Apologies to the empaths reading this, I cried the whole way through.
On Saturday, 7th November 2015, I once again experienced something that shook me to my core. In the two weeks leading up to this day 2 people I know and love had episodes where they collapsed and had ceasures. If the fact that experiencing this was not enough, it gave me flash backs of seeing my cousin, who passed away in 1999 from one of these ceasures, going through this. I had been asleep next to her 3 times when this happened. The last time I woke up and she was choking. That night her dad told me if I had not woken up she could have died. Back to 2015. Due to the fact that this had been happening, in the month that would have been my cousin's birthday (18 November) it really struck a nerve with me.
The whole of last week I had the very distinct feeling that someone else was around me. Odd things would happen, like I could feel someone watching me if I walk through the gym room. Knocking on the door in Adam's room (Adam is the spirit of the 5 year old in my house) that leads to the garage and Adam does not do that.
I had been digging through old photos and found a few pictures of my cousin. My friends, Tim and Elaine were there with their kids, and I found a picture of Charlie, which I showed to Tim and asked him if he knew who the picture was of. He just laughed at me.
My boyfriend had been exhausted and went to bed relatively early. Tim was sitting outside listening to music, and I had been taking a shower. Elaine was keeping me company. She ran out at one point and then, after the shower, as I was busy making coffee, she came to me and told me Tim had something to tell me but he didn't know how. I told her it's fine, they know they can talk to me, and she then told me he had been visited by my cousin and she had a message for me. This hit me like a ton of bricks.
Let me explain why. Since she passed away, I have always wondered if I could have been able to keep her from dying if I had been there with her. I know it is silly, but I was 15 when she died, and I just could not make peace with her dying. So, when Tim came in to my life and family members started "showing up" from the other side, I would always ask if they had seen "Carly" (my cousin). I always got the message that she was ok and would make contact when she was ready to do so. Turns out, she picked this night to do so. Tim spoke to me, in his calm manor, and said to me that my cousin had a plain and simple message for me. He said she wanted me to know two things. 1. "I'm ok" and 2. "You couldn't do anything". I had never told Tim about my regrets. Simply because, 16 years later, every time I talk about her, I get teary. And Tim is a typical guy, he battles with girly tears. I never told him that I had seen her 2 days before she died. But I ran in and out of their house so fast that Monday morning that I didn't even say goodbye to her. And she was so happy that morning. Two days later I was standing in the lounge in their house and watched the funeral undertakers remove her from her house. She was covered in a grey blanket and strapped to a gurney. To this day I do not touch grey blankets. On the morning of the funeral I insisted on going to see her at the funeral home. I told my mom I had to go say goodbye. But standing in that little room, looking down at her lying in a stunning white coffin, looking like she was asleep, I broke down. I couldn't say goodbye to her.
Upon hearing what she had to say, I started to cry, and Tim apologised immediately. When I could control my sobbing for a few seconds I told him he had nothing to be sorry about. I had been waiting for her for so long, and hearing the message was just overwhelming. He took my hand and pulled me up off of the couch, leading me to the gym. He pointed to his right, close to the door to Adam's room, and said "She's right here". I could feel her energy. I asked him why she chose that room, and he said "She knows how much time you spend here, she knows she can be close to you here." We walked back to the couch and I sat down. Tim was heading outside to smoke, when he took his phone, played around with it for a few second and then handed it to me saying "She wants you to listen". The song "Ice Cream Days" by Jennifer Hall started playing, which was a song she and I had loved when she was still alive, and I started crying so hard that Elaine came and sat beside me on the couch, rubbing my back. Key phrases in the song made my tears flow, and Tim told me she wanted me to remember two little girls with dolls and a tea set. Remember the Ice Cream Days.
Tim and Elaine's son had gotten sick in bed at some point, and he yelled for his mom. She came back a few minutes later and told me that my boyfriend was awake and helping her son. She also said that he had heard and seen what was happening and he was freaked out. He has had some experience with spirits but he tends to shy away from it. Tim said I should go talk to him and ask him not to be mad at him. I went to talk to him and he didn't look at me at first. He asked me if I was ok, and I said I was. He finished in the bathroom, having cleaned everything, and then took my hand and took me out to the lapa where he lit a cigarette. He took two drags before looking at me with a strange look on his face. He said he had been fast asleep and then something woke him up. HE was instantly awake and not tired in the least - this for a guy who, at that point had been awake nearly 48 hours and had been asleep for barely 20 minutes. He said he walked out to the front of the house but decided not to let us know he was awake, and he went and stood in the doorway to Adam's room. He said he had been standing there for a few minutes, watching me cry and then something poked him high in his ribs (right side). He wasn't standing close to anything, no one was with him (except for Adam, but Adam is a 5-year old, the height of the poke had to be from someone taller). He said it didn't scare him, it was just strange.
He told me, seeing me cry like that was just another sign to him that he was where he should be, and he would not give us up. He was in tears then - and he is not a big softie, he's a weapons and tactics specialist, tough guy. He is committed to me and my boys. For a relationship of 3 months, that's a very solid statement to make.
So it seems my cousin didn't just come to give me peace, she made someone realise how important it is that he stay in our lives too.