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The Cat And The Angel

 

It was May of 2003, and I had spent a year in the darkest recesses of my mind, nursing a broken heart. I had suffered three traumatic blows, one after another. First came the loss of a good job, right before Christmas 2001. I kept telling myself, and two children, that things would be OK, but tried as I might I could not find work - not even as a waitress, the economy had gone so bad.

In January of 2002, not two weeks later, my son passed having taken his own life... I'm the one who found him, performed CPR, even though I knew it was too late. I beat myself up emotionally for that, for a long time, feeling that I had failed.

Somewhere during that time our cat, Simba, disappeared. One day, I focused long enough to realize I could not remember the last time I had seen our 13 year old fur-ball. Even though he was supposedly 'my' cat, he was very attached to my son. I thought maybe he had gone looking for 'his' human. Add to all this, our home had fallen into foreclosure and I had to give our dog away.

So it was, I found myself and daughter downsizing from a 10 room house with 3/4 acre lawn to a tiny 2 bedroom apartment. We sold off quite a bit of our belongings, but I steadfastly clung to a plaster garden angel that was my son's last gift to me; a cherub sitting on a pile of rocks reading a book as a squirrel and rabbit perched on either side of his lap. It stands nearly two feet tall and has some heft to it. I had no idea where I would put it but I wrapped it in a towel to prevent any chipping and loaded it into my car myself. That angel meant a lot to me. I remember when he bought it, saying I deserved it. I deserved something nice.

I stood in that house saying goodbye to what had been the only home my son could remember, the place my daughter had been born, and felt hallow, defeated. Except for my daughter (whom my ex was trying to take away, as he blamed me for our son's death) I felt I had lost everything of any importance. I touched the woodland murals I had painted in my son's room, and blinking back the tears, whispered to my son, that if he could hear me, if that was really him I had glimpses of - then he should come with me, or go into the light. I did not believe, as opposed to my upbringing, that suicide automatically sentenced you to hell. Not if God was truly just. After all He knows the big picture, right? I think the 'why' plays a big part in His decision. Anyway, that's when I heard the weirdest 'meow', coming from outside.

Next door had these thorny bushes that always seemed to be ensnaring small dogs and cats and it was there I followed this weird 'calling' to. About two feet away, I began talking, my usual 'don't hurt me, and I won't hurt you' babble as I reached for the gloves my neighbor's were kind enough to leave there for me. Funny, I have no fear of four legged beasties, but they were terrified of them - so they left these long gloves for me to wear as some protection from bites or scratches (from bush or frightened animal). I squatted down on my haunches and began parting the bush. The real trick was keeping the animal, usually someone's pet, calm enough to allow me to disengage the bush from their collar without them strangling themselves. I saw familiar golden amber eyes looking at me - Simba? No - impossible. But it was! After being gone for about a year, on the day of the move - here he was! I had to be sure, so I said, in a very stern voice, "Get your furry butt up on our porch now!" He shot out of that bush and up onto our porch, then looked at me like, 'miss me much?'

So Simba came back, and seemed to understand that the apartment was his new home, and he never tried to leave it. In fact he'd bat at my daughter's younger cat, about a year old, if he tried for the door, as if to say, "Hey, buddy - you don't want to do that."

I unloaded my car, and could not find the angel. It wasn't there, it wasn't in the apartment. I looked high and low. Where could a two foot tall statue hide in a place that made a shoe box look big? I called people who had helped me move, but no one had seen it. It hadn't surfaced when I curled my weary body into bed, with Simba curling up next to me.

Of course first night in a new place, you are going to hear sounds. Weird sounds. I'd left a lamp on in the living room, and the light dimly lit part of my room. Not a lot, but enough I wouldn't break a toe if I got up and had to navigate the still unfamiliar apartment. I distinctly heard the word, "Mom" and I sat bolt up in my bed - I knew that voice. Silence. I convinced myself I had imagined it, or perhaps sound carried from another house. I laid back down. A few moments passed. "Mom, listen," I can't describe the odd hope/heartbreak/longing achyness that filled me hearing my son's voice, as Simba came into the alert position, cocking his head as if he too heard. "The angel is in the game box. I put it there. Dad's having mean thoughts, but it'll pass." I whispered his name, I could smell him in the air, but just as quickly it was gone.

Game box, I thought, what game box? We hadn't had one since the kids turned into teenagers. But they had used my old wooden chest as one, I got out of bed and practically ran to it. I flung it open and emptied it. Mostly linens and a few breakables I hadn't unpacked yet, but no angel. "Crazy," I murmured to myself, "You've gone totally round the bend." I decided, since I was up, I may as well put the mess away proper. Placing the linens in the closet, I spied the box I had labeled 'games'. I knew that's all that was in that box - board games, and a few outgrown toys that I couldn't bare to part with. Sentimental reasons, I guess. May as well empty that box too.

The box was packed in layers; games on the bottom, and the assorted toys on top. I had packed that box, I remember my daughter laughing at me because I placed the games alphabetically. Yet, somehow at the very bottom was the angel! I lifted it out and hugged it to me. Maybe I imagined it, but I thought I felt my son hug me in that moment too.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, valkricry, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

spiritwaiting (34 stories) (805 posts)
 
2 years ago (2016-02-13)
Valkricry,
Yes his self confidence has gone up since, the surgery. He has since returned to his normal rambunctious loving self.
He's a Taurus like me so the loving part comes naturally and he used to believe everyone was good until Middle school unfortunately.
It just broke him down a little bit when he realized this.
So now with careful teaching, we are teaching him to be confident in himself as he is special, unique, and beautiful.
And he was born that way for a very special reason.
Thanks again Valkricry
Its really comforting to know there are others that can relate.

Sincerely
Spiritwaiting
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
+1
2 years ago (2016-02-13)
Spiritwaiting,
I'm so happy that your son's cause for bullying was easy to repair! Actually, I know it was far from easy and is on-going, but comparatively speaking, repairing a cleft lip is easier than say being bi-polar or something of that ilk. Now, comes the difficult part in repairing the emotional hurt, and teaching him to stand up for himself and others. It's hard to say with one so young, but perhaps this type of hurt will actually be beneficial to those around him in the future.
spiritwaiting (34 stories) (805 posts)
 
2 years ago (2016-02-12)
[at] Redwolf,
Thanks for commenting. When the school contacted me, I was furious, apparently it had been going on for sometime. I believe I got my message through when I talked to this staff member, because my son hasn't had an further problems.
My son is 11 years old, so you can imagine the pain I felt. And what I said to this particular staff member.
His older siblings look after him at school and have told me of other Bully type situations that have gone at the school with other students. One in which my oldest had to protect his best friend.
And something even more devastating happened a few months back, with a boy my sons knew. He was being bullied for a while, and decided to take his own life at the age of 12. The grief I felt through my sons, had me in tears when they walked through the door, before they told me what happened.
The school apparently has bullying policies in place.
We'll see what happens if I have any further incidents.
I will definitely keep everyone updated.

Thank you very kindly Redwolf, for your concern.
It warms my heart to know there are others in the world whom care. ❤

Lots of love
Sincerely Spiritwaiting
RedWolf (28 stories) (1257 posts)
+1
2 years ago (2016-02-12)
val
My father in-law certainly is a riot. He just opened the top damper on my wood burning stove. Things certainly wouldn't be the same if he didn't drop by sometimes. It would be dull.
Regards
Red
RedWolf (28 stories) (1257 posts)
+1
2 years ago (2016-02-12)
spiritwaiting,
I am so sorry for what your son has gone through and being siblings they have been hurting also. You do not say how old your son is but you can get a lot of people in a whole lot of trouble if this bullying is on going or was happening 3-5 years ago depending on what your states statute of limitations is.
Federal Anti-Bullying laws have been in effect since shortly after the shooting spree in Columbine, Colorado all those years ago.
If you or your son or anyone in your family has complained to a teacher, guidance councelor,nurse,or any administrator in the past few years, talk to a lawyer to see what can be done. Be honest with the lawyer and tell him/her about EVERYTHING and if there is anything about him on the internet
About him print that out and give it to the lawyer and keep a copy for yourself.
I'm sorry this has been so long and off topic but I figure that it may help spiritwaiting, and
Possibly someone else.

Respectfully
Red
spiritwaiting (34 stories) (805 posts)
 
2 years ago (2016-02-11)
[at] Valkricry,
Thank you deeply for your concern. He is currently seeing a counselor to help him. It was mainly due to being bullied in school for his cleft lip. His whole life I have been sharing with him how beautiful he is the way he is. And I agree sometimes our love we give unconditionaly isn't enough.
We have just recently had surgery to fix the cleft lip and his personality has already changed dramatically. I'm proud of him for being such a soldier when I carried that guilt for not being able to protect him in such a time of need. His siblings go to the same school and watch out for him, and they we're hurt, only because they didn't understand why 5of our family members have
Tried and two succeeded.

My son and I being one of them. So I do have a deeper understanding with his hurt.

And in the midst of all of that we have all begun counseling to help us understand more.

Again Valkricry ❤
Lots of love, and hope your son reaches out more. Its always comforting to know they're around.

SINCERELY Spiritwaiting 😊
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
+1
2 years ago (2016-02-11)
spiritwaiting,
I am so sorry to hear that your son tried to end his life. I hope he is receiving all the counseling, therapy, and support he needs. Don't be afraid to get some for yourself or his siblings either. I don't think many understand how even an attempt can effect those who love you. My son knew he was loved, our last words on this plane were "I love you"...and it took me a long time to assuage myself of the guilt I carried. I had done everything I could, but I could not save him from himself... Sometimes parental/family love is not enough, I guess. The hole of despair they've fallen into is just too deep. My main concern for you and your family is the wee seeds of guilt (perhaps even anger in his siblings) his attempt may have sewn. A good counselor or therapist can help give you more tools to work with to go past this.
Special prayer said for you and yours.
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
+1
2 years ago (2016-02-11)
You're right, Red. My son does visit every now and then. In fact He was here over Christmas. (See Ha-ha Very Funny, Josh http://www.yourghoststories.com/real-ghost-story.php?story=23004).
Your FIL sounds like a riot! 😆
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
+1
2 years ago (2016-02-11)
Lunahenry, and Helena123,
Thank you for the lovely compliments! 😳 I still miss my son very much. I don't think it's something you ever 'get over', but you do learn to cope with it.
Now that my daughter is grown, my ex and I rarely speak or see each other, which is probably for the best. For a while, he tried to intimidate me into giving her up, but bless her heart, she'd have none of that talk. 😊
spiritwaiting (34 stories) (805 posts)
+1
2 years ago (2016-02-07)
Valkricry,
I am deeply touched by your story.I'm sure it was my late uncle whom brought me here, as of lately I've been thinking a lot about him. The story title wasn't what caught my attention, but I felt him nudge me this way.

I my heart broke for you, as I was almost in tears when I read you lost your son, and in the way you did. Because my youngest son tried this year at school and thankfully he wasn't successful.
I am sorry for your loss and hope your son visits you with every chance he gets ❤.

I to share the same belief that suicide isn't an instant pass to the damned. But more so just an ending of the spirits journey here, making its way onto another.

Thank you so very very much for sharing. You haven't a clue as to how this made me smile.

Sincerely
Spiritwaiting
RedWolf (28 stories) (1257 posts)
 
2 years ago (2016-02-07)
Val
I don't know how but I suspect my father in-law has decided this will be the first story I read tonight. Last night he was changing stories on me. I would be in the middle of one story then I was in the middle of another. It took me only a sentence or two before I realized the story no longer made any sense.

I think he does these things to give me messages. As I was re-reading the story I got the sense of peace. I know that my father in-law has been at peace for a long time. So my only feeling is that your son is at peace and is with your siblings that have passed. BUT he will be visiting you every once in awhile.

Leave it to my father in-law to bring me to a story just to put his 2 cents in. 😆

Respectfully
Red
Helena123 (25 posts)
 
2 years ago (2016-02-07)
Thanks Lunahenry for flagging up this story again with your comment as I don't think I would have read it otherwise 😊

I've added this one to my favourites valkricry - it was a really beautiful and touching story. I hope your ex has stopped trying to take your daughter away now, take care, Helena x
Lunahenry (2 stories) (48 posts)
+1
2 years ago (2016-02-07)
Hi Val, All I can say is that you should write a book. I would definitely purchase it. I love the way you write with insight and intelligence of a subject many would not attempt. Your true life experiences coated with mystic. It would be a best seller.
Amaterasu12 (3 posts)
 
2 years ago (2015-12-02)
Hi I just read your story and it was heart breaking to find that your son had taken his life. It was very sweet that your son came to visit you to tell you that he had put the angel in the game box. I wish you and your daughter well and that your guardian angel protects you both.
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
 
2 years ago (2015-09-10)
Thanks, Tweed. I'm sure my girl will be fine. She's needed this surgery for a long time, I just hope it does the trick and provides the relief she seeks.
Tweed (22 stories) (2040 posts)
 
2 years ago (2015-09-09)
I hope your daughter is ok Val, may she have a speedy recovery. 😳 Yes, that's a huge distraction. Let yourself be present in the moment, don't force weird sphere thingies.
It helps me to close my eyes slightly while I'm creating a sphere. As it gets stronger I can open my eyes. I find the sphere energy feels different to other energies, like those of objects. I also tell myself how I'm going to wake up and at what time! People don't believe it's possible but it works!
Really hope your daughter is doing well. ❤ Maybe there's a reason you're getting these sensations now. Perhaps your new abilities are linked with her recovery.
Or I'm reading waay too much into things, which is possible too! 😳
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
 
2 years ago (2015-09-09)
Tweed,
I've been mauling over what you said, and I don't recall creating 'spheres' without meditation. I know when I do readings for people or use psychometry (reading objects) I feel currents in my hands, but it's a bit different feeling than the spheres.
Your 'recharging' comment made me smile. Generally, when I first begin, I tell myself, "You'll awake at X, feeling rested and ready for the day" and that all the negativity and toxins in myself are being pushed out of my body by the healing energy flowing into me. If that isn't a formula for 'recharging'? Lol
Since reading your post yesterday, I've tried several times to create the spheres, but so far it's been rather weak. Or maybe I'm just too distracted. My daughter had surgery today, so yeah, the brain hasn't been exactly focused on anything else.
Tweed (22 stories) (2040 posts)
 
2 years ago (2015-09-08)
Val, those spheres are sounding more and more like energy healing type things. I'm wondering if this process is like a recharging experience. Like when we sleep, our bodies repair, only with your meditation it's occurring in another way as well. A double whammy recharge if you like.😁
Just a bizarre thought here, *maybe* the energy you expelled running around at work the next day, after the vision, was linked to a recent recharge. That you used some of that energy to do that task.

Have you ever tried creating those spheres without meditation?
When I've done a bit of healing, I bring both my hands together slowly, as if I'm going to clap, but my hands never touch. I keep repeating this until I feel energy between them. It's like a magnetized energy flowing from each hand, which prevents your hands from touching. As I do this it gets stronger, the energy field larger, and eventually I'll create a sphere shape I can feel in both hands. I read about this in a book years ago and I assume it's the basis of energy healing work. It can be done sitting or standing quietly. It can take a few tries to feel the energy. But I'm guessing, with all that's happening with your meditation, this would be very easy for you. You might even have a vision while you're doing it! 😆
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
 
2 years ago (2015-09-07)
Silentwings,
Thank you for your condolences. I still think suicide is a rather permanent solution to what may be a temporary situation. But, like I said only God knows the whole picture.
Silentwings (guest)
 
2 years ago (2015-09-07)
Valkricry, I know this is an older post but it was a beautifully written story and I am sorry for your loss. Though I'm glad simba came back and you were able to find your angel, it feels good to know that even though your son has passed he is still with you and taking care of you. Also I agree with you on the fact that not everyone who commits suicide is automatically damed, I think it depends all on the persons soul.

Lots of love and light to you.
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
+1
2 years ago (2015-09-07)
Tweed,
It seems as if the spheres 'build' during the shades of dark to fog phase, so before I 'see' anything, but have become more 'solid' as I'm 'seeing'. Gads - I hope that sentence makes some sense!
I'll try and describe it better:
At first there's just a tingling sensation that starts in the center of the palm of my hand, then spreads over the palm and up the fingers. It isn't an unpleasant feel like the needles and pins when your foot goes to sleep, and I get that floaty feeling. As I go through the dark to light gradient change, the tingling in my hands becomes more sphere shaped. As I reach the 'fog' stage, the spheres become quite solid feeling, as if I'm holding balls. Warm, gently pulsing globes. Right about then if my legs are going to join in, they'll start the tingling too. Only it's a bit different - it starts off stronger.
Then I start seeing whatever it is I see. I always seem to be somewhere high up. Even with the geometric shapes, where there's no reference point, I feel as if I'm 'above'.
A note you might find interesting, the other night in a vision I was running (well loping - faster than a jog, but not a full on run). I recognized the kitchen from work, and heard someone call my name, but I was on a mission and didn't hesitate. That's all there was to it. Kind of crazy, one simply does NOT even trot through a busy kitchen.
The next day at work, my manager was back in my area, and looking out towards the docs (other side of the building) saw they were loading some wrong items. She told me to run and stop the truck. Which was nuts as they were loading the last of the shipment and would be pulling away rather soon. So off I shot, I heard on of the girls cry out my name as I passed. It wasn't until after I had stopped the truck that I realised I had just loped through the kitchen!
Tweed (22 stories) (2040 posts)
 
2 years ago (2015-09-07)
Val, wow thanks for the update!
HECATE!
That was my stupid attempt to call Hecate, because I think what you've been feeling with your hands is energy. Like with energy healing that she does. I have some kind of sort of experience with this. (Only done it on sick pets once in a while).
My Mum experiences waking visions too. It would really annoy me when I was a teenager trying to be all secretive. She would say "I just got blah blah pop into my head". I would inwardly curse her if it was related to me, how does she know?!
Do the shapes you see turning into picutres happen around the same time you feel the solid spheres in your hands?
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
 
2 years ago (2015-09-06)
Tweed mentioned this thread on another story and I thought I'd 'check in' in case I had missed something.
Here's the thing, I'm use to having waking visions. That is scenarios just popping into my head while at work, or doing dishes, watching TV etc. Or via dreams. What I'm not use to is having them while meditating. As, I mentioned before, I began meditating so that I could sleep.
Lately I've been seeing 'dancing' geometric shapes. It's quite pretty - sort of kaleidoscope square dancing, if that makes any sense. They seem to 'click' into stained glass pictures. No idea what that's about.
The tingling sensation in my hands seems to be becoming more 'solid'. I will feel as if I'm holding spheres the size of softballs in both hands. That's a bit odd, and sometimes the tingling is felt in my legs as well. Any ideas?
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
 
2 years ago (2015-08-11)
You know what I find funny? Here's Red and Hecate complaining about 'nodding off' while meditating, while I began doing it to still my mind enough TO sleep! 😆 I'm just so weird at times.
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
 
2 years ago (2015-08-11)
Red,
I had to think over what you said. Not because your proposing that I'm seeing glimpses of Heaven is hard to accept or anything like that but because of the timing of your comment. I was just thinking about how small my family is becoming; both parents, my aunt and uncles, 3 of my siblings for certain, as well as my son. I've a fourth sibling that has been missing for almost 28 years, that's why I say 3 for certain. That's a lot of loss. Naturally, sometimes I wonder about what's it like where they are now. I've this theory that the after life is different for everyone. It sort of depends on what YOUR idea of Heaven would be. You could be right, this could be my son letting me know he's at peace.
Hecate0 (4 stories) (418 posts)
 
2 years ago (2015-08-10)
Red, try sitting up. I can still nod off even from a sitting position. I do better with a focus, like healing. Being an empath, if I focus on a person, I will 'pick up' things about them. Great for healing. Tough when you don't mean to intrude. 😊
RedWolf (28 stories) (1257 posts)
 
2 years ago (2015-08-10)
Hecate
Do you mean that I stopped meditating years ago because I always fell asleep? Geez. I should have kept it up. I always started by placing myself in a comfortable position, usually laying down. Then I would picture either a deserted beach with a horse awaiting me, we would walk side by side until I was in my dream state then I was on the horse with it taking me where it wanted to go. Or I would start off by placing myself in a forrest and just hike until I went into my dream state then the animals in the forrest would come out for attention from me. Always great experiences but as I said I stopped meditating because I always fell asleep.
Regards
Red
RedWolf (28 stories) (1257 posts)
 
2 years ago (2015-08-10)
val
I am so sorry for the loss of your son.
I don't remember if you read my story Outter Heaven where I had dinner with my grandparents in Heaven. But what you are describing in your visions IS Heaven. I believe your son is projecting to you that he is there by showing you what it looks like. Paradise. I wasn't on a bridge but I saw the glorious views of beautiful meadows and rivers before my grandfather came to bring me to his house. In fact we had to walk through a meadow to get there. So I think that even after all these years he thought you were ready to see where he was and wanted you to see what a beautiful place he has been all these years.
Big Hugs to you.
Red ❤
valkricry (39 stories) (2771 posts) mod
 
2 years ago (2015-08-10)
Miracles and Tweed, you betcha it's in the journal. As you know (think I've mentioned it a few times in comments) I've had what my mother termed 'prophetic' dreams most of my life, but this certainly had a different flavor to it.
Tweed, that's so weird about having one about a story on this sight. 😆 But, as you say maybe it's like 'practice'. Still prefer it to the scary stuff though.
Miracles51031 (36 stories) (4802 posts) mod
 
2 years ago (2015-08-10)
Tweed - lmao! I remember that 😆 One night Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow appeared while I was meditating. I was like, "Holy Crap! And Oh yeah!" all at the same time LOL. (Lord, love that man 😉) The next night I heard the word "Lily". Ummm okay? Thought it may have something to do with a niece who is pregnant but couldn't figure out how. They already had the baby's name picked out and it isn't Lily LOL. The next day I told my daughter about seeing Johnny Depp and hearing the word Lily. She said, "Mom, you do know Johnny Depp's daughter's name is Lily, right?" Uh no. Didn't even remember him having a daughter.

That morning when I got to work I Googled Johnny Depp and Lily. That was the morning after Lily made her modeling debut. Okay, that's great! But why did I need to know this? LOL I think at the time I was questioning whether or not I was still receiving visions, through meditation or otherwise.

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