To start, I am an educated adult male who happens to spend his free time writing paranormal horror fiction. I make a good living at it although not nearly enough that I don't have to be careful with my money. It might sound like I'm going to spin some yarn about demons or twist your ear with made up tales but you'd be greatly mistaken. I write using life experience.
Since the age of 4 I've suffered from Sleep Paralysis issues. Waking up with the feeling something is holding me down, something that I can only explain as truly evil. It has caused me to have many phobias; of the dark, of silence, of what could be around a corner (that is a real phobia by the way), and of being alone.
When I awake, paralyzed and helpless, it first began as only a feeling of pressure and terror, the idea that something was in the room with me and when the paralysis passes the feeling went with it. It wasn't until I was in my mid-teens that I began to see things as well, always the same thing.
In the dark I could still make it out, an almost humanoid form in the blackness, pressing down on my chest with a gnarled, gaunt hand, I still swear I could smell it, I can't even explain it using worldly terms because the stink is something I somehow know is otherworldly. I didn't begin to see its face until I was around 17. It is almost human but oddly warped and confusing to see, human but not at the same time. All eyes and sharp angles, no visible nose but a long, tooth filled mouth. Sometimes it is whispering, other times totally silent.
It grew up with this terror, I feared (and still do) it so much that I have been sleeping with the lights on since I was 13, sleeping with a television on for the sound since I was 18, sleeping with a weapon handy since I was in my twenties. I believe myself to be a skeptic, objective and beyond petty paranormal belief and superstitions but I can never shake the possibility that I am having a real supernatural event. I'd like opinions. I'd enjoy answer and love some debate on the subject. I've asked all my friends about it, many times in fact, but they aren't helpful and tend to shrug it away because they don't suffer the condition. I fear the power going out worse than death. I have a large supply of candle, flashlights and batteries at all times. I know that fear isn't rational but somehow my logical mind isn't part of this, somewhere in my instinct below my thoughts I just feel that darkness is hostile, that open doors are dangerous and that around any corner something might be lurking.
I am not religious, I am at best Agnostic, so I'd rather explain this in some sort of Eastern demonic fashion, but somehow it doesn't seem to fit. Once more, I write fiction for a living but this is my true story, a sort of mania biography and I'm looking for second opinions on the subject because I can't trust my own logic on this matter. I have seen a few therapists, I have Asperger syndrome, but I don't believe that my Sleep Paralysis is related, although I can't be totally sure on that. That is why I need to share this, maybe it might help a bit.
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