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Unconditional Motherly Love

 

My mom passed away when I was 8 years old. We migrated from Vietnam to Canada in 1993, and she passed in 1995. She was only 43. She battled cancer for a long 3 months, and finally passed on Dec. 3.

She was a carefree person. She grew up in an averaged income family with her mother, father, and 4 other sibling, she was the 3rd oldest. My grandpa taught ballroom dancing, so my mother and her siblings all knew how to dance also. She was also my grandpa's favourite. I know this because my aunts and uncles tell me.

She was beautiful and never had to work hard to get what she wanted, (husband, money, affection from others.) She was well-liked by friends, and family, even her in-laws loved her... (rare haha). After marrying my father, she became pregnant with me and was a stay-home mom. My father made enough money for her to live happily at home. The biggest worries she had back then was, "Should we go eat this or that today? Or both?!" The only thing she ever worried about was me. She loved me so much and she told me every day. She would smother me in her arms and ask me, "Do you know you are my every breath?". I loved it.

After discovering her illness she lost her health very fast, due to worry and just the cancer itself. She started telling me things that a normal 8 year old wouldn't learn about until about 12 or 13. She told me not to lay with men or I'd have a baby, be good, don't forget her, and just many things. For a long time I was scared I'd be pregnant every time my dad laid next to me, until he cleared it up a little. Just by saying, "It's not like that", or something rather, poor dad. She was scared she was running out of time, and that no one would teach me these things after she left.

I remember she moved to my room during her last months of life. We had placed two twin beds with a night stand between us, because she was hooked up to machines, we were trying to prevent me from hurting her in my sleep. She told me once I was sleep walking on and around her bed at night, but I have never slept walk nor have I since her passing.

Thinking back, I think it was a spirit waiting for her. Perhaps her father? She said I even walked on her bed and she was worried I'd step on her. Its a twin bed, not much room to "walk around" on. She could be right but I don't think it was me.

After she passed away, I slept with my dad in his room. A few days (I think) or weeks later, I woke up in the middle of the night and knew my mom was coming. I felt her come through our apartment front doors and drift to our room. She stood beside the TV and just watched me and dad sleep. I don't remember everything she said, I just remember she said she missed me and she loved me. It's been so long since her passing and I don't normally get sad about it.

Something about today (and maybe knowing many people on this site could relate and sympathize), writing this is a little hard. I have never felt another kind of love like my mother's. It's so strong and I know she's been with me all along.

Up until a few weeks ago did I find out that my dad also saw her same time as I did, but he always said there's no such thing as ghosts. I had to ask him because my curiosity for answers is growing and growing. He said, "Yes, she was next to the TV". I have seen her a few more times after that, but couldn't remember until recently.

I will save those for next story! Thanks again my sis and bros for your eyes and heart <3

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, notjustme, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

deuxannee (9 posts)
 
4 years ago (2014-01-11)
Yeah still in tdot. Where do you live now? Haven't seen you in ages. Seen your cousins last year I think at a wedding.
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2014-01-09)
deaxanne - LOL I know right!? Are you still in tdot? Email me your number. I asked a cousin and he said he doesn't have it, you know which one that is lol. My email is my fullname5 [at] gmail.com
deuxannee (9 posts)
+1
4 years ago (2014-01-05)
Tbh even with S.L I still wasn't completely convinced it was you. It just couldn't be. What are the chances? Lol. Strange how I just decided to comment on YOUR story. And I don't ever register to comment on anything. The fishing part in one of your other posts was what got me curious.

But anyways, I hope you're doing well and had an awesome Christmas! Wish you the best for the new year! My new years reso is to renew my faith! πŸ˜‰
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-12-18)
deaxanne - also I was thinking of the Guelph cemetery, that's why I couldn't guess lol
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-12-17)
Deuxanne (d.t)? - lol THAT'S WHY I believe in the law of attraction. Lately you've crossed my mind, just wondering how you been and stuff. And BOOM you're on YGS LOL. Meant to be, i'm here to help you restore your faith? πŸ˜†
deuxannee (9 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-12-16)
Notjustme. Lol. My dad and my grandma. And your grandma. In TO. I know your cousins. I'm pretty sure that'll clear it up for you. If not I'll just give you my initials lol. I think you might have gone with me to see them once before. I can't remember. And don't worry this is definately staying between us. You have my word.
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-12-16)
deaxanne - oh sorry I re-read your post and you say you also have someone buried near my loved one?
Around that area of the cemetery I know of about 3 others buried there 2 I knew quite well, 1 is a cousin of a friend whom I did not know. Hmm... I wonder which loved one you meant?
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-12-16)
deaxannee - lol I guess I didn't get the hint. I also ask that you kindly keep this between you and I too. I like this site and I enjoy sharing stories on here 😊
deuxannee (9 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-12-15)
Notjustme. This gave me an opportunity to vent and not feel weird around my friends. Some things are better left to the company of strangers. Maybe one day I can share my story of how I met my dad again. Btw I thought I left a pretty good hint for you in my last comment lol.
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-12-12)
deaxannee - I must add that i'm sure we would all love to hear about your recent dreams of your father. Please share your story when you are ready. ❀
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-12-11)
deaxannee - no it wouldn't stop me from posting or else I would not have told you that is me. But I too, don't want you to be uncomfortable. So if you don't want to tell me then I won't push it either. Maybe one day when you're ready you could give me a hint. LOL and I won't hold your comments against you. Til then, take care my fiend!
vanlewie232711 (1 stories) (42 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-12-09)
❀ your welcome... I hope that you and your brother can somehow heal as a family unit and become better brothers for it. I hope also that your mom has a complete 100% recovery! Blessed days ahead for you my friend because having a smile on your face when facing storms can bring you more joy than you ever know. And the best part is keeping those around you wondering! Remember to smile even when it hurts to do so because your smile just may make a difference to someone you don't know. Take care my friend 😁
deuxannee (9 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-12-08)
Notjustme. Small world indeed. To be honest, I would hate to reveal myself to you after reading my posts again. Well if I leave you wondering who I am will it deter you from posting stories on this? I wouldn't want to take this away from you either. I'm trying to recall how I even landed on this site or where I found it. Fate? Lol... Like Romeo and Juliet? Or mere coincidence... Like if we both had loved ones buried 20 feet away from each other. Who knows.
deuxannee (9 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-12-08)
Vanlewie thanks for your comment. It comes with validity. You are right in that I must let go of the resentment I have towards my brother. Now that he is living many miles away I must admit at times I wake up feeling like something is missing. And for selfish reasons I guess I never really considered he was living with any guilt at all. Maybe our time apart right now will give us a chance to understand each other a little better and be more forbearing of our differences.
vanlewie232711 (1 stories) (42 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-11-28)
deuxannee... I just have to add to this I am sorry if you feel I am intruding. I just curious if maybe your dealing with your grief over your dad or ignoring it thinking "i got to do this and that"? Sometimes by trying to ignore that grief is where you will find the buried memories like on tuesday I forgot where my phone is but I found it on the dresser, where you looked before? See where I am going? In dealing with the grief my sister was able to see her son whom died at age 18. But for many years she would cry to me how everyone else has seen him, smelt him, felt him but her. I kept telling her you know what you were his mom, best friend, coach he is deff with you! And as far as your brother let him run off and do his thing because yes you are giving up so much more right now,,,, but when it matters the most he can't say one bad thing to you, hold nothing against you and his guilt will be his burden. You know maybe he isn't telling you that dad is haunting him right? His guilt will be his and his alone. Hold your head up and be proud of yourself because being the level headed, strong son wasn't his job after all its yours and your doing everything right. Maybe your dad left his deathbed totally proud of you and has no further business with you because you were there the whole time? I'm going to stop now but I wish you luck with your mom and learn a little forgivness of your brother because his truth might be he is no where as strong as you are ❀
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-11-28)
deaxanne: I believe in fate and signs... And I find it very cool that you commented on my story of all people's 😊 now I will be left wondering who you could be lol
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-11-28)
deaxanne - hahaha... What an interesting little world we live in. Yes that person IS me! Now I am REALLY interested in who you might be? Best wishes my friend- S.L (notjustme) πŸ˜†
deuxannee (9 posts)
+1
4 years ago (2013-11-19)
First off, thanks miracle and valkricry for your thoughts and suggestions. And most importantly, for understanding... Especially why I feel what I feel towards my brother. I am sincerely thankful for not bashing me after the somewhat unkind comment I had left for notjustme.

This will be out of character for me to say this but I think I may have been wrong all along. Oddly enough I believe my dad has finally came to visit me. In fact, it happened the same night I left my last comment... In my dreams? Not going to get into details at this time but whether it was a product of my imagination as valkricry suggested or it was real, I woke up in high spirits and until this day am feeling much more faith. My mother's health is improving and doctors have high hopes. She is having daily radiation treatments and looking forward to her trip overseas to visit her sisters in a month. I admit I am still dealing with some personal problems and some days are still a struggle for me... But one day at a time.

Notjustme. This will sound a little weird but if I don't ask you, it may bother the crap out of me. I feel like I've heard your story before. Like someone I know from my past has told me the same story or similar (don't I sound like the crazy one now?). I've reread your post a few times today and I've also read some of your other posts today and can't help but to think of a person from my past. I didn't notice the first time but after reading another post of yours... It got me to thinking. You say that your family migrated from Vietnam to Canada. I'm not sure where you reside now... But any chance you ever lived in Guelph at any point in your life? It in Ontario. I live in Canada. Chances are... You are NOT that person so if not just ignore this part of the post... I am not crazy lol. Anyway, interesting stories and I wish you the best.
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
+1
4 years ago (2013-10-23)
deauxanne - I was not in any way trying to judge you either, and i'm sorry you read it that way. I was simply just answering your questions to the best of my ability and beliefs. As for the money thing, I didn't mean it in that way. Obviously we all need it. Anyways I hope you find what you are looking for one day.
Miracles + Val had some good suggestions and comments for you. I will just leave it as that.
kunwarkh (2 stories) (55 posts)
+1
4 years ago (2013-10-06)
Miracles51031 and Valkicry,

Those posts were just awesome:)
Miracles51031 (36 stories) (4802 posts) mod
 
4 years ago (2013-10-06)
val - thank you supporting my comments to deuxannee. Sometimes the additional reinforcement helps 😊
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
+3
4 years ago (2013-10-06)
deuxannee,
I read your comment and am moved to attempt to somehow try and console you. I get why you feel that your brother is selfish, and why you might think he's a wack job. I have gone through a similar situation. Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, in your brother's case he's simply trying to absolve himself of his own guilty feelings for not being there? Or that your father is trying to tell him it's ok?
I'm not going to lie to you, I believe that in some cases visitations are a product of imagination. In some, but not all. Your father may well have been sending you signs that you simply put down as coincidence, or in looking for them so hard over looked them, just like not being able to see the forest for the trees.
Right now, you have a lot of anger and resentment towards your brother - and I don't blame you. You feel you've had to have your life on hold, while he does as he wants. He's repeating the same actions as before, when you need him most. Am I wrong to think you feel as if you pay all the dues and he reaps the rewards?
It sounds to me as if you are becoming emotionally depleted. Caring for a family member, and working full time, leaves little time for one's self. Sometimes, without respite from duties, it can become difficult, if not impossible to see what's good in our lives. Which can shake our faith. My suggestion to you is to take a little 'me time'. It doesn't have to be a lot, even a couple of hours a week. (If Mom can't be left alone, you can arrange for someone to be with her - a friend or companion.) Then go somewhere you feel good at - the park, a movie, or treat yourself to a meal at the local diner, out with a friend. Just GO. Sometimes, just knowing that on X day you can 'escape' for a bit, can really help.
I hope this proves of some help to you.
Miracles51031 (36 stories) (4802 posts) mod
+4
4 years ago (2013-10-06)
deuxannee - I'm sorry for intruding on your and notjustme's conversation. I have something to add and it may not make you feel any better, so I apologize beforehand.

You were the one there for your dad, not your brother. You took care of your dad, so I'm assuming you said your goodbyes to him and made sure you didn't leave anything left undone, such as anything you felt you needed to make amends for. Although you may not have made peace with your dad's passing, you did everything you could to make his passing peaceful. You sacrificed everything in your life, right? Your brother didn't.

Maybe this is the only way your brother could reach your dad, to say he was sorry for not being there at the end, to apologize for his selfishness. And maybe this is why your dad shows himself to your brother, to help him absolve his guilt πŸ˜• This are purely conjectures on my part, based on friends' relationships with parent's who have passed and their visits.

And now, sadly, the cycle with you and your brother is repeating, but this time with your mom. If I were you, I wouldn't change one thing I am doing. And I wouldn't regret one moment of the time I spent with my dad, nor one second of every day I spend with my mom. Cherish the fact that you have done everything you possibly could/can for them, to help their passing. Know that they know what you have done for them.

One last thing, stop searching so hard for your dad's visits. Maybe he is visiting you and you are trying so hard to "see" and "hear" him that you are missing him. Street signs, billboard signs, words on a radio or TV that remind you of your dad...that's your dad saying, "Hey, I'm here. I haven't forgotten about you." The faint smell the reminds you of him, whether it's a food, the way he smelled when he came in from outside or even when he was sick. It doesn't matter what it is, if it reminds you of him, it's a sign your dad is there. Don't second guess it, don't wonder if you are making more of it then there is. These are signs our loved ones give us to let us know they're still around. Just don't look too hard for the obvious ones, that you miss the real ones ❀
deuxannee (9 posts)
-1
4 years ago (2013-10-06)
By all means I was not trying to judge you. You on the other hand sound like know me very well but I beg to differ. If I indeed "shut my mind out" I wouldn't have prayed so hard to see my father. I had faith and I also was very spiritual when I was younger. You're right my brother is not crazy... Just incredibly selfish. I mentioned he wasn't there when I needed him while my father took his last breath. Well my mother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and now he decides to move to Shanghai permanently to be with someone he met online. But no that's not crazy at all. Again leaving me alone at a very stressful time. It's stressful because like you, I love my mother and know I have to be there for her and will not abandon her. I don't have a big family here in Canada, in fact it's really just me and my mother now so for him to leave is just plain selfish... But I digress.

You say we chase money and time but without money how can we survive? I'm not disagreeing with you completely... There are those who chase money for the wrong reasons. But there are those who do it to provide a better life for their family and kids and their kids' kids. To send money overseas for their relatives who can't afford insurance or chemo treatments. Is that not love? The reality is we all need food on the table at the end of the day. We all need money. I work hard everyday and I'm nearing my mid 30's and still single. Still chasing the paper hoping one day sooner than later I can finally meet that one person who wants to start a family with me. That is one of my mother's wishes for me. Unfortunately I haven't been able to fulfill that for her. They all seem to just come and go inexplicably. But I haven't forgotten to love and to care for others. I do it on a daily basis. I love my family and have been blessed with a few great friends in my life. I try to do the right thing and be the best person I can be even to strangers. But you are right, there are those who have wealth, a good job and a great family but still feel lost. Maybe they do lack a spiritual being within them. I on the other hand have neither at this point. I'm broke, single and my faith is growing dim so I guess that puts me in a real predicament. My mother is ill and i'm all alone to take care of her. I've tried to believe in things I cannot see hoping that faith will put my life into perspective and it has not. What do you suggest I do now?

Anyways, I know this was a late response but just haven't had time and kind of forgot about this posting.
When I have time I will youtube that video you mentioned.
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-09-20)
Thank you everyone else that commented on this story. A little late but better than never 😜 - notjustme
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-09-18)
ChrisB - Thanks for the comment. I know for a fact that mom is always there, I don't see or feel her too much, but my faith in her is all I need to confirm it. She loved so oh so much so I just know. I can't wait to have my own kids so I can pass that love on to them😊 ❀ - Notjustme
ChrisB (6 stories) (1515 posts)
+1
4 years ago (2013-09-14)
Dear notjust me this was sucha beautiful story that it brought a tear to my eye. I'm very sorry for your loss. My mother also passed away and I was 17. But you had so little time with her tyhat it breaks my heart. No matter how much time we would have its never enough. I know your mom loves you and one day we will all be with our loved ones 😁.Remeber your mom is always with you and alwaus will be. We sometimes forhget about that. Thank you for sharring and I hope to hear from you soon and take care
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-07-23)
JAZZYQ- thank you for taking the time to read them. I love this site because of the maturity level and acceptance of most members. -NOTJUSTME
jazzyq (1 stories) (16 posts)
+1
4 years ago (2013-07-23)
I have read all your story's they are very touching, and I think you answered deuxannee questions perfectly.
notjustme (18 stories) (821 posts)
+1
4 years ago (2013-07-22)
deuxannee- it's not that you were a bad son, or he loved you less or you loved him less... Or whatever else reason you may believe. You ask us, "is it that we see what we want"...the answer is YES. (LAW OF ATTRACTION) Because we didn't shut our minds out from it, we are still able to be in-tuned. I personally think it's because of your own faith. (don't mean any disrespect) Do you remember when you were younger, almost anything you wanted to happen, would eventually to some degree? Are you one of those people who have to see it to believe it? And if you do see it, does it mean it's real? We live in zombie world now. I don't believe much on tv any more as I look at that as fake reality. We chase money and time, and we will do almost anything for it. We have forgotten to look around and feel with our hearts.

Actually, your brother is not crazy and makes perfect sense to me. (not being rude to u) I also feel the same. There are some people in this world, who have everything; wife, children, good job house, money... Yet still feel like they don't "belong". Open your mind, and the everything else will slowly be in tuned again. I have always been a spiritual child. At age 8 I always wanted to sit on the balcony and chat with my dad about "life" lol, whatever that meant at that age. I have always loved animals and nature. To you, it may sound like 'oh tree hugger chick...' lol... But its not like that. It is about being real and thinking about what's real. Money and time is made to distract us from these thoughts. As we grow up and stray from real reality, we go into what we call "today's reality" which is really nothing at all.

We have forgotten to love and care for one another.

Youtube Delores Cannon... She talks about what your bro does. You'll see he's not the only one who's like that... And actually the entire world is slowly shifting its attitude and mentality. It will slowly make sense to u...just don't shut it out as crazy.

I hope this helped a little to your questions. Please know we are all here to listen to one another, and I am truly and respectfully just saying what I think.

Love and respect to you, NOTJUSTME

😳 πŸ˜†

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