At the beginning of a very terrible week here recently, I lost a very close comrade to his fight with depression. I had been at work and my beeper went off, then just seconds later I received an "empty text" from Dan, and off I sped to get to his location. I was there for the moment he left us, and was frantically working on reviving him. I worked relentlessly until the EMT's tapped me on the shoulder, then placed a hand there and "squeezed" telling me they would take over.
I am NOT ok with Dan's death. I AM ok with the whole "I did what I could" process. No guilt there. By the time I finally arrived, there was little left for anyone to do.
That night was horrendous. I slept very little, tossed and turned. Thinking of nothing of importance, but being pulled down into a chasm of sadness that I have never felt previously. I relived our lives together, listened to the songs we sang, looked through old photo albums, and spent a lot of quiet time out on our front porch, just watching the weeds grow in the garden. We lived a life together that is so unlike any other relationship that I have, and a closeness that is not often felt. I would give my life for him, and he would have done the same for me, without even the onset of a second thought.
That following day was a rough one, but we made it through. I got a text from my daughter saying that she was NOT even kidding, our four foot square cutting board that is made out of that quarter inch plastic/glass exploded in her hand. She sent a second one stating that the bigger pieces that had made it onto the floor (there were pieces in the ceiling, the explosion had moved an oven rack, dented in the side of the fridge, and marred up the cupboard on the other side) were still popping and cracking. What else could I DO but tell her to throw some sea salts (we try to have charged salts on hand all the time. No telling when one might be in need of some) on them and walk away? I let her know it would be taken care of when I got home. My Life Partner got there first, cleansed the area, picked up the mess, and chanted for returned balance.
Next day we woke up to lightly slamming doors (as if done in accident, NOT in anger), drawers sliding open, banging that sounded like there was a construction zone nearby, swirling air in various areas of the home, a two temperature home (we have central air- the upstairs, where the bedrooms are, had become twenty degrees warmer than the downstairs. The stairway is all open. Air flow is not impeded at all) and a little man telling us that his dream catcher was vibrating. I was given a Healing Drum for Christmas. It is hung on the head board side of our bedroom wall, on MY side. It was banging like CRAZY.
Impromptu smudging, blessing of the home, then off to work.
Next day... Four days after the death of Dan, my Life Partner, who has NEVER had an issue with depression, fell to her ways. He fell hard. Luckily our daughter "caught" a change and a note, a few friends on the Internet "caught" a misplaced word, and the Circle of love wrapped itself around him rather quickly. Had it NOT, I am afraid to say, she would have claimed another victim.
With the help of several people from various locations, that night we cleansed ourselves, our home, and cleaned house. I cannot TELL you accurately of the terrific noise, the breezes, and the emotions that grabbed at us. Apparently, though they were states away, two people felt it ALL. At one point of the cleansing, my LP stated "You will NOT have her!" and pulled me by my ankles to the edge of the bed. I have no recollection of what I was going through at that particular time, and he is not comfortable enough yet to let me in on all of that. All I KNOW is that as we sat on the bed, "Indian style", connected to one another (knees, forearms, foreheads touching) attempting to cleanse the Spirit, I seem to have blacked out, and misplaced a few moments of my life.
Next day... My Life Partner told me that when we were chanting, and fighting, there was a passive observer while in chant. He could describe this person, told me how he was standing and where, and said all he did was watch the whole thing. No emotional involvement, no thought process. A few short hours later, I got an e-mail from someone asking me if a particular location meant anything to me. It was our Prayer Rock. We "go" there when we need Spiritual Guidance. HOW he described it... He HAD to be standing where and how my LP described his passive observer.
Occasionally, these few weeks later, with the front door knob, dead bolt and chain locked, the door will swing open of its own accord.
WEIRD things happening out in the back and side yards of ours. The motion lights click on SECONDS before the dogs next door (little yippy dogs. Not sure what they are) go nuts. They get so bad, the woman of the house just throws them outside so that they can achieve a bit of peace in the house. Then the dog behind us freaks out (not a "watchful" bark. She is a Rottweiler, and her normally forceful, deep pitched woof turns into a bit of a high pitched bark. Almost sounds panicked), then the Pit bull to the left of the house starts his whining,
And the cats, Oh my Lands.
We have attracted about (no exaggeration, and I am probably estimating a lower number than what is actually here) twenty-five cats. They have taken over the gardens (all in a semi circle from the sides of the house to the front, all across the front porch), sit on the porch and wait for the door to open, howl at night and during the day, lay out on the road where I park, and across the street where Race parks.
And the birds! The birds have been... Interesting.
A few days ago we were out of the house until about seven, seven thirty- somewhere around there. When we all returned home, exhausted from the heat and the work (and play) day, we found that the electricity was out, and had been for two to three hours. The house was stifling. So we decided to throw a dinner together and sit out on the front porch and enjoy the neighbors visiting one another. We were sitting there, eating supper, talking to the neighbors (just about everyone home was out for the evening), throwing around idea's for our Lil Man and the upcoming school year when a Robin came and perched itself on the railing of our porch. Normally, we would have just said something like "Oh, would you look at THAT?" But THIS time, all four of us jumped (we are a mite jumpy here as of late), and stared at it mid chew. After a few seconds, it started to chirp. By then we had all resumed chewing, slowly, and looking at one another like "what the?!?" but no one moved.
After a few lines of the song Robin was singing, another bird perched itself on the other side of the railing, all the way on the other side of the porch. Not a robin. All heads swiveled to that bird. After a few moments of it chirping, another showed up. By the time we all unfroze we had robins, wrens, sparrows, finches, cardinals, and a bunch of really curious neighbors staring at us. I panicked. I gave a nervous chuckle, looked at the neighbors, shrugged and said "Dinner and music?" No one said a word. We just got these REALLY strange looks. In the meantime, our family was inching their ways up from wherever they were sitting. Eventually they flew off, one by one (it seemed) and then the cats began their stroll. Electricity was restored, and the neighbors again ignored us as they headed into their own homes.
If this was a onetime thing, I would say perhaps the cooler air from within the home (the front door was open) was "calling" to them in the oppressive heat.
Or they were attracted to our supper.
Or they were afraid of all the grills that fired up around the neighborhood... (No electricity... CHICKEN on many a grill... See what I am saying to you? Their COUSINS were on the fire!)
But this has happened (with the exception of us eating out on the porch and the power outage) twice now.
We do not feel anything inside the house that is not "normal" or regular old teenage angst, and would like to think the things going on outside are non-related, but with that front door liking to open itself... I do not really know.
We have been dealing with this for pretty nigh a month now. I am getting tired. Any REAL attempt of assistance will be considered.