Not So Quiet Neighbors

Last fall I moved from Lafayette, IN to a small house out in the middle of nowhere. I'm in the middle of about 2,000 acres of fields. My closest neighbor is a quarter mile away. The closest neighbor to the south is half a mile away.

Well, that's not entirely true. My "real" closest neighbors are cemeteries.

The land is littered with old family plots from last century, before they had a centralized town cemetery. Most of them only have five to seven headstones and the care varies widely. The one to the north of me has only three headstones and they're all laying flat. The one to the south is fairly large and was used right up until the 1920s. I don't know how far it goes back; the oldest stones are worn smooth.

One night I got up at 11:00 to get ready for work. My Cocker Spaniel, Missy, is barking, but she's a big fan of barking at nothing so I don't pay much attention. As I walk into the kitchen, I hear what she's barking at - somebody's having a party.

I can hear live music, I can hear people talking and laughing. I can't hear what they're saying, but I can tell there's people out there. The music sounds live; it has more 'depth' than a radio and I can tell the drummer needs more practice. It's coming from the south. But hey, it's Saturday night! It's summer time! People are having parties! I am pretty surprised that I can hear them so clearly; the house to the south is half a mile away and the corn is coming up. I get my stuff together and I walk out the door.

It's dead silent.

Not only is it silent, but the house to the south is completely dark. No lights, no campfire, nothing. I think "Huh, I was sure it was coming from the south, maybe the farmer north of me is having a barn party." I drive past the farmer's house and it's completely dark and quiet. I think "Hmm, maybe it's those idiots with the Boxers." I drive past their house. No idiots, no Boxers. I think, "Okay! It's got to be the house on the corner! They always have a bonfire on the weekends!" For the first time since the end of May, there's no bonfire at the house on the corner. Never mind that for the music to sound as close to my house from there, Metallica would have to be performing on their yard.

Now I'm like, "Hmmmmmm. Well, it was definitely coming from the south. And it was really clear. Like it was closer than the yellow house. What's to the south and closer than the yellow house?... That big cemetery."

If it was dumb kids partying in the cemetery, they would have toted a radio out there instead of a live band. There would probably be some lights and even if there weren't, how would they know the second I came out of my house? It seems like they'd shut up when I turned the house lights on.

Now I can say I know dead people who party harder.