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Becoming A Beacon?


A bit of history before I begin this story. Despite having higher functioning Aspergers, I have always been able to pick up on certain things. Feelings, atmosphere, whatever you want to call it. When I was thirteen, I had a horse riding accident. The moment it happened my mum knew despite being miles away from me. When I was fifteen, I met a man later found to be a paedophile; something about him had me very uncomfortable. Numerous visits to places of historic interest have caused all sorts of feelings to run through me. I may write about them some day. Despite being curious about it all, I never really did anything about it. Never looked into it or anything. That changed when I was about twenty years old.

I was a part of, and still am, the virtual community Second Life. On there, I got talking with a Shaman about my experiences and he said he would talk me through meeting my spirit guide. Looking back, I should have said no. I was by no means ready mentally or spiritually. I was also doing it in a place flooded with negative energy. My dad is emotionally abusive and controlling, it was his house.

Anyway, we agreed to go ahead. Using headphones. He used a drum in his work and talked me through the process. Going from a meadow down into a cave to meet my guide. He had me speak to this guide, only something was off. I got a bad feeling from the male entity. The entity did not want to tell me it's name and seemed secretive, as well as something else I could not put my finger on. I did not share these feelings with the Shaman, I only told him that it wouldn't give it's name. After concluding the session, the Shaman suggested others and I half-hearted agreed.

There never was another session.

I felt odd after the session. Jumpy. I cannot remember if what happened next was that night or the night after. I do remember what happened clearly though. I often stayed up late then, 1am, 2am, yes 3am too. I had blinds rather than curtains, so I could see shadows clearly through them. As I laid in bed, trying to get to sleep, a feeling of dread came over me. I sensed pure hatred and anger aimed directly at me through my window. Turning over, I looked at it and saw a dark shadow figure staring straight through the window. I sensed it was male. I also sensed something was stopping it from entering my room. Turning back over, my heart racing, I started praying to Jehovah. I just want to explain, I was raised a Jehovah's Witness, but I was not one at the time nor am I one now. I refuse to follow any formal religion while still believing in Jehovah. To me, religion is a personal thing between the person and their God (s). So I believe wholeheartedly that it was Jehovah that prevented the entity from entering my room. I also believe that it was Him that made it to leave. By the time they prayer was finish, the entity had gone. With it too were the feelings.

As you could imagine, I was very spooked by the whole experience. It stopped me from going back to the Shaman. I never really thought about why back then, I now I feel the entity I met on my path was the same one that visited me that night. I was so very vulnerable and naive back then. I knew nothing of shielding or cleansing, I was surrounded by negative energy, depressed and so very vulnerable. I was perfect pickings and by doing what I did, I must have been lit up like a beacon. A huge spiritual sign that just yelled out 'come and get me' above my head.

Nowadays I'm a lot stronger. I know how to shield, cleanse and ground. Part of my learning to do so was spurred on by this experience. I am also away from my dad's house and all that negativity. While I still experience the other stuff, I have not reached out to try to meet my spirit guide again. I am undecided as to if I ever will.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Rusty_Kitten, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Pandora_PDX (23 posts)
6 years ago (2016-11-14)
Yeah, I suspect he was a wannabe. Just someone curious in ANY and everything occult... Maybe he had good intentions and was just naive. Maybe he was taking advantage of people and just didn't care. It's not your fault. But yeah...
I do know that if he was a REAL shaman... Say, from a small tribe in The Amazon, a true & wise elder, for example, you'd have had a better experience. Those guys always get it right! Lol yeah it's something you're born as, not something you can just decide to become, for sure. Lots of times it's in someone's name.
❤ ❤ ❤
Rusty_Kitten (1 stories) (1 posts)
6 years ago (2016-11-12)
I honestly cannot remember much about him so I could not say. Though, he did do Tarot too. So I suspect he did many things from many different cultures.

I was naive back then, trusted a lot of people I should not have.
Pandora_PDX (23 posts)
6 years ago (2016-11-10)
Can I ask a question?
This Shaman... Was he practicing rituals that were specific to his own culture? Or was he one culture or race, practicing the ways of another ancestry, not his own?
I'll tell you way I ask that, if I get a response. I know it sounds like a weird question. But I do think if spirits feel disrespected, like if he's using the ways of cultures that aren't a part of his particular lineage, that it may be deemed disrespectful by the spirits... They will think he's a fool, and take advantage. This is just a theory but...
It sounds to me as if your shaman didn't really know what he was doing and isn't a real shaman. A real shaman would not leave you like this.
A lot of people call themselves that lol. You can't go to school for it or anything. It's in your lineage / ancestry, and often your name. Or it's not. Lots of wannabe shamans out there. Then people like you suffer... And that kind of makes me mad!:- (
Anyways, may Prime Creator bless you, bless us all, & us Him/Her

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