Some of you may have read my first story regarding the events surrounding my father's passing in April of 2006. I had put so much energy and so much of my life into helping my father, along with my mom, get better and get to his appointments, that when he passed I suffered a nervous breakdown.
I went back to work 2 weeks after his passing. I lasted a week back on the job before my emotions and life's pressure took over and I burnt out. At that point I was diagnosed as having a nervous breakdown, which they call something more "PC" these days. I spent about a month at home with my Mom just getting things in order and putting life back into perspective. I even went out and got a puppy to help take our minds of things.
These weeks that I spent at home were bitter sweet. I was home for a good portion of the summer but unable to bask in the warm sun as I did when I was younger. Instead I sat and thought and hoped and prayed and just waited to feel "normal" once again.
I began having bad dreams, nightmares if you will, and they were the same each time. There would be a different scenario in each dream but the focal point would be, me, trying desperately to save my Dad but, ultimately, being helpless and watching him slowly pass away. Knowing that I had done everything I could for my Dad, this was upsetting and I wished that the dreams/nightmares would subside.
I spoke to my Dad every night and I prayed for a sign that he was proud of me and these dreams were just a subconscious wish that I could have done more.
It was finally time to head back to work. After a few days of being back I realized that my position was way too stressful so I decided to apply for another position inside the company. That night I went home to prepare my resume. I kept it on my little Sony flash drive. As I settled down to freshen up my resume, my flash drive was gone. It was in none of its former homes and I tore the house apart.
I finally gave up and decided to go to bed. I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, and I said to my Dad in my mind "If you aren't busy up there tonight, can you please help me find this thing because I need a new position..." After brushing my teeth, I went into my room to get my clothes together for the next day and then -BANG- suddenly something hit me and told me to check the pockets of my jeans. Now it was late summer and I had not worn my jeans in at least a month or more. As I debated this in my head I got a cold, yet soothing, chill down my back. I decided to check my jeans. I tried the right pocket and it was empty. Thinking how foolish I was being I tried the left pocket. Guess what was in that pocket? My flash drive. I felt so comforted and freaked out at the same time, I dropped my pants and ran outside to gather myself :)
What an amazing feeling. My Dad was ALWAYS there for me, and I guess he still is.
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