Living In Fear

I have been experiencing paranormal phenomena since I was a child, approximately the age of 5. My first experience was being physically weighed down by an unseen force. I was paralyzed, I couldn't speak, let alone scream for help and I had trouble breathing. I could feel my body sinking deeper into my bed as if I had a ton of hands pushing down on me. I will never forget it. This has happened to me several more times throughout my years. I am terrified of the dark. I see full body apparitions with no true features. Instead, I see an outline of a figure from my peripheral vision and directly in front of me. The figures vary in shades of white, grey and black. I see the figures much more clearly in the dark than in light which explains why I do not sleep in the dark ever. I am 24 years old.

Figures are not the only things I see. I see, I guess what some people call mists flying about. I have seen balls of light dash through a room. One night I experienced something that I have no explanation of what it was. It was like a shower of orbs flying throughout the room I was in. It was late, about 2 am in the morning. I was working on a college paper when all of sudden I was surrounded by orbs that were constantly changing colours. It reminded me of the reflection of colours you see on a bubble or on oil, but instead of reflections it was lights. It lasted maybe a minute or two but I was left in awe. That was one of the most beautiful and unexplainable experience that I have had.

Other times I am awakened with the sensation that someone is watching me and I'll see a figure staring at me as I lay in bed. One time I had awoken to find a black shadowed face directly in mine. I was so shocked that I froze in bed. The figure was bent over staring into my face as I slept. When I woke up, it straightened up into standing position and walked backwards into my closet. I was 16 or 17 at the time. That was the last time I slept in the dark.

I have become somewhat of an insomniac. I work graveyard shift to help escape these nights. The nights that I don't work, I find myself struggling to sleep because I fear what may happen. I am constantly being paralyzed by some unseen force. Unfortunately, one time when I was away in college I felt as if "it" was trying to have sexual intercourse with me but I was able to fight off the paralysis and keep my legs from opening. I don't understand what that is. That state of paralysis. What is going on? Why do we get paralyzed?

When I get paralyzed, I feel as if I'm trapped within a whirlwind. Like a hurricane. Other times I have felt myself falling asleep yet I was awake. For instance, one time I was constantly seeing a white figure day and night trying to get my attention. I would watch TV and it would walk back and forth in front of the TV in order to get my attention. After a few days, I finally got fed up because I hadn't slept and told it if it had something to say just say it and I fell into a sort of trance. I was half asleep, half awake. I was well aware of my surroundings because my father had just woken up (5 am) and was making coffee in the kitchen as I lay on the living room couch approximately 20-25 feet away. I was not scared. It was not like the paralysis and a woman spoke to me and I responded several times. I could literally hear myself speaking and feel myself moving my mouth but my body was limp. When I came to from that state, I had forgotten most of the things she had told me but only remembered a line that I was supposed to tell my father.

Other times its not so pleasant. I have had someone call my name. It would imitate my family members voice; even members that are not there at the time it occurs. As if to tease me when I'm finally falling asleep. Other times I would feel a woman brush my arm and whisper shhh shhhh, as if to help me sleep.

Lately I'm experiencing many shadows not only at home but also at work and other people's houses. I see these beams of light coming from above shooting down. I fall asleep and I feel myself battling with something to escape the paralysis event or even at times it feels as if I'm leaving my body. As if I'm slowly hovering out of my body. I don't like that. It scares me. Sometimes it takes a good fight to come out of it.

Now my daughter has recently told me two days ago that she saw a shadow in the corner of her room and it had big ears. She said it really scared her and she went to my mother's room for comfort. Then yesterday my mother was awoken by a gentle tapping on her shoulder. Her first thought was that one of my children had woken up, but there was no one there.

I guess I'm looking for help to find a way to control what comes in or out because when I first moved into this home, I sensed an older women's presence but I did not fear it and I was completely comfortable with the presence. Now, I feel like I've attracted some things and they have followed me home. I fear for my children.

One thing that constantly pops into my mind is what if I'm doing it to myself. I heard that poltergeist can do that? I'm clueless on things like that. I don't know what to do. I feel as if I have no control over my abilities if there are any. I don't even know what my abilities would be. I have premonitions through dreams, which doesn't happen as often because I'm very restless. I live in fear.