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Hearing My Own Childhood Ghost As An Adult


I was abused as a child. The events I experienced as a child lead me to depression at a young age and I was full out suicidal when I was 11. When I was a teenager, I changed my name to start over and tried to become a new person. For privacy reasons I will not use my real names and instead will be Sarah and Lauren.

I've recently been through a lot of soul searching and spirtuality. I'm trying to forgive myself for being abused and for all the mistakes I've made and I've been having a lot of weird experiences like increased intuition and finding coins, among others. Today was one I have never felt before.

It's important to include this next part in here. My name was Sarah when I was a child. I hated my name and hated when people used it. By becoming Lauren, I thought I could be happy and I got a little happier but the underlying issues still ate at me.

I'm a grown woman now. And I'm confronting all the pain inside me. Changing my name was a knee jerk decision and just like that, I felt new. Or so I thought. I still had the pain from the abuse and the further I looked inside myself, the more I realized Sarah was screaming out.

Inside of me was the wounded little girl who had never healed so I couldn't. I had denied this part of me for so long, trying to convince myself I was healed. Finally, I acknowledged her and today, I heard a little girl call my own name when I was home alone in the bathroom.

It was my voice, my own ghost or spirit. I heard myself today after years of crying out.

In order for myself to heal, I have to heal her too because we are one in the same. I never expected to hear my own ghost, but I'm glad I did.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Sunflower7991, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

annie16 (13 stories) (53 posts)
6 years ago (2018-01-10)
As far as I'm concerned, abusers should be given the death sentence. The pain and suffering they cause, lasts a lifetime and to me, it's worse than murder. Sorry, but that's how I feel.
A good counsellor can work wonders. Believe me when I say, "been there done that". My counsellor helped me turn my life around. Yes, as Maelstrom said, forgiveness is a big part of healing but what helped me was the realization of just how "sick" my abuser was. Sweetie, get help please. Your inner voice will never be still, unless you do. Blessings to you.
Maelstrom (23 posts)
6 years ago (2018-01-05)
Not knowing if you believe in God, so here is my take. Whether it's a ghost or maybe your inner voice, the healing will come when you forgive the person that abused you. Some say forgive and forget, as humans, we rarely forget the wrongs done to us. I found a lot of peace when I said to myself, I have nothing to lose by forgiving, and just did it. The memories are there and remind me of the places and things that I do not want to experience again. As RCRuskin mentioned, if you can, go see a pastor, rabbi, someone, do it.

God bless you.
Caz (342 posts)
6 years ago (2017-12-26)
Sunflower...I just want to say there's 'no need to try and forgive yourself' for being abused. This was something that was 'done to you' by an abuser when you were a child. If perhaps you are thinking you are partly to blame 'for any reason', then please don't. Children who are abused are 'never to blame' no matter what the circumstances, because 'they are children'! As others have suggested, talking to a professional might be a good idea! I hope you can get past this soon sweetie. Best wishes to you.
Jubeele (26 stories) (898 posts)
6 years ago (2017-12-25)
Hi Sunflower, like RC, I do feel it would be good if you spoke to a counselor or health professional, as well as a spiritual healer of some kind. Your mind, spirit and body must stay in balance to fully heal.

I've also gone though abuse, depression and suicidal thoughts for some years. I also gave another name to my troubled self in my teens to distance myself from the pain. But I eventually sought help and have fought my share of personal darkness to find my inner light again.

Lauren, I hope you will be like the sunflower, always looking towards hope and light. ❤
RCRuskin (9 stories) (824 posts)
6 years ago (2017-12-25)
Some treatments these days are akin to putting an adhesive bandage (Band-Aid, Plaster, etc.) on a compound fracture. Unless the bone is set properly and the open wound sutured, healing does not take place.

If you're still in high school, Sunflower Lauren, please speak with a guidance counselor. If you're in college, hopefully there is a student health center you could go to where they could connect you with a mental health counselor or psychologist. After an evaluation, they may suggest you seek a psychiatrist's help. Personally, I don't like taking pills, but sometimes, they are needed.

If you attend a place of worship, please speak with the priest, rabbi, minister, or other elder for prayers and guidance.

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