In the Absence of Light

From childhood there has been a part of town that seemed to radiate peace to me. Seems like I could be blindfolded, spun around three times and driven -in reverse- to this area and I would still know exactly where I was! That is how powerfully it moves me. And lucky me, after months of apartment hunting my fiancé fell in love with a place, and it happened to be in that area. And my new home is haunted. There is a being here full of hungry anger.

Luxuriating in the calm solace of my old home was like a nice soak in the tub. This place is like a being chucked in a shake-n-bake bag filled with cactus needles. Typically, ghosts react like dogs with me, if they are lost and scared they follow me. They know I will try to help them. I am surprised when I find ghosts that don't want positive transformation, like this one.

The first night I felt the energy disturbance of both the previous owner (her energy signature) and beings (and energies) that were attached to this place. From experience I knew that it can take at least three months to mediate all the energies. It is a process that almost always begins by quieting the destructive beings/energies. On the third night I realized this was not happening.

I was locking down for the evening and had just shut off the all the lights in the kitchen, dining room and living room. There was only one small light on inside and that was in the master bedroom, on the other side of the house. As my eyes began to focus to the darkness a shape became defined, blacker than the night and two feet in front of me. It was about three feet high, with either horns or ears, and red eyes. I could not tell if it had ever lived, but it had enormous rage and an endless sadness.

Initial fear was ratified by my disappointment. All the work that I had done up to that point hadn't made a sea change. I stood my ground and calmed myself by imagining that I would be able to help bring it to positive transformation. It sent me only barbs, and then seemed to melt away into the blackness, using the darkness as a fish uses water. It's intensely ugly pal, and my guessing where it might return, notched up my apprehension. Why would it shun the light, what does it get from merely peering out from its shadows? How could my Fiancé and I begin a life together burdened by this extra negativity?

Different things work for different people to assuage supernatural negativity. For some it is crosses on every wall, some it is burning herbs and singing trance like songs, and for others, like me, it is mostly about meditation and psychic intervention. Through my meditation I learned that this negative being is not diabolical, but is power hungry. It did not come right out with it, but it made it apparent that it wants a host to suck on, of course. At that point I could say all of my good work has not done much, but it had helped some.

It remained out of my searchlight, yet hungered to be with me and noticed. I was lying in bed; it was early evening and was just about to turn off the lights to sleep. That is when, from across the room and from the corner of my eye, I saw an outline of a face. By trespassing in my space I was able to pick up a bit more about it. And from there I knew it was masculine and sensed it was a shape changer. It was powerful as well, it would have had to be to resist my energy so well. It lingered at the threshold, simply watching me. Loving the power of its anonymity, and my desire to heal it, it pathetically gloated in its oblivion.

Then came new years, as usual I had to work and was hoping my ear plugs would sail me through the staple drunken neighbors, gun fire and fire works. My Fiancé had tuckered out in the other room, he gets up at four in the morning, so I wasn't altogether sad he was not bedding with me.

As I had feared the excitement of New Years got the better of me and I could hear the snapping fireworks, drunken drawls and hammering laughter. At 1ish, petting the cat, facing away from the door, I was wondering about the cogs and wheels of time and considering what might be in my future.

I said, "Come in..." hearing a knock on the open bedroom door. My adoration flashed!

I was so glad that my Fiancé decided to come and be with me for awhile before he had to get up. I waited to hear my Fiancé's soft and low voice, but instead heard nothing. From the corner of my eye I saw the hall alight and decided he was making a visit to the bathroom and would be soon in coming in.

I went back to the cat, then, several minutes later, I returned my gaze to the door. I realized the light was strange looking, whitish blue, and my boyfriend had never come in. Just as rolled over to face the door, the light evaporated. Scared out of my mind, but having just enough of it left, I got up and shut my door- locking it.

Next day I asked my fiancé, but I already knew, he had not been up in the night and had not knocked on my door. Ironically, I withdrew from the light as the being withdraws from mine. And as time goes by I am annoyed by its stalwart caginess and saddened by its sadness.

Copyright ADQ 2008