, sad, I'm sure youll see each other again in heaven at some point

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