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She's Still Here


I'm not really sure how to start this off so I'll just get straight to the point. My mum died when I was ten and obviously I was absolutely gutted. I had terrible dreams about her not really being dead and that she was just hiding away for some reason.

As the years went on things got better I kind of got used to life without her but whenever my sister took me to the crematorium to take flowers and that, there was always a weird atmosphere. It wasn't until the fourth anniversary of her death that I had another terrible dream just like the ones I had been having years before. I woke up one night in a sweat with tears pouring down my face.

Because it had been so long since she died I couldn't remember what her voice sounded like, but as I woke up and gasped for breath I swear blind that I heard her voice. Now, I'm not sure if it was because I wasn't properly awake but the fact that it sounded just like her makes me think I was awake as I can't remember what she sounds like in my dreams.

Anyway from what I could make out, she was saying that babies are a blessing but not everyone is blessed. I had no idea what this meant as I was positive that I wasn't pregnant and I didn't know anyone that was but two or three days after I heard her voice, my sister phoned me crying.

She was upset because she thought she was pregnant but when she went to the doctors they found out she had cysts on her ovaries and something wrong with her womb so she couldn't have children. When she told me, the hair on the back of my neck stood on end as I remembered my mums words.

I told my sister about it which just upset her even more and she decided she wanted to go to the crematorium to be with my mum. She asked me to go with her as it was also her 29th birthday so we were going to the cinema after.

When we got there and walked down the hill to the tree that my mum's ashes were under, the weird atmosphere was there again but even more oppressive than usual. Also there seemed to be a phenomenal amount of women with pushchairs brimming with babies, maybe just a coincidence.

When I got home that night and went to bed, I fell asleep with no problems at all but woke up at exactly 3.00am for no apparent reason. I was going to go straight back to sleep but for some reason felt the urgent need to look around my room.

What I saw has definitely scarred me for life and I still don't sleep very well even though it was four months ago. As I looked around, I saw a face at my window and without a doubt, it was my mum. Once I had dived out of bed and near enough had a heart attack, her face was gone.

I'm still not sure whether what happened was paranormal or just a sick joke, but the memory of that night still makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, wudusgirl, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments but I won't participate in the discussion.

Tonith (1136 posts)
15 years ago (2009-03-27)
Maybe your mother was just trying to be a comfort and give advice at the same time. What she said is relevant to what happened to your sister. Seeing her could have meant a goodbye from her and she would want you to go on and have a full life until you meet again on the other side. God bless you. You have endured something at a tender age that most of us as adults have a hard time enduring.
Surya (39 stories) (867 posts)
15 years ago (2009-03-27)
I know it is hard, but put it this way, would you want to be trapped in a world you are not meant to be in. I am sure you would not. It is a very hard thing to do letting someone you love free but it is the best thing to do. Your mom will always be there for you. Cherish what you had, hold all those memories close to your heart.
Miss_laura (9 stories) (60 posts)
15 years ago (2009-03-26)
My mum often talks about how much she would do for us girls (my 2 sisters and I) to keep us protected. In many of these "talks" she often speaks of her death and that death couldn't stop her protecting us. It maybe she is not ready to say goodbye and stop pretecting you. A mothers worst fear after all the loss of a child. But whatever the reason take comfort in it. ❤
wudusgirl (1 stories) (3 posts)
15 years ago (2009-03-26)
Thanks for the comment Surya. I totally understand what your saying and I'm grateful for your advice. I'm not sure I have let go yet... 😢 Ill keep trying xxx
amellon (1 stories) (5 posts)
15 years ago (2009-03-26)
I can understand this, My grandpa died 8 years ago. When I go to visit my Grams and parents (They had to move in with grams after grandpa passed) I can catch his scent and his rocking chair will move for no reason when I am staying on thier couch. I loved him dearly.
Surya (39 stories) (867 posts)
15 years ago (2009-03-26)
Mothers - they give us life, comfort, guidance and protection. I know to dream of your mother usually represents the nurturing part of your own character. Have you really dealt with the loss of your mother, I know it is hard to lose a mother.

I believe she did come to you that was no coincidence, and seeing her face next to the window too.

Maybe it is time if you have not already done so, to say your goodbyes to your mother. Sometimes, it is us that keep our loved ones from crossing over. The hardest part is letting go and we may do it without even realising it.

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