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Grief Or Grandad


In my last story I submitted I explained my user name. My grandad was part of that story but I believe that he deserves his own.

My parents divorced when I was four and my mum being a single mother was out working a lot trying to feed and clothe us and pay the bills. My nan and grandad looked after us a lot during holidays as they only lived at the bottom of the road. My grandad was and is my hero he taught me how to tell the time, play chess, yahtzee and spent time with me there are other numerous small things that all add up to him being a terrific grandad.

When I was 16 it was a very bad year I lost both my paternal grandparents (Grace and Albert) and my maternal grandad (Alfred) and later in the year my older brother had a very serious bike accident which left him in a coma in hospital for a few weeks. This story is about what I experienced when my maternal grandad died.

I had always gone to my nan and grandads for my lunch and this day my grandad had been in bed when I had gone round. Not knowing anything was wrong I went off to school to finish my day. Upon returning home I was met by my distraught mum telling me that Grandad (Alfred) had passed away that afternoon. He had cancer of the throat and had been given 3 months he made 3 weeks.

Strangely I did not cry but just comforted my mum. I have identical older twin brothers who were not the nicest of siblings growing up and they took exception to my lack of tears calling me uncaring and selfish and generally being spiteful, I know this was due to their own grief but at the time I did not need this as I adored my grandad so I walked out.

We lived in the last house on the last street in town and I wandered without any plan or conscious route for some time (I could not tell you how long for). Suddenly I realised that I was walking towards my nan and grandads bungalow. My Nan had been taken to my Uncles house as the end was horrible and she had had to cope on her own.

As I approached the bungalow I got to thinking how I had not said I love you to my grandad that afternoon and now it was too late. I looked up and he was there stood in the garden wearing his jacket and cap with the streetlight glinting off of his glasses. I walked up to him told him I loved him and he smiled lovingly at me, and I walked off.

To this day I don't know whether I saw his spirit or my mind was playing tricks on me in my grief as I don't know why I did not stop, try to touch him or even get him to speak to me. If I think back the feeling I got was that I had been allowed to deliver my message to him and nothing else needed to be said.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Gizzy, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Gizzy (3 stories) (71 posts)
11 years ago (2011-05-31)

Thank you for taking the time to comment. You have given me food for thought. I had never considered that maybe Grandad had manouvered me to be where he needed me. I completely agree the grief is a strange one and everyone grieves differently from everyone else and usually in different ways depending on the affect the person has on your life.

Thank you again suzie
LouSlips (10 stories) (979 posts)
11 years ago (2011-05-31)
Thanks for sharing. Grief is an odd emotion. When we are strickened with it, it puts us in a different state of mind, and I believe this is what allows us to see loved ones who have passed. That is not to say, that if you do not see a loved one at this stage, that you are grieving wrong. But it was important to your grandad that you got to see him again, so he manipulated the situation to have you be where you needed to be, to witness what you did.
I'm sure when you think back, it almost seems like it happened to some one else, and you were just watching it. Our mind helps us cope in these situations, and regardless of what you wanted to ask him, or wished you had said... You reacted the way you did for a reason, whether it be self-preservation or something your grandad did to protect you... You walked away at just the right time, and when you see him again, you will figure out why.

Thank you again,
Gizzy (3 stories) (71 posts)
11 years ago (2011-05-31)
Hi Taz890, thank you for your comments. You are quite right at the funeral my cousin made one comment about the size of the coffin saying "he will never fit in there" and the floodgates opened for the rest of the funeral I was a gibbering mess, but it all helps with the healing.

Yes I always wondered whether I was 'led' there to be able to say goodbye.

Thank you it means a lot to have it added to YOUR favorites as I have been on this site for a long time and enjoyed all your accounts immensely 😁

P.s I have submitted the story of how my username came about I am waiting to see if it is published so fingers crossed 😊
Gizzy (3 stories) (71 posts)
11 years ago (2011-05-31)
Thank you BJJ it means a lot to have such a nice comment from you, it means a lot made me blush 😳
Gizzy (3 stories) (71 posts)
11 years ago (2011-05-31)
Hi Koalagirl,
I am so sorry for your and your childrens loss they must be devastated the poor things. Thank you for your commiserations it was a hard time in my life and I do still think of him to this day. Suzie 😊
taz890 (12 stories) (1380 posts)
11 years ago (2011-05-29)
gizzy after reading this I know its going to be a night for the kleenex 😭
How fantastic you got to say goodby to your grandad.

Now you say you did not cry when you were told, this is nothing surprising.
I my self have done exactly the same thing (a few times to be honest) when my brother lost his son, a friend accidently took his own life, and when my partners mum passed, I felt the pain of there passing but the news was so over whelming I just shut down.
People might see this as unfeeling but the body and mind work in very srange ways.
I did cry like a newborn but in my own time and still do when I think about them.

Now I do feel that you "just walking" to your grandads was no mistake you were ment to go there to get the chance to say goodby to him.

Bless you for shearing such a sweet story
Adding to favs 😊

P.s you have only one story here so what's the story behind gizzy?
BadJuuJuu (guest)
11 years ago (2011-05-29)
Beautiful story. I'm glad you got to give him that final message, not everyone gets that chance. Being able to tell him you love him helped you to heal, and I'm sure made his crossing easier.
koalagirl (3 stories) (111 posts)
11 years ago (2011-05-29)
hi so sorry about the loss of your grandad, he will always be around you, my children lost their grandad a few weeks ago, I lost my dad to cancers years ago so we know how sad you all must feeling. Thankyou for your story hope things are ok.di

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