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A Mother's Sorrow


Late this past summer, I lost my cousin in a tragic motorbike accident. She wasn't yet 40 years of age, and left behind her three beautiful children and loving husband. She lived here, in Oregon, where I have been living with my own family for a year and a half. She had lived five hours away, so we were unable to see each other during the few opportunities we had. I've always stayed in touch with my cousin's youngest sister, "R." Still, all the siblings have shared a special place in my heart. Perhaps it increased many years before when they lost their father in a dreadful accident. Some of my uncle's children still felt cheated out of experiencing a long life with him.

When my cousin "T" passed, I was unaware of it that evening. I was awaiting an update, the last I knew she was in critical condition. When it got late, I was feeling too uneasy to go to bed. I went to check my email in the office, as my husband went to bed. While on the computer I kept getting distracted by the abnormal discomfort my dark hallway gave me. From the desk I could see the hallway through the open door on my right. I thought I saw movement but I rationalized it by thinking it was my husband walking to the restroom. At that moment I noticed a new email in my inbox. The email was from "R".

The email "R" had just sent stated the restlessness she was having. It stated her deep sorrow, for she had returned home that evening, from pulling the life-support and watching "T" go. My beautiful cousin was dead. After I quietly cried, not wanting to wake the kids, I then remembered the dark hallway. With my hands still holding my face, and looking toward the screen, out of the corner of my eye I saw movement again in the hallway. Someone was walking back and forth.

I turned and saw nothing. I called lightly to my husband. The door to our bedroom was open and I could partially see the bed. I couldn't see much, but I saw my husband's feet. He was asleep. I fought off my fear, as much as I could, and went to my bedroom. I shook my husband awake, asked him to stay in the room with me while I shut down the computer, and not to ask any questions. Loyally my husband got up and stood close by while I got ready for bed.

Later, after recollecting this night, my husband shared with me what he experienced. He thought he saw a dark figure in the hallway as he stood waiting in the doorway. He (wisely) chose not the share this with me that night, since he had figured something had already scared me. He knows all of what I have experienced in the past, and is aware it has potential to upset me.

My husband stood in the hallway as I emerged from the bathroom. I passed him to check on our nine month old son, who just started to fuss. I went over to his room to find him quietly sitting up in his crib. He was staring at the right end of his crib, which is the flat side of the connected dresser. There was nothing for him to stare at. I figured he was half asleep and just in a daze, so I laid him back down to rest. My husband turned to walk into our bedroom when I started walking toward him.

Before I entered our room, I peered down the hall into the living room. There was an unusual shadow by the kids play area. I quickly entered my room. I didn't want my mind to start thinking what it could be, but it didn't stop the tugging sensation I felt inside. The only way I can explain the feeling, was that it was like someone was trying to get my attention, and my spirit was still hearing it, no matter how much my logical thinking blocked it out.

After being in bed a few minutes, I felt a presence enter the room. I felt the despair, the sadness coming in waves from this presence. I looked up to the left corner of my ceiling, as if I centralized where this feeling was coming from. Suddenly, I heard I woman sobbing. It didn't come from anywhere in particular, it sounded like it was all around me. My husband didn't hear it since he already was asleep. I knew it was only meant for me to hear. The sobbing only lasted for a few seconds. The cry sounded like the most sorrowful cry someone could have. I heard the extreme pain within it.

Just then, I heard my son fussing again in his sleep. At that same time, I heard on the baby monitor, my 2 year old tossing in her sleep. I ignored the shadow in the living room as I went to my son's room. Once again my son was sitting up in his crib, staring slightly up in the same direction as before. I felt uneasy, as if someone was just in his room. The fear dissipated and was replaced with my lioness instinct of protecting my young. I said a quick prayer over my son and his room. I went next door to my daughter's room and did the same. I sensed they would sleep peacefully the rest of the night, which they did.

As I returned to my room, I looked back in the living room over by my children's play area. There was no unusual shadowing at first glance. In that instant, a darkness started to form above the play kitchen. At first it was small and ovular, about a foot long and suspending in the air. It then widened and stretched down to the floor. As it seemed to struggle to form into the shape of a person, I started to pray over it. I didn't sense any evil, but I knew it shouldn't be there. In my prayer I asked for it to leave my children alone and leave my living room. In a flash the shadow was gone.

I returned to bed, yet only few more minutes passed and I heard the sobbing again. It scared me, although at the same time it made me feel deeply saddened. I knew who it was. I suppose I finally allowed myself to accept who it could be in my house. I didn't understand why she would come to me specifically, but I knew it was "T."

I realized my cousin was not asking for help, but just expressing her deep sorrow. Even though she had lost her life, she must have felt mournful because she lost her children. She wasn't haunting my children and their toys, but just trying to show me, as a mother, how sad she was to "lose" her children. For the first time actually communicating to something from beyond, I spoke to her somehow. I suppose it was through the voice of my own spirit that I spoke to the looming shadow on my ceiling. I asked her to let go, to keep going where she needs to be. I was sure her children knew that she loved them, and I would tell them if they questioned it. A wave of calmness returned to my room, I knew for good.

At the funeral I saw "T's" children. I saw the sadness in their eyes, but behind that I could also see the "knowing-ness". There was no doubt in their minds of their mother's love. She never failed them in showing her love. I looked up at the vast blue sky as we stood around her casket. My cousin was there, her love for her young children interpreting into the warmth of the sun. I sensed she saw her children and the peace they carried beyond their current sadness. I just hope it was enough to allow her to go into the light and wait for the day to see them again.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Wickeddaisy, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

blessedone45 (2 posts)
8 years ago (2014-02-09)
I know what you're going through. My brother and I went through the same things, Please contact us, we can help. We're looking to deal with those problems, be it evil or lost spirit. 541-698-0248
rhodes68 (14 stories) (1596 posts)
14 years ago (2008-11-21)
Wickeddaisy welcome back with a heart-breaking experience!

I would have to agree with you that her visit to your home near your children and especially her lingering around their play room was to show you of what she was already missing. She wanted you to spread the word around but not only that. I think she was trying to send a message to you too of how important it is to cherish life for as long as you are part of this world-to stress the importance of living every minute of it to the fullest and sibe by side with your "significant others"!

As a loving mother she "spoke" to another loving mother-you! She was there before her longest of journeys to make sure that no matter what life brings, you will never forget what a gift it is to be surrounded by those you love, to see your children grow and "flourish".

I'm terribly sorry for your loss!
Wickeddaisy (4 stories) (23 posts)
14 years ago (2008-11-21)
Thanks for your perceptive thoughts. It's also nice to know that there are other's out there that can relate to being scared when we're caught off guard by an entity.

You're right, I'm sure she also wanted to remind me about appreciating my children. Her two eldest are very close in age, so maybe she was relating herself to me (since I have a 1 & 2 y/o). They grow so fast, but I'm sure it seems even more like a blink of an eye when a mother finds herself passing before they are grown.
Wickeddaisy (4 stories) (23 posts)
14 years ago (2008-11-21)
Thank you for your excellent comment. I initialy was temped to explain where the white/black=good/evil is derived from, so I'm glad someone else did express the racial background.

And why didn't I think of your simplified answer before - "...because she could." 😉
Thanks for reading!
DeviousAngel (11 stories) (1910 posts)
14 years ago (2008-11-20)
I do believe that the dark shadow you saw was your cousin trying to get your attention. As rootwomin said, dark does not necessarily equate to evil. There are a lot of shadow people who are essentially "shy" or reluctant spirits that act as guardians and watchers over their loved ones. I know from experience how scary it can be when something is manifesting before you and you don't necessarily feel ready for it, but I'm proud of you for being brave and consoling your cousin's spirit. I believe that she wanted to draw you to your children so that you could appreciate and protect them, and know that that's what she wants for her children too.

Warmest blessings,
rootwomin (28 posts)
14 years ago (2008-11-20)
as the writer has said, we've gotta release dark=evil. It's a bit racist. Even the bible says the deceiver (get it, deceiver?) will lure people with the appearance of wealth, ect.

Currently you've only got to turn to the business section of your daily paper to see where that got many folks, and the mall is one of the 'lightest' and best lit places on earth... Light doesn't always equate to goodness. Get over it. And dark doesn't always equate to evil. The world is a bit more complex than that.

As far as why would she come to family, because she could. She's a ancestor to her children now and can still/will still be active in their lives. The extent that the family can and will acknowledge that is a big factor on how positive that will be for them, but death doesn't end relationships with people. People end relationships with people, particularly if they have no idea of how or what to do when one of them leaves their body for what looks like 'for good'.

There are prayers that many christian faiths do for the dead to offer them solace and support right after they have crossed over. Of course those prayer exists in many faiths that pre-date christianity as well. The point is they exist because they are useful, both to the living and the so-called 'dead'.

Wickeddaisy (4 stories) (23 posts)
14 years ago (2008-11-20)
The point was, my cousin didn't want to go. She didn't want to go because of her children. She had lost a parent and knew what that felt like. And yes, unfortunately there are parents out their that don't express to their children enough or weren't around enough to be able to do so. (umm, not to be to far off subject, but those mothers that dumped their kids off in Nebraska - they failed their children. Gets me angry again thinking about it.) My point is, she knew what it felt like to be cheated.

My story is my perspective. I don't know if she visited her children when she passed, which I suspect she did. I'm sure she visited her mother as well. Her father had visited his mother, our grandmother, the moment he died. She didn't know he had passed at the time... But I guess that's another story.

The fact being, I was the one listening that night. I didn't sense she wanted to speak to me specifically. Just of our family, I was open to receiving and she saw that. She left my home when I communicated and relayed my understanding. If she visited her children, I know she didn't revealed herself the same way.

Regardless, her death reinforced my perspective as a mother, as a wife, as a sister, a daughter and friend. I was reminded of the fragility of life; the significancy of making every single moment with those we love count. I always remember the delicate little lives that are in my care, yet this time I was reminded of my own.
The same with most of these stories. Some may like to read them or share their own for simply their facination of ghosts. Yet what I try to take from them (most of the time), and the reason why I share ones like this is to help remind myself and others the same. Of the frality of life and power of love.
Surya (39 stories) (867 posts)
14 years ago (2008-11-20)
I am a little confused, please do correct me, although you say your cousin would not haunt your children, why would she use your children to show you she was missing her own children, would it not make sense for a mother to show her own children how much she loved them and still loves them and always will love them, to let them know she will always be there for them. No mother can fail their child. Maybe your cousin was trying to get message across to you. Mother's need not prove to anyone how much they love their children.
Wickeddaisy (4 stories) (23 posts)
14 years ago (2008-11-20)
Dreamgal72, not necessarily. It's not like the movies or tv shows; that when spirit is "good" they are always white. My cousin was full of sorrow and her intent was to convey that message. Since she had just passed, that "dark" image could have been the easiest for her to reveal herself to me, or for me to interpret what she was feeling. It also is difficult for me to see things - I depend on what I feel (perhaps Empathic - but I don't like labels).

This is the best example I can give you: I'm sure you heard of the few cases in the world of blind people that can naturally see with sound. Sound bounces off the objects and makes an image in their brain. It's not perfect, but they know what's around them. Walls, doors, bump in the rug - they can "see" it. It's kind of like that for me. I can't ever fully see them, but I can feel them (and of course hear them). The feeling is what gives me an image, not perfect, but it's there. So I don't worry about the color. What I sense is what assists me in KNOWING what it is; good or evil, someone I know, whatever. I still get scared because my rational and logical thinking gets in the way - I'm only human!

I have a lot of experience with the supernatural, although I can honestly say it doesn't get easy for me! 😉
dreamergal72 (6 stories) (793 posts)
14 years ago (2008-11-19)
Hi You welcome Maybe so it may be her but dark should be like white or something Light. Some say dark is like evil.
Wickeddaisy (4 stories) (23 posts)
14 years ago (2008-11-19)
Hi Dreamergal, thank you for your thoughts. I'm unsure if you're asking me about the dark shadow. 😕 If you're asking me if it was something/someone else - no, I knew the shadow was her as well. That is after I allowed myself to accept it was her I was hearing and sensing.
Thank you for reading! 😊
dreamergal72 (6 stories) (793 posts)
14 years ago (2008-11-19)
Hi I am sorry for Your Loss and You can senece it was her, But the other like you say dark shadow.

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