Chest Pain

This has been going on for years. I don't exactly know what it is. I don't think it is a ghostly encounter, but it does leave me stumped. I cannot find a reason for this experience at all, which is why I a posting it on here.

I noticed this happened a few years back. I was trying to sleep, rolling around and just would not sleep, when this unexplainable feeling came over me. It is like sorrow, loneliness and missing someone all rolled into one. I was confused why it was happening and wanted it to stop, and it started to recede after a few seconds and was all done after a minute. This episode wore me out and I did not feel right afterwards.

This kept happening to me night after night, until I was around eleven when I had enough. When it happened this time I tried blocking it out, and wanting it to finish and telling myself that this wasn't me, and that it was going to finish. It did finish and it stopped happening for a while.

But it did come back a few years later, when I was thirteen. But it was more intense. By then I could tell when it was going to happen. During the day I would be cranky and get angry easily and everything annoyed me, and I would not eat much and go to sleep early. It would happen at least once a week.

Once I was asleep, dreaming which is very rare for me as when I sleep I don't go into REM sleep, so my dreams are rarely vivid. But this one was vivid and I think I was lucid dreaming because I remember it clearly. I was asleep having the weirdest dream ever in which I was not me but some blond girl that lived near the Vatican city or something when I started crying. Instantly I woke up and I was holding my chest, then realized I cried in my sleep. That inexplicable feeling was there again, in the middle of my chest like always. I could barely breathe because it was that intense, so I rolled around and put my hands together on my chest to see if it helped at all. It began to recede dramatically and I was able to breathe properly. Afterwards I felt tired and I was breathing like I ran 800m again. I then began thinking about the people I saw in my rare dream and it stopped. I was glad that I made it stop for the first time.

Now this unexplainable feeling that overwhelms me happens every night, but not as intense and it is bearable. But when it happens, and this is going to sound stupid, I hold my hands, but when I do it is not my hand I'm holding it is some other person. Like a connection. I don't know who this person is but it does help stop this.

No one close to me has passed away so I do not know why this would happen to me. I do not believe I am depressed or have anything like that. Not only does depression not run in the family but when this happens I don't think about bad things only that I want it to stop. I thought I was some form of psychic attack, but I don't have those symptoms. I did some researching and came up with night attacks but those are just panic attacks during the night and I don't have panic attacks.

I thought this was fine but realized that most people don't feel this, and I don't know what this is and that it might not be healthy. I haven't told anybody this because they would want me to go see a doctor even though that won't help, and they would think I'm weird because I have dreams (during NON-REM sleep) about conversations and dreams that never happen until after I have them. And if I were to go to a doctor it will be like "every night I wake up and have feelings of depression that is not mine and when I hold my hands it goes away". That will be enough for the doctor to sign me up for counselling and in-patient programs, so no, I'm not going to do that.