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Living In Fear


I have been experiencing paranormal phenomena since I was a child, approximately the age of 5. My first experience was being physically weighed down by an unseen force. I was paralyzed, I couldn't speak, let alone scream for help and I had trouble breathing. I could feel my body sinking deeper into my bed as if I had a ton of hands pushing down on me. I will never forget it. This has happened to me several more times throughout my years. I am terrified of the dark. I see full body apparitions with no true features. Instead, I see an outline of a figure from my peripheral vision and directly in front of me. The figures vary in shades of white, grey and black. I see the figures much more clearly in the dark than in light which explains why I do not sleep in the dark ever. I am 24 years old.

Figures are not the only things I see. I see, I guess what some people call mists flying about. I have seen balls of light dash through a room. One night I experienced something that I have no explanation of what it was. It was like a shower of orbs flying throughout the room I was in. It was late, about 2 am in the morning. I was working on a college paper when all of sudden I was surrounded by orbs that were constantly changing colours. It reminded me of the reflection of colours you see on a bubble or on oil, but instead of reflections it was lights. It lasted maybe a minute or two but I was left in awe. That was one of the most beautiful and unexplainable experience that I have had.

Other times I am awakened with the sensation that someone is watching me and I'll see a figure staring at me as I lay in bed. One time I had awoken to find a black shadowed face directly in mine. I was so shocked that I froze in bed. The figure was bent over staring into my face as I slept. When I woke up, it straightened up into standing position and walked backwards into my closet. I was 16 or 17 at the time. That was the last time I slept in the dark.

I have become somewhat of an insomniac. I work graveyard shift to help escape these nights. The nights that I don't work, I find myself struggling to sleep because I fear what may happen. I am constantly being paralyzed by some unseen force. Unfortunately, one time when I was away in college I felt as if "it" was trying to have sexual intercourse with me but I was able to fight off the paralysis and keep my legs from opening. I don't understand what that is. That state of paralysis. What is going on? Why do we get paralyzed?

When I get paralyzed, I feel as if I'm trapped within a whirlwind. Like a hurricane. Other times I have felt myself falling asleep yet I was awake. For instance, one time I was constantly seeing a white figure day and night trying to get my attention. I would watch TV and it would walk back and forth in front of the TV in order to get my attention. After a few days, I finally got fed up because I hadn't slept and told it if it had something to say just say it and I fell into a sort of trance. I was half asleep, half awake. I was well aware of my surroundings because my father had just woken up (5 am) and was making coffee in the kitchen as I lay on the living room couch approximately 20-25 feet away. I was not scared. It was not like the paralysis and a woman spoke to me and I responded several times. I could literally hear myself speaking and feel myself moving my mouth but my body was limp. When I came to from that state, I had forgotten most of the things she had told me but only remembered a line that I was supposed to tell my father.

Other times its not so pleasant. I have had someone call my name. It would imitate my family members voice; even members that are not there at the time it occurs. As if to tease me when I'm finally falling asleep. Other times I would feel a woman brush my arm and whisper shhh shhhh, as if to help me sleep.

Lately I'm experiencing many shadows not only at home but also at work and other people's houses. I see these beams of light coming from above shooting down. I fall asleep and I feel myself battling with something to escape the paralysis event or even at times it feels as if I'm leaving my body. As if I'm slowly hovering out of my body. I don't like that. It scares me. Sometimes it takes a good fight to come out of it.

Now my daughter has recently told me two days ago that she saw a shadow in the corner of her room and it had big ears. She said it really scared her and she went to my mother's room for comfort. Then yesterday my mother was awoken by a gentle tapping on her shoulder. Her first thought was that one of my children had woken up, but there was no one there.

I guess I'm looking for help to find a way to control what comes in or out because when I first moved into this home, I sensed an older women's presence but I did not fear it and I was completely comfortable with the presence. Now, I feel like I've attracted some things and they have followed me home. I fear for my children.

One thing that constantly pops into my mind is what if I'm doing it to myself. I heard that poltergeist can do that? I'm clueless on things like that. I don't know what to do. I feel as if I have no control over my abilities if there are any. I don't even know what my abilities would be. I have premonitions through dreams, which doesn't happen as often because I'm very restless. I live in fear.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, bevega1984, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

scrapmetalkitten (306 posts)
14 years ago (2009-11-30)

I've read your post and some of your comments and those of others on here. In a way it sounds like you might be feeling some guilt about these things happening to you and now your children (like you somehow caused these things to happen to your children simply by being around them). I don't believe this to be true. I believe being sensitive may be a hereditary trait. At least in my family it is, and certain members have more of the "gift" then others.

Some Advice:

You can try to completely shut yourself off from the spiritual world if you can't find a good way to repel these negative entities from your life. Just mentally tell yourself over and over "I don't want to see, hear, feel spirits, demons, etc... Anymore." After awhile this may really help, and if something tries to bother you try to ignore it and just pray for protection for yourself, house, and family.

I am 25 years old and I had some negative entities that would not leave me alone when I was about 21 and I started to become an insomniac like what you are describing. After about 2 months I felt really terrible and it was mentally and physically wearing me down to nothing and I felt really weak. I became so angry that something dared to invade my life, MY LIFE, and I prayed for a way to combat it and make it go away. I laid there and meditated (which I do all the time) and I got the answer which works great for me. I visualized this thing which bugged me everynight in my dreams while I was sleeping and everytime I closed my eyes I would see it and I mentally surrounded myself with the most beautiful pure white light of protection and with visualization I told it "You have no power over me, and you need to leave now." I then imagined wrapping it with the most loving pure energy and visualized all the dark black energy that it had being vanquished by the loving energy. I remember in my mind this being screamed its head off and retreated quickly which let me get a good nights sleep that night. The next night it came back but I could feel it was much weaker for the second round. I did the same visualization technique and this time it left my life for good!

I sleep in a quiet pitch black room now and I know if anything tries to bother me I can send it away very quickly out of my space. The most important thing is you need your sleep! This will help you be more mentally alert so you can fight off whatever seems to be attacking you. You need to fight, fight, and FIGHT. Never back down to any negative entity because otherwise it will just take advantage of you and exploit your weaknesses for its own purposes. You are so much stronger then these low level spirits but you really need to believe it, or you might be miserable your entire life. TIME TO TAKE CONTROL!

-Sydney ❀ 😊 ❀

I hope this was of some help. May peace and love surround you and your family.
cutechoy (42 posts)
14 years ago (2009-10-12)
that was a beautiful and scary story...

Thank you for sharing that story...

I think the woman has lost his child and think your are his daughter...

Just comment...

By:choy-choy (my nickname) 😲 😲 😲
Musey85 (5 posts)
14 years ago (2009-10-05)
Beautifully put, nightowl! I agree wholeheartedly. Put positive energy to work, and you can do anything. Before I cue my cheesy music... (Just kidding 😜)

I've experienced sleep paralysis myself in the past, mostly in my teenage years. (I'm 24 years old now.) It was always when I was half asleep/half awake, taking a nap more often than not. My eyes were always sort of half-open from what I remember...but I couldn't move. I couldn't call out to my parents to help. It was pretty terrifying, to tell you the truth. After experiencing this several times, I had a system of wiggling one or more appendages (foot, hand, FINGER, anything! Lol), and once I could do that, I could wake myself up enough that I could move the rest of my body and get up.

I looked up "Body paralysis" on Wikipedia, and other than telling me that it is more prevalent in those of African descent than Caucasians or any other race (I'm white myself), I found a lot of information on what other races and religions call this particular phenomenon. I also learned that science has gone as far to label it, but not so much with the causes. Maybe I didn't read extensively enough. I myself never had any hallucinations, never saw anything out of the ordinary whilst paralyzed - I was too busy mentally freaking out:p. I reiterate, it is not a pleasant experience.

Phew - I'm long winded today. My advice to you Bevega - Doctor first for PHYSIOLOGICAL problems (not! Psychological) if any, then look elsewhere. Please stay positive, and take a firm stance with whatever is plaguing you; you will not tolerate it anymore! Let whatever it is know that.
nightowl (2 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-22)
I'd also add, based on your age, 24, you would be older than a classic poltergeist situation. Typically, poltergeists will be associated with a child going into puberty. There are exceptions to "typical", of course.

If you are in fear, you can attract and "feed" negative entities. There's not a real simple thing to do to change that situation. Almost anything "positive" you do that gives you peace will help. Go to church, burn some sage, set up some crystals... Personally, I don't think it's the act itself as much as the intention of the act, and the fact that you are making an effort to take control. I think you'll have the best long term success if you work together as a family to reduce stress or conflict that you all have. Support each other, love each other, and don't allow anything, supernatural or not, to come between you. Pray for guidance and protection in all aspects of life. Sounds corny, but I believe the solution to a lot of darker hauntings is with intent, not with what particular crystal you leave on the coffee table this week.
nightowl (2 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-22)
bevega1984 - I don't see anyone saying you have psychological problems. Texicana76 suggested a clinic to see if you have any physiological issues, not psychological. What you are describing could be due to any number of physical conditions like sleep paralysis, temporal lobe seizures or a petite mal. So if you have not already, get thee to a doctor. While I believe there are many ways to deal with paranormal issues in life, the first thing to do is to make sure it doesn't have a more mundane explanation.
bevega1984 (1 stories) (6 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-13)
Well, Texicana, I can say that I know for a fact that I am not crazy. I have no psychological problems. I'm the most rational person you will ever meet. I sit here and read the suggestions people are giving me and doubt some of the suggestions that are given to me because of my dependence on scientific explanation. But, I have seen things that science cannot explain and therefore, am open to new ideas and possible solutions. So, I will not go to clinic to see how sane I am; there is no reason to. The seashell idea is interesting. I thank everyone for their thoughts. I'm learning more and more through your responses and I thank everyone for taking time to write one. One sure step that I will be taking is going to Confession. In that way I will feel better asking God for help since I have accepted him as my one and only God and asked for his forgiveness. Wish me luck! I'll keep you posted on any changes.
faerielike (15 stories) (268 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-13)
Duh! Forgot to say... The seashells block energies from entering the house. And they are pretty. πŸ˜†
faerielike (15 stories) (268 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-13)
One little thing I do that I find helps is putting (real) sea shells on the window sills, and in problem areas. The older they are the better they work. The older they are, the grayer and towards black they will be. If they have lines on them, you should lay the lines perpendicular to the window to block the energies out.
Sage and sea salt helps a lot too as mentioned in previous advise. I hope you come to a solution.
texicana76 (1 stories) (6 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-12)
I would first go to a sleep clinic to see if there is anything phyisiologically wrong with you first. In the mean time, I agree with AngelStories, you should pray sincerely to Christ and when you feel these incidents about to occur, just keep repeating: "Satan, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus". And believe it. I hope everyting works out for you. I feel bad for you that your children are now suffering with this too.
gruntman (1 stories) (15 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-12)
Some of what your experienceing sounds like alien activity, the light, orbs, etc. I personally don't believe in aliens but in all the ghost stories I've read I have never heard of ghosts involving beam of light, only in UFO stories. As for the ghost/spirt trying to have sex with you I believe the spirt may of once been a rappest. I,ve have heard of stories where ghost try to have intercourse with the living. My advise would be to look into he history of the the house, look after your daughter/ children as they get older, they may try'en do the same to them as they did to you. Have a priest come and bless the house, if they haven't all ready and if it gets bad enough, god foribbed, pray to god to have the sprit leave you and your family alone. I wish the the best of luck in trying to get rid of this spirt.
bevega1984 (1 stories) (6 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-11)
Well, Surya, I'm going to try to speak with my Guardian Angel as you say and see if there is a difference. You may be right. It may have been waiting for me to ask for its help. Who knows. As for removing the entities, do you need to burn sage or any of those things or can you simply tell it to leave without any burning of plants? Is our demand powerful enough? I get so frustrated sometimes its like you almost want to fight them, but then you remember that's not possible. Is it necessary or does it just strengthen the process? And most importantly, what do I do if it comes back worse than before? I've heard that that is a very common thing that happens and I fear to anger it and endanger my children.
Tonith (1136 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-10)
My sympathies for people that have this curse/gift happening to them and they don't quite understand why. Much of what you said could be sleep paralysis but others things that happened does not reflect sleep paralysis but someone who just happens to be sensitive. I don't think you are the one manifesting this phenomenon but I'm sure there are paranormal experts that may disagree with me. Insomnia and fear can do terrible things to the psyche. Take control and do something about it. There are many mediums or investigating teams that may be able to help figure out what's going on. I don't believe in demons but I do believe in ghosts but I believe all were human at one time and never crossed to the other side for whatever reason. All that may have to be done is convincing whatever is there to proceed to the Light. I don't know what the orbs were but maybe you live in a place that may be sort of a crossroads to the spirit plane. I don't know if where you live is high in quartz or limestone but these as bedrock can be good conductors for the paranormal.
Surya (39 stories) (867 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-10)
We all have a Guardian Angel. Instead of speaking to your children's angel. Speak to your own. Start by saying " I call upon my Guardian Angel..." ask your angel for protection, not just for your self but your family as well. Guidance. Ask your angel to shower you and your family with Angel Love. Rememeber to say thank you. You can also ask all the angels for the same. Our angels are always with us, they are just waiting for us to ask them for help. You will also receive a sign of some sort from your angel. It may come in the form of a dream of you may see a white feather appear out of nowhere. Try you may not see anything or feel anything straight away but you will know when.

Cleansing / smudging, take your pick. What you might also want to try is burning pure sandlewood incense. Sandlewood rids a place / person all of negative, unwanted energies / entities. Burn it is in morning and at night. Walk around the whole property warding out all negativity.

Keep strong, show no fear, stand your ground.

Keep us posted.
bevega1984 (1 stories) (6 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-10)
I believe in God tremendously. I have seen some things that allow me to know that there is a God. But, with all the events that happened throughout my life, its really hard. I know there is definitely a spiritual world. There's no doubt, but I don't understand it and in all honesty I have tried to read the Bible. The way the Bible that I had was written was very old style language and was very hard to enjoy when I'm deciphering every single sentence that was written. The new Bibles I tend to not read because they have been reinterpreted by a human. We all interpret the Bible differently so I don't want to read about someone else's interpretation. I only want to read the original. I haven't gone to church since I was 16. But, I talk to God a lot and to any guardian angels. I don't feel like I have a guardian, but I try to speak to my kids' guardians.
AngelStories (13 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-10)
Your stories are very similar to some things I have been through. I'm still battling. We are at Holy war! Say out loud or even in your mind "The Blood of Jesus Christ" when you feel helpless and you need to believe in your heart that He will be there for you in these times and He will cease all that is causing you harm at that moment.
We die every day so we need to seek Him everyday in order to please Jesus and His Father. All God wants is to have us and to protect us, He will as long as we seek Him always He will be pleased to know that you are getting stronger in your Faith, so that when the devil and his demons try to test you and your Faith everyday that you will know what to do. They will leave but they will always come back to test you again, and may bring plenty more demons with them to try and break you down to the point where the devil can take your soul. Jesus and His Father, our Savior only want you to live and be happy, but the devil want you to be miserable, be sick,unhappy, (all of this is being spiritually dead) and dead (physically).
Stay strong in your faith. Get you and your family Blessed in the church and be with people that will understand what is going on, your Pastor. Have a meeting in your home with your family and get in a routine of studying the Bible and discussing what you learned with each other. Ask Jesus to help you with understanding and you will receive it if you believe you will and believe in Him. You will also need to ask for forgiveness and to break any generational curses that was put onto your family. Your faith should be as strong as and even more than the evil that you are sensing. Stay positive.
Talk out loud about Christ, pray aloud, play gospel music, these demons, can't stand to hear constant talk about Christ,love,positiveness and they will leave because of it. With that also test the people that you speak to and let into your home. The devil will use every and any kind of person to make you miserable. Teachers, your loved ones, anyone or any thing like animals, or electronics, so be aware!
Give yourself to Christ if you haven't,let him know that you are willing to accept him into your life. Look for his signs, remember all the times when things were bad and you survived it, near death experiences, your mental being tested, remember it all, the times when you felt like you wasn't going to make it through and you did,miracles,good things that you paid not much attention to, all of these things are signs that Jesus and His Father are working in your favor. These things will give you strength to make it through. Think of happy times.
❀Angel Stories
WingZero (5 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-10)
Bevega1984 do you have any religious belief's? Praying to God before going to sleep or while experiencing some of these incidents may provide you with some relief. One thing you have to know is that these things feed off peoples fear & the more vulnerable you are the likelier they are to keep pestering you. Their goal is to mentally break you down & the more fragile your mind is the more influence they'll have over you. I really don't mean to frighten you any further but I do want you to be well informed about what you could potentially be dealing with. Check out this website www.NCdemonology.org or do a search on Demonology on google to find out more about these malevolent spirts & the actions you can take to protect yourself.
WingZero (5 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-10)
Due to the fact that you are aware of these things or entity's they have also taken notice that you are able to perceive them, therefore they try to interact with you by playing tricks or downright scaring you. Some people would say that these entity's are disembodied spirts of people who once lived, though I don't believe in ghosts, I get the impression that what your dealing with is Demonic in nature. All experiences you've described sound like something a Demonic entity would do, the strange shadow apparitions you see, the strange voices that you say imitate that of your family members. I believe these entity's are also responsible for your continued episodes of sleep parliysis, waking you up in the middle of the night while your most vulnerable just to scare & terrify you. Make no mistake about it these entity's are not nice & they enjoy terrorizing you & your family, no spirts that drive you to the point of being incapable of sleeping in the dark & forcing you to work graveyard shifts is good.
WingZero (5 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-10)
As others have mentioned you suffer from sleep parliysis, which is usually very for rare for most people, but when experienced people naturally get scared especially the first time out & if you've never heard of sleep parliysis it can be a terrifying experience. People generally report experiencing strange phenomena, all the while being totally immobile (they see & hear things & feel as though they are being watched) the feeling of pressure on your chest & difficulty breathing is a very common occurrence reported among those who have had an episode sleep parliysis. Normally the things people experience during sleep parliysis are nothing more than fabrications of one's own mind, but since you mentioned that you experienced sleep parliysis frequently throughout the course of your life I believe that there's more to it in your case. As another person mentioned it seems that you are spirtually sensitive & are more preceptive of things most people can't sense let alone see i.e. (spirts,shadows,shadows,ect)
bevega1984 (1 stories) (6 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-10)
I have heard of the cleansing process, but I have also heard that it is not truly a cure all. It seems to calm the activity temporarily, but if the entity (ies) are negative they can find their way back and it comes back worse. I fear to anger anything when I don't even know what I'm dealing with. Especially since I don't know what I'm dealing with. At times I can sense some information about the presence. For instance, the minute I walked into this home I sensed an older women. No fear. But, there are things here that I can't get any information off of it? Those are the one that scare me
Tripwire (3 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-09)
i would agree with mulder on this one, I think by the sound of things you need to seek a cleansing... Its not right you should have to put yourself through this day in and day out it must be horrific

God Bless xx
jmcgill (17 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-08)
I suggest you go to a website that will give you different types of clensing methods as well as help you put a protection around yourself etc. It is called Earth Release Spritual Growth exercises. It has many different types of things to help you. Also you might want to contact a psychic and see what exactly is going on and he/she can also help you use your spiritual connection and learn how to deal with these different types of spirits or entities.

The website will tell you exactly how to do the house clensing.

Good luck ❀
mulder81 (16 stories) (21 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-07)
Hi Bevagale

It sounded like to me you are having sleep poralisis, but you seem to have more going on than that. I have experienced once and it was the scariest thing ever. Look at my story called old hag. (which is another theory)
knopik (2 stories) (13 posts)
15 years ago (2009-01-07)
You are very sensative to spirits, they are also attracted to you. The woman in your home is a soother, but I feel like you have an entity that wants control. For you to be his. Smudging will help with the negative beings as well as asking your guardian (or whatever your beliefs) for extra protection. I too deal with things not as severe in my home, and these simple things can help a lot. Buy Sage, Sweet Grass, and Sea Salt. Burn the sage and sweet grass as you say a blessing or something possitive for each space.
Remember to do every room starting from the center of your home, as well as windows and drains. Use the sea salt to make a boarder around your home. These do not rid your home of everything but they make negative energies no longer comfortable in your home.
You may also have to repeat this a few times. Smudge your family members too, this will help for them. Keep sea salt under the beds as well as in window sills for more protection, especially for your children being that they will be more sensative.
You are strong so just keep fighting and you will find balance.

Let me know if this helped...
Knopik πŸ˜‰

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