My mom died from cancer when I was 14. When I graduated high school I immediately started using drugs and alcohol after four years of suffering with my dad's mistress and now wife. She's nuts.
Anyway I had my son in 2010. Since then I've still been self medicating with alcohol. Until February 18th me and my boyfriend started fighting because he knew I was drunk but I was denying it turning it back around on him like a drama queen.
Then I started to threaten to kill myself and he called the cops. They took me to the psychiatric hospital. Then my dad and his wife served me papers, demanding my presence in court for a temporary custody hearing on my son. My world. Why did I do this to him and myself? I was brooding all day and night. Cried myself to sleep.
Then I woke up at some point, there are no clocks in the rooms. I'm thinking 4 a.m. I couldn't move, my limbs were like dead weight. I get sleep paralysis all the time. But this is different. I was thinking, "Oh hell, here we go" when I saw my mom laying in the other bed. I didn't have a roommate, thank God.
I got up, or I thought I did, but I knew my body was still laying in the bed. However, some physical or whatever part of me got up and shook my mother, asking for her to get up because I wanted to talk to her. She, at first, denied stating she didn't feel well. So I decided to talk to her as she lay there. I said, "You know I'm an alcoholic right?" She looked at me like I was crazy, "Uh...YA!"
So I explained everything that had been going on, the custody hearing and all that. I said I felt like I didn't deserve that special boy back. He deserved better than me. She said nothing, but got up out of bed and held me while I cried... Then BAM. I was back in my bed and I could move. There were tears streaming down my cheeks. I was so sad yet so happy.
Even if it was just a sleep paralysis dream, sometimes my dreams... Happen. I don't believe that was a dream, though. I believe my mom gave me the comfort I needed to face this life get my son back and live it to the fullest. Not to let the shame and pain win.