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In the Absence of Light


From childhood there has been a part of town that seemed to radiate peace to me. Seems like I could be blindfolded, spun around three times and driven -in reverse- to this area and I would still know exactly where I was! That is how powerfully it moves me. And lucky me, after months of apartment hunting my fiancé fell in love with a place, and it happened to be in that area. And my new home is haunted. There is a being here full of hungry anger.

Luxuriating in the calm solace of my old home was like a nice soak in the tub. This place is like a being chucked in a shake-n-bake bag filled with cactus needles. Typically, ghosts react like dogs with me, if they are lost and scared they follow me. They know I will try to help them. I am surprised when I find ghosts that don't want positive transformation, like this one.

The first night I felt the energy disturbance of both the previous owner (her energy signature) and beings (and energies) that were attached to this place. From experience I knew that it can take at least three months to mediate all the energies. It is a process that almost always begins by quieting the destructive beings/energies. On the third night I realized this was not happening.

I was locking down for the evening and had just shut off the all the lights in the kitchen, dining room and living room. There was only one small light on inside and that was in the master bedroom, on the other side of the house. As my eyes began to focus to the darkness a shape became defined, blacker than the night and two feet in front of me. It was about three feet high, with either horns or ears, and red eyes. I could not tell if it had ever lived, but it had enormous rage and an endless sadness.

Initial fear was ratified by my disappointment. All the work that I had done up to that point hadn't made a sea change. I stood my ground and calmed myself by imagining that I would be able to help bring it to positive transformation. It sent me only barbs, and then seemed to melt away into the blackness, using the darkness as a fish uses water. It's intensely ugly pal, and my guessing where it might return, notched up my apprehension. Why would it shun the light, what does it get from merely peering out from its shadows? How could my Fiancé and I begin a life together burdened by this extra negativity?

Different things work for different people to assuage supernatural negativity. For some it is crosses on every wall, some it is burning herbs and singing trance like songs, and for others, like me, it is mostly about meditation and psychic intervention. Through my meditation I learned that this negative being is not diabolical, but is power hungry. It did not come right out with it, but it made it apparent that it wants a host to suck on, of course. At that point I could say all of my good work has not done much, but it had helped some.

It remained out of my searchlight, yet hungered to be with me and noticed. I was lying in bed; it was early evening and was just about to turn off the lights to sleep. That is when, from across the room and from the corner of my eye, I saw an outline of a face. By trespassing in my space I was able to pick up a bit more about it. And from there I knew it was masculine and sensed it was a shape changer. It was powerful as well, it would have had to be to resist my energy so well. It lingered at the threshold, simply watching me. Loving the power of its anonymity, and my desire to heal it, it pathetically gloated in its oblivion.

Then came new years, as usual I had to work and was hoping my ear plugs would sail me through the staple drunken neighbors, gun fire and fire works. My Fiancé had tuckered out in the other room, he gets up at four in the morning, so I wasn't altogether sad he was not bedding with me.

As I had feared the excitement of New Years got the better of me and I could hear the snapping fireworks, drunken drawls and hammering laughter. At 1ish, petting the cat, facing away from the door, I was wondering about the cogs and wheels of time and considering what might be in my future.

I said, "Come in..." hearing a knock on the open bedroom door. My adoration flashed!

I was so glad that my Fiancé decided to come and be with me for awhile before he had to get up. I waited to hear my Fiancé's soft and low voice, but instead heard nothing. From the corner of my eye I saw the hall alight and decided he was making a visit to the bathroom and would be soon in coming in.

I went back to the cat, then, several minutes later, I returned my gaze to the door. I realized the light was strange looking, whitish blue, and my boyfriend had never come in. Just as rolled over to face the door, the light evaporated. Scared out of my mind, but having just enough of it left, I got up and shut my door- locking it.

Next day I asked my fiancé, but I already knew, he had not been up in the night and had not knocked on my door. Ironically, I withdrew from the light as the being withdraws from mine. And as time goes by I am annoyed by its stalwart caginess and saddened by its sadness.

Copyright ADQ 2008

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Athena, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

whitebuffalo (guest)
14 years ago (2008-02-17)
Thank you, Athena.
I am sorry it took a bit for me to acknowledge your last post, I have always been a bit skittish about compliments and that one was one of the most touching ones I have ever heard. I started up a blessing file, as you have, and this one has been added.
I can not take the credit for my strength though (I honestly do not see myself as a strong person), as I feel without the guidance of my spirit guide and the Great Spirit, I would not be at the place (or in the places I have been) I am right now.
I try to live my life, everyday, as if it were to be my last. My biggest fear is that when my last day comes I would be found guilty of not being as honest, true or compassionate as what I should have been. Or that I have not learned the lessons of this life. When you take risks, things happen. And not always for the best.
I just may try to write that essay. Food for thought...
Thanks again. 😊
Athena (9 stories) (222 posts)
14 years ago (2008-02-14)
Hi WB You are so strong! Unbelievable that you have through so much- I haven't forgotten your first stories talking about how hard your life was. Homelessness on top of everything must have been so hard. You are a tough woman. In contrast, I will never forget how happy and content you looked in your backyard 'fire' picture.

Soul reincarnation- I'm not sure I quite understand. I feel like there is some aspect that is beyond my understanding, but I think I understand the part that maybe this is a soul is someone that I knew and do not remember. I guess that isn't hard to consider, but why is the manifest only here. It was nowhere else in my life before I moved here. I'm confident that it is tied to this place because of that, but who knows...
PS This subject seems really interesting. I wonder if you would wright an essay on it? Perhaps, in contrast to regular reincarnation. I can think of about 5 sites that would publish it.
whitebuffalo (guest)
14 years ago (2008-02-14)
Just for the record, I did not mean to imply that homeless people are not responsible people. Just because circumstances enter our existence that completely flip what has been happen, that in no way is our fault. Things happen that we can not control, and unfortunately, sometimes that leaves us without a dwelling place. That was me for a while, that is why I used "homeless" as an example. It was something I could identify with. I mean NO disrespect for those less fortunate.
whitebuffalo (guest)
14 years ago (2008-02-14)
I have never had to describe a soul reincarnation, so this may sound a bit choppy. I do not usually think of the explanation, but here goes...
When the body dies and the soul goes to the plane of existence where it gets "deprogrammed" or goes through the process of thinking on THAT life and what was learned, experienced and MISSED (I believe we go through a process where EVERYTHING is reviewed and analyzed. This is when we decide whether we have achieved the knowledge and the level of enlightenment that we are all meant to achieve, and also where it is determined if we need another "go at it" to reach that level of understanding) sometimes changes need to be made.
Please understand that I do not believe this happens often, and there are only a few "special cases" in which this may occur. The Higher Beings may decide that a restructure is needed to help the soul reach their goal. So while we are hanging out, doing our research and thinking on the things that we need to learn to get to the Perfect Plain, the Higher Beings are sort of evaluating us and determining if we have stretched our sights too high, so to speak, and may need to remove, replace, or simply restructure the makeup of our soul.
This is not to say that a wholly evil soul can be injected with purity, or that a completely pure soul can have a taste of the bad side, just a certain trait may be changed.
For example, if we think that becoming homeless will teach us more about humility, and we choose that life so that we can become enlightened, the Higher Spirits may have to erase, or remove a form of the responsibility gene in the spiritual make up for us to stay on that life path. Our SOUL is the same, just mutated to reach the Higher goal.
Did that make sense? It is difficult to describe what you take for granted and never expect to have to describe. I feel as if I have jumbled it up a bit and it may be difficult to picture. I hope I have done the explanation justice, though. 😊

The reason I asked if you believed in this is that it seems like the negative being knows you. "He" seems to watch you as if waiting for the recognition. Maybe "he" is a soul that you knew that has been restructured, making it difficult for you to recognise? And maybe "he" can not remember being restructured and can not understand why you do not know "him". I do not know, just a thought.
Thank you.
Athena (9 stories) (222 posts)
14 years ago (2008-02-11)
Wow! Feels like a welcome back party with my posters that have been on my YGS list of favorites for months now... ❤ I work for a non-profit and there have been a couple projects that have been wearing me out. I'm spoiling myself by taking time to be here and I know it!

White Buffalo, (thank you for shedding your light on my story:)My cat seems to take note then go on with her life usually. That is what I do to actually. I think this being wants the livings energy or power. I guess I feel a spiritual connection with everything, so that includes this being. Could you Please tell me more about reincarnation of the soul opposed to reincarnation of the soul during life? I am have a theory there, but I am not sure it is what you mean. And the idea that sould could be reincarnated outside of life is fascinating please teach me more! Yes, the light is wierd! I saw it from the corner of my eye and can't be sure if it had anything at all to do with the being. Yep, I literally ran over to shut and lock my bedroom door. You are right, if it was a spiritual blue/white light, it was unlikely that it had anything to do with this being. Unless, it was a positive being interacting with it. After I locked the door I confess I felt guilty, wondering if I had just slammed the door on someone protecting me and infusing some positive mojo in my life.

Bellissima, I printed out your feed back and it is now in my blessings file- I actually have a file where I keep things that make me feel good ❤ Thank you for your confidence. This has just been dragging on. If you'd like to you can imagine zapping that little being right out of my home! Thank YOU!

KimSouthO, Thank you for the welcome back. That brought a smile to my face 😊 Also, you are right! There are some 'Things' that are dark, evil or{place synonym here}. I have to believe that thing can change, even if only by a degree or two. And I believe that in that small degree is where Grace can manifest and all things are possible. Love Ya, Athena
KimSouthO (27 stories) (1960 posts)
14 years ago (2008-02-11)
Athena, welcome back! I had not seen anything from you in a while, it is wonderful to hear from you again.

All I can say about your encounters here is, WOW! I feel your strength just in your writings and know that is there is some positive energy or ending or change, which ever way for this 'thing' to transform.

I also thinki, in my personal opinion, some 'things' are inherently 'evil', 'darl' or 'negative'.

Thanks for sharing,
God Bless!
Bellissima (12 stories) (792 posts)
14 years ago (2008-02-11)
Hi Athena. It's nice to have you back, I've missed you. This is so well written(as always), it makes it easy and enjoyable to read. Your house guest sounds like a truly horrid and horrifying little creature - red eyes - that's the hair raiser for me! It's sad that the move to your favorite area had to be tainted by this angry, greedy little energy sucker. With your talents I'm confident it won't be long before you have the little bugger figured out and on the run! Make sure to keep us informed of your battle with him. Good luck, Athena.
whitebuffalo (guest)
14 years ago (2008-02-10)
I had to come back sooner than I thought I would...
The blue white light is throwing me. I can not understand why this shape shifter or shape changer has the blue white light. That just seems wrong and so out of place. Something more to think on, I suppose.
Wouldn't the blue white light mean a PEACEFUL presence?! Hmmm.
whitebuffalo (guest)
14 years ago (2008-02-10)
Ah, Welcome back Athena.
How I have longed for more words from you and the light they seem to shed on some of the things that seem to remain Unknown...

Your cat is not affected by the Shape shifter?
Oh, Athena, how terribly, horribly sad. I do not know how you will read this, and it does seem to sound like a SciFi explanation, but please bear with me as I try to struggle through.
Do you feel a spiritual connection with the Shape shifter? Do you feel that it is seeking your knowledge, as well as your power? Do you BELIEVE in the reincarnation of souls (not in lives, but in their souls).
I see it stepping back into the shadows as you walk around walls. It is silent and cunning and waits. But for what, I do not know. It feels as if it waits for you to recognize it. Not only notice it is there, but to RECOGNIZE it, as if it knows you and that at one point you knew it too.
What I found most interesting is that when it radiated the light, you shut the door. You did say it was ironic though, so you saw that too. But I can not help but sit here and wonder if the shutting of the door was literal to it or merely symbolic. Did it catch that, too?
I will seriously have to check back and take notice of the answers and to others post as this is truly one of the stories that captivates me and has me wanting to know more. The weird thing here is, I wrote that first full sentance without reading the story, but it fit so well.
Thank you.

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