In the last few months a lot has happened, some good and some horrible. My baby girl was born a few months ago and while it was a rough start things balanced out and she and I are healthy.
All things seemed normal for awhile, life was good; a healthy happy baby, Maggie was about to start school, had speech and occupational therapy and was adjusting well to having a sibling.
Then an unexpected illness took Maggie's life. Our life has been flipped upside down and we are still trying to cope and find a new normal all while raising our youngest daughter.
It's been four weeks, and one day as I was giving our baby a bottle, rocking her in the living room I saw Maggie, pale as can be just as she was the day she died, dark lips and blood pouring out of her mouth and eyes. Standing in the middle of our living room and all she said was "Help me Mamma." I froze being completely unable to move and just stared at her speechless.
I didn't know what to say or do, I couldn't feel, I couldn't think. It was like time had stopped and the horrific things that happened the day of her death just started flashing in front of me.
I closed my eyes to gather myself, only to find her gone when I opened them.
A week or more passes and I had our baby on the floor for tummy time seeing that she is three months old and can hold her head up well it's time to start working on crawling. We had been playing for awhile and she started getting sleepy so I put her down for a nap.
I decided to straighten up things a bit when I suddenly felt a strong urge to go check on her. So I did, when I looked at her face it looked pale white, I automatically put my hand on her chest and felt her breathing, I also noticed that her arms and legs had color which snapped me out of it, she was fine. I picked my sleeping baby up and cried and just decided to hold her for the rest of her nap so I knew she would be ok.
A few days go by and I went into Maggie's room which we still have set up as it was and just looked around and cried. Realizing my sweet girl would never be coming home, her toys would remain untouched by her tiny hands, her laughter will never fill this room. It's simply a shell of all she was.
I picked up her favorite bear and hugged him hoping to find her scent, seeing that she had slept with him since she was only a year old. Reminiscing on bedtime cuddles and butterfly kisses. When I saw her stuffed kangaroo that was sitting on the floor next to her little desk fall over.
I noticed the room felt colder and I felt a sudden panic hit me. It was then that her baby book toppled off her book shelf and hit the floor, and all I could hear in my mind was her asking me to help her.
I told Collin about what happened when he got home and he told me that earlier that day he saw her while he was at work just standing there smiling at him and then she vanished.
Nothing more has really happened and my question is, do you guys think that she is really trying to reach out to me, that the grief is just taking a strange toll on me causing me to see things that aren't there, or is another manipulative spirit messing with me causing me to see all this? Should I be concerned for my baby? All comments and words of advice are welcome.