Hey. I apologize for the extended absence- especially because of exactly when I decided to drop off the radar. To a lot of you reading this, something like that might discredit everything I've shared and am about to share. I've accepted that so I won't be embarrassed or offended. To clue those in who are newer to this site, I was sharing a (to me) very personal account of my childhood home. The memories I have of that place are deeply black, for many reasons. Because of how long it turned out to be, my story became several submissions and just before I promised to submit the last one- I quit and fell off the radar.
But something lately prompted me to remember that house as well as the fact I just abandoned my own personal project. Maybe it was Halloween and all the spooky movies and stories that surround the month of October. Or perhaps it was just the smell of crisp autumn leaves everywhere that reminded me of those breathtaking autumns in the Poconos. Then again, within the past few months someone very close to me has opened up to believing in ghosts and their own experiences, even when I thought they firmly were in denial of such things. It's funny how almost everyone in my circle of friends and family has opened up to having had 'experiences' but somehow can't open up to believing in them or talking about them. I guess I understand their reasoning, though. No one wants somebody to think they're crazy, and like the idiom, "speak of the devil, and he doth appear."
I want to try to break that habit, and not suppress what's happened or what comes natural. The last time I started to open up and reflect on this next experience I noticed some very strange things happening within our home. Back then I didn't understand it or make any connections, but now I see there might have been a relation... Maybe. I need to get this 'darkness' off of my chest and finally understand it. So here goes... Will try to write this without sounding like a complete whackadoo.
I left off in the last submission of explaining how I'd moved into the downstairs room and the result being in that my personal terror only got worse. My mom had finally admitted to believing me about the evil within the house... But honestly, it didn't last long. She introduced me to the method of just simply ignoring it. Like a bird putting their head in the sand: "if I can't see you, you can't see me!" I tried this method too, but it only made things worse. I soon noticed that over time the level of intensity within this house only grew and grew. All of us began to hate one another and feel only distrust. Our personalities changed drastically. There were many times when even I relished the sickly feeling of succumbing to that seductive hatred. Believe me, I'm downplaying this. I'd taught myself to play the piano at a young age, and by now I was only playing sounds that were very dark.
Looking back on it now, I can see that there were very human (non-paranormal) elements adding to all this, making it worse. But it probably didn't help us that (I believe) there was another element present within the house, sucking up our energy and wanting more. There were times when I'd look into the fevered eyes of the people I thought of as parents and wonder why they had changed so much. Why they stared and grinned maliciously. A lot happened within this house, and I'm sure I left a lot of events out, as there's simply so much, but the few months before I decided to move unfolded only worse encounters. My mom refused to talk about our haunted situation anymore, so I was left alone to contend with it. Again.
Now for this next incident. If I read a story, if someone speaking to me claimed to have experienced this, I'd have a hard time accepting it. Probably I'd think they were joking with me, if not confused. I assure you this is not made up. But I have been confused about this ever since it happened. I've already ruled out that this was simply a dream- I was fully awake while this occurred.
This happened only a couple weeks before I finally made the decision to move out. For some reason, I felt more vulnerable than I ever did sleeping on my bed and resigned myself to sleeping on the futon in my room instead. The wall at my back made me feel deceptively safer.
After I comfortably tucked the blankets in around me, I leaned back to switch the light off. That's when it started. WHAM. The very second the light flicked off, I was immediately hit with the sudden sensation that an entity was literally face to face with me, not even centimeters away. My heart felt like it jumped up into my throat and every natural instinct SCREAMED that it was there. I blinked into the darkness, not seeing a thing. But in my mind's eye I saw something very, very different. It was clear and harrasing-ly abrasive. I saw the pale face of a wild man with feverish eyes and a wicked grin. But far more noticable was the whipping body of a large snake that trailed directly behind his head.
I dove underneath the covers and it was like I could hear and feel his laughter all around me. I don't pretend to know who he was, but I know within my soul that he hated me beyond any human hatred I could fathom. It felt like being mentally and emotionally attacked and invaded from all sides, overwhelming me. And he meant to do me harm, I knew it. That message was clear enough. I clasped my hands together and began to pray desperately for several minutes. It gave me courage. I came up from the covers, looked about my room, and smiled. I had managed to live with and to blatantly ignore everything that had happened so far. This thing had finally shown its true nature, but I wouldn't display my fear of it. As an act of almost defiance I lied down, closed my eyes, and soon after fell asleep. I still felt highly unnerved, but I had an extra feeling of reassurance with me.
However, my peace didn't last long. I don't know when this happened or how soon it occurred after I fell asleep, but later that night I woke to terrible screams and growling. I tried to sit up, but my entire body was frozen. I couldn't move, not even so much as open my eyelids, so I was forced to listen to the myriad of noises in my room. I heard growling, screaming, someone yelling. Throughout all this I thought I heard someone screaming for help. I'm not sure if it was I yelling that, because it sounded so... Distant. I also heard loud rushing, like the sound of a hurricane taking place within my very room. Beaneath the rushing I could barely make out someone talking with a faraway voice. It sounded like broken fragments of a conversation. I thought I heard someone asking who they were, or saying they didn't know who they were- this part has always confused me so I can't say for sure if I heard it 100% correctly.
But as I sat listening to this chaos, I very soon realized the ultra-creepy fact that my mouth was moving- but I wasn't doing it. Not I. There were conscious thoughts going on in my head- but my mouth was moving. Strangely, I had no control over it like the rest of my body.
And then as it seemed the screaming/growling only increased to an all-new intensity... In an instant it all stopped. My room became eerily silent. My mouth was no longer moving and suddenly I realized the rest of me could move again. But didn't dare to. A part of me wanted to reach back and turn the light on... But the rest of me was too afraid of what I might actually see. I could sense the aftermath of what had just happened still lingering in my room, like smoke after a fire. Other than that, I was utterly confused and knew nothing better to do than pray once more and try to fall back asleep... My reaction sounds stupid when written down, but there was literally nothing else I felt to do. "What was that all about?" was all I could think.
* * *
So... I can understand why people don't like to talk about their experiences. Why they fail to believe that they actually happen. Can't blame them. But they do happen. And strangely enough, life goes on. I doubted my sanity within that house, but the fact that nothing that intense ever occurred to me again made me believe in it again. To me, it was just a haunted house. Very haunted. The last night I slept there my light refused to turn off. It was very annoying. When I closed my eyes, the light would turn on. I'd turn it off again and the process just repeated itself. As if it were a good-bye joke of some sort. I can't explain why we had to go through this. We didn't have to invite anything into our lives. Perhaps it was already there, within that house. Who knows? Maybe, somehow, we did invite something.