I was abused as a child. The events I experienced as a child lead me to depression at a young age and I was full out suicidal when I was 11. When I was a teenager, I changed my name to start over and tried to become a new person. For privacy reasons I will not use my real names and instead will be Sarah and Lauren.
I've recently been through a lot of soul searching and spirtuality. I'm trying to forgive myself for being abused and for all the mistakes I've made and I've been having a lot of weird experiences like increased intuition and finding coins, among others. Today was one I have never felt before.
It's important to include this next part in here. My name was Sarah when I was a child. I hated my name and hated when people used it. By becoming Lauren, I thought I could be happy and I got a little happier but the underlying issues still ate at me.
I'm a grown woman now. And I'm confronting all the pain inside me. Changing my name was a knee jerk decision and just like that, I felt new. Or so I thought. I still had the pain from the abuse and the further I looked inside myself, the more I realized Sarah was screaming out.
Inside of me was the wounded little girl who had never healed so I couldn't. I had denied this part of me for so long, trying to convince myself I was healed. Finally, I acknowledged her and today, I heard a little girl call my own name when I was home alone in the bathroom.
It was my voice, my own ghost or spirit. I heard myself today after years of crying out.
In order for myself to heal, I have to heal her too because we are one in the same. I never expected to hear my own ghost, but I'm glad I did.
A good counsellor can work wonders. Believe me when I say, "been there done that". My counsellor helped me turn my life around. Yes, as Maelstrom said, forgiveness is a big part of healing but what helped me was the realization of just how "sick" my abuser was. Sweetie, get help please. Your inner voice will never be still, unless you do. Blessings to you.