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The Grave Of Pawpaw


I have decided to write things as they happen. It's easier to get it all out and not worry about what happens next.

It's hard to hold it all in. I am sitting at my grandpa's grave right now. I had to send this right away to you guys. He and I never got along too good. But after he died 6 years ago, I found out that he thought very highly of me, which makes me feel pretty bad. I did not even cry at his funeral. I mean I thought he hated me. He was just crass I guess. Back to subject.

I brought him some flowers and a lil' angel just to set there on his grave to send my respects. His grave is under an old oak tree, but by a creek (Backwoods Mississippi). I began to kind of talk to him and a breeze started to blow only under this old oak. I smell pipe tobacco, just a hint of it. Pawpaw smoked a pipe! Then I smell his sawdust smell. I know then it is him.

Up until the day he got sick, and I mean sick... He went into the hospital with a cold and three days later life support, 5 months later passed. He worked all the time in a veggie garden on a tractor and cutting trees, with a pipe in his mouth.

Back to subject, I got up to walk to my truck to get a camera and take some pictures when I heard my name. I turned around and there he was. WOW! With a pipe in his mouth! As fast as he was there he was gone. It was great to have him for that second. Is he trying to tell me something? I did, however, get some pictures and I see a outline of a man.

I will look deeper into it before I use a picture. So I am sitting here in my truck waiting to see more. I know it sounds wild to sit and wait, but I miss him and I want him to know that I did love him and that I hope the stories that the family told me about how much he loved me was true.

What do you guys think? This is not the first time this has happened with him. My mama lives in his house. But that's all another story.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, ada, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

ada (4 stories) (44 posts)
12 years ago (2012-06-20)
Hey Red... I ment numbers on dimes not letters. And there was a button missing on great gran favorite dress and she was layed to rest in that dress. Sorry... I have issues when I first wake up!lol
redphx (4 stories) (827 posts)
12 years ago (2012-06-19)
ada, you must understand that sometimes the older generation of men did not think fondly of showing emotions. Hell, my husbands great grandfather is still alive at 98 years old and to this day when my husband says I love you to him over the phone he won't say it back. It makes him uncomfortable. We know that he loves him but he won't say it.

Also, I didn't cry when my grandfather died either. I have a very different way of looking at death than most people. I don't think I will cry at many people's deaths, only a few. But that doesn't make me a bad person or someone that is not empathetic. It doesn't even mean that I don't care. Everyone deals with grief differently. Don't ever feel regret over actions that you thought were right at the time. Your grandfather knows how you feel now. He isn't gone, just different.

Tell him how you fell. If you love him, tell him. He may not leave right away after talking with you because he may need to see a few more people. But don't have ill thoughts towards him or how you handled yourself over his death. It is hard to see people change and leave from the physical. Just know that no one is ever gone. They have just changed the way they look and they leave for some time.

My grandfather was dying of cancer. It took a few months and I never went to visit him. I was having my own issues. Anyway he was holding on. He kept saying that he was worried about leaving my grandma and that he wanted to make sure she was fed icecream. My mom was there when he died. He died at 5:06. How do we know? All the clocks stopped in the house. I had 3 dreams about him. Mostly it was him apologizing for the way he handled his will. But he is still with my grandma to this day. She talks like she did before he died. She says that "they went for a walk" or "we went to the store" and he leaves the toilet seat up in the bathroom. She will always say "hello, I made it home" when she walks in the door from being on a trip. When my grandpa died. I didn't cry. Nor have I to this day. I knew he was suffering deeply. I was happy that he was now able to find peace and be out of that decaying body

Family will never change. It will never go away. As long as you have no hard feelings towards him and you realize he loves you, that is all that matters.
MizMiMi02 (guest)
12 years ago (2012-06-19)
I agree with Rook here. He may be hanging around simply waiting for you to show him that love that he didn't feel from you in life. Tell him you love him, miss him and will do your best to make him proud, since he thought so highly of you.
Then tell him to look for "the light" or perhaps someone he knows, and they will lead him home. He needs to hear that you love him and will be fine without him. Good luck.
adsouza (guest)
12 years ago (2012-06-19)
Ada - I'm glad I read this account. Yes probably your grandfather was trying to make his peace with you. And you have made your peace too.

I don't want to say the same stuff again, so take Rook's advice.

ada (4 stories) (44 posts)
12 years ago (2012-06-18)
Thanks Rook. I will defenitly give that a try. I worked at trying to be that kid that couLd be strong and never cry or show emotion. Ever since I was 4 if not younger when I had emotion is when I would see more why I don't know... I was not always this close to God. I have experienced so much! And it is good to get it all out. Its not like you can go around tell people... "Hey there is a elderly lady named Opal... Standing beside you... She wants me to tell you that there is a piece of paper in that old hand bag that was given to you by my son... Tommy... Was the first letter I ever wrote to his father Thomas. Please make sure he keeps it and always knows I love them both." I would be put in a straight jacket and shipped off to a asylem! Where I am from... People just don't talk like that! Everyone here has been so kind! Thank you! And for Morgy I would love t write more things that have happened.
Morgy232 (6 posts)
12 years ago (2012-06-18)
can you tell us your differnt expirences I was would really like to hear them I hope it makes you feel better to get them out

rookdygin (24 stories) (4458 posts)
12 years ago (2012-06-18)

As bad as you would like to capture something on camera your 'missing him' and wanting to tell him you love and miss him may be keeping him 'earthbound'. Take your camera, some flowers and visit the grave, lay the flowers down and explain how much you miss him and tell him you love him, tell him you love him enough to let him go. Take some pictures as you do this, he may choose to manifest for you one last time.

Thanks for sharing.



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