I should start by saying I've always had an interest in the paranormal. I've never felt that what you see is what you get, and that life is more complicated than simply, you're born, you live, then you die and that's it. I was raised Roman Catholic (I am of Irish heritage) and although I've always believed in God, I've never been a very good Catholic as far as the bible is concerned.
In the past year or so I've come out of a very dark place, I hated my life for a long time and I would blame God for my short comings. Nothing ever seemed to go my way; I lost a lot of my old friends and struggled with alcoholism. I was addicted to alcohol for years and didn't realize it. I would drink heavily then not drink at all; I was getting withdrawal symptoms and depression and wondering why I felt so horrible all the time. Thank God that part of my life is over and I'm happy now.
Believe it or not I'm actually glad all this bad stuff happened, there's that old saying "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger". I think this period of my life really opened my mind up to a lot of things. Also now when bad things happen to me I don't really get as upset and usually find a way to deal with whatever problem is thrown my way. It's made me strong.
So recently (really recently, within the past week) I've been trying to be a much better Catholic; being selfless, not lying, reading the bible, praying and what not. And some strange things have started happening. (Yes, this is eventually going to turn into a ghost story...)
OK so I live in a small village, we have a church, a couple of shops, and a few pubs where me and my friends go to stop us from dying of boredom. A few days ago I was in a really good mood; I had just found this website and it had this bit about how God is the consciously aware part of love. Love personified for lack of a better word. Before this I had him down as some kind of vengeful tyrant.
It was about 9.30 at night. I had finished reading the article, left my house and was walking past the church towards the pub. I was in a really good mood smiling ear to ear and I see this old couple walking towards me holding hands. I was thinking to myself how sweet they're holding hands.
Now I can't remember too much about the old guy except that he was quite tall and wearing an old fashioned hat (I only really had a look at him from a few meters away and it was quite dark). I could see these two as clear as day, they weren't transparent or anything like that, just dressed slightly oddly. I didn't take too good of a look. At this point I thought they were just some old couple going out for late night stroll. As I got closer, still smiling my face off I noticed how pale the woman looked. Also she looked old, not old like a 90 year old, but more old like an antique. I don't know it's hard to explain. She was staring at the ground and looked quite distressed (I didn't really notice this at the time but now that I think back to the incident she definitely looked quite sad).
Another point worth mentioning is that I have never seen these two before, I have lived in this village pretty much my whole life (since I was very young, I'm in my early 20's now) and there's not that many people who live here. It's impossible to go out in the village and not run into someone you know, and usually you recognize everyone you see.
So I give the woman a huge smile, (not thinking about how distressed she looked) and was expecting to get a smile back. As I'm just about to walk past her, she looks into my eyes for a second (this is when I realize how sad she looked) then she just stares at my heart as they walk past, with that same look of despair on her face. The next day at work my heart actually hurt which was a bit weird and slightly worrying. But then again it could have just been heart burn.
Another strange thing happened later that night, I was in the pub with my friends and a few of us went for a cigarette. I was thinking to myself that I need to give this stuff up if I'm going to be properly religious and out of nowhere my friend sings...
"Jesus Christ died for our sins"
I thought it was a bit odd seeing as my friend is hardly what you call religious. Also none of my other friends mentioned anything about it or even seemed to notice. In retrospect I should have asked him what he said, but I was quite shocked.
OK so the next day passes with not a lot happening to be honest except that I was worrying about something, and was thinking to myself protect me God. Instantly a thought came to into my head that I don't think was my own saying "God IS protecting you". Although this could have just been my imagination. A similar thing happened a couple of days later (Yesterday at time of writing). It was around 10 o'clock and I had been loading the dish washer but had stopped to watch TV for a minute. I was standing in my living room watching some action film where people were getting shot, stuff was exploding, and the characters were saying various blasphemous remarks. Something in my head told me I should stop watching this. I turned away and took a couple of steps out of my living room then stopped. I had turned quite quickly and as I had turned I thought I had passed something I saw out of the corner of my eye. I mean I really thought something was there, I thought it may have been the hover which gets left in the living room sometimes but it had seemed taller. I turned around and there was absolutely nothing there. "Woah" I said out loud. I mean I was so sure I had seen something there.
I'm always seeing stuff out the corner of my eye; this has been going on for a while. I had just put it down to my imagination until this other stuff that's been happening recently. The most reoccurring incident of this happening is when I'm lying down in my living room watching TV alone. I always see something towards the top right corner of the room in the same place. When I look at it directly I can't see anything there. But it's always in the same spot; I don't know how to describe it. Sometimes I can see a similar thing closer to the TV near the floor. Again, if I look at it directly there's nothing there, but when it appears it's always in the same spot.
Another strange thing that I notice in my house happens when I'm walking up my stairs sometimes. I see what can only be described as a sort of blue mist; I even saw it while writing this earlier. I went downstairs to get a cup of coffee and as I came back upstairs there it was. This is different from the things in the living room as I can stare directly at it and still see it. I usually stop to look at it; it stays there for 10 to 20 seconds or so then slowly disappears. I don't see this every time and have never seen it in any house other than my own. Also I've only seen it when going up the stairs. Again I had put this down to my imagination, thinking maybe it was something to do with the energy I used to climb the stairs putting some kind of strain on my brain. But I only ever see it when climbing my own stairs. I've started writing down the times I see it, but it's only happened a couple of times since I started so it's not really worth telling you the times just yet.
Right, back to ghosts. Yesterday at around about 1 o'clock in the afternoon, broad daylight, I was walking home from the shop. I had popped out to buy some smokes and picked up a couple of bottles of alchopop for later which I was carrying in a bag. I was less than 2 minutes away from my house and I saw an elderly woman walking towards me. I managed to get a better look this time as I'd been thinking a lot about the old couple I'd seen at the church.
Again this woman was very pale, and had that sad look on her face. She also had that antique feel, like she was "old". Her hair was quite strange, really really thin and quite wispy looking; she was wearing black and carrying a black hand bag. Once more I had never seen this woman before, despite her walking around so close to my house. As I approached from a few meters away she looked up at me, she looked shocked almost. Slightly scared I looked at the floor. I looked up again out of curiosity to see that she had gone back to looking at the floor. She must have noticed that I was looking at her again, as she looked up at me, appearing to be quite shocked and sad. I looked into her eyes for a couple of seconds and got scared and just looked at the floor once more.
As we were passing each other I snuck another look, she was so pale, and it looked like she was wearing black eye makeup which contrasted quite a lot to her white skin. As we passed I was wondering if she would look at my heart like the woman I had seen down by the church. She didn't, although she did look at the carrier bag I was holding with the alchopop's in. She looked so sad.
As we were walking in opposite directions I kept looking back to see if I could still see her or if she was even real, sure enough, each time, there she was in broad daylight walking away from me. Head down and clearly visible.
Is this the normal way to see a spirit? Are these things even spirits? I didn't think you could see them so clearly. They could just be elderly people and I'm making a big fuss over nothing. I don't know this is all really new to me, I find it so fascinating. It doesn't even seem real. Maybe I'm just going nuts...
Other things that I've had happen to me before this week (that I had put down to my imagination) is I get déjà vu quite often (even got it while writing this at one point). I've had dreams that come true a few times, although usually I can't remember my dreams and it's usually something trivial like watching a film or something. Also sometimes I'll think about saying something and not say it, only to have a friend say it seconds later. Usually a shared memory. Also I think I've done astral projection (think that's what it's called) once before. But it was completely beyond my control and happened when I was very young.
Would love to hear your thoughts, especially if you are experienced in this area.