Since my divorce in 2010, I have only really been in one real relationship. This guy was unlike anyone I had ever known before. We had our little fights and I really did not like where he worked. But despite those things we really cared about each other. Unfortunately things didn't last, and soon I heard that he had met someone else. I was happy for him, albeit a bit begrudgingly. He contacted me at one stage to ask me if I would be ok with him opening a trust account for my boys - he was crazy about my kids - and he then told me about the new lady in his life. He said he was drawn to her because she was "just like me".
He had gone through cancer treatment before we met, had a tumour growing on the side of his face, and was in remission by the time we got involved. The chemo and radiation he had gone through had killed off his capability to have kids according to the doctors, so I was very shocked when I saw on Facebook (his mom and I have remained close all these years) that he and his wife had had a baby.
On Valentine's Day 2017 I was sitting in my car the morning before work, and I had this sudden, overwhelming feeling that I needed to talk to his mom right then and find out he was doing. So I sent her a message on messenger, trying to be casual even though I had a horrible feeling. We exchanged little pleasantries, she asked how the boys were doing and I told her how things were going with T's treatment (he has CF). I then asked her when last she had heard from her son. To which she replied "Oh, my darling, don't you know he passed away last year?"
I was dumbstruck, shocked, in pain. He had found out that not only had the woman he married been cheating on him with his best friend; he also wasn't the father of the baby he had believed to be his. It broke him. He had decided to take his own life, wrote letters to me and his mom (the 2 women he needed to explain to) and then committed suicide.
I spoke to a friend of mine, a lady who happens to be a medium, as I was battling to cope with the shock, and she was able to channel him to talk to me. I asked him why he chose Valentine's Day to break through to me. He said that he had decided when we were still together that he wanted to ask me to marry him on Valentine's Day. Bittersweet. He also said that he had written to both myself and his mother, and that the letters were destroyed by the woman he had been married to after his death. His mother said to me she had asked the woman if he had left a letter, because she knew her son and he wouldn't have done this without trying to explain. The woman said NO. Both mediums I know have interacted with him, both have, without being in contact with each other, confirmed that he had left behind two letters.
His mom and I spend time talking to each other and she keeps telling me that she wishes he and I had stayed together. The sad thing in life is that you cannot turn back time.